Please feel free to introduce yourself and your blog in the comments. What brought you to Big Fat Deal? How long have you been reading? What are your hopes and dreams? What kind of pudding do you enjoy? What’s your favorite humming noise? Let’s share.
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Hi! I like the BFD Blog Website! I call myself a “Full Figured” lady so I can relate to most of the readers here. I do not buy into the”Thin=Healthy” agenda that is being pushed at us by the media and drug companies. It really hurts my heart to read about others who have suffered needlessly because of the standards being set and enforced by society. I feel so strongly about this subject that my husband and I wrote a book about it….you can visit my site to read about it if you like. In the meanwhile, I hope you know that you can be beautiful at any size….we are not all meant to be the same. We can’t control our height, nor our families, and certainly not our weight. We can be Sexy at any Size!
Sherry
Hey! I’m Neurica and I love this site! I’m fat and sometimes I don’t feel comfortable with myself, it’s because in my country, “beautiful girl” is girl with fair skin, skinny, and have a big breast. It’s hard to find shops which sell big size clothes. So, I just wear t-shirts and jeans as my daily style. I don’t know how to mix and match skirts with tank tops, stockings, etc. I’m afraid that I’d be look terrible if I wear them.
Then one day, I found this site when I typed “Fat Girl” on google, unintentionally. Believe it or not, I felt that I’m not alone. I’m proud with all those fat girls who can accept who they are and know how to wear everything without feeling unsatisfied with their bodies. But, I still have to try to accept myself :).
And I hope someday I can be the girl who proud with herself, no matter what. Oh, pudding? Emm… I like all kind of puddings! But yeah, chocolate pudding is number one. Haha.
Keep trying to proud with yourself~!
Hello, I am April…. known as Apooh or Poohbear or Apoohneicie to my friends…and you are totally my friends.
In June of 2007, I weighed over 430 lbs and was told I had stage 4 uterine carcinosarcoma. No one said it out loud but my chances were grim. After 2 surgeries, 5 units of blood, 78 pounds of tumors and organs removed, 27 days of my poor husband sleeping slumped in a reclining chair next to my bed, countless bags of noxious chemicals going into my body, 3 more units of blood for transfusions, years of watching my friends in the chemo room wither and die, after all of the years of fighting June 9, 2011 it’s over…I am cancer-free. Then on June 23 five days before my 35th birthday, my best friend dies of cancer. She leaves behind her amazing husband, a one year old boy and a 9 year old daughter. Her boy will probably not even remember what she looked like. We need to delete cancer.
I am now 315 lbs. Most people would consider that their worst weight but for me it feels almost like it’s where I’m supposed to be.
I led a lot of my life ashamed of my size, wrapped up in untreated depression….I spent years beating myself up for not looking like some ideal everyone says is only thing that can be sexy.
But now I have realized being happy has nothing to do with the number on a scale. Happiness is simply being able to go to the beach with my nieces and nephew and seeing the look on his face when my nephew sees the ocean for the fist time. THAT is happiness…and it don’t matter how big my butt gets I can always smile at that!
hello. i stumbled upon your website while trying to find pictures of pregnant plus-sizers. i am hoping to get pregnant soon and as a chunky monkey myself, i am curious what my body will look like. anyway, i love the whole concept behind this blog. when i was in college, i minored in women’s studies and fell in love with it. i became aware of the world around me, its inequalities, its intolerance of difference, its need to label everything and everyone and put us into categories. your good or your bad. your black or your white. your pretty or your fat. its like society is uneasy when they can’t put their finger on you, can’t figure you out. for the first time i listened to other women speak freely about their bodies and their sex lives and their fears and dreams and pain. i learned many things, but most importantly, i learned that i am under no orders to look or to be anyone but me. i have small breasts, i have short legs. i have oily skin and a fat belly and no ass. i hated my ass! i figured, if i have to be fat, at least give me a nice plump round ass! one day i looked at my ass in the mirror and it hit me like a ton of bricks (not my ass, the clarity). this is MY ass. not beyonce’s ass or j lo’s ass. when God was handing out asses, this is the one that i got. and its mine. and i dont have to feel like its not good enough. and i moved on to my other hated parts. my small breasts are perfect and easy to fit into the palm of one’s hand! my oily skin will keep me from getting wrinkles! my fat belly feels soft and womanly! and my ass…well, i havent figured that one out yet, but damn it, i wish i could have freed my mind sooner! i spent 10 years in adolescence hating myself, believing that i wasn’t worth as much as the pretty, skinny, vapid cheerleaders that laughed at me and called me a freak. i wish that i had the balls that i have now.
