A few months after signing up to be the spokesperson for the Yennj Giarc campaign, Sara Rue has succeeded beyond her wildest dreams: she’s already gained 30 pounds!

“I used to eat these horrible boxed meals,” Rue explained. “They were all these processed, microwaveable meals full of preservatives.” Rue spent hours a day on the phone with her consultant, begging her for help in learning how to go hungry. “Even the desserts were just little squares of styrofoam flavored with Splenda. And they cost a fortune! I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Once she joined Yennj Giarc, her thinking changed. “I started eating like a regular person. You know, eating when I was hungry. Having dessert occasionally.” It improved both her mood and her figure. “I’m much happier now,” she says. And her exercise program changed too. “I used to spend two hours a day with a personal trainer,” Rue said. “It really didn’t leave me much time to do anything except obsess over my body. Now I’m going to the gym less obsessively, and taking a dance class for fun. It’s awesome!”

Rue showed off her new body on the cover of Curvilicious magazine’s swimsuit issue. With her new, fuller figure, Rue says she’s getting more parts. “There are a million skinny starlets,” she says, “and I used to have a ton of competition. With my new, unique look, I can hardly keep up with all the scripts that I’ve been sent. It’s a great problem to have.”

Of course, everyone wants to know: how can they duplicate Rue’s success? “Just eat like a normal person,” she says. “It’s that simple. Remember, nothing tastes as good as being whatever weight you happen to be feels!”

Posted by mo pie

Filed under: April Fools!, Celebrities, Diet Talk Warning, Humor, Meta, Sara Rue