This Entire Post Is Probably TMI
It’s true that culturally, the responsibility for having an adequately-sized sexual organ is all on the guy, but a growing movement is noticing that hey, it’s not like a vagina only comes in petite. One girl’s hooha might be snug while another girl might get labeled as “cavernous” by guys in private. After all, it is the very gutteral origination of the term “a loose woman”. But when I was reading an article on the subject in the Observer and got to this quote from Dian Hanson, former editor of Juggs (is that really a porn mag? I always thought it was a joke), I stopped short.
She did say that heavy women tend to be tighter. “You’re going to see the most cavernous ones on little, tiny, slender women,” she said. “This is where, to the pornographer, these things become apparent: You say to the girl, ‘O.K., bend over, put your chest on the bed and let your butt stick up in the air.’ These little skinny girls? That thing will blow up like a balloon. She gets in that position, her belly drops forward-you can hear the suction. It will open right up. “Let’s hear it for the fat girls on this one!” she added.
Um…Holla?
You know, at risk of oversharing, I think she might be right. After all, if fat acts as a cushion or stuffing, then an extremely thin woman wouldn’t have any and things would be, er, roomier. And in this fat girl’s experience…yes. We’ll leave it at that.
What about everyone else? Anyone brave enough to spill? Hopefully we will get some BFDudes to chime in with the scoop!
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Fat Positive, NSFW, Question, Sex & Romance
I can’t speak for the skinny girls, but I’m fat and… ehmm… small. :)
IIIIIIIInteresting! Put me down as another “tight” fatty.
Me three.
I like to think of it as a cosmic joke on men who find fat women unsexy.
I have no idea how to respond to that! I never realized our size has anything to do with how tight we are. However, I’m big and have had no complaints and I’ve birthed 3 children.
Huh. Definitely interesting. In the spirit of TMI, I think I feel… bigger there since gaining weight and having a kid, but I’m not sure if it’s related to one or the other or age or what. I figure I’ll keep doing my Kegels and it’ll all work out fine (not that it’s really an issue or anything, but it doesn’t hurt, right?) I honestly thought it was the opposite way – I had read about larger women having issues with tampon slippage due to their size and just figured that was a “looser” thing…
This reminds me of an advertisement that I’ve seen around Austin for an OB/GYN whose specialty is vaginal rejuvination surgery.
I’m sorry, I have to call bullshit on this one. This smells to me like another “fat girls are great in bed” myth. I think body size has fuck all to do with sexual prowess or its attendant equipment.
I don’t have any data on this, but I think vaginas probably come in the same variety that penises do – all kinds of shapes and sizes – regardless of the bodies they’re connected to.
The most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a while.
Sorry Tari, my gynecologist confirmed this one. I wondered why I had to special order my diaphragm and why I needed one of the smallest sizes made. Yup. Fat chicks have fat equipment, in an “inward” sort of way.
Physiology is weird.
I’d have to agree with Tari, but I also note that there seems to be a sense (at least among certain troglo-dudes I keep hearing from) that fatter chicks will have more cavernous cooters. I don’t know what they’re basing that on, though, since they apparently don’t have sex with those chicks.
Considering I have only been with one small woman in my life I can say from a mans perspective that I have been with big girls that had and uber tight cookie and those with a cookie so wide…well anyway.
I think that you have a point on the skinny gals in porn having mega wide cookies maybe I will have to check out some videos to test this theory.
I really don’t know.. I haven’t tried out any other womens vaginas. I know that I don’t experience… suction. I have never really thought about it, I have heard about the vaginal rejuvenation surgeries and honestly thought.. holy cow what will they think of next to obsess about to the point of having to resort to surgery… just… wow
“fat girls are great in bed” is a MYTH? Say it ain’t so!
I’d have to agree with the post!
But I’ll also say that having a baby definitely makes a difference.
More cushion for the pushin’.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
I’m going to have to go with the individual variation option. I’ve had sex with women who were very thin and women who were pretty fat. The largest equipment (by far) was in the largest woman, who I fisted without any warm-up or difficultly. The smallest was a tiny slip of a woman. Given that my various dicks are all made of silicon, it doesn’t make any difference to me! Now that I think about it, doesn’t this new area for women to freak about yet again reinforce the idea that sex is all about the penis?
I think that’s probably a hard thing to measure. Muscle in the area plays a big part as well I would imagine. I am big and tall, and very small in that area, but I think my muscles are well developed there.
(Also, for people thinking about doing kegels, I highly recommend the ben wa balls, mine are made by fun factory and called smartballs they are attached and even come with a handy string! They make doing laundry fun, especially if there are stairs involved ;-) )
Glen, LOVE the term “cookie”!
