Big Fat Deal began in July 2004, when Monique asked, “Is there a weblog out there that focuses on the portrayal of weight in pop culture? Both positive and negative? Because I think we need one. I think we need one so much that I will start one, if one does not exist.” And so Big Fat Deal was born: a blog to help navigate those murky waters of body image, size, healthiness, hottyness, and Star Jones.
In the comments here, we try to define who we are: a body positivity blog that is inclusive to people losing weight and people happy to be whatever weight they happen to be. Here is a manifesto of sorts where I talk about this approach in more detail.
With occasional collaborators Jenfu and Weetabix, mo pie tries to keep tabs on issues of weight in the media, pop culture, and society. Big Fat Deal is, first and foremost, a community. The thoughtful people who read, comment, and send in tips keep this site going. Here’s a place for you to introduce yourself, if you’d care to.
Don’t forget to add us to your RSS feed, and follow us on Twitter at @bigfatdeal!
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mo pie – The link in the comment above points to your WordPress login page, not to the post. Thought you’d like to know so you can fix it!
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Hey, I just found this site and am sad that I didn’t find it sooner!
love
First they went after the Communists, and I did not stand up, because I was not a Communist. Then they went after the homosexuals and infirm, and I did not stand up, because I was neither. Then they went after the Jews, and I did not stand up, because I was not a Jew. Then they went after the Catholics, and I did not stand up, because I was Protestant. Finally, they went after me, and there was no one left to stand up for me.
Hello! my name is Mickie aka mickariah and I’ve just recently found your blog and I’ve enjoyed it very much! I particularly love your logo!
I’m starting a fat freedom resource site and I’ve added your blog to my pages blogroll. (This of course in the assumption that you wouldn’t mind.) But, I thought it would be right to ask your permission. The site is still very new and is being updated and added to often. Go, check it out and if you would like me to remove your link, let me know. If I get no response from you I guess I’ll just have to assume I’ve earned your blessing which of course would be quite a thrilling accomplishment for me. Thank you for your time.
M.
Ha! it might be nice if I gave you the link to my site! http://www.mickieblog.com!
I do not know where else to submit this, so here goes:
Please listen to this report http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15912659
aired on NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday, last weekend. Understand—Scott Simon is usually a fantastic host. I found myself with my jaw agape as I listened to the introduction and report. So I emailed. Here is how our ‘conversation’ went:
“Dear Scott Simon, whom I usually love and admire:
Come on. Could you have sounded more offensive in the Nimoy piece? Going where no man has gone before? Do you not know that more than half of American women are a size 14 or larger? That is not Plus-size model size, which is usually a 10 or 12. Please do not act as if it is newsworthy that a fat woman is happy, has fun, and even (how dare she) locks eyed with the camera. I am so disappointed at how that conversation went–after expressing your surprise at their confidence and even beauty–but all of us fatties are getting our comeuppance–being fat leads to cancer. Whew. What a relief. Fatness is the last acceptable recipients of prejudice. I just didn’t think I would hear it from you and NPR.
Thank you.”
His response (which was rapid—within a half hour of my email)
“Thank you for your note. I thought my introduction made it pretty clear that the women featured in Mr Nimoy’s book are not plus-sized models, not merely Rubenesque, but of several sizes beyond that. We even chanced to use the word obese, which is usually confined to stories about snacking children.
I certainly was not looking to add to or somehow burnish the bigotry with which I know large people have to contend with from society, and I thought that Mr Nimoy was eloquent on that score. But when a significant study comes out the very same week that ties obesity to cancer, it is simply irresponsible to overlook that. We can’t pretend that the study didn’t appear, especially when one of the women of the book died of cancer before publication.
I also think both Mr Nimoy and I noted the health concerns for women, including models, who starve themselves to look a certain way; altering that harm such an image does is one of the reasons he chose to do this book. But when the deadline comes, we are in the news business. At some point, preserving individual sensitivities are less important that recognizing the news.
With thanks,
Scott Simon”
And here is my response:
“Hello, and thank you for your prompt response.
