The Mythical Boutique
I was at the Bubble Lounge with Anne on Friday night, dressed up in our elbow-length gloves, eating chocolate-dipped strawberries, and sipping champagne. (Tangent: I was wearing a dress with the totally wrong undergarments and felt very self-conscious about it. Of course it was also very low cut, and as I was walking to the Bubble Lounge, a car full of men drove by and literally yelled, “Woah!” Ace in the hole, baby.)
As we were lounging and sipping, we saw a plus-size girl in an awesome striped blouse. Anne stopped her and said, “I love your blouse! Where did you get it?” She hesitated for a moment and said, “Thanks! Er, I don’t remember. Some boutique.” She gestured off into the indefinite middle distance.
As she walked away, Anne turned to me. “That’s totally code for Lane Bryant.” I said, “I was thinking the same thing.” “I want to grab the back of her shirt,” Anne said, “And find the evidence in the form of a tag that says ‘Venezia.'” We traded stories about times we’d shopped at Lane Bryant and answered exactly the same question exactly the same way. (I would also sometimes say, “Macy’s” which does sell clothes in a wide range of sizes so is slightly more plausible.)
So, yes, I’ve been there, and so has Anne. Yet this maneuver is totally transparent, it turns out. First of all, what “boutique” caters to plus-size women? None that I know of. Second of all, who “can’t remember” where they got an item of clothing? I admit it happens occasionally, but for the most part? Oh, you remember. And it was Lane Bryant. Why is that such a punchline? Why can’t we proudly say, “Yes, I got this at Torrid!” Or the Avenue! Or Dress Barn! Or Lane Bryant!
So, plus-size women, has this happened to you, or is it just us? Do you shop at an imaginary “boutique” or do you shop at Lane Bryant?
Posted by mo pie
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LOL! There are a few ‘tiques in my neck of the woods (Philly) that are exclusively plus-sized….one even has a MySpace: Evangeline…..
Note: I’ve only shopped at LB’s for undergarments….and am becoming frustrated by that as well! I HATE LANE BRYANT’S CLOTHING…..sorry for the yelling, but you know….
She was too embarrassed to admit where she bought her blouse? That is so sad. Who cares where you shop, so long as you look nice?
if i dont wanna admit it, i just say my mom bought it for me (which is true for most of my wardrobe)
I shop at Addition-elle, so pretty much all my clothes are either AE or MXM… I don’t like everything they have, but at least they’re varied in style and closer to me than Pennington’s, Cassis, Laura Plus or Claire France. I’d probably buy most of my clothes at Torrid if they had stores here in Montreal.
And I don’t hide where I get my clothes from. Heck, I went twice to Addition-Elle lately (there’s a 2-storey store 2 blocks away from work) and I certainly did not hide the bags in my cubicle.
I tell the truth, too. Why not? I’m obviously not skinny. And, I would be more embarrassed to say I was wearing clothing my mom bought for me than to let people know I’m plus-sized. Your milage varies with your age there, I guess.
That’s sad and a hoot at the same time. But it’s part of the fat denial package: lying about weight, lying about sizes, lying about buying from a store that sells clothes for fat people. Because if you deny buying from a store that sells fat people’s clothes, nobody will know you’re fat. Even if you are fat right in front of them.
It’s like what Kate said the other day (http://kateharding.net/2008/06/22/if-no-one-mentions-it-it-doesnt-exist/) – I kinda don’t want to tell people I bought something at a plus-sized store because – gasp – then they’ll know that I’m fat!
Although, I usually say “Oh, a plus-sized store, you wouldn’t know it,” to fend off any further questions.
I don’t shop at Lane Bryant because I’m in Canada and sadly we have no Lane Bryant. But I do say: “Oh, some online store” rather than naming which particular online store I got it from because they might look it up and see that it is a plus sized store *sighs*. I’ve been making an effort to stop doing that though, the first step was sending my friends a link to the wedding dress I ordered at Igigi, even though it meant them seeing that oh my goodness I bought a wedding dress at a plus size store! (And did they react with: “Oh my God you wear plus sizes?!” Of course they did not. They reacted with: “Oh my God that dress is beautiful!”)
