Your Birth Stories
Part of my “homework” for the childbirth class we just started is to talk to people who have “had the birth experience” that I want. Of course, I have no idea. But I was hoping you would share your thoughts and birth stories with me!
I have friends who have had home births and hypnobirths and sexytime births, none of which is super appealing. Although I would like a doula (fingers crossed that the one we’re talking to right now has a space for us) I also want to be in a hospital near medical equipment because I think that’s where I will feel safest. Also because I am “elderly” (36) and because I enjoy modern medicine. (I am hoping it’s modern enough to involve pain medication [if I need it] without the use of needles. They’ve invented that, right? Where the medicine is just licked on by kittens?)
I am also told labor is very physical and hard work and all that stuff. I’m worried about physically handling labor and childbirth, particularly since I’m fat. And right now, I can barely even breathe because my uterus is crammed up against my lungs. So I’m not exactly feeling at my peak fitness at the moment, which does not boost my confidence any.
Oh, and I would like a room with a jacuzzi tub. (These do exist at the hospital, by the way! My husband thinks the idea of a tub is crazy, and likes to joke that he’ll get in and start ordering cocktails while I’m having the baby. This is not actually a real representation of what he will do. But I do love water and I will take any kind of tub they have got going on.)
Any or all of these ideas may change as our childbirth class progresses and we learn more about our options, but that’s what I’ve got so far. In the meantime, if you have a good birth experience story, please share in the comments! Help me with my homework.
Posted by mo pie
I’ve not had children, but have you read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth? I read it all in one sitting, crying for hours. It’s a beautiful book.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
Congratulations! First, some encouragement. Every fat woman with kids you see didn’t suddenly become fat after they went to pre-K, ya gotta figure some of them were already fat beforehand. You’ll do fine. Your body is strong. You’ll see how strong.
My sister in law had a whirlpool tub in her labor room. She did not give birth IN the tub, but she spent time in it while she was in labor and said it was tremendously comforting. It had a hand held massage showerhead thingy that her husband trained on her lower back and she said that was heaven.
This will be the one time in your life where you will not give a hoot in hell about needles. You may not ever care again.
I’ve done this three times and each time was a different experience. With the first, I had heard that they would let you walk around during your labor which helps but then I got there and was told I was not allowed to walk because my water had broken already which for the next 8 hours that I was in labor, was really pissing me off.:) So, with the second, I talked to the doctor before the labor about it and she was appalled and put it in my chart that they are to allow me to walk around even if my water has broken. One walk around the hospital and I realized that it isn’t as great as I was told and laid my ass down on the bed and didn’t move, except to pee, for the remaining 10 hours of labor. But I was dreadfully thirsty and fed the hell up with ice chips that did nothing for me so when I went in for the third, I talked to the doctor again (same one!) and told her that I was not having the ice chips business again. lol. I was pleasantly surprised when she wrote it in my chart that they should allow to sip water and eat popsicles if I wanted to. And that was much better. My advice to all pregnant friends is to have a good talk with your doctor about what you want and make sure they write it in your chart because the nurses at the hospital aren’t always so eager to give you what you want.
As for pain management, I went with the epidural all three times. It looks scary but it really isn’t so bad. They numb the area before they insert it so you do not feel it entering your skin. But you may be able to manage the pain without it, everyone is different. There is a period before they can put in the epidural in which they help manage the pain with an IV drip – though I forget the name of the drug- but it didn’t help me at all except to make me a little sleepy.
I have heard that tubs are great but I never used one. The option was there but I didn’t want to move.
The thing I wasn’t at all prepared for was the nausea during labor. I don’t know if you have heard to expect that so I’ll just go ahead and warn you that it can be bad. I threw up several times while I was in labor all three times. Oh, and listen to the doctor when you are told not to eat before you go to the hospital! If you are not going to be induced, once those contractions start coming pretty regularly, keep your food intake very light. If you are going to be induced, then the night before, cut yourself off completely. I ignored that advice with number three (cause, yo, I’m an expert by now and I am STARVING). Bad idea. Bad, bad, idea. The vomiting was tremendous. Not to scare you or anything. ;)
Oh, one more thing, even though I’ve rattled on forever, that baby will drop and relieve some pressure on your lungs. I hope that is encouraging.
I’m a doula with no kids… so I guess maybe I shouldn’t be answering this? Tough noogies. I’m a rebel.
It’s important to remember that the best thing you can have in birth is the sense that you can make the choices you want to- that you feel safe and in control. Tubs are awesome, and doulas are better. But not feeling pushed or resentful is the best. That’s why if you feel safe in the hospital, that’s the place for you.