Oh, and I’ve heard this one quite a bit.
And I’ve had confirmation for myself, anyway.
And why the HECK am I blushing???
I gotta call BS on this one too…I was tight when I was skinny and I’m still tight with the extra 40 lbs.
This whole conversation is making me blush. I don’t have an answer to the question, but I keep thinking of Waiting for Guffman, and Ron Albertson’s penis reduction surgery.
“I said to him, ‘Ron, you’ve gotta do something!’ And he says to me, ‘Well, why don’t you get one of those vagina enlargements?'”
I’m big and I’m tight, despite my adventurous sex life.
And, I’m not blushing!
Can I just ask, quite seriously and with no intent to troll, what’s the point of this? Is it supposed to make us feel better about being fat, because, hey, we have tighter cooters? Is it supposed to say to men that they shouldn’t go for thinner women because they’re, OMG, cavernous? What the hell? Is it really any better than saying, well, at least I’m not skinny because, look, she has no boobs? Is that even any better than a slender woman feeling superior to us because she’s thin?
It just seems unfair on thinner women to even go here, and it brings us solidly back to the notion that what’s really important about women is how they please men. And yay us fatties, those shallow men may not want to fuck us, but they’re missing out because we have superior vaginas?
No, I’m sorry, I like your blog, but I’m really grossed out that this is even part of the conversation. This isn’t about fat versus thin. This is about reducing women to body parts, again, and giving fat women a cold and rather demeaning “comfort” that says we’re only worth what our fuckability rating is, even if we’re higher on it than we think because we’re so freaking tight.
Hi
Wouldn’t available space in the area matter even more during childbirth?
My Mother was Fat and I was a 10.5 lb baby and she had me.
William
I knew a guy who insisted that skinny girls were tighter. I’m female & hetero, so I don’t really know.
I can say that I have been sexually active at everything from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, and I haven’t noticed any difference in my tightness. My current boyfriend & I find his equipment an EXTREMELY snug fit, though.
I agree with Myria. I’m embarrassed and disappointed to see this on this blog. Isn’t this blog beyond judging women based on their body parts? What IS the point of this? I’m just waiting for the onslaught of men to chime in about the sexual partners they’ve had that were too “loose” and ohmygod it was so gross and how dare a woman not be super tight for their sexual pleasure?
Why is that a dialogue that you’re actively encouraging?
I apologize if anyone was offended, but honestly, my intent really wasn’t to invite judgment (although I see now that it does seem that way) but rather a physical question on the validity of the statement. As mentioned in the comments, it’s pretty clear that it’s just a generalization, but I agree that it was a pretty provocative post, which is why I asked Mopie for a sanity check and allowed her to make the call on whether or not the post should be published. Really, though, considering that we’re a size-positive blog, is it really inappropriate to explore an unexpected stereotype, a weight bias that I’ve never personally encountered before?
What Myria said.
It’s inappropriate to discuss it in such a way that encourages generalisations in a forum which supposedly encourages non-stereotyping of fat people. It’s not more or less of a stereotype if it’s in our favour – and it isn’t helpful to put it up as opposing options, fat versus thin. It’s never helpful to talk about one body type as inherently inferior, as we, of all people, should know.
Further, I’m not sure that this IS a stereotype in the first place, or you would have encountered it before.
And finally, this isn’t just about weight biases – you’re opening a critical discussion about women’s bodies in terms of their sexual desirability, and there’s a pretty clear judgement on the quality of a woman’s body in those terms. The fact that you’re drawing the possible conclusion that fat women’s bodies are the sexually superior ones doesn’t take away from that.
I was tight at 135, and am looser now twenty years later and fifty pounds heavier. Of course, I also had three kids during that time…
Wonder if *being* a porn star might have anything to do with looser cooters? I don’t know that a porn star has more sex, or more sex with larger guys/dildos etc; but I could certainly find that easier to believe, and I could also believe that might stretch them out a bit.
It has been my experience that – especially involving sex organs or any kind – there is no such thing as a uniform human body. Nature seems to like variety, or something. So, I don’t care whose gyno says what – unless I see some verifiable data, I don’t buy that fat girls are all diminutive in the genitals.
I do think this is an interesting post, at least in terms of myth-busting. Like I said before, this is a new variant on the “fat girls are great in bed” bullshit I have heard many times before….and if folks don’t devolve into the fat v. skinny thing, or attaching any kind of moral superiority to any certain body type or body parts, I think it’s worth busting the myth. Thanks for posting it, Weetabix.