Well, I’ve never even had to answer that question before moving to the UK. But if somebody actually did ask me… I’d have no problem admitting where I got it. I think growing up having my entire wardrobe come from K-Mart because it was the only thing my grandmother could afford has something to do with that – I’ve never had the whole “fashion snobbery” that a lot of people in the U.S. seem to have. But yeah, if someone had asked me, I would have told them straight up where I got it.
Nowadays I get that question an awful lot, but I’ve completely changed the way I dress, so it’s not that surprising. I’m still nowhere near being able to shop at stores like M&S or Debenhams, though – I get most of my clothes from MK One or the clearance rack at Evans. But I have no qualms about telling people – if they’re going to go through the trouble of asking me, they 1) obviously already like what I’m wearing; and 2) probably want to get one themselves. So why would I bother lying?
I don’t often shop, but I never make up a mythical boutique. If its Salvation Army, I’m not embarrassed to say so. Lane Bryant would be a step up from most places I hit up.
For the most part, I end up buying basics thru Just My Size online or catalog. The best part is: the button on their jeans is my initials (JMS)- and their jeans really do fit me best.
I make my own skirts and a few other things from fabrics that make their way to me- so I don’t buy much lately (esp given the economy!).
Well, I can think of a few reasons she might not want to say other than not wanting to admit to Lane B (I myself have never shopped there…)
1. she might not want everyone to run out and get the same shirt.
2. it might have been a hand me down.
3. she might have forgotten where she got it.
4. she might have picked it up at a consignment shop and was embarrassed by that.
5. maybe she is in denial that she is plus-size and didn’t want to think that she was the same size. ?
Just my random thoughts on it.
I don’t feel any need to lie about where my clothes came from. I’m obviously not some skinny little thing. I wear a size 22 and there’s absolutely no point in pretending that I could wear anything from the newest trendy boutique. I buy jeans from (*gasps of horror*) Kmart, and most of my work clothes from Macy’s sale rack or Lane Bryant and my casual stuff from Avenue. If someone asks me where my clothes came from, I tell them because I figure they wouldn’t be asking if they didn’t like it.
Who asks a total stranger where she bought something? I thought only teenage girls asked each other that, and only when they’re mocking someone’s clothing.
I can’t get too excited about condemning this woman for being embarrassed to shop at Lane Bryant. I have a love-hate relationship with the place myself. Some of my favorite clothing came from there, but I hate the fact that I have to pay at least double what I would in a “normal” shop.
Why is it that plus sized stores have dumb names? “Dress Barn” does not conjure thoughts of high fashion, you know? I usually will just tell people if I bought it at LB or wherever because the more we act ashamed of having to shop at “those stores” the more we are buying into the crap.
The reason I hate saying where I bought things (unless it’s somewhere socially acceptable, like H&M), is because I grew up in a wealthy area and I was the poor kid shopping at Kmart and wearing babysitter handmedowns. Our poverty was a source of great shame to me, and when people asked, “Where did you get that?” it was inevitably to laugh at me. Once, a girl who I thought was a friend of mine bought an ENTIRE OUTFIT (!!) at Kmart and when she wore it to school, said, “I’m just like you! I’m wearing clothes from Kmart!”
So… being afraid to admit that clothing is from a plus-sized store is just the tip of the iceberg for me.
I frequently can’t remember where I got most of my clothes. They either sit in my closet waiting for the right season until I forget that I even have them, or they’ve been in service so long I can’t remember how I even got them.
The answer is most likely either the clearance rack of Lane Bryant or Wal-Mart, though I’ve had a few lucky breaks going to TJ Maxx or Ross Dress for Less. (My butt is plus sized, my rack is “extended plus size”, lucky me I guess.) There’s no “boutique” anywhere near me that I could claim, I’d probably fess right up to “Probably Wal-Mart.”
I’ve lied my ass off recently though and said “Oh, this? I knit it myself” for a few things I bought off the rack. Well, technically, I knew how to knit most of it, so I could knit it if I wanted to. I cut the tags out of everything so they don’t scratch me, it’s not like they’ll ever know. I have made shawls and purses by hand in the past, I like the attention for being so “talented”.
I actually can’t remember where a lot of my clothes have come from. Unless it’s a new item of clothing or something that has a particular memory attached to the shopping trip, I likely won’t remember it. Case in point, I have no idea where the shirt and pants I am wearing were bought!
Plus size boutiques absolutely exist. I don’t see any reason to assume she was lying. I own boutique clothing myself and, if the name isn’t going to mean anything to the person asking, I’ll often just say I got it at a boutique.