In my experience women are frequently challenged during labor by their habit of putting on a social face or playing hostess- if you are concerned about that, or if there is one particular person you know you’ll be tempted to do that with, this is the time to address it. What you might want to focus on is building yourself a safe space to labor in, a place with as much emotional support as you need and a place where you can express every emotion and sensation freely. If you want to laugh or be disgusted or be in pain or feel utterly clingy or be completely withdrawn, those are all emotions that this safe space should be able to accommodate.
Labor is physical work, it’s true. But it’s unlike any other physical work you have done, and your body has been prepping itself since the beginning- literally strengthening the muscles it needs and toning them. All you have to do is keep breathing. No worries, love. You have got this, no gym time needed.
I’m gonna get on that medication that is licked on by kittens, by the way. Great idea! :D
Gone through it twice, each with the same result–a beautiful baby girl! Keep that in mind, that there is an end result which will put whatever pain or discomfort you may have in perspective.
I had c-sections with both, the first because of a “failure to progress” and the second because my water broke three weeks early. Personally, I don’t feel like I missed out on anything because of the way I gave birth, so if anyone tries to guilt you about how you choose to labor/deliver, tell them to step off. We are all different and handle our bodies in different ways. What works for one may not work for another (this applies to breastfeeding too, do what’s right for you and your child, not what every nosey nellie tells you to do).
I labored for 24 hours with my first daughter before the c/section, and while it wasn’t a walk in the park, with an epidural it was tolerable. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, even if that’s for everyone to shut up and leave you alone while you try to breathe.
If you do have to go the c/section route, I encourage you to WALK WALK WALK as soon as you can. Do that anyways, because getting upp and moving will help you heal faster and make you feel better.
Don’t worry about bringing underwear because they’ll have some there for you, but definitely bring nice jammies and robe, if you’re a robe person. If you have a favorite pillow, toss that in your bag along with some nice lotion.
I guess that wasn’t really anything about labor, huh? Sry!
Haha. I don’t think mine was about labor either. You’re so right about how everyone’s different and handles things differently, that’s really terrific advice. No one can tell you what you should do, or worse, what you should have done- thanks, folks! The best birth is one that gives you a happy healthy baby.
Just sneaking in to say I’m glad you’re doing it first cuz I’m 11 weeks pregnant and I am so f-ing scared about labor. It can’t be as bad as it always looks, can it?
Labor is not nearly so bad as it looks. I used to be terrified of labor- I imagined it would be the first thing on my mind when I looked at the positive test. Now that I’ve been through labor with other women and I’ve learned so, so much, I am not afraid of labor even a little bit. Sure, it’s a wonderful thing that painkillers are generally available, and it’s incredibly intense, but labor and birth are what your body is built to do. I’m not pregnant yet, but if there are no problems with my pregnancy that would mean birthing in a hospital, then I will happily homebirth.
This video stars a totally naked hippie mom, but it’s a true home video of a normal birth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DI5-jx_vcp4
I really didn’t think that would help, but six videos or so later and I feel much better about the whole thing. Thank you for that! It looks like the real hell only lasts a short while and they are all talking and laughing right after.
I’m pregnant with #4. All my births have been supereasy. I start taking Evening Primrose Oil capsules around 35 weeks, bc they say if softens the cervix, and for me, does it ever!! I dilate without going into labor – with #1, i was 6.5 cm the day before and NOT in labor. I don’t actually feel any sort of pain with contractions until around 8, which is usually when i’m strolling into the hospital… Anyway, i did hypnobirthing with my first two, didn’t ask for drugs because i didn’t really need them. First labor was about 4 hours, second was 2 hours. I had the idea of being in the jacuzzi, but all my babies are sunny side up, which means back labor, which means being in the tub is uncomfortable. Third, i was induced for medical reasons (i was not happy about it, but i did believe it was for a good reason…), so i was on Pitocin for a few hours – i don’t even count it as labor. I felt nothing, literally nothing… the nurse whispered to the midwife who came in to check on me ‘She’s read 300 pages in her book so far!’ The Pit did it’s job in moving the baby to the right position, so they broke my water. When they did, I opted for a spinal for the first time ever since i was too strapped down to walk, which is how i tend to cope with labor. Anyway, the spinal made me sleepy, i took a nap, woke up 50 minutes later and said very calmly ‘Be ready to catch the baby’, and had him less than 10 minutes later. I’ve never had an episiotomy, never even had a tear. And oh yeah, i’m a fatty.
So not every labor is a horror story of awful doctors and nurses and contempt. I’ve been very lucky with my practice and birth center that my weight has never been an issue at all, with pregnancy, labor, or delivering healthy babies. I DO bring my own birthin’ clothes though, because i hate those stupid hospital gowns.
Good luck! You’re going to do great.
Oh I could write screeds on this – I will try to be brief!
I’ve had two sets of twins and was approximately the same weight pre-conception each time, about 130 kilos. The first birth was an induction (for pre-eclampsia) and the second ended up being a c-section due to a number of issues (not my fat – issues with the babies).
