Our 14-Year-Old Responds
We posted her question and answered it right here, and Shapely Prose got into the act right here. The original e-mailer has written back, and I’ll let her speak for herself.
Wow. I don’t know what to say. Usually when I reach out for help I don’t get a response. But then I went to the bfd blog and Shapely Prose and it was like “HOLY SH*T!!!” basically. I read through them and after a while I started crying (boo! I’m such a crybaby…) I mean…never before have I felt like someone UNDERSTOOD. I could FEEL the connection between myself and those who replied. It was overwhelming.I felt so happy.And I feel so hopeful. I think I’m going to reread some of those posts everyday.
After all that reading and thinking and FEELING…I looked in the mirror. There she was pimply face, uneven skin-toned, muffin topped me. I grabbed my belly and gave it a squeeze. It was very soft and warm and for some reason that made me smile XD. I poked at all the flaws on my face a body and frowned at my oily skin and picked at my dark spots. I still don’t like those parts. BUT I have a GREAT ass, and soft hands and skin and beautiful hair. I have gorgeous brown eyes and pretty pink lips. I realised that all of my flaws were being MAGNIFIED by my perception on beauty through the industries eyes.
Now when I look in the mirror I think, “Hey, You’re actually kinda hot!”
So what if I’ve got a tummy pooch! So what if my nose is a little too big. So what if my legs jiggle when I walk, and my thighs rub together whenever I move. I’m 14! I’m young! What am I doing thinking so negatively!
Now…I know this little high of mine won’t last for long…Sooner or later I’m gonna look in the mirror and think I look like I’m 8 months pregnant. But…then I’ll read the bfd blog replies again and remember how beautifully DIFFERENT I am.
Miss mo, I think I’m on the way to loving the girl in the mirror. I think I’m ready to make her my new best friend. I’m ready to accept myself. I’m ready to OWN myself.
I think I’m ready to be happy!
Thank you thank you thank you thank you soooooo much! I think you posting my email on your blog has made a major impact on my life. Actually…I think you posting my email has STARTED my life! (Hehe! I feel so happy!!)
The industry doesn’t own me anymore! I’m free! All those girls in my class who gossip about me can shove it! They’re no better (or worse) than I am. I don’t think I’ll ever look at them as the “popular” ones or the “beautiful” ones anymore. Cause their views of themselves are just as f*cked up as my view of myself.
I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow! ‘Cause tomorrow I’m not gonna think “People think I’m ugly therefore I’m ugly” tomorrow I’m gonna walk in that school and think “Hey, I think altogether I look pretty good , so those kids can either accept it or kiss my (fine!) ass.”
Thank you Miss Mo Pie and the BFD blog. I think I’m starting to “like” myself
:)
Now when anyone asks “why did you start your blog?” I can just point them to this entry. Thank you to all you wonderful people for commenting here (and a certain BFDiva who shall remain nameless, who has purchased a gift subscription for our 14-year-old to Bitch magazine).
We made a difference.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, Feel Good Friday, Kids, Meta, Personal
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Dammit, why couldn’t this blog have been around when I was in high school and needed a subscription to Bitch Magazine? Although, given my mother’s reaction to my Blue Oyster Cult CD, maybe it’s all for the best.
This is probably the best thing I’ve ever heard. Go anonymous 14-year-old! Go take over the world!
Thank you for posting her reply. I love you BFD, I love her for writing, and I love everyone who commented here and at Shapely Prose. All of you have proven that there is good in this world. I’m going to go cry now.
the minute i took to read this completely made my day … no, week. maybe month, or more? it’s things like this that convince me the world isn’t going to hell just yet. i feel a sudden urge to go dance in the street. see ya : )
Oh, this is the most amazing thing! I am so so happy that it’s made such a difference, and WELL DONE, anonymous 14-year-old!
Ooh, it’s made me all tearful now, in a good way.