I appreciate what you are saying about the connection between obesity and cancer, but I fail to see how it is related to a book of photos of fat people. If we were showing old photos of celebrities in movies with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths, would you take the time to note how many died of lung cancer?
I guess it saddened me to hear you so shocked that fat women could be perceived as beautiful, and not something to be gawked at like an exhibit at the zoo. Believe me, I am not a “fat power” person. I believe that most overweight women, no matter how much they protest their happiness, would prefer to be a lighter weight. I have seen these photos by Mr. Nimoy. Yes, they are obese, but if you look at statistics, a woman who is 5’8″ and 200 pounds is obese. Did you see last week’s People magazine with Queen Latifah on the cover? She is obese. She is, as she put it, in the 200s. When you use the word obese as a defense, you make it sound as if you are talking about the people who are bedridden and need to be removed from their homes with construction equipment.
The reality is, there are many obese people out there, and many of them are beautiful. There is something innately beautiful in the human form, happy, and dancing. To me, Mr. Nimoy’s book should be generating publicity for something many of us have known to be true for some time.
Thank you. “
And finally, his next email:
“In fact, I think that most every time we have done something about 40’s movie star photos, we’ve noted that having cigarettes dangling from their mouths would be unthinkable in a publicity photo these days.
I don’t know why you are so sure that I sounded shocked that far women could be perceived as beautiful. I am not shocked at all. But I am also not naïve about the fact that books like Mr Nimoy’s are considered unusual; I doubt there are enough for their own section in any bookstore or library. In fact, I gather that this is his point. He didn’t do a book of nudes which includes a few large women, some skinny ones, and several with amputated limbs. He did a book with large women, period. I do think Mr Nimoy’s book is generating the kind of publicity you suggest, and I imagine that our book is helping that along. But to repeat, we simply can’t pretend that the cancer study that appeared this week didn’t appear, especially when one of the women in the book just died of cancer.
With best wishes,
Scott Simon”
What do you all think? Was I PMS (I was) and too harsh on him? What do you think about the set-up and interview? Thanks–I love your site and read it regularly.
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I’d like to post some words from Fight Club, because the fight is with acceptance and ourselves. We are at wars with ourselves. Settle the internal struggle. Change your world, Change the world. Just an idea…
And you open the door and you step inside
We’re inside our hearts
Now imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light
That’s right, your pain
The pain itself is a white ball of healing light
I don’t think so
…
You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khaki’s
You have to give up, you have to give up
You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless
I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may
This is your life, this is your life, this is your life, this is your life
Doesn’t get any better than this
This is your life, this is your life, this is your life, this is your life
And it and it’s ending one-minute at a time
You have to give up, you have to give up
I want you to hit me as hard as you can
I want you to hit me as hard as you can
Welcome to Fight Club
If this is your first night, you have to fight
FYI…I don’t know if you guys realized but you have some spam comments above…close to the top.
:-)
ps love the blog!
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Just wanted you to know that a friend of mine emailed me that her doctor told her she’s 40 pounds overweight and suggested BYPASS SURGERY. No, I’m not kidding. 40 pounds overweight according to the BMI, a normal 50 year old woman with a normal 50 year old body being told to have drastic, unsafe unsurgery. Hey, unsafe surgery is FAR better to the medical community than a thick abdomen, right? Grrrrrr.
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this is a fantastic site. i’m a 30 yo zaftig filipina, living fat in a very, very thin-loving society and it’s taken a toll on me. i am on a very painful journey to body acceptance, but i can’t get out of the starting blocks!
i am so glad to have found this site.
Thought you might find this article “Fired for Being Too Fat?” of interest http://www.krdo.com/Global/story.asp?S=8362936&Call=Email&Format=HTML
I was wondering if you and your readers have any tips for making flying more comfortable for bigger folks. I weigh ~300 pounds and just had a MISERABLE 5 hour flight in economy. Does “economy plus” make a difference? Buy a second seat? HELP!