Susannah makes a good point above about your ‘social’ face – during my first birth I dealt with the pain by swearing like a sailor. At first I apologised to the midwife each time, and then when the pain became more intense I stopped caring :) The medical professionals who will attend you have been there and seen everything, so don’t worry about ’embarrasing’ yourself in front of them. But for your own piece of mind I’d make sure that everyone else is that room is a person you feel 100% comfortable in front of.
I personally preferred my c-section birth which I don’t usually admit because in New Zealand it’s the equivalent of saying you like to drown puppies :) I found recovery wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I’d been told, it was straightforward and I was home on day 4. My tip, if you end up going this way, is to get up and walk as soon as you can post-surgery, and to not be a hero in regards to pain relief. By day 4 all I needed was paracetamol but not so in the early days.
My induction was long and awfully painful but I’ve since heard that inductions are ‘worse’, if you will, than natural births so I cling to that. I had an epidural with this one and it was *awesome* (again not another thing you don’t admit too freely here!). The worst thing about the epidural was the way they make you roll into a ball for it. Not fun with 9 months worth of twins in your belly! But the actual epidural doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t stop you feeling the ‘good bits’ either – I still felt my wee babies ‘swimming’ as they were born.
So I’d say relax (I know it’s easy to say!) and take the day as it comes. if you need pain relief ask for it. If you want to walk, sit in a bath (I’ve heard good things about this) or sit on a swiss ball (I found this was helpful in early labour) then go for it.
Good luck! Parenthood is a hell of a ride :)
I agree with lots of what’s said above. I think the most important thing for me at both my deliveries was to have someone advocating on my behalf and helping me to say what I wanted, in other words, have a midwife or a doula with you, even if you’re going to have your baby in the hospital.
When I got to the hospital to give birth to my first son, I discovered that my ob/gyn would not be there (her MIL was ill in Florida) and I was handed over to the ob/gyn who had been my original doctor and who I had left because she was a major bitch, not to put too fine a point on it.
I told my midwife how distressed I felt and she immediately told me that I could ask for another doctor. This is something I would not have known and I would have ended up with this nasty piece of work delivering my child. Thanks to my midwife’s advice, I was switched to the head of the department, a wonderful man with a hard-to-remember name that I turned into Dr. “New-age hit”.
So make sure to be surrounded by people who are there only for you and your baby: your partner and your doula/midwife.
Two kids, both with funny and irrelevant birth stories.
1. Official and important information — I had an epidural both times, and it was painless to apply and made birth painless. I have a nearly-clinical phobia of needles, but the epidural needle isn’t visible and both my anesthetists were artists in drugs. I never felt a thing. So, embrace the epidural!
2. Try to exercise a little each day. No heavy-duty sweaty stuff, but mild walking or swimming. I walked my second kid into arriving three days early and after a twelve total hour labor, with maybe 30 minutes of pushing labor. Second kid was born with a perfectly round head.
I think the biggest advice I can give is to definitely know what you would prefer and why, but to recognize that circumstances might change and as long as you end up with a baby, it’s all good. I have many friends who had their hearts set on a particular type of birth and when it didn’t happen, felt like they failed somehow. It’s good to be educated, but it’s also good to be flexible. I wanted a hippy dippy natural birth. I had twins, and one was breech, so I ended up with a planned C-section. They are very healthy boys, and how they came into the world doesn’t really matter now. I wanted the experience of labor and pushing and all that, but I think I’ll live if I never go through it!
I have four children, and I’m pregnant with my 5th. When I had my 4th, I was 36 and obese. He was born in a birthing center with a tub, which I labored in for a while. I have never had pain medication of any kind for my births — partially because I don’t like needles either. Most hospital births will involve an IV — particularly if you want any kind of pain meds. I agree with Kim — above. Having a “good birth” depends a lot on luck and your situation in addition to planning. You’ll do great!
BTW, don’t worry about physically handling childbirth, if you can walk up stairs. People compare childbirth to a marathon. I’ve run a marathon as well as had four babies, and having a baby has more of a psychological similarity to running a marathon than a physical one.