getting back to my original point. haha. glad to know that i am not the only fatty who thinks that shes the cat’s meow. i hope that when i go get pregnant, i have all girls. and they will learn to love themselves and to love other women for exactly who they are. they will be proud and loud and know how valuable they are. even if they are fluffy or freckly or skinny or short.
thanks for reading. i will shut up now.
erica
Good evening everybody. My name is Veerle and I’m from Belgium (that explains the name and maybe some bad spelling or grammar :-) ).
I stumbled upon this website (through other blogs) and absolutely love it.
I have been big as long as I can remember and – of course – started many diets in my lifetime. No need to tell you that after all those I’m bigger than ever before.
During the last years I have made quite some progress in accepting myself, unfortunately I am still not completely ok with my ‘fatness’. I have always been a happy girl, just never about my body. But after reading this blog (and also Kate Harding’s post ‘the fantasy of being thin’), I realize that I should be!
This might as well be a ‘confession’ though: I still want to lose some weight. I feel that I ‘need’ to lose some weight to improve my sleeping quality. It was better when I was a bit less heavy. But that is a whole other starting point than ever before.
Reading this blog has already helped me in accepting my body and I plan on keeping that up. I want to stay (not become!) healthy and that is the most important. If that means that I lose some pounds along the way, that’s fine; if not, no problem.
Ok, my post is already longer than I wanted it to be, so I’ll end it here.
Thank you for this amazing blog!
Hi kids. I’m thirtiesgirl, so named because I like the history, style and decor of the 1920s and ’30s. I’ve been an on again/off again reader of this blog for several years and a long time size acceptance advocate. I’ve been looking for more size positive blogs and communities online, so I thought I’d introduce myself here.
I’m not much of a pudding eater, but when I do, I like that two-toned Jell-O stuff, the chocolate and caramel kind, although the chocolate/vanilla kind isn’t bad either. I’ve been known to occasionally consume some rice pudding, too.
My hopes and dreams are being able to one day live on this planet as a fat person and have it be a helluva lot easier than it is today, without the fat hate and fear that seems to consume so much of our society, popular media, medical and weight loss industries. And also to find a community of people of all sizes and shapes who support size acceptance, preferably in my neck of the woods. It gets kind of lonely just talking about size acceptance online and not having folks in my area who I can relate to. …Ah, well. Until then, here I am. I’m a fat woman.
Hi! My life is like Drop Dead Diva. I was always the prettiest girl in the room, for years. I got married, got lazy, and got “fat”. I always figured that as long as could still buy clothes at regular stores (as opposed to plus-size shops), then it couldn’t be so bad. Boy was I wrong.
My ideal size is about a 10. I am a 14-16.
My last two boyfriends ended our relationship(s) because of my weight. One of them actually made me wait in the car while we ran errands because he couldnt risk being seen with me. Each man I have dagted since my divorce has been lower & lower on my acceptance scale. I figured if I scraped the bottom of the lowest barrel, surely THAT man will be happy to have me, fat or not, right? Wrong. I just got dumped by an unemployed, tattooed, scarred drug addict – who is missing 3 of his front teeth. Even he didn’t want me.
When I go places and see women heavier than me, they have a man beside them and kids. How did they get a guy? How are all these unattractive large women finding men to not only date them, but breed with them?
Sorry. I’m just lonely and sad because now another holiday season is around the corner, and I am alone. All my family & friends are “normal” sized. I am the biggest one in the room, most of the time.
Yes, I have dieted. Yes, I have tried working out. But I am curvy naturally, when i lose weight, I still appear hige because i have massive breasts (36DDD), and that is AFTER a reduction.