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Hello..Just wanted to leave a tip for flying more comfortably on an airplane. I came up with this one myself and it has helped me through very long flights! Bring a jacket with you. Once seated, use your jacket as if it were a blanket, except tuck in the front panels under each arm (tightly)- this will hold your arms in snuggly against your body and you won’t have to worry about taking up the space of the seat next to you. Your jacket will cocoon you and this is excellent for sleeping on long trips! Enjoy!
Here’s a gotcha for you.
I’m a middle aged man, mid-to-late 30’s.
My LDL is in the 80’s, my HDL is above 60, which is considered optimal. My Resting blood-pressure is 123/76, my resting pulse is around 70.
I do 3-4 miles a day on the treadmill, feel great, and can still sprint up four flights of stairs without wheezing too badly at the top.
I’m also pushing 300#. Go figure. I could look better, but generally happy with who I am (until someone comments on it, at which point I can get a little self-concious about it)
The irony is that *I* can’t get health insurance. While some 135# rail-thin guy whose heart is about to give because his BP is 160/100 can.
The world isn’t fair.
I’m completely about fat acceptance. I don’t recommend anyone go under gastric bypass surgery. And i believe that the reason 65% of americans are plus size is because our food is being tainted with chemicals from the drug companies. The same companies who are then selling us weight loss supplements. I think it’s a crock of sh..t. Anyway, i started to eat organic only. And im going to a nutritional response testing councelor in PA. She’s helping me get healthy and feel better. Its more about health to me then about weight issues. I want to be able to feel more energetic. anyway..i highly recommend anyone to do nutritional response testing. I’m feeling much better and it’s only been 3 weeks. Good luck to all of you!
Jen from FindmyBBW.com, dating for bbws, ssbbws, bhm and admirers. http;//findmybbw.com
bbw dating, bbw personals
ddd rrr rrr nnn nm mm mmm
Just found this blog through Vanessa at dietboard.net. haven’t had a chance to read past the intro above but really liked what i read. looking forward to future visits!
Glad to see a group of fat girls who aren’t afraid of the word fat. btw I can use the word fat because I am a fat guy.
I have become disillusioned by the so-called “size acceptance” “movement” because as a five foot two inch man, I have found far more “reverse discrimination” (for lack of a better term) from fat women in BBW groups than from fat women in the bdsm, SCA, and polyamorous communities. Go figure.
Hello! Found your blog through a trail of other blogs that began at Ex-Hot Girl. Lovin’ what you guys are doing here. Keep it up!
Annabel
I love this blog!
I am so happy I found this site I am a plus sized girl always have been. No matter how often I exercise or how “well” i eat. It’s nice to see that there is love out there for girls like me. <3
Hi all,
I’m the dad of a 21 y.o. young lady who I see spiralling out of control weight wise, and feel powerless to do anything about it. While she was a little chubby through her middle to late teens, in the past year or two she has started to put on weight very fast. She is over 300 lbs now. I’m concerned about her health, both physical and mental. I know she as depression issues, but she doesn’t understand why. I’ve tried to get her to see a therapist, but cannot get her to take the final step and show up for a session. She was date raped, sort of, when she was about 15, but I don’t believe this is the cause of her depression. I say sort of, because from what little she has told me, I believe it was alcohol influenced, and to a certain extent, regretted after the fact rather than or as much as resisted before or during. Not sure though.
Though I’ve not said much to her about her weight, other than a couple times saying I was concerned for her health (all the women on her mother’s side – but not her mother – are big women and have diabetes), I feel I need to do or say something, but don’t know what. Would positive incentives be effective – i.e., money for each pound lost; promise of a carribean trip when she meets a goal, etc??
What can I do?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Joe
Hi Joe,
First of all, I am very sorry about the strain this must be causing your family. Fearing for the quality of life and for the life, period, of your child is the hardest thing a parent can go through.
Instead of forcing weight loss upon her as the solution to her emotional problems, you should take this as an opportunity to strengthen and build a strong father-daughter bond. For anything you say to truly motivate her, she must know first that you want her to be healthy and happy because you love her.