I’m glad you got some good stories. I’m so not telling you mine. :) First time moms shouldn’t hear mine.
ok…remember, even after reading all these stories, EVERY woman is different, EVERY pregnancy is different, EVERY birth is different. :) the only things mine had in common was that i was the mama, and both of them didnt make their grand appearance till 12 days after the due date.
i have two imps, 11 years apart. i was 19 when i had #1, she was 18 hours of labor, natural childbirth because that is what you had at the naval hospital unless you had a c-section. NO pain relief at all. we got through it, and she was beautiful and healthy and BALD and i fell instantly in love with her.
my son…WHEW. he was a mess and a half. preterm labor, i was 29, bed rest after 3 months pregnant, seizure-like activity, and an unplanned c-section because he refused to move down. i told the anesthesiologist who put in my epidural that i loved him. my husband laughed.
the boybeast was one ounce shy of 10 pounds. i was fully dialated and pushing for over an hour withough him budging and my doctor said “we’re doing a c-section, no argument.” by that time i agreed. he was big and blonde with blue eyes and i am still in awe that i had two such beautiful babies. (ok, they’re 28 and 17 and he graduates high school next month but they’re still my babies!)
if you want a funny story… my student doctor swore she will NEVER forget me. see, when we went in i said “i’m pretty sure my water broke, i have a little bit of ‘wet’ with every contraction.” up i got into that embarassing position, two lovely lady doctors looking up my wazoo and the non-student doctor said “hmm, hmm, i’m not sure. can you cough for me?”
i coughed. and my ex did a MARVELOUS job at not falling on the floor laughing. see, when i coughed, my water DID break for certain. there is an amazing amount of amnionic fluid in there, and it all went up and all OVER those two sweet ladies. and the older woman looked at me very solemnly and said “yes, your water has indeed broken”. at that point we all started laughing. a nurse got me to my labor room, and the doctors went to shower and change. ;)
the only other advice i can get is for you to sit down and enjoy your baby every time s/he feeds. they need the eye to eye time, and the talking you do with them, and they are only little for so long, then they grow older and its never quite the same again.
my son…is now nearly 6 foot tall, and thin, and his hair isnt quite so blond any longer. his eyes are still that beautiful paul newman blue. and every time he’s here, he scootches me around on the couch till he can lie down with his head in my lap and says “i love you mom”. nothing beats that. (my daughter, on the other hand, is a wicked wench who is screamingly funny and i adore talking to her and seeing how much more secure in herself than i am!)
I’m not going to get too annoyingly empowering here, but you’re going to do just fine! Know why? Because (and I’m going to attempt not to misquote a line from a wonderful article I’ve read), “the secret about childbirth is not that it is painful, but that women are strong!”
One of the things that has bothered me about my labor was that no one really asked me what I wanted. I kind of felt like a deer in headlights. My water broke at 35 weeks but I didn’t go into labor, so they were just like “Ok we are going to start Pitocin, let us know when you need some pain meds!”
The pitocin made my labor very painful, I am certain of it. I wish I had said “Can we wait an hour or two and see what happens?” I understand they wanted me in the hospital because of risk of infection, but I happily would have stayed in there without the inducing. It may have taken longer, but it took 17 hours anyway from the time my water broke.
There are little stupid things to watch out for to, like the nurse put my blood pressure cuff on the same arm as my IV, so every time it squeezed it made my hand hurt SO BAD where the IV was, but I didn’t think anything of it.
Oh, and dont worry if you poop while you are in labor. I didn’t, but I did puke my guts up in the 10 minutes before my girl actually came out. Its one of those things that no one talks about, but you have to know might happen!
Oh, the cuff/IV thing! Ow! I feel for you! *hugs*
The way the providers talk is so striking to me, mostly because I’m over here militating for empowered choices. There’s a big difference between:
Okay, we’re going to start Pitocin, let us know when you need pain meds!
and
Okay, we’d like to start Pitocin, for this reason and that reason and this other reason. The alternatives are these. Pitocin may cause your contractions to be more intense than they would otherwise be, pain meds are available.
I guess it’s much more efficient time-wise to give orders! But it’s your right to be given the discussion instead of just the order.
If you haven’t yet, I think it’s worth seeing *The Business of Being Born.* It opened my eyes to a lot of the issues around birth, and I think it’s always good to know your options. For instance, it seems like pitocin is SOP at most hospitals, and a lot of women say that it makes labor much more painful, and it seems as though it may, in some cases, lead to C-section. So going in with that knowledge could be helpful. I wish you the best!
I’ve never commented here, but there’s nothing like birth stories to get me to come out from hiding. I love your blog, btw, and it has been enormously healing to me in my journey towards accepting my body. As has childbirth, actually, which I have done three times. I don’t really want to tell three birth stories here–and all of mine were totally different–but what I guess I didn’t really internalize enough before my first birth was that you can say no! You can say no! You can say no! “They” are not in charge at the hospital. You are. My first birth didn’t go as I had wanted because I didn’t feel that I could argue with what the doctors/staff told me. My second birth was at home and quite nice. My third birth was again at the hospital, totally for insurance reasons, but I finally realized that I was in charge. When my midwife hadn’t arrived and the on call doctor told me to put to flip to my back and put my feet in stirrups, I said, “No, I’m pushing on all fours.” He didn’t like it, but he didn’t really tell me I couldn’t. And so on and so forth.