I just dont get it. I dont understand. Everyone tells me I need to hurry up & lose weight so I can get another. But MY feelings are that I want a man to love me for what is inside. I am intelligent, witty, hilarious, sweet, generous. Where are all the men that want THOSE qualities?
Hi Jodie. From what you write here, it sounds like you need a big dose of self love. Dating as a fat person is a challenge for everyone. I don’t know any fat person who’s had an easy time of it. Take a break if you need to and get back into it when you’re ready to take on the challenge again.
Here are my suggestions for learning to love and accept yourself for who you are:
1) Take lots of clothed full body pics of yourself and spend some time looking at them. I started doing this when I joined the Fatshionista community on Livejournal about 4 years ago. The folks on Fatshionista like to post “OOTDs” (Outfits Of The Day), in which they pull items from their closet, or things they’ve just bought online, put them together in fabulous outfits, and take pics of themselves wearing them. When I started doing this, taking clothed, full body pics of myself, downloading them on my computer and spending some time looking at them, it helped me become more visible to myself. The more I looked at pics of myself and saw what the camera and the rest of the world sees, the more I began to accept what I was seeing for myself. Becoming more visible to yourself by looking at photographic images of you is one of the best ways I know of to learn to accept yourself. (To describe how I do it, I use my digital camera and a small flexible tripod called a Gorillapod. The Gorillapod attaches to the base of any digi-cam, and then you can flex the Gorillapod legs and pose them or wrap them around a dresser or tall bookcase to get the best camera angle. Then I set my digi-cam on timer, move far enough back from the camera and pose. I do this several times for each outfit I put together, then download them on my computer, look through all the pics and choose the ones that I like the best. These are the pics I save and periodically return to and look at them again. Sometimes I do it just for fun, have a little fashion show of my own, just for myself, and don’t post the pics on Fatshionista. Other times, I post them. But doing this for the past few years has helped me become more visible to myself and more accepting of my body.)
2) The second thing that’s helped me become more accepting of myself is participating in lots of size acceptance communities, particularly photo-oriented ones like Fatshionista, Deathfatties, and the Fatshionista Flickr group. The more pics I see of fat folks wearing great outfits, looking confident in their pics, the more I realize that I’m not alone, that there are other people in the world who are fat like me. Some have different body shapes than mine, and some look more like me (belly-centric, broad-shouldered, big boobs, not much going on in the hips/butt area). Some people share my fashion sense and personal style and others have their own wonderful senses of style. But the more I look at pics of other fat folks out there in the world doing their thing, the more I feel confident about being my own fat self out there in the world.
3) The third thing I’ve done to help with self acceptance is read lots of size positive literature, such as Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby’s book Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere, Wendy Shanker’s book The Fat Girl’s Guide To Life, and Marilyn Wann’s book Fat?So! I also love reading Marianne Kirby’s blog, The Rotund, and another favorite size positive blog (besides this one!) is Lesley Kinzel’s Two Whole Cakes.
The more you read, learn, look and participate, I can guarantee you’ll begin to accept yourself for who you are. It’s worked for me, so I can speak from personal experience. I won’t tell you that I’ve never had another day when I didn’t have issues with my appearance, that all my negative self-talk has disappeared, that I don’t have issues with my excess adipose tissue (my fat!). But I’ve come to recognize that self acceptance is a journey on which you have good days and bad days, and you’re never going to reach a point where you can accept yourself 100% of the time. My goal is to have more good than bad days, and not beat myself up emotionally when I have a bad day, week or month. My goal is to learn from my experiences and become more accepting and forgiving of myself.
Lastly, I want to address a couple of problematic elements of your post. When you describe your friends and family as “normal sized,” I can see a problem in your rationale. Consider that you’re “normal sized,” too – you are the size that you’re normally supposed to be, so your size is normal for you. There is no “norm,” no “average” when it comes to body size, as much as the popular media, the medical and weight loss industries would like us to believe there is. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, all equally valid and normal for the person who lives in that body. Start telling yourself that you’re “normal,” too: normal sized for you.