Of course, I also recognize Lane Bryant at 20 paces, so if someone WERE lying about that, I’d be totally tempted to call them on it.
As for some boutiques – check the store reviews page at fatshionista.com and visit Lee Lee’s Valise the next time you are in NYC. It is PHENOMENAL. Also, I hear good things about Vive le Femme in Chicago.
I think I might be embarrassed to say I bought something at Lane Giant, but not because people will KNOW I’m fat. Duh, I’m fat. More because I like to pretend I shop at classier places exclusively. I have In Full Swing and Harper Greer to choose from, Nordstrom has lovely plus-size things (ooh, Citron) and the LBs around here seem to only have what I call “stunt” clothes. Cheaply made, bad material, styles that might be fun to wear once or twice, but not quality clothes to wear to a meeting.
I’d be embarrassed because LB clothes are generally tacky. I still buy underwear there. Even the don’t last well. They are cheap.
I’ve totally done this. On good days, I will say (if the person asking is, say, my skinny sister) something like, “Someplace you can’t shop!”
Then again, these days I can even walk into LB without first checking out the surroundings to make sure no one sees me go in there. Heck, I’ve even handed things to the salesladies over the door and asked if they have it in a larger size! I’ve even spoken aloud the words “This is too tight, are there any 24s left?” Scary, scary stuff. :)
I don’t generally forget where I get my clothes, becasue I hate looking at myself in the dressing room mirror. Therefore, three places are on the agenda at a time during shopping excursions. If someone asks me where I got something, I tell them.
But I bet some people do forget, though.
Oh, and Sizzle, totally, I mean, Dress Barn? What kind of self-respecting person should be expected to shop at a place called, effectively, “MOO”? Nothing to do with my size, but I just can’t bring myself to go in there.
Last week I was wearing a super-cute, polka dot, 50s style, faux wrap dress, and a random woman on the elevator at work asked me where I got it. I said “Lane Bryant.” She replied “But that’s… I didn’t know they had… um… uh… um”.
Then we got to my floor and I smiled and said, “Have a great day!”
Oh, and Sizzle and Criss:
“Why is it that plus sized stores have dumb names? “Dress Barn” does not conjure thoughts of high fashion, you know?”
“What kind of self-respecting person should be expected to shop at a place called, effectively, “MOO”?”
In fact, Dress Barn does not even sell plus sizes (or at least I’ve never seen them). They go up to an XL. So I don’t know what the name is supposed to imply… all women are pigs? Clothes for “chicks”? The possibilities are endless…
(Actually, though, they do have some nice, if cheaply made, stuff there. If you can fit in their sizes, give them a chance.)
We’ve talked about Dress Barn a lot, actually—they do have a plus-size section and my favorite dress is from there! Check it out!
I’m happy when I can answer that I got something at Lane Bryant, because usually I answer “the thrift store.”
However, I’m also a very thrifty person, so usually my answer is “I got this fabulous suit at Bealls on sale for $20. I saved $60!” (Bealls is a Florida department store.)
I can, however, relate to having guys get excited upon seeing me heading to a gala type event. I was going to “Art After Dark,” a local monthly art event in Tampa, and a car full of guys stopped in the middle of a busy street to honk and whistle as I walked by in some pretty hot clothes. A slender friend who was with me was surprised, because she knew they weren’t reacting to her. She was wearing bland clothes from The Gap.
I just had an inquiry from a waitress at lunch yesterday. She loved my blue polka-dot knit top. I guess I’m duplicity-deficient, because I just came right out and said “Catherine’s”. (She looked like she was about a size twelve, so a lot of good it would do her to know.)
I’m normally a size 12, but this weekend, while shopping with my fabulous fat friend, I found a pair of size-14 black pants on clearance for $10 that fit me like a glove. Of course I bought them – I don’t care what size they are. But I later felt self-conscious about the Addition-Elle shopping bag I was carrying when I met up with another friend who asked me what I’d bought while eyeing my bags. Damn me.
I don’t shop at Lane Bryant. I shop at Lame Giant. :p I don’t care about telling people if they ask. It’s kind of fun to have a skinny person ask where you got something, and then be able to smugly roll off the name of a store that sells nothing they could ever fit into.
Sometimes I just say, “The fat chick store.” The reactions are priceless.