I’m really looking forward to following your pregnancy/childbirth/baby journey here.
My son didn’t want to be born. He was cozy. Even after induction he was stubborn. So I ended up with a c-section. Which, for me, turned out to be the greatest thing on earth! I was all set for a natural childbirth, but there was so much less pain with the c-section. If I had known how simple it was I would have asked for it right up front.
Birthing classes, videos, other peoples experiences are all fine, but each woman is different and what you think you may want at the moment becomes inconsequential when the time comes. The key is for the baby and mom to be safe. Obviously having a doctor who listens to your concerns and is open to your ideas is a great start. Don’t get to caught up in a fancy birth. Eat right, get some exercise and be ready to act at any time is the best advise I can give. I’ve had a 24 hour labor and a fairly quick labor. Trying to think about tubs, or any non-typical births was too much to fathom, especially since hubby wouldn’t have gone for a non traditional birth. That’s another thing, try to keep from getting stressed out. Your body will make your mind come up with some crazy stuff! Good luck.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has shared here; it’s been incredibly helpful to read all your stories! It looks like the doula we want may have an opening for us, which is great news. I think she will help me be empowered, which sounds like the key!
Oh, and our childbirth coach says that if you tend to get nervous, don’t watch “The Business of Being Born” right before you’re going to have a baby. I was told it’s awesome, but it might freak me out!
Women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and for the most part, have done a bang up job. My little bundle of joy will be 26 this year, but I still remember pieces of that day as if it were last week. One thing I DON’T remember is the pain. Whether you choose to go natural or medicinal, the pain will be forgotten.
It IS hard work, but you are up to it. The reward is well worth the effort.
While I am all for the free and easy, natural ‘hippie’ birth experience, I would not be here today if I had attempted a home birth. My placenta did not want to detach after my daughter was born, and I ended up bleeding quite severely. This was in 1985, when AIDS was first coming into play, so they would not give me blood for fear of infecting me. So, I thought it was natural to feel like shit after having a baby. I didn’t realize ’til later just how serious it could have been. I don’t mean to scare you, but I agree with your statement about wanting to be in a hospital near medical equipment. I think that’s a smart choice.
Good luck – you’ll do JUST FINE!
I can’t contribute a story, as I’m not due for another 12 weeks, but thanks so much for asking the question to everyone. It’s been really helpful to hear from others. I left my weekend childbirth class (bad idea by the way-totally overwhelming to get all that info in 48 hours) completely beside myself. I cried for an hour after getting home the second day, because the hippie doula person who taught the course scared the bejesus out of me in regards to epidurals, so I felt like I had no options if the pain was too much for me. I’ve since calmed down and quizzed friends/family on their experiences, but I fear they’re being overly kind to reassure me (not the above commenters were not reassuring, but perhaps a bit more open and honest when there’s not a freaking out pregnant woman in their face asking how they survived labour!)
As a side note, my good friend, who is fat, told me that her three births were not a big deal (and she’s not one to sugar coat things, believe me-that’s why I asked her), she even experienced the mythic “orgasmic birth” with her first. She strongly encouraged me to keep exercising (we walk a few times a week and swim once in a while) because she said she didn’t with her second, and though it wasn’t terrible, the first and third births were much easier when she had been exercising.
Personally, I’m leaning toward home birth, using a tub, a swiss ball, etc., unless there’s some compelling reason to go to the hospital. I’m trying not to get “married” to a certain ideal plan, as lots of people have told me that things don’t always go according to plan. My midwives have been great-weight has barely entered the conversation, and when they heard my healthy diet and exercise program, it has never been mentioned again (I haven’t even been weighed at appointments).
Good luck-I’m sure we’ll both soon be telling good birth stories and inspiring other fatties to feel okay about the whole darned thing :)
seriously, the epidural is NOT to be feared. the needle itself? a big ol honkin pinch. and the anesthesiologist does NOT let you see the needle, so that’s good.
the doc i had? was amazing. just enough pain medicine to ease things off, not so much that i went numb or felt out of control, enough that i was able to catch a few fast kitty-naps to catch up from the 24+ hours i had been up since the last time i had slept.
things do not always go to plan, but that’s ok. the optimal birth experience ends up with healthy baby, healthy mom. everything else is just details, hon. :)
Thanks for the added reassurance. It wasn’t so much the needle part that freaked me out (I donate plasma regularly-bigger needle than whole blood donation-and it doesn’t fizz on me in the slightest) but the whole being out of control, not feeling my legs, not being able to move part had my “control issues” (we’ll politely call them) all fired up. I’m coming to terms with the concept that I better let go of some control as I welcome this baby into my life, so ya know, the birth experience might just teach me something I need to know soon after!
