A Perfect Ten: Does Your Partner Love Your Body?
We all know that there is no such thing as an “ideal beauty,” right? And that we women shouldn’t define ourselves or our self-worth according to what men find sexy, right? It is with this disclaimer in place, then, that I tell you the preferred body type for men, according to this survey (link NSFW) in Fabulous Magazine, is a U.S. size ten (again, NSFW).
While the women stated a preference for a body around size 8 (US size 6), men were more interested in a slightly curvier size 12 (US size 10). Granted, both “ideal” bodies come in smaller than the average UK woman (who’s apparently a size 16 (US size 14)) — but at least this provides a little (more) proof that fashion magazines don’t always know what’s up.
The survey is interesting in several other areas, too. For instance, 77% of men said they wanted their partners to be more body confident, but…
7. Would you leave your partner if?
2% man said if his partner went up one dress size
9% men said if his partner went up 2 dress sizes
25% men said if they went up 3 dress sizes
64% men said if they went up 3+ dress sizes
Gee, I wonder why your partners aren’t body confident, there, large percentage of MEN. Also, 28% of men wanted their girlfriends to drop a dress size. At least that’s less than the 58% who wanted them to stay the same, right? This reminds me of the time a Japanese camera crew asked my husband about my weight. Did he want me to lose weight? Did he have some kind of fat fetish? And my husband gave the exact right answer: what she weighs doesn’t matter to me. Thank you, honey.
And thanks to Mychii for the link!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Feminism, International, Magazines, NSFW, Personal, Question, Sex & Romance
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Wait… there’s no option for “I would not leave my partner no matter how many dress sizes she gains”!! I call shinanigans on this survey!
Hang on…those responses to number 7 add up to 100%, so there were no other options. I wonder how many of those 64% of men surveyed would have chosen “I would never leave my partner because of her size” if they’d been given the option? Or how many of the other 36% of men would have answered differently if the question offered that answer? This is a textbook case of Bad Survey Design.
Bad survey design, indeed! Maybe it is just because I’m older, but I just can’t take those things seriously. I’d also question which demographic was targeted for the survey.
That is an incredibly bad survey design. However, even if you assume that all 64% of men who said that they would leave their partner for gaining 3+ dress sizes would have chosen the option of “I would not leave my partner no matter how much weight she gains,” if it were present, that still leaves 36% of men who *would* leave their partner for weight gain.
I can’t decide if I find it hard to believe that over a third of the population is that superficial, or if it just makes me really sad because it’s probably true.
Wait… there’s no option for “I would not leave my partner no matter how many dress sizes she gains”!!
I’d like to believe a lot of the 64% who picked the last option feel that way but didn’t have the choice listed.
There are lots of flaws, but I guess the heart is in the right place?
Bleh. This just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, considering this exact attitude was why I dumped my recent ex.
I was about a US 12 (at 5’10”) when we met and during the two years we were dating, I was pretty stable. But then going away to college in the deep, cold north (with all the being snowed into the dorm and dorm food that entails) led to me gaining some weight, leaving me at about a 14. I wasn’t happy about it at first, but then mostly grew to accept it as something I could deal with. He TOLD me that he thought I was beautiful throughout our long-distance relationship. But about a month after I came home, we had a “talk.” Well, more of I sat there with tears running down my face as he made it eminently clear that the excess weight (mostly the belly) disgusted him and had to go.
Thankfully, I’d discovered size acceptance before then or I don’t know what I would have done… as it was, my first impulse was to not eat for the day and a half after it. But then I realized that I was being an idiot and lost some “excess weight.” To be more specific, 165 lbs of asshole boyfriend.
So yeah, a complete newbie (but longtime lurker) coming on to thank you all and add my “WTF” to this.
Ughh.
I’d like to think that those survey results were not representative of the population as a whole, but probably not.
I agree — bad survey design. As for me, Tim has never had a problem with my body. I’d venture that I’ve had more issues with my body than he ever has, and we’ve been together over 9 years and we have both gained 40 pounds since we got together. I don’t think it would bother him even if he lost weight and I didn’t.