Good for you, 14 year old girl! You go! :)
Thanks for posting this, mo pie. I was wondering if she’d write back. ^^
OH MO how bloody incredible is this :) Happy days…
That made me cry, but in a good way!! Way to go 14 year old girl!!!!
That is so amazing!
Sweetie, if you’re still reading (and I hope you are!) let me say, congratulations. You are going to grow up into a kick ass woman, because you are already a kick ass teenager! Hope you’ll stick around here and the other blogs you’ve found as well, and join in the discussion.
That gave me major warm and fuzzies!!
To the 14-year-old: I didn’t initially respond to the entry (not because I didn’t want to, but because so much to say that it’d fill a book…). I’m glad that you already started to look at yourself under a more positive light. Even those popular girls have flaws of their own and insecurities…
You know what? I’m 32 and I don’t look that differently from when I was a teen (heck, I still get carded sometimes…). In fact, I’m even a bit bigger than I was then. But aside from a rather recent sense of style, you know what’s the biggest difference? Self-confidence. If you look at the world with confidence and you love yourself, you will glow and people will pick on it unconsciously.
Of course, it helps that we’ve got the Web with sites like this one for blah moments and that finding cool clothes that fit well is easier than it was… ;)
Good luck with everything, and indeed, read this site and the other fat-acceptance sites whenever you feel a sense of insecurity creep in. :)
In RL, I’m speechless. I’m floored by this, by this wonderful girl, by what mo pie has helped make possible.
Sweetie, don’t be a stranger around here. ‘Cause even if you leave for a while, and start feeling down, *we’ll still be here*. Come around, let us support you for a while, when you don’t feel like you can support yourself.
Of course, we hope this happens less and less, and this ‘high’ you have becomes a permanent, new, *confident* you. :)
Reading this has really put a shine on what was shaping up to be a really crap-tastic day. Thank you so much for posting this. And thank you to everyone who responded to her.
This is so freaking awesome.
I’m so glad we made a difference in this beautiful little girl’s life. If we can get people, one at a time, to accept themselves, then I’m happy with that. Go everybody!
That is awesome! I’m so happy for this girl! Great job to everyone who responded to her and helped her see her beauty!
Awesome.
Anonymous 14 year old, you sound so happy and excited in your response! Totally different from your first email.
One thing I wanted to say is now that when you stop worrying so much about how you look, you can start using your brain power for more fun and worthwhile things. You are so much more than just your looks, and when you see that, you can love an enjoy all parts of yourself. Welcome to your awesome new life!
BTW, thigh-rubbage is not exclusive to people over size 6. Skinny people’s thighs can rub together too.
Thank you for publishing this letter, BFD, and thank you, 14-year-old girl, for writing it! You are going to go on to do great things with that attitude. Go for it!
And I just want to add to the love-fest by saying that this FA community is fast becoming a hugely important part of my life. I am so glad to have found you all. **hugs**
Awesome! 14-year-old-girl, I’m thrilled to read this. You’re a smart girl, too. And you know, by being happy and loving yourself, you may inspire the same attitude in someone else. Who can say what other great things you’ll go on to? Enjoy your life and your body!
Keep it up and carry it on! Point! :D
This letter made me feel good about myself too. ;) BTW: She also needs a subscription to Bust.
14 YO, thanks for responding…I think that a LOT of the bloggers in the Fatosphere wish we could go back in time and smack our teenage selves upside the head.
I recently went through some old pictures, and thought “you know, I really WAS pretty, long before I ever considered that being pretty was a possibility for me.” My only problem with those pictures now is the blue eyeshadow and bad perm. So that’s my advice #2: don’t give in to fashion trends that make everyone look bad. (There don’t seem to be quite as many of those now, although gaucho pants and puffy sleeves are somewhat alarming. At least the haircuts and makeup seem ok.)
Hang in there and be your beautiful, sassy self. Start a blog, and we’ll all be your cheering section! :)
I am so glad we (both BFD and SP readers) were able to come together and help this young girl. She is definitely on her way to great things.