Hi Sarah – just to say you are not alone. I am also due in about 12 weeks and I too dislike the idea of the epidural because of the possible lack of mobility and sensation. And I feel the same way about a caesarian. I’m trying very hard to accept that I won’t necessarily be able to avoid it, but… I can’t feel _very_ positive about the idea of anything that requires anaesthetics. Or cutting. I don’t care that I wouldn’t see it happening. (And yes, I did think about this before I got pregnant. It’s taken me several years to get brave enough to go for it.)
I’m just trying to tell myself that in Britain, where I am, the caesarian rate is only one in four, so chances are reasonably good that I can give birth vaginally. And from what I hear nobody’s going to pressure me to have an epidural, either.
Labour itself doesn’t really daunt me. I deal with pain much better than I deal with numbness, to be honest.
Glad to hear I’m not alone in this. Best wishes for a positive birth experience!
Everybody likes to talk about their birth experiences! If you think you will want medication but don’t like needles, my advice is to try and get over that fear of needles. I was given Nubain while I waited for my epidural, and basically my labor experience went from extremely painful but lucid, to extremely painful while high as a kite. It didn’t even dull my pain — in my case, its approach seemed to be to try to get me drunk enough to forget I was in labor, and it failed. And then I barfed. The epidural was phenomenal, I felt NO pain until I was ready (I had them turn it down while I was pushing), and I felt calm and strong from that point on in my labor. Best of luck!
The long and short of it is that I have had two births. The first one was an induction (for sketchy “medical reasons”) that led to a c-section for “failure to progress.” The c-section was not an emergency. It was a direct result of the induction. I was not prepared for that birth. I read all the natural childbirth books, took a semi-natural class (not the worst I’ve heard of but not the best) and went into it kind of weakly thinking, “Well, what happens happens.” I didn’t get a doula because I was afraid that would interfere with my bonding time with my husband (hahahahahahahah). When I was induced, pretty much all of my plans and desires went out the window. I know a lot more about birth now and I can see a lot of things I could have or would have done differently that could have avoided my c-section. I do think it is a damn shame that I would have to, though. The people in charge of my care made some bad decisions that led to my c-section and I think it is mostly because they think that surgical birth is no big whoop. I disagree. I think that it’s awesome when it is a life-saving procedure, but it is way, way overused and because of its overuse it puts mothers and babies at risk.
My second birth was a vaginal birth in a hospital (also a VBAC–vaginal birth after cesarean). Not to be cheesy, but it was truly a healing and transformative experience. The biggest difference was that I had a provider who was emphatically on the same page as me, and he put his money where his mouth was. We agreed on what constituted a “medical induction” and that “post dates” is after 42 weeks, not 40 or 41. I did have gestational diabetes with insulin, so we monitored the baby a little more carefully but agreed that an induction or a cesarean was not something we were going to do prophylatically. Besides having a supportive provider (and a doula), I had a change in attitude. I was going to be an active participant in decisions about my birth. I had wanted to do that the first time but I was too scared to and it really went against the way I had been raised, that doctors always know best. Now I am a big proponent of education and of informed consent. I approach birth as more of a consumer and expect to participate in all decisions. I belong to a large local group of women who are all into this kind of thing and we discuss these topics every day. (Obviously I am something of a junkie about birth. I don’t expect everyone to be!) I know a lot of people who tell moms not to worry too much about the birth, or that it’s all out of our hands anyway. While there are some events that are certainly out of our hands, there are other decisions we make along the way that ARE within our control and can affect outcomes for better or for worse.
My second birth was really beautiful. I did use hypnobabies, not so much in the labor but while preparing for the birth. It was awesome for relaxation, and I am as big of a skeptic as you come. My mind would race at night when I was trying to go to sleep and hypnobabies took me to happy happy joy land. It is also a comprehensive course (as opposed to hypnoBIRTHING) so it reinforced the childbirth education I already had and reminded me of important stuff like staying upright, etc. etc. My doula helped with that, too. Being able to hold and nurse my baby right away helped me avoid a lot of the awful breastfeeding problems I had with my first. Heck, just being able to get out of bed by myself made all the difference in the world. I did not have an epidural the second time and had a HUGE oxytocin high after the birth.
Birth is a beautiful thing. Your child only gets one. A healthy baby matters, but a healthy mom matters, too. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job preparing for your birth. I am so excited for you! Raising a child is obviously life-changing and wonderful and something I feel so lucky to be doing, myself.
Our advice – and yes, I’m a guy, but also a dad…
Have someone around who’s willing to take a call from you at any time, and who’s in town. My wife’s water broke the night before Thanksgiving, and as I was running downstairs to let the dogs outside, I discovered that our Lab couldn’t put weight on his paw! Everyone was out of town, and I called everyone I could think of until someone was able to drive up (in the middle of the night, after we’d already left for the hospital) to our unlocked house and pick up our dog and get him to the emergency vet!
