What It Takes To Look Like Madonna
A reporter named Ashley Pearson followed Madonna’s workout, which is just this side of totally insane:
Our plan is this: five weeks, six days per week – one-and-a-half to two hours per day, which is what Madonna and Gwyneth do. We will do 40 minutes of cardio exercise in each session, followed by one-and-a-half hours of Pilates-based toning exercises… It’s unlike any other workout because Jonathan will change what we do after every eight sessions in order to prevent the muscles from getting used to anything and to keep them working hard.
Ashley Pearson says things like, “I feel awful every morning. People have started to tell me they can see a difference physically, but I’m too tired to care” and “he gently suggests that if I do need to vomit, I should make sure I lean away from the machines.” One gets the sense that this workout regimen is nothing less than pure torture.
Jezebel sums up the results (although you can read the blow-by-blow at the Daily Mail link):
Pearson notes that during those five weeks she almost vomited during workouts, aggravated her constantly aching left knee, and started avoiding stairs because it hurt too much to climb them. The workouts also took a huge toll on her personal life: she couldn’t concentrate, her boyfriend broke up with her, she was too tired to maintain a social life, and she was constantly showering or doing laundry.
Though you might expect that Pearson would realize after going through this “nightmare” that such a gym routine wasn’t worth it or condemn the society that demands our celebrities obsess about their weight, all Pearson takes from this experience is that we should have more respect for Gwyneth and Madonna… Apparently having a lower quality of life is worth it, as long as you’re 10 pounds skinnier.
Amen, sisters. And hilariously, Ashley Pearson’s before and after photos look totally indistinguishable. She’s wearing poufy clothing in both of them, and I defy you to see any difference. Her outfit in the “after” photo is very cute, though.
Thanks to either Nonk or Annie or both for the link!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Cold Hard Cash, Exercise, Gossip, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, Weight Loss
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I haven’t read the article yet, but I have to be a stickler and point out that her math is faulty – “40 minutes of cardio exercise in each session, followed by one-and-a-half hours of Pilates-based toning exercises” actually adds up to more than two hours a day rather than “one-and-a-half to two hours per day.”
I’m sure the difference will all be explained in the article…
The only difference is that in the after photo she looks a little more haggard and lizardy.
Looking at those pictures of Madonna in the article makes me wonder why anyone in their right mind would want to look like that.
The bottom one is especially horrific with her thighs looking less human and more like the flayed muscles you’d see at Body World.
Her legs might be a little thinner, but you really can’t tell with the black tights she’s wearing and the way she’s standing with her feet crossed.
I actually thought those photos were both “before” shots and scrolled down to find the afters… IMO, sooo not worth it!
I find it so depressing that after all that she didn’t decide that maybe it’s not worth it after all.
She has pretty stupid before and after pictures if she was trying to show a difference in her physique. She’s almost completely covered up in the before, and she’s hiding her arms behind her back in the after. Between the two I see no difference whatsoever.
Oh, but ladies, don’t you get it? If you can’t look like Gwen Steffani or Madonna in an hour a day, UR NOT DOIN IT RITE.
Uhg.
I have a feeling that the reason the author was sick was because when embarking on a workout regimen like that, thrown in headfirst like she was, you just aren’t strong enough to do it. Of course you’re going to feel like total crap, and of course it’s awful for you.
She was very brave to do it. The unhealthy part was that she did everything all at once instead of letting herself rest and build up to it. If you’re at the fitness level of Madonna or Paltrow, it’s not ridiculous! Olympic athletes train 6 hours a day 6 days a week. Not unhealthy at all at their level of performance. I think this point is missed in the above analyses…
Sorry, but WHY is it considered a good thing for a workout to include VOMITING?!?!?!
Anyone could lose weight on THAT plan. Unfortunately, they’ll also end up in either a hospital or a morgue.
Also, athletes train to enhance their sport/activity. Yes, they train hard, but they also train smart. Granted, the reporter should have eased into her routine, but i don’t think it’s a sensible routine for ANYONE.
(And there’s NO WAY IN HELL I want to look like Madonna!)
I agree with M. Of course if you or I or anyone with else with a normal to subpar fitness level threw themselves into a boxer’s workout routine, or a professional football player’s, or a triathlete’s, she would be sick, tired, and probably injured. Of course she would have a hard time adjusting her personal life and daily schedule around a two-hour daily event that did not exist one day, and was there the next. Make whatever judgment call you want about whether Madonna “needs” to do be as fit as she is. You don’t have to do what she does every day, on stage or in the gym. So don’t.