Just because this woman may see a lot of vulvas from the outside says nothing about how those vaginas are constructed on the inside. A wide gaping opening can lead to a fairly tight inside space, and the reverse can be true as well.
Vaginal tightness is largely a matter of the strength of the many layers of muscles that make up the pelvic floor, as others have mentioned above. Having a baby does *not* have to “loosen” a woman if she has been doing kegels before and all during the pregnancy, and if she has been able to birth in a position like squatting or on the knees. Good birth positions avoid pushing *into* the pelvic floor (and thus leading to tears.) Sometimes the outside changes shape after birth, too – but if the muscle tone is good, that shouldn’t matter up inside.
I think it’s good to know what people are saying about vaginal “standards” mostly to be able to avoid them. There’s so much emphasis on looks, but looks have very little to do with good female-parts health.
Big/small, tight/loose… all depends what you’re putting where, i suppose.
What you come equipped with doesn’t determine how good of a lover you are – it’s knowing how to work with what you’ve got that makes the difference.
Vaginas are elastic, a one time event such as having a child or fisting is not going to lead to a permanent stretch of those muscles unless a tear takes place, and even that is going to be the mucous membrane at the surface. The idea that regular penetration by large items is going to create a change goes against common sense. Even earlobes, a non muscular bit of skin, tighten in a matter of hours when a stretching object is removed. I question the common mythology about stretched out vaginas-is this some way of putting a permanent mark on a woman that a man has been there? Or a child? She is owned and marked by her past actions? Biologically it makes no sense, so what is the driving force behind this mythology?
Anyway, a tiny bit tangential to the topic, sorry.
I can’t speak to tightness, but I will say that as I’ve gotten fatter my vagina has, in effect, gotten longer. I used to be able to use OB tampons, for example, but now my external genetalia is fleshier, and my fingers can’t reach far enough to insert an OB. I SUSPECT that a partner would be able to feel the difference, and I SUSPECT that the feeling would be better, but I don’t really know.
So yes, we don’t want to make stereotypical judgements about all fat women and our private parts. But I do know that my private parts were different (not better, not worse) when I was thin than they are now that I’m fat.
What Myria said.
I will put in one vote for this:
I think that bodies, inside and out, come in an amazing variety of shapes and that how things feel are subjective.
However, if the idea is out there (which it is) that somehow having sex with a fat woman is inferior to having sex with a thin woman, then this idea or myth casts doubt upon that assumption. It may be useful for young guys (and I’m talking about heterosexual sex) who have a preference for fatter young women to hear this and have it run counter to all of the pressure out there to be with a thin women just because it’s socially acceptable to do so.
I believe sexual compatability is important, and for some couples, the “fit” is important, so this may come into play. Just as the size of a man’s penis is not the major determining factor in a woman’s pleasure, neither would a woman’s tightness be the only thing that matters.
I think it’s good to discuss this stuff.
There’s no way to say that fat women are better, tighter, or in any other way superior sexually speaking. But to say that we are just as likely to be able to give and receive pleasure is an important thing.
I certainly understand Myria’s concerns, but I just want to put in my vote for open and honest discussion of all topics. I think the original post and most of the comments (excepting my own) have been quite respectful of all sizes.
I remember Isadora Alman of the SF Bay Guardian advice column “Ask Isadora” addressing this subject many years ago. She basically said that although the exterior would certainly become more “plush,” the interior was unlikely to change.
An’ that’s as much as I’m sayin’.
When I lost a lot of weight due to an eating disorder, I got “baggy” inside just as I did outside. That might have nothing to do with my natural state at a healthy weight, or healthy rate of weight loss, though. And the entire cessation of my periods and female hormonal cycle might also have been involved.
However, somewhere around the Internets (I think it might even have been on a fatosphere feed) there is a post by a midwife, practicing on fat women, who addresses the issue of vaginal canal collapse, due to extra flesh, during speculum use — says it’s one of the complaint many doctors have about working with fat women. She offers a simple solution, which is to cut the end off a condom and put the speculum inside.
I’m not going to search for it, cos I’m at work — I’m just saying.
In line with what Bekbek said concerning our cookies elasticity, my doc told me that going without “the funness” will lead to tightening over time and can make you almost virginal again. I can vouch for that experience in the ebb and flow of my conquests, both flesh and synthetic.
Perhaps I belong in an oddities museum, then because I’m fat AND cavernous (at least that’s how it feels with my husband). Guess I should just cease and desist with the sex thing, huh?
I find this rather disturbing on several different levels.