The other advice I’d give is to not have anyone with you that you don’t really, really want there. My wife was most comfortable with just me, even though her family was in town (and mine was actually coming down for Thanksgiving)! We didn’t tell anyone until it was all over, and even asked my mom to hold off visiting for a couple of days just so that we could recover and have a little alone-family-time. Best decision ever, and everyone understood.
There are as many birth experiences as there are women in the world, and even when you’ve had more than one child, your experience can vary radically from one child to the next. You’ll find the path for YOU. Trust yourself to do so.
It’s great to read other’s birth stories (and I have a zillion birth stories of women of size on http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org, in the BBW Birth Stories section) but what’s right for someone else may not be right for you.
Educate yourself about your choices, make as many plans as you can for flexibility in choices, but when you get there, trust in your ability to adapt and meet the changes and find the best way under your circumstances. You CAN do this!
I do agree that an induced labor is generally much MUCH harder than a natural labor so I’m not a fan of them, but then again there are women who have had relatively easy induced labors. You never know. But generally induced labors are hard to do without an epidural, and in that situation an epidural can be a godsend. Best to avoid an induction unless there is pressing medical need, and if you do truly NEED to be induced, to understand that at some point you may feel you need an epidural…and that’s okay.
Epidurals are neither good nor bad in and of themselves, and moms are not heroes or wimps for choosing to go without or with them. We need to have less judgment around them.
Women should never feel guilty or bad if they feel they need an epidural. They do need to understand that this pain relief does put both you and your baby at increased risk in some ways…..but if you need it, you need it, and sometimes the benefits are worth the risks. It’s all about making an educated decision, not about making value judgments about it. It does have risks, but it also has benefits, and if you decide you need it, then you have every right to it.
But generally, because of potential risks, it’s a good idea to try other forms of pain relief first (walking, mobility, water, back pressure, etc.—IV pain meds sometimes help but often just make you loopy and they can affect baby more than an epidural). If you feel you really want the epidural, it’s not a bad idea to try and wait till active labor is well established before getting the epidural if possible. OTOH, sometimes the situation calls for it earlier than 4 cm, so the decisions are always situational, not unilateral. You do what seems best to you at the time. There’s no one “right” way.
Tubs for labor and/or for birth itself are GREAT in my experience, but it can vary from labor to labor! Some loved them in one labor but not the next….you never know. The key is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and respond as needed. But generally, water is under-utilized in most hospitals, and the pretty tubs in the corner or down the hall don’t get enough use. It won’t take away the pain, but it does usually make it more handle-able, and it’s very low-risk…so it’s worth trying before getting an epidural.
My own births vary all over the place. My first was an induction-from-hell, needing an epidural, ending in an even worse c-section. Not a pretty or happy experience at all. I didn’t know I could say “no” to things and let myself be bullied into a lot of interventions. So there’s a lot of lessons to be learned from that one.
My second birth was a natural labor, no induction. I labored in water for a lot of it. The pain levels really were not that bad until well into pushing. However, he was not well-positioned so I did end up with another c-section. This one was much better, showing that sometimes cesareans can be good experiences. Like all births, they can vary tremendously, even in the same person. Still, it involved a surgical recovery, and that’s not easy with a toddler and a newborn. But I got through it.
My third was (foolishly) induced because the midwife convinced me we needed to get the baby out while he was smaller. BAD idea. Again, the induction was hellish, and my careprovider left a lot to be desired. But this time I did eventually say no on a bunch of stuff and was much more in charge of my own care by the end. I did end up having a VBAC, a vaginal birth in the hospital. It was GREAT not to have a surgical recovery on top of everything else.
My fourth birth was the best of all. It was at home, in the water, another VBAC. No induction, no obnoxious providers, just fabulous midwives, some acupuncture for pain relief, and lots of loving support. She was 10 and a half pounds, far bigger than the baby we induced early for, but because she was well-positioned, it wasn’t a problem. Labor wasn’t really bad at all, except a few moments during transition and pushing. Those weren’t fun. But with great support from my midwives and doula, I got through that just fine.
So definitely, you can labor and birth without an epidural without having to be a martyr or superwoman (I’m a total pain wimp, believe me)….but because in the hospital, you are more likely to be induced/augmented with pitocin, and because they are more likely to restrict you to bed and not let you move around as needed…..it’s not easy to do a typical hospital birth without some chemical pain relief. It can be done, but you really need good support. So I heartily endorse the idea of a doula!
I think the most important thing is to be educated about your choices going in, to be vocal in your right to participate in decision-making (instead of having it imposed on you), and then to be flexible about your choices once you are in labor.
Millions of other women have done childbirth; YOU CAN TOO. And during labor you’ll find the right way for you if you just have good labor support, respectful attendants, listen to your body and intuition, and trust your own judgment. There’s no one “right” way to give birth; it varies a lot from person to person. You’ll find your own way. Trust yourself.