“And a little child shall lead them…”
I LOVE you, Anonymous 14 year old! You have successfully dragged me out of my ‘woe is me’ funk and reminded me what I’m always telling people-who cares what other people think when YOU know that you’re awesome!! Rock on, sister!!!
Thanks for publishing both the original letter and the response. This totally makes my Friday. Even if I can’t go back in time and help my own 14-year-old self, I’m really happy that you guys can have such a positive impact on kids today.
-jm
* P.S. I second GoingLoopy’s comment about fashion trends. Frosted hair and blue mascara certainly didn’t um, help, my self esteem.
YAY!!!
Woo, boy. I teared up. 14 year old, you, dear girl, are made of awesome. Hold to that mantra every day..it’s a cloak of protection NO ONE can take from you!
Two things, Anonymous Literate Self-Aware Faboo 14-Year-Old:
– You ARE better than those nasty twats who try to make you feel bad about yourself. You know that only deeply insecure people pull that crap, and it’s not for you.
– Oily skin is your friend! It may not seem like it now, but in thirty years when others are slathering on the moisturizer and complaining about their dry skin, you’ll have a gorgeous complexion that NO amount of money can buy!
– Okay, make that three things: You are infinitely more than how you look. You are a brain, a sense of humor, a good friend (I just have a feeling about that one!), a citizen of the world. It says all kinds of EVIL (big word, consciously chosen) about the world we live in that physical appearance is the first thing that’s noticed about women of ANY age. Since the dawn of time, we have been so much more than that. Please, sweetie, take this in and know it down to your bones: you are a miracle; there has never been another person just like you; you are SO much more than a dress size or a number on a scale.
Okay, done now. Please come back and tell us how you are! ;D
people amaze me with their kindness.
I need to remember that more often.
linked to this today and my readers RAN with it as well.
now if we only all played as nicely in the real world huh?
C.
You guys rock! Thanks for helping her out! Big Fat Deal is good for the soulllll…
Awww. Yay!
I read through them and after a while I started crying (boo! I’m such a crybaby…)
Me, too! All it takes is a good episode of Little House and the Prairie! Good on you, Anonymous Fourteen Year Old. You rule!
*wipes eyes cuz I’m a crybaby too*
Can I just add to the list of wonderful qualities you have, 14 year old girl, that you are amazingly intelligent, insightful and just bloody well fantastic for taking all that fabulous advice and really processing it, really applying it. You are going to do great things in your life, really you are.
Dear Fourteen and Fierce,
I didn’t respond to your first post because I felt that there was so much to say I didn’t know where to start, and also, so many wonderful people were saying it for me.
But I’d like to say now that you have such maturity for your age. I wish I had known how to reach out, and better than that, hear what those I was reaching out to really had to say and take it to heart when I was your age.
You make me feel better about the future knowing that someone like you will be among the leaders. And though I’ve never seen your picture, I know that you are truly beautiful both inside and out!
Stay Powerful,
Rose
Man, that’s awesome! My eyes have gone a little damp…
When there are times I think the Internet has become hell in a handbasket, we have people who make it classy again. This girl is one of these people.
Go to school with your head held high and forget those gossipy beyotches and if they say something, give them the link to BFD!!!
Wow. I’m super excited she’s getting a Bitch supscription. My “little” sis (she’s a good half a food taller than me!) is fifteen, and I’m sending her to this site to read your response to this girl. It’s so applicable to EVERY teenage girl, and I wish I had Mo around to be my mentor at 14.
Woohoo! All kinds of awesome.
Is there any way I can get in touch with her? There actually *is* a very effective, inexpensive, home way to treat acne that actually works. No, not ProActiv, the expensive crap that often makes it worse. My son had acne, but there is a clear skin regimen (completely free advice by a guy who isn’t profiting from it but wants to help others who have it) using regular store items that truly truly takes care of pretty much any acne problems. Naturally her pimples don’t make her ugly – she’s a beautiful girl!!! But it is relatively simple to have fairly clear skin, it’s not unhealthy like *dieting* and it’s not expensive. Just requires a little time in the morning. Anyone know how I can help her out on that one?