Both my ob-gyn and my late hubby both commented that I was tight so yep, their “research” is spot-on! :)
I don’t understand how anyone could think this has anything to do with whether or not we are pleasing a man…loose or tight. How about the way it feels to US?! Either during sex or during masturbation?!
It’s just a conversation. Not a conversation saying we are better if we are tight. You could be tight and still be the worst fuck on the planet, might just lay there, might smell bad…who cares if it’s tight. I doubt anyone would NOT dive in just because you aren’t smaller vaginally.
I think you’ve got to be pretty uptight yourself to get upset about this kind of conversation on this kind of blog. It’s just an open dialog talking about the supposed differences in fat and thin women.
I also have big calves, but I don’t think I’m comparing myself to thin women or saying one of us is better. So there you go, small puss, big calves….there is always a trade off.
This sounds like a case for the Mythbusters! Someone e-mail Adam and Jamie, stat!
there’smoretoyouthanjustfat strikes the best point. why is everyone so transfixed on the male aspect of this?
I’m a BFDude and In my experience(s), there has been a gamut of difference from those who were crack-whore skinny to BBWs. With tight and loose accompanying each end of that spectrum and those in-between.
…and there’smoretoyouthanjustfat is right…most of us (men) aren’t gonna throw up the white flag just because we’ve found ourselves with a loosey-goosey. it’s all warm, it’s all moist and as long as it moves well and doesn’t smell bad…we’re usually game.
That should be far from any woman’s greatest concern, as anyone that would complain is no prick you’d want to have anything to do with anyway.
I think this was a great post by the way.
Vagina’s come in all shapes and sizes and it has a lot more to do with what kind of action is going on down there, the musculature and genetics than with fatness or not fatness…
I’m a big, tall girl and I have a tighter vagina…Only it’s a bit stretchier now that I’ve had a kid.
The muscle tissue of the vagina are pleated…a bit like an accordian…so it can all be stretched out pretty wide with some exersize. If you aren’t doing your kegals and you’re using a monster of a dildo…you’re probably going to have a looser cunny…if you’re using smaller equipment and doing a lot of kegals, you’ll probably have a little more tightness and control down there.
Honestly I think the kegal/pelvic tilts have more to do with tightening things.
While I have to say I can see how this may be construed as another way to segregate us into sizes instead of uniting us as women, it’s also one woman’s opinion who happens to probably have seen a lot of port stars vaginas. I think the information that I choose to take away from this is that contrary to the seemingly popular opinion, being large in some parts of your body, does not necessarily make you large in other parts.
I also believe this DOES have validity when we discuss pleasure focused on US, not on penises or fingers or tongues or whole fists even. If i am a woman that has gone my entire life believing the myth that my vagina is huge and cavernous and therefore I must not please my partner nor get as much pleasure personally, I am going to be held back sexually. I think that is just a given. By giving me back the power of saying “lady, your body size does NOT dictate your vagina size” you are giving me the accurate idea that my pleasure is not based on size or the ability to be “tight enough” for a partner. I only know for myself personally, but once I accepted my body (I dont quite love it just yet, but i do accept it) for the size it was, i got a lot better and being proactive about positions and toys that felt the best and also communicating with partners about limitations and also creativity.
Also, (sorry this is getting long I know). i recently finished a book called “bonk” by Mary Roach about the history of sex research and one of the things she talks about is a feeling many women have reported of “not being able to feel him inside while getting closer to orgasm”. (i wish i had the book to quote but I gave it to my mother to read, sorry) Basically based on research done on the event of orgasm, physically many women’s vaginas DO get larger at the very base. They form almost a “pocket” so to speak by ballooning out right before orgasm. To the best of their knowledge and research, scientists have figured it was a biological response to procreation. By ballooning out just prior to orgasm, a woman can essentially collect and hold ejaculate and then during orgasm the contractions can propel it forward toward the cervix.
Just something to think about, maybe those “huge vaginas” are getting close to orgasm, it is porn after all:)
let’s talk about clitori. Every guy I’ve ever been with has commented on the size of mine (apparently huge) but I’m straight and have no idea what a normal one looks like. I say normal because the porno girls’s clits seem to have had a lot of wear and tear, and they hang like giblets–scary. My point though is that there’s really no space for a woman to brag about her clit size, but the idea of a huge cock in enshrined in our culture. just throwing another penny in the pot.
I don’t even know where my clitoris is.
I have to say that I found this interesting from a different perspective. I’m definitely a larger woman and very tight. I’d rather be less so and would be happy if weight loss would actual impact the loose factor. It makes sex really not so pleasant.
Oh, and I think this is a fair conversation and I’m not offended or embarassed by it.