Also, the first step in her emotional process will be to love her body. The more you show your disapproval of the body she has, the more sadness and worthlessness she will feel. You have the responsibility, as her parent, to teach her how to love herself. If she can reach that, than she will want to take care of her body in a healthy way. This makes sense because you take care of the people and things you love, right? If one hates their body, then one is unlikely to give it proper, healthy care.
If you are concerned about diabetes, I would definitely take her to the doctor to be tested.
Perhaps once you have helped her to love herself for who she is and not to hate the body that enables her to live day to day, then you can encourage weight loss ONLY as a way to improve her overall health. It is okay for a woman to be curvy and to love herself without being “idealistically” thin.
You could offer to help her along the way, however, those kind of bribes may not be a good idea. It would promote her to reach her goal not for her health, but for the “prize” she wins at the end. This has to be a physical and emotional journey for herself, for a lifestyle she will carry though with her the rest of her life. It cannot be a short term, reach a goal, win a trip, type of thing. Yes, it is appropriate to celebrate her progress, perhaps even by going out for a family and friends dinner to her favorite restaurant! However, it should not be with something extravagant.
Take this opportunity to grow with your daughter. Offer to join in and help along the way. If you love her and are truly concerned, you will find the way to bring her back into emotional and physical health. The ultimate goal is her happiness and self-acceptance. I know that you want her to be happy and healthy.
I hope this advice has been somewhat helpful!
Best of luck
I love your site. Keep doing what your doing. I found your website when i googled MeMe Roth. I have no idea why she is attacking The Girls Scouts. I am a girl scout and it make me really upset that she is doing this. I think that women has alot of issues. Attacking little girls wont do nothing.
How do I submit something to you? I thought you would be interested to see a note left on my sister’s car, simultaneously criticizing her weight and criticizing her for parking too far from my house, where she was visiting.
I love this site I wish people would accept people regardless of their size more important issues in the world people!!!
for Joe (from a few posts before),
I’m not your daughter but i could be in the sense that it’s taken and is taking me a long time to get out of the sort of situation you describe. I would say that what helped me even want to address some of the issues(health and otherwise), and ultimatly start to tackle them was an increasing awareness that I was loved unconditionally. In my case it was a combination of a growing faith combined with a loving husband but perhaps you are in the best position to accept and love your daughter right now, and show her that she is worth loving as she is. I am in no way saying that you don’t do this already but if people are treated like problems that need to be fixed it can just add to self-loathing and everything else.
It sounds like you are having all the right ideas, and i reckon therapy will def help at the right time….but being her friend and ally is just as powerful.
You sound like a great dad, hope you and she work through this. All the best to you.
This is a little dated, but I just recently read a Kirstie Alley interview in the May 2010 issue of Ladies Home Journal. She says that at 5′-8″ tall, at 230 lbs she was “circus fat”. I was really disappointed to read that, since many fantastic looking women are well above that, and it implies that she probably thinks they all look “circus fat” too. So shame on her for saying it, and shame on Ladies Home Journal, not only for printing it, but for using it as a pop-out quote!
dear worried dad a 15 yr old girl cannot be “sort of” date raped, whether or not she had been drinking or the level of expressed resistance. an older male exploiting a young girl sexually is,by definition, raping her. Please get her to a therapist, into some kindof recovery group or even purchase some recovery literature for her; without breaking confidentiality, speak to a guidance counselor, doctor, or clergy for local resources…even if you started seeing a therapist, yourself, that may be helpful and encouraging to your daughter!
Heya im 17 and i found this while searching for a way to be comfortable in my own flesh. I totaly dig this sight i am 5’5′ and i weight about 215 My last Boyfriend dumped me because he said that i was to fat and embarrising to be seen with in public. Needless to say i kicked him very hard in the shin and puched him in the nose. im always in a tank top, a zip up the front hoodie (so i can show clevage) and jeans because im so self concious i dont wear just tee shirts. Recently my mother who has lost 45 pounds by starving herself, told me that i would never get a guy dressing like one and being fat. Im looking for ways to pump up my self image and re-invent myself. It sounds corny but its true. If anyone could give me advice that would be cool beans.
Sincerly, Kate