I just had to laugh while reading this. I am large, and happy with myself. Dress size? What’s that?!
I just finished reading EBFA . Move over Skinny Bitch here comes the firestorm, is how I feel.
Just in case you don’t know what I am talking about. EBFA is a wonderfully empowering book written by Laura Banks and Janette Barber called “Embracing Your Big Fat Ass”.
It’s not just a bad survey because there is no “never” option. It’s a bad survey because it doesn’t differentiate between serious relationships and new relationships.
If I’ve been seeing a woman for a few weeks and she gains a load of weight and I’m not attracted to her any more? Yeah, I’d consider dumping her if she didn’t lose the weight again. Absolutely, and I think anybody who would condemn me for considering physical attraction to be important in a new relationship would be completely unreasonable.
If I’ve been in love with a woman for years and she gains a lot of weight and I’m not attracted to her any more? Totally different story. The physical aspect of the relationship isn’t anywhere near as crucial as the other aspects of the relationship when it gets to that stage. I’d still want her to lose the weight, but I wouldn’t throw away a successful relationship over it.
And question 15 makes no sense at all.
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 9 years. Three kids later, my body doesn’t look the same at all. He doesn’t care, and loves me as much as for my looks as for my whole self.
Conversely, he’s gained weight over the years and calls himself fat. Meh. He’s my husband, and I love him deeply. Why would that change just because of his waist size?
My favorite part is the77% who want you to have more body confidence.
How much do you wanna bet that the 11% who would leave the girl if she gained more than a tissue’s worth of weight are NOT in that other 23%??
Right up there with the ones that want to “show off their hot babe” but don’t want you to spend any money on makeup or any time getting ready.
Right up there with the ones who say “I like women who eat” and will even ridicule you (“do you have to live in the gym?”) or whine (“We NEVER eat what I wanna eat!”) even though you’re doing all the cooking — and then turn right around with “Puttin on a few pounds, chubs” and Not. Even. Blink.
Sweet Jeebus, if they could hear themselves sometimes.
Now help me – how is is that we’re letting them run the world again???
No, my husband does not love my body.
Some months ago I asked him if he still found me attractive, and he answered honestly: No. He then clarified left and right that he just meant he no longer finds an instant physical attraction and he still loves me and wants me and finds me beautiful. But still, months later, this is still killing me. It’s unbelievably demoralizing to find out that the one person who’s supposed to love you just as you are no matter what no longer finds you attractive.
This is exactly what I’m always trying to tell my husband – do NOT harrass me about my weight if you don’t want me to be crying in bed eating Cheetos instead of getting ready to go out. If you keep poking fun at my big thighs, I will not be able to put on cute dresses. Makes sense, right? But to him, it’s “helping”. It’s “encouragement”. Yes, I know I need to exercise for my health, dear, but telling me I have “beef arms” isn’t going to make me want to bother. It makes me want to hide in the closet.
Ugh. This survey at least makes me feel that I’m probably not alone, at least.
And I’m off-topic, and my husband isn’t some sort of monster, I’m just tired of fat being such an issue, tired of feeling like an outcast because I have a big ol’ belly and Kohl’s doesn’t stock bathing suits in my size (that hour of try-ons the other day did wonders for my self-esteem), tired, tired, tired.
The answer to that question is “No, he doesn’t”. And he hasn’t for a long time. And you know what? I’m not crazy about his, either.
But in our belief system, the fact that you are less than crazy about your spouse’s body is not ANY kind of a reason to end your marriage. What kind of world has this become, that so many people think they are entitled to be wildly, ecstatically happy over every aspect of their lives? That sexual allure is the ruling aspect of what is supposed to be a lifelong partnership?