And while Drop Dead Diva is a fun, generally lighthearted show with the lovely, talented Brooke Elliot as its star, consider that the premise of the show is not exactly size positive: inside Brooke Elliot’s attorney character Jane is the ‘soul’ of thin model Deb… basically just a rehash of the tired stereotype that “inside every fat woman is a thin woman trying to get out.” Consider this: why can’t the show just be about an intelligent fat attorney and her life? Why does it have to hinge on the premise that her ‘soul’ is that of a thin model/starlet? When I think of my “inner beauty” (which is not something I waste a lot of time considering), I don’t picture a thin model or a thinner version of myself. I see myself as I am now: short, fat, brunette, intelligent, independent, sarcastic, witty, with a unique sense of personal style. There’s no thin girl in me, and there never has been. Self acceptance means you stop looking for that “mystery thin girl” in you, and see yourself just as you are, with all the things you have to offer the world.
First time reading Big Fat Deal. I can’t remember how I got here, the last few hours have been a haze of blog stalking in my cubicle. I’m really enjoying it. I’m always fighting the voice in my head about my weight and so my hopes and dreams include slapping that bitch in the face and then killing her. I walk away as the sun sets, completely at peace with my body.
Thanks for your writing!
Hi my name is Chelsea
I’ve been fat all of my life ever since I can remember and have just turned 16. In the past year I have gone from 250 lbs to 198 lbs. I think that physically I am healthy, I can run a mile in under 10 minutes, go to basketball every day, and on days that I dont go to the gym or play basketball I feel akward.
The problem is that I’m pretty sure I’m depressed, but I dont want to admit it. I’ve lost the weight, not the amount that I want, and had comments about it, but I cant see the change.
I’m stuck and dont know what to do. I’ve been at a weight loss record of 52 for about 3 months and get more and more depressed by the week as the scale doesnt budge. I made the decision to lose the weight not just because I wanted to change my life, but because I wanted to be healthy.
I found this website while google searching “never been kissed,” I figured that maybe if I told the truth to people that I will never come face to face with in person, it could possibly help.
Hi everyone. Found this site a few moments ago. I am 25 and I have not been fat all of my life, but I grew up being told that I was and thinking that I was. I was “fat” when I was in high school, 125lbs and I am 5’2 1/2″ tall. When I met my husband, after having my first child I was 113lbs and basically starving. I have a medium build and being that skinny was bad for me. So here I am with a total of 3 kids the oldest being almost 5 and the youngest just turned 1. I was 178lbs in October.
Went to the dr. for pain and was told I had gallstones. Got the gallbladder taken out. Ran into two dr.s all male at that clinic and a male nurse who were openly critical of my weight. I found it highly offensive and traumatizing to be condemned like that and my health issue presumed to be as a direct result of obesity. They said obsesity = gallbladder removal. The nurse even told me that he had the same surgery but it wasn’t because he was fat; it was because he had a job that stressed him out at the time. REALLY??? He knew nothing about me. I was horribly abused and neglected as a child, isolated from society, then went to a boarding school at 16, was assaulted at 18 and became homeless, pregnant from rape at 19, was on the run from an abusive ex and gave birth completely alone except for the hospital staff at 20…becoming a mother before becoming a legal adult, got married a year later, had two more kids, and have been going to college plus being a FT Stay at home mom. And he had the nerve to say that my gallbladder issues couldn’t possibly have anything to do with stress in my life but only my fatness!
My weight has been under the microscope my whole life. Now here I am with a sagging, scarred, postpartum belly, a size 14, and I STILL cannot except myself. After my surgery in Oct., I worked extra hard to lose weight and dropped 12 lbs. I’m pretty sure I have gained most of it back. I have been beating myself up and the voice in my head is a menace! My husband says he likes me just the way I am, but I can’t believe him because he wanted sex all the time when I was a toothpick. And now it rarely happens. But guess what, when I was skinny I didn’t enjoy it at all and now that I’m fluffy I looove it! Granted it has a lot to do with that he works a lot of over time because 3 kids are expensive and he is tired. But my insecurities scream that it is my body.
I was miserable when I was skinny. I hated cooking because I couldn’t enjoy eating. And now I am an amazing cook and love eating. I also love activities like biking, sledding, walking, roller skating, kite flying, and playing with my kids. So how can I be unhealthy when I love life so much? The only reason I don’t love life sometimes is because of the rules that say an overweight person can’t be active, sexy, and healthy. And the models? Yuck! They are repulsive. The “plus” size models are a v e r a g e sized.