I’m disappointed that some of the commenters are taking away from this article the message that exercise is torture that will ruin your personal life, and it’s not worth doing unless you look different afterwards. That’s just bullshit.
I agree with M and MEP…
The reason why the author failed and ended up disgusted is she didn’t ease herself into the workouts nor understand that you won’t see magical results with drastic changes in eating, diet, and lifestyle. You’ll most likely crash, potentially endanger yourself, and become cynical.
If you want to look like a professionally trained athlete or bodybuilder, it ain’t gonna happen in a short duration. In fact, it may never happen as you want it. Weightlifting, running, cycling, swimming…these things are accomplished in time and progression. Two hours isn’t exactly an unhealthy span for a workout…consider runners or cyclists who run/cycle for durations longer than two hours. More extreme athletes and CrossFitters complete similar workouts to some Madonna enjoys – Tabata cycles, for example. The difference is they’re doing it for performance gains, not for feelgood before and after photos. Expecting drastic results in 10 days is complete and utter crap, as was the article.
The author could take the smart route – following a sensible diet and a daily workout plan with alternating days of strength and cardio workouts to build more lean mass…but then I guess it wouldn’t be so exciting to print.
The other question, though, is why should celebrities have to train at the level of professional athletes? In our society, it’s the “job” of (female) celebrities to have these perfect bodies that require these Herculean efforts…. why?
If it was just their individual choice, then more power to them. (I’m sure Madonna would be working out like this no matter what, for instance.) But I think it’s a deeper problem with our standards as a society.
I read this yesterday and thought you might find it interesting.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/dont-be-like-jessica-simpson-a-lesson-for-young-girls-everywhere/
Mo, I think it’s faulty to put the idea out there that female celebrities all train like Madonna for their perfect bodies. I’m betting starvation and drugs are employed just as often. As far as “do as celebrities do to look as they look” goes, which I agree with you is a societal problem, you could do worse than Madonna’s workout regimen and macrobiotic diet. Both are better for you than diet pills and/or blow and at least she’s not out there saying “I’ve always been naturally thin” like Denise Richards’ stupid ass. Madonna 100% does the work with her own body which I find inspiring and amazing, regardless of whether I will ever look like her.
Why does your friend the overweight triathlete bother with her training if she’s not going to look like Madonna? Are we assuming because celebrities are rich and it’s “their job” to look good, they don’t get as much satisfaction from their physical accomplishments as any other athlete, professional or amateur?
I agree with MEP, I am sure it brings these celebrities a lot of satisfaction to reach their fitness goals through intense effort. Sure, not everybody has the time or money to do what they do, but that doesn’t stop it being admirable. We admire people who climb mountains, write novels, or get phds – why is achieving physical transformation not commendable?
I’m with MEP on a lot of this. I don’t think all celebrities do this (and even it was discussed about Jessica Simpson). And I really hated this article, because it once again, scares people away from the idea of training (for whatever reason), because she’s in the hands of a trainer who, uh, forgot to EASE HER IN. Idiot. When I train for triathlons, yeah, my workout often goes to 2 hours a day when I’m coming down to the wire.
And if we all remember, Madonna’s primary thing was to be a professional dancer (and really, that IS her primary expertise — the vocals aren’t Diva-worthy but she gets the job done), and if you’ve ever gone to the ballet, you pretty much realize that dancers ARE professional athletes. And if you’ve ever gone to see Madonna in concert, you’d pretty much realize that she is, in effect, a professional athlete. I’m not a big fan of the sculped look on her in those photos, but I know few dancers who DON’T have a physique like that, especially in a pose where those muscles are flexed.
I agree with katiehope on this, but sometimes “physical transformation” isn’t even the goal. If I had two hours a day (when I’m employed, I don’t!) to work out, I would. Not even for the weight loss. I just enjoy it. It feels good. I get high off it.