If you ask me where I got something I’m wearing, I will thank you for acknowledging my fabulousness, and I will not only tell you the name of the store, I will tell you what a fantastic deal I got on the price (I hardly ever pay retail), where the closest store location is, and what else they have in the store that would look totally cute on you!
I was a fat girl hitting my teens in the late ’80s early ’90s when all that was out there was stirrup pants and tunic tops. So now that there are actually clothes out there that are sexy and stylish and fit me, I am out to look good and pass the knowledge on to my fat sisters so they can, too. My boyfriend will often send me links to cute clothes or online stores that he comes across (And he knows my real size. None of that buying me a size 10 and letting me return it BS.). I guess he’s got a stake in it; he’s got to be seen out with me, so he might as well help me look good.
Also, like the first commenter, I live in Philly where we have a handful of boutiques and I’ve really enjoyed the shopping experiences I’ve had there.
First of all, where are the pictures of these amazing outfits you ladies were wearing? Second, I have no trouble telling people where I get my clothes. Especially because the one person who asks is my skinny best friend and I just love telling her she can’t have the same shirt or dress. Really that kind of thing just makes my day. I do a lot of my shopping online, though, and sometimes I do forget which piece came from where.
What an interesting question! Though I have to agree with The Rotund. There are indeed fat ladies’ boutiques, and when I can afford to buy stuff in them, I do.
Firstly, it’s one thing when a fat person asks a fellow fat person where they got something they’re wearing. In that instance I fail to see why anyone would be embarrassed to say they bought it at LB, (or Evans, in my case). Because, it’s not like they won’t have bought clothing there themselves. And, since they’re fat and they’re asking, I’ll assume they want to buy one for themselves and will assume, because I’m fat, wherever I purchased said item will make it in their size too.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting – at least from my UK size 22 perspective. You know how conflicted some of us feel when well-meaning loved ones say, “But you’re not fat!”, because oftentimes we perceive it to be an insult masquerading as a compliment? Well, while I’ll agree that sometimes it is just that, (especially when it translates to, “You’re not so fat I consider you physically repulsive like those fatter fat people, ergo you’re not fat”), I believe it more often translates to, “But you don’t conform to negative fat stereotype A, B or C, therefore you can’t be fat”. Thus, when a straight-sized person asks you where you got a garment, we’re opening up a completely different can o’ worms.
Here’s my theory, born of many years of thinner people asking me where I bought such and such. (Which is to say thinner people who don’t know me well and therefore don’t know where I shop): A lot of straight-sized people who don’t have fat friends and/or relations have no idea how hard it is for fat people to get decent clothes or what those people really look like aside from the Headless Fatty® they see on the news. Just as they’ll assume 200lbs is huuuuuuuge, (aka Other); they’ll assume that dress sizes with which they aren’t personally familiar are meant to fit those huuuuuuuge Other people. And that any common or garden chubster can probably fit into clothes that are too big for them but nonetheless available in the shops they patronise. So if the clothes they’re asking about are cute, and the chubster in question fails to live up to any negative fat stereotypes they happen to have assimilated, they will assume those clothes came from a regular clothes shop. After all, unless they were asking on behalf of a fat friend or relative, why would they ask a fat person where they bought what they’re wearing unless they wanted one just like it?
I usually reply along similar lines to Amy. Since I already know I’m fat and am quite okay with that the only embarrassment I feel relates to the embarrassment they’re probably going to feel having discovered I’m Officially Fat. And that’s another can o’ worms again….
my favorite stores:ashley stewart (always sassy, always); fashionoverdose.com; torrid!; Nordstrom online ($$ but worth it–lots more selection than bricks/mortar and constantly updating); Evans UK–they now deliver to states!; Macys on clearance; and my new fave for basics is Avenue.
new favorite designer: Rachel Pally–her line is 0-24/s-3x and her clothes are comfortable and look great! this dress is my favorite summer frock for daytime to night http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2993419?refsid=221550_3&refcat=0~2376776~2378685~2378693~2374394&SourceID=1&SlotID=2&origin=related
I feel that it’s my civic duty to tell people where I got something, when I got it and whether it’s still available. It’s not like I can hide the fact that I’m fat and therefore have to shop at stores that sell clothing for fat people so whatever. Usually if someone asks where you got something, it’s an indirect compliment, like “I like your taste, see how I have similar taste?” So I just take it as a compliment and react as such.