And if physical “imperfection” is the deal breaker, how about a quiz asking would you leave your wife if she lost an eye? A finger, a leg, a breast?
cripes.
superblondgirl, I can sympathize. When I was with my last ex, I was going through a difficult time during our relationship and gained 10 pounds and he told me he didn’t want a fat girlfriend (I am 5’1 and was about 118 lbs when we met). He seemed surprised when I didn’t take that as a motivator to get myself to the gym that very day. Meanwhile, he would sit on the couch and eat an entire Entenmann’s cake by himself and then go on some crazy crash diet when he wanted to lose weight. When I tried to explain to him that his words upset me and were not encouraging, he just couldn’t seem to understand why.
That wasn’t the primary reason why we split up, but it definitely contributed to the eventual end of our relationship.
Wow, nobody polled my boyfriend to find out how much he loves my size 22 body! Then again, I don’t look to him as my only confirmation of my worth as a person.
I agree with people calling out the poll itself. My boyfriend was sent Cosmo’s sex poll (because he subscribes to their brother magazine Esquire) and was dismayed that his particular preferences weren’t represented. For example, for “Your favorite female body part is ___”, the only answers were something like “boobs, butt, legs”. No “lips, thighs, feet”? How about “brain”? I mean, we can only have so much sex. Sometimes he might want to, you know, have a conversation with me.
How tall is this ideal size 10 woman, anyway? Also, do men really know women’s sizes?
BTW, a UK size 12 is more like a US 8 than 10.
I’ve always been large, so the men that are attracted to me know that. My current partner, who is making me crazy for other reasons, doesn’t at all notice when I gain or lose any weight. And he loves the part about me that I’d always felt most self-concious about: my ass. Yay!
My ex-husband once told me “I’m not sure I’ll be attracted to you if you gain more”. Nice. That would be one of a myriad reasons he’s now my ex. Add that to an ex-boyfriend who tried for years to put me on a diet, when I should have kicked him to the curb, and I had more than a little insecurity going there. It’s taken a major mental shift to focus on being happy and sexy NOW, rather than an unknowable time in the future when I achieve some unattainable body shape.
Happily, my current boyfriend, who says he’s not usually attracted to plus-size girls, finds me dead sexy … as he says “It’s not what you’ve got, it’s how you use it!”
Answer: yes. *I’M* the one that has had a problem with MY body in our relationship.
He does, and always has, loved me FOR the way I look. (I, on the other hand, was unable to believe him until just a couple of months ago. After 9 years.)
This survey? Is just another example of the quasi-macho bullshit that’s been going around britain for some time now. It’s like men think they have to counteract the fact that homosexuality is so accepted now, so they’ve got to go out of their way to act like cavemen.
This makes my heart hurt. I am thankful my husband is a sweetie whom I met fat, dated fat and got married to fat.
I have known men who pull the “why don’t you ever share a plate of nachos with me” and then seem miffed that a woman eating the same amount as them is gaining wait bullcrap and it makes me so mad.
I think these surveys are just plain insulting to men as well. If every man was so shallow then any woman who got old or pregnant would be automatically single. Thank goodness that is not the case.
In so many ways, lesbianism is the best revenge.
Signed,
Chubby femme with a puny, butch girlfriend.
I gotta say … the UK size 16 woman is by far the most attractive, with the best body! She’s in great shape. How silly to be hung up on size.
I’m lucky to be married to a sexy Frenchman who finds me hot no matter what size I happen to be. Why would any woman want to be with a man whose love/attraction for her was based on her dress size? These guys are losers …
I’ve lost about 30 lbs since beginning to date my boyfriend about 9 months ago… he met me at 5am in the morning (rowing at my university) where I was 20 lbs overweight, sweaty, exhausted, and fairly unhappy to be awake. And he loves me anyway :)
Since losing the 30 lbs, he’ll occasionally joke about how every time he sees me, there’s less of me, but it doesn’t really matter because he finds me attractive either way. He did, however, point out that he’d be so so sad if I lost enough weight to lose my ass, which he’s a huge fan of!
There’s plenty of good guys out there. They just never seem to be the ones taking all these surveys.
I’d like to point out that I can gain three dress sizes simply by going from one store in to the next. So why all the fuss over the number on the tag?