Sorry to be a comments hog, but I thought about this more, and realized that it’s not just body image or weight that this is about. Now I agree with an earlier comment that it’s not about a “quick fix” or without giving up something if you aspire to something extraordinary. (And I mean that as EXTRA ordinary, as in NOT normal). Would we be all bent out of shape if, say, somebody wrote a whiny article about what it took to be as good a guitar player as Jimi Hendrix? Hendrix practiced his instrument at LEAST two hours a day, sometimes six. If anybody picking up a a guitar for the first time (or deciding they were going for Hendrix-like ability) did that headfirst, they’d be whiny too. Would we all say “That’s ridiculous” when that budding player was advised they would have to practice 2-6 hours a day? And would we be all upset when we learn that for the first few weeks, that budding guitar player’s fingertips were literally BURNING until they built up their callouses? That their forearm was sore from gripping a guitar neck? That veins on the top of their hands were starting to pop out? I’m not so sure we’d all be as hand-wringly outraged. But that’s what it takes to be a guitar player in Hendrix’s (or Vai’s, or Malmsteen’s, or [pick your guitar hero]) league. It’s an extraordinary goal, and could just as easily be dismissed by a Ramones fan who says (and just as legitimately) “All you need are three chords.”
Incidentally, for a professional athlete, 2 hours a day is nothing. Try 6 hrs. Olympic level fencers train 6 hours a day, and they are incredibly fit in a very well-rounded way. They need aerobic capacity, explosiveness, flexibility, and extremely short reaction times. Unhealthy? Absolutely not; that premise is ludicrous.
And I’m not saying vomiting after exercise is good. In fact, it’s awful. I’m just saying to not dismiss Madonna’s extreme physique simply as a symptom of crazy/caving to society’s demands/consciously trying to make other women feel bad about themselves. As others have said, she’s an extremely talented dancer who at her age must achieve a given level of fitness and muscle mass to minimize damage to her joints, back, etc. She’s getting up there; writhing around sexily on stage takes a lot out of you, I’d expect. And why target Madonna? How about Ms. Torres, the 40-something swimmer from the US? Talk about a killer physique.
I will put forward the singer Adele as a counter-example of a very talented up and coming young lady in the music scene who is larger than Madonna, at any rate. And as someone who does work out 2 hours a day if given the chance, no, I don’t look like Madonna, and yes, I’m happy with my athletic performance anyway.
I have to agree that there is nothing necessarily extreme about working out two hours a day as a choice. I do it and look nothing like either Paltrow or Madonna, that’s not the point. I think the interesting piece from this article is not necessarily the author’s experience (which, as many have noted, is not surprising since jumping into someone else’s workout routine is never a good idea) but the differences between Paltrow and Madonna’s bodies. If they do in fact follow the same routine it is interesting how different their results are; it says a lot about the natural dispositions of our bodies.
I have to say I was a little disappointed at the torrent of “Madonna looks sinewy and gross-ewww muscles on women!” comments I’ve seen about this article. I am very muscley, fat or thin, and when I was thin I had just as many negative body comments about my muscles and looking “manly.” Body acceptance is body acceptance.
OK, chiming back in. As a former professional entertainer, there is HUGE pressure for women to be stick thin!!!!
Madonna IS an exception, because what she does for a living is very demanding, physically. HOWEVER, she also once said in an interview that, IF SHE HAD A CHOICE, she’d work out less.
Most women in “the biz” DO NOT have a choice. They live on coffee and cigarettes and exercise ridiculous amounts. This is not speculation, I have seen this over and over and over again with my own eyes. I have seen producers and casting agents rip beautiful young women a new one because they’re “too fat.” I have heard them say, over and over, “Why should I cast you? You’re not hot enough. I wouldn’t want to fuck you.”
In any other industry, they’d get their asses sued for harassment. But it’s accepted because it is an industry that places a huge value on looks. And the young wannabees are too afraid, insecure and ashamed to fight back.
There’s a BIG difference between how and WHY a professional athlete trains and how most celebrities train. And yet it is these celebrities, and NOT the athletes, who are the ones being held up as a standard for the rest of us.
One thing I also consider when I read stories like this is that these women have the luxury to work out the way they do. When I see these thin celebrities, I realize that often they have professionals training with them all the time, they have people preparing food for them, they pretty much don’t have to think. The rest of us may try to work out, but guess what? We have have everything else in our lives to deal with as well. I still have to work 8-9 hours a day, I still have to make dinner and clean my house, etc. These women don’t have to deal with this. If I worked out like that, I wouldn’t be able to get most of my “everyday” stuff completed.