I mostly get a lot of my clothes thrift, so I proudly proclaim…”I got this at Goodwill!” There’s also a fabulous plus-size consignment store (Seams to Fit) here in Oakland. I’m always telling where that is, especially to other big women. It is such a relief to walk into a store and find stuff that is beautiful and reasonably priced in my size.
This reminds me of my theory that “We met thorough friends” actually means “We met online”. I also proudly proclaim Goodwill– it’s a testament to your hunting skills! :-)
Spinsterwitch, you shop at Seams to Fit?! Lucky you! I live in PA and am on their e-mail list. It’s painful, I know, but I really enjoy seeing the fashions they offer for fat women. I wish they’d open a branch store here!
In my early 20’s when I first crossed the line into plus-sized clothing, I felt AWFUL walking through the mall with my LB shopping bag. In fact, I remember rushing out a few times, head down, to put the bag in my car before I ran into anyone I knew.
Now, 20 years into being an LB shopper, meh–whatever. But I still get a little squidgy when a rather skinny person asks me where I got a particular article of clothing, and sometimes I do lie (Macy’s is my cover). But someone who is at the higher end of “regular” size clothing or is plus-sized–they always get the truth.
I’ve asked other women about where they shop for shoes or clothing when I see they have similar features and fabulous clothing. I’ve always played the mental game “Am I as fat as she?”, which has led to my surprise at how wrong I am when the answer is yes.
I wonder, though, what the other girl is thinking? Is she wondering why this whale of a woman is asking her about her shopping habits? What if the other girl is looking at me and wondering why such a fat woman is asking her about her clothing?
I used to do that in high school when saying I shopped at LB would have gotten me taunted (at least I thought it would).
Now I just say where I got it. I mean, hell, I used to WORK at Lane Bryant. So there was no sense pretending I didn’t shop there.
Seams to Fit? I had no idea this place existed! Someone needs to come with me during BlogHer. Field trip! Field trip!
(Also, I know plus-size boutiques exist, but I don’t know of any in SF. Both of the ones I used to know about—Dangerous Curves and Igigi—have closed.)
Also, when I worked at LB, I lived for what I called the “skinny scurry.”
This was when a skinny girl who didn’t know what LB was would come in, look around for a second, then realize that the smallest size was 14. They’d get this terrified look on their face and then FLY out of the store. Like, there should have been smoke on the floor and a skinny outline busted through the door.
It was awesome.
I very rarely shop at Lane Bryant, but it always surprises me how many non-fat people are familiar with Torrid when I tell them I got something there. Kiyonna and Igigi, no one’s ever heard of.
To be completely honest, I don’t remember where I bought most of my clothes. Clothes don’t mean that much to me. Not that there is anything wrong with loving clothes, it is just not my cup of tea. Also, I don’t like Lane Bryant for many reasons. So I would not want to give them any plugs. But I wouldn’t hesitate to say Junioa or Making It Big!
I’ve forgotten where I’ve gotten things.
That said, I’ve also fibbed and pretended I bought a piece of jewelry at “some boutique” because I didn’t want someone to run out and get the same thing.
At risk of being a little OT, Sherie, whaddya got against LB? I’m just curious…
A few months ago I wore a top I had bought at Lane Byrant to school and my ultra-hip youngish English teacher asked if I bought it at Forever 21. Being sort of flattered that she would think I could fit into their sizes I just lied and told her yes.
I never say because for the last 3-5 years I’ve not been able to afford to buy anything nice. I literally curled up our apartment in Den Haag and didn’t leave it if I could possibly help it. I stopped caring about 5 years ago, about anything physical.
Since I’ve been back I’ve not been wearing stand out tops or clothes, but I get asked about my shoes a lot!
mo pie – There is Seams to Fit which is now in the same spot as Sew What?! One is the consignment stuff and the other is new stuff. There’s also In Full Swing on College in Rockridge (by the Dreyer’s Ice Cream Parlor!) which has beautiful, if very expensive stuff.
If you ever need a co-shopper, drop me an e-mail (spinsterwitch at yahoo dot com) and I’d love to go with you.
A question about cheaply made clothing:
Even if you shop at Nordstrom, aren’t you buying cheaply made clothes? I can’t vouch for the construction, as I haven’t ever bought anything there. But aren’t their clothes made by Chinese laborers, too?