Yes, my partner loves my body, but he also claimed to love it when I was 40 lbs. heavier – back when we met & married. Of course, when I ask him now if he thinks I’ve gotten too thin, he jokingly responds “Oh, honey, you’ve got at least 15 lbs. to go before you even BEGIN to look anorexic!”
Also, I agree, BAD SURVEY DESIGN. Just the tip of the iceberg, from my POV:
1. Guys don’t know what girl sizes mean!!
2. A girl who wears a US size 6 might be considered “WAY too thin” for a particular guy if she’s 5ft11in … but if she’s only 5ft1, that same guy might think she’s a little bit chubby. Yeah.
I have to say I think clothing sizes are essentially meaningless as indicators of body type, for much the reasons iva says.
Also, guys _don’t_ know what girl sizes mean. I have a friend who used to work in clothing retail, and she used to tell me that after Christmas a lot of women would come in with clothing to exchange that was the wrong size (and not necessarily too small, either).
I don’t think it’s wilful ignorance; I wouldn’t always pick out the right size of clothing for my husband either.
We’ve been together for nearly 10 years. I’m another supposedly-average UK size 16; my husband is skinny. He’s seen me both fatter and (slightly) thinner and apparently didn’t notice the difference. Not every man is particularly bothered by a bit of fluctuation.
I’ve started exercising last fall and lost a few sizes since. My bf liked my body when it wasn’t toned and he likes it now toned. He says that he wants me to continue to exercise because he likes how I feel toned better. I know if I couldn’t exercise or decided to stop that he would still think I’m sexy.
I can’t begin to describe how surprised I was when I first started dating my boyfriend and he obviously found me very sexy. Now I’m 50 pounds heavier, about a size 24, and his attraction hasn’t diminished. He sympathizes with me if I complain about my weight gain, but only because of the way it makes me feel – he won’t stand for me criticizing my body. In the meantime, he’s lost about 50 pounds himself.
When I think about surveys like this, I’m amazed that people like my boyfriend even exist. But they do.
poorly designed survey!!
dont take this stuff too seriously. this is just feelings from some guys about their women putting on weight…but fact of the matter is that most men dont even leave b/c of that. they get fat too or lazy or lonely so that dont leave the relationship. or maybe the realize that size DOESNT matter if you love that person. bahhh!
if the guy leaves you b/c of your weight gain, he wasnt that good of a man in the first place. those type of people are the scum of the earth!
Most guys probably don’t understand or have a good understanding of women’s sizes and weight. Even I don’t understand how sizes work very well, women’s or men’s (because somehow you can have a 38 inch waist and wear men’s size 34 pants).
My boyfriend once said that we’d be the same level of fatness if I weighed 140 pounds (I’m 5’3″). He thinks he’s 30 to 40 pounds overweight when at most he’s probably only got an extra 15 pounds on him.
My weight has fluctuated a lot since I’ve met him and the only time he had a problem with it was when it put me into depression. My fat didn’t bother him, he just wanted me to be happy.
mosessupposes, how does your boyfriend feel about human cloning? lol
Who knows? Who cares? If a man wants someone younger, thinner, blonder, richer, or whatever, tell me to go for it. Find someone who loves you the way you are.
Sorry, I meant tell him to go for it. Need coffee NOW.
I think, from observation of subtle admiration not leering, that my husband’s physical ideal would be short, small-breasted platinum blondes with boyish figures. I’ve never looked like this and I know he deeply loves me. He fell in love with me, my brain, my conversation, my capabilities, and therefore I am attractive to him.
I do find my husband incredibly handsome, but this may be just because I fell in love with him. I have been in relationships before with people that physically were far from my ideal, and it doesn’t really matter. Its the same with friends, if you like someone, you tend to admire the way they look and dress because you generally feel warm to them.
I once knew a man whose appreciation of redheads almost amounted to a fetish. His deeply beloved wife has black hair – but she is the whole person he fell in love with.
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