I love stuff like this. I started posting FA stuff on my livejournal, especially with the post-newyear boom in weight loss posts from girlfriends of mine. I got a comment back from one of them saying linking to Shapely Prose, here, and the rest of them was ‘a revelation’ and she thanked me profusely for saving her sanity.
I’m a firm believer that if we just keep getting the word out, more and more, the joy and relief alone’ll start cracking the worst of them out there.
Anonymous fourteen-year-old Girl, you are beautiful and wonderful and mature for your age. You’ve found a peaceful place it’s taken many of us thirty or fourty years to find…and most of us lose track of it now and again, too.
Come back and visit anytime. We’re here for you if you need us, and I get the feeling that it won’t be long before you’ve got some good advice to give others, too.
In the meantime, take care of yourself and love that girl in the mirror. There’s nobody on Earth quite like her, and she’s absolutely worth it.
I am so proud of you! I didn’t respond earlier because others had summed up everything that I would say to you or to my younger self, but I want to tell you know that you are a truly amazing teenager. You’re obviously intelligent, insightful, and self-aware – far beyond most girls your age in my experience. Just remember that you are beautiful, and smart, and funny, and unique, and those are wonderful qualities. As others have said, check back here or at Shapely Prose or many of the other sites anytime you need to – we’re always here for you. In the meantime, keep on rocking!
What a wonderful reply!
I’ve been having a bad time for the last couple of days and reading this post has helped me to feel better.
Go girl!!
Congratulations, 14yo! I am unspeakably proud of you for achieving at the tender age of 14 what many of us in the FA movement still struggle with in our 20s, 30s, and later. You got it! You got how the change comes from within, and you flipped the switch as easily as flipping the bird at a fat-hater. I can’t guarantee that your life will be perfect from here on out (indeed, odds are pretty good that it won’t be), but you can bet it’s going to be better!
That is SO powerful. I almost cried myself!!
wow, i usually shy away from female health blogs because they harp on stuff that i am not really that interested in. But, this post has shattered that. wow. thanks.
This made me choke up a little. It’s so great that 14yo is learning to love herself. I wish the blogosphere had been around when I was 14, because I felt ugly and self-conscious and was sure I was the only one who felt that way.
Acne:
Dissolve some plain aspirins in a little witch hazel in a small container with a lid, paint it on the blemishes a few times a day. Don’t worry about the residue in the bottom of the container, it isn’t the important part.
NoneGiven, that helps with occasional breakouts, but for long-term treatment of acne, there’s only one thing I’ve ever seen that truly works. (Even people who needed oral antibiotics can sometimes stop them after implementing the clear skin regimen.) Of course nothing can be done about scarring, but anyway, here’s the link: http://www.acne.org/ I really can’t praise this enough. After paying a buttload of money for ProActiv and finding out it only made my son’s acne worse, we finally found this simple regimen, and within a few weeks – smooth skin. He also explains what to expect week by week, with week 3 sometimes seeing an outbreak, but less intense and of shorter duration. Dear beautiful 14 year old – I hope you’re able to give it a shot. And congratulations on the killer butt and pretty lips – hehe, those aren’t my strong suits, for sure lol.
Er, can I please add this isn’t a marketing ploy – the only reason he has his own products (as well as telling you good products you can buy in the grocery store) is because it works, and people were *begging* him to come out with product. (You can buy regular store stuff anyway; just that his is cheaper.) As a lifelong acne sufferer himself, he was also trying to improve on the products that were available in the market, and to make them available at better prices. But anyway, his story, videos, etc. are all on that site.
Awesome! Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!!!
Wow.
That response totally made me cry. All I could think was, “This is exactly why I’m here!”
It’s beyond awesome :)