Mostly I worry about my girls. My girls are pixie sized peanuts like I used to be when I was a child. My children are all tiny people…less than the 1 percent for their age for height and weight. I am worried they will criticize me when they are teenagers for “letting myself go” as society views it. And I am afraid they will not have healthy weights or accept themselves because I cannot accept my new body, and the pressures from society for them to conform to supermodel looks.
What it boils down to is that I don’t want to be skinny. I want to love myself as I am now. I am a better me. A less judgemental me. I enjoy life more. But I also don’t want to be rejected by society either, and especially by my children at some point down the road. I hate the tabloids for reminding me of how I “should” be. I hate the radio commercials that say take product XYZ and knock off those unsightly pounds! We don’t even have TV because between the commercials and the news I would never leave the house!
I tried to join a “fat” board before on Baby Center Community. I got told that I wasn’t fat enough. I grew 8 dress sizes in 4 years! And I’m short! So if I really don’t belong here please tell me now before I get attached.
Hi Mali. You might check out Facebook. There are a couple of size acceptance groups there where you might find some connections and support. There are also a few size acceptance groups on FB that I choose to avoid because I feel some of the members are kind of misguided, but I won’t go into specifics here. Send me a PM if you’d like to know more.
I also like Lesley Kinzel’s blog, Two Whole Cakes; and Marianne Kirby’s blog, The Rotund. I’ve always gotten a lot of support and confidence from reading their writings. Fat Heffalump, written by an Australian size activist is also worth reading, as is Definatalie.com, another Australian size activist blog.
Hi Mali,
So sorry you’re feeling this way. I was never very skinny, but I learned to hate my body as a child.
Guess what? If you learned to hate your body, you can learn to love it. :-) My husband has helped me to become comfortable with who I am. Reading the blogs on the Fat-O-Sphere has helped a great deal, especially with giving me scientific data to defend myself to my family members who think that I am eating myself to death.
About the sex thing: It probably not your fault that sex has decreased. I say “probably” because every man is different, but I had to learn that when my husband wasn’t up for sex, it was because he was tired. Until last summer, he worked in a very labor intensive field, so when he came home, as much as he loved sex, DH preferred to crash and relax. Please accept what your husband is telling you about his lack of interest in sex. It’s not you, it’s him.
As far as your children go, the best thing you can do for them is to present a positive front. Don’t put yourself down in front of them. Always speak kind words, and avoid making comments on your body, their bodies, or others’ bodies. Model the supportive, encouraging, nourishing attitude that you wish you could have had in your formative years. “Fake it ’til you make it.”
Last but not least, come check out the Fatshionista community at LiveJournal. You do need to have an LJ account to post and to read some of the posts, but I feel that it’s worth it. I have been so encouraged by the active community that inspires me, challenges me, and accepts me. The fashion element is fun, too. Outfits of the Day (OOTD) posts are great, because i get to see other fat bodies like mine rocking clothing I never thought we could wear so well.
You’re on the right track, Mali. Keep researching, studying, and most of all, loving (yourself and others).
Best Wishes!!
Hi! My name is Daniella. I am 18, in college, I am 5’3-5’4 and I weigh over 230 pounds. (235 to be exact). I have never dated but, I have fallen in love. (All unrequited) Like most overweight-PHAT people, I am really insecure AKA I hate my body. In my family, there is nothing but discussions about how I should try to lose weight because I would be happier and healthier. My dad has even offered to give me diet pills. (He works in a company that sells them. After offering them, he wanted to take a “before” picture of me) All of my life, I have been made to feel “ugly” because I was obese, that’s the word they use, I just wanted to say thanks and hi.
Hi- My name is Stephanie and I am th person responsible for the ad at the left. About 7 yrs ago I became ill and the steroids took their toll. Next is a disease called ‘avascular necrosis’ makes your bones brittle resulting in the loss of use of both legs. I am now in a wheelchair and have gained a great amount of weight.Thank you for being the only blog that I can find that is accepting of size rather than discriminating.