WOW, sorry for the war-and-peace novel there! Hey, it’s me….I have a lot to say about birth stuff. But didn’t mean to go on and on.
One last thing though (hah!), if you are uncomfortable, a good pregnancy chiropractor can be a lifesaver. I have a FAQ on my website about chiro in pregnancy and how to find a well-trained one.
TOTALLY made a world of difference in comfort levels for me in pregnancies #3 and 4, AND it helped those babies get into an easier position for labor/birth, which is a big part of why I ended up with vaginal births instead of cesareans those times.
Just a thought! Pregnancy can be incredibly uncomfortable at times, and I was really surprised at how much chiropractic care helped lessen that.
Well Rounded Mama, I am not sure your first comment posted. I really wanted to read it!
Got trapped in the spam filter, Blair; it’s there now!
And thanks, WRM for all the posts. They’re awesomely awesome.
Finally getting around to this:
1. Being in your 30s has nothing to do with labor outcome except in the minds of care providers who may label you an “elderly primipara,” which means precisely nothing except “this woman is older than average.” As we all know, “not average” is not the same thing as “not normal.”
2. Being fat ditto. Here the potential problem is being labeled “high risk” just because you have a big butt. Or a belly that is the “wrong” shape. Or big droopy tits. Or thunder thighs. None of this has bupkiss to do with labor.
3. I get serious whitecoat syndrome. In addition, I would have had to take whichever OB was on rotation, including Doctor Short Cord, who believed that all placentas needed to be pulled on, and Doctor Eeyore, who told me that I had so much fat inside my vagina that I would not be able to give birth without the assistance of an MD. So I stayed home. People who knew that I was staying home and there would be no pain meds whatsoever on hand all asked me what I would do if THE PAIN showed up. The midwife, meanwhile, patiently taught me the difference between working pain and trouble pain, walked me through the stages of labor, and so forth. So when the pain came along, it didn’t “strike” or “hit me.” I recognized the sensations that mean that my uterus was working or my cervix was dilating or the baby was crowning. Crowning, IME, was the second worst pain. The worst was contracting around a mostly empty womb before the placenta came out; it felt like trying to crap a can of Coke. Post-placenta contractions also hurt. But they were stages and they passed.
4. I was a white-collar worker who walked some and exercised a little bit, plus I am a big fat lady, and my longest labor, of three, took 12.5 hours start to finish. I needed a few stitches once, went to the hospital to have a stubborn placenta dealt with once (it unstuck on the ride there), and got sciatica a couple of times. That’s about it. My midwife gave me some stretching, relaxation, and breathing exercises to learn and recommended perineal massage. I think they all helped.
5. The thing that surprised me most, besides the incredible speed of my first two labors, was the amount of time I spent on the toilet! I thought my first labor was actually food poisoning because my uterus was contracting, but it felt like my guts were on fire. Everything I had eaten in about 12 hours either came up or went down in about 1 hour. Then I was laboring the baby down on the bed. There were also brief spells of nausea during transition for all three labors. Immediately after each labor, I felt hungry and thirsty and my stomach was fine.
My best birth was the one in which I was like a cat, made my nest in the dark, no one watching. :) It was truly awesome. Painful, yes (I have some back issues from past injuries) but also transcendent. Hormones are amazing things. My biggest piece of advice, therefore, is to do that which facilitates your body releasing those hormones. Lots of things interfere with that — bright lights, conversation, inhibition, strange people coming and going, feeling observed, being touched clinically, etc. It’s actually really comparable to sex in that way — I mean, imagine trying to get your body sexually aroused with a doctor watching, you know? It’s a similar hormonal process with similar conditions that need to be met for it to happen normally. I recommend Henci Goer for facts about routine management of labor, and Sarah Buckley MD for the science behind what I’ve been talking about. Mothering.com/discussions is a *fantastic* resource for information.
Oh, and this idea about birth being “hard physical labor” is nonsense. Often it requires endurance, but that’s more a mental thing than a huffing and puffing thing and strength-based thing. It really depends on how you approach it. For instance, if your birth attendant is all “Let’s get this labor going by you walking around town for four hours straight!” and “Time to push, bear down as hard as you can!” then yeah, you’re going to be exhausted. It’s not necessary. I’m a big advocate of relaxing as much as possible and letting the uterus do all the work. Even pushing is something that normally happens automatically and involuntarily if you’re just patient (i.e. not insisting on getting the baby out RIGHT NOW just because you’re fully dilated.) I’ve heard it described as a “throwing down” sensation (opposite of throwing up) and that’s how it was for me. Google “fetal ejection reflex” to learn more about not having to kill yourself trying to get that baby out.