What Do The Skinny Folk Do?
I thought this post from signalfire was very provocative, and I thought I’d turn the spotlight on it and see what you all think.
I’m really fascinated by fat acceptance weblogs. I’m not fat, and I’ve never been fat…
I live in a culture that’s very preoccupied with fat, and I feel some of the effects of that, but I’m not fat, so I don’t feel all of them. So when a friend who’s fat talks about being judged for it, or wanting to lose weight, and I say “yeah, I know what you mean,” they’re like “No you don’t”… I think what I should say is, “That must be really hard,” but I’m afraid that sounds too much like “Wow, your lot in life sure must be difficult, fat person,” like I’m affirming that they’re fat (because even if you say you’re fat, does that mean you’re cool with other people saying it? I can never tell), and like I’m pitying them for it, which I don’t think should be the way it works.
Bodies, owning one, living in one, it’s such a strange thing. Food, understanding it, relating to it, choosing it, also strange. Trying to figure out the healthiest way to treat the whole subject…that sort of becomes a moral issue, “good foods” and “bad foods,” “good bodies” and “bad bodies.” And I guess I sort of spy on the fat acceptance movement because there’s not a lot of other places where that issue seems to come up.
The whole post is interesting. She talks about “spying” on the fat acceptance weblogs, as if she doesn’t belong here–although my goal is to make this site about body positivity and talking about all these of interesting issues more than “yay fat people,” it does have the word “fat” in the title and the fat mudflap girl and all that. And yet, I’m sure many of you don’t identify as “fat” and yet hang out here anyway. Right? I hope?
I guess I’m wondering–not only about signalfire’s question above (bolding mine, by the way) but also, how do we make people who aren’t fat feel like they’re our people too?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Fat Positive, Meta, Question
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It is difficult. I think I’d probably stick with something impersonal like “People shouldn’t judge”, rather than saying “I know exactly how you feel”… a while ago I started trying to avoid that phrase (not just in conversations about fat, but in general) because… you don’t know exactly how the other person feels.
A parallel example: when my friends talk to me about relationship break-ups. I’ve never been through one, so I don’t know exactly how they feel.
Body image is a touchy subject, though. When I used to complain about my size, friends used to say things like “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself”. But in fact, I kind of needed to be harder on myself before I could come to accept myself… which doesn’t make any sense from a logical point of view, does it?
Better to listen than to talk, maybe? So long as you make it clear you ARE listening.
“Better to listen than to talk” — that’s really wise in lots of ways.
I’m the signalfire poster, and I’m glad for the chance to talk about this here! I really enjoy this blog.
What I’d like to do, when talking to a friend about fat, is find a way to express that we all live in a culture that makes us want to hate our bodies, without discounting the fact that being fat makes that a hundred times worse. You know? Anti-fat prejudice does affect me — it affects everybody — but it is presumptuous and unpleasant of me to say something that makes it sound like I think it affects me the same way as it would if I were 100 pounds heavier, or whatever.
Hi there! I enjoy this blog and other fat acceptance blogs immensely, but I too feel like a “spy,” even though I am mildly overweight and pretty darn happy with myself anyway. I guess my position, insofar as it exists, is that I want people to be happy and celebrated at whatever weight makes them comfortable. Also I feel strongly that society is grossly overly fixated on thinness. But I still see so much gray in this issue on an individual level, as I do with many other political issues.
I think that outsider or “spy” feeling is inevitable when you are in a virtual space where the issue has already been decided, even though you yourself are not decided. On most of the blogs, you’re not welcome to comment, even politely, if that means throwing your still-evolving way of thinking into the mix.
And don’t get me wrong – I understand why. These blogs are meant to be safe havens, not grounds for yet more debate on fat vs thin. Once you choose to go against the grain, I understand needing a space where that decision is completely supported and protected.
I don’t mind feeling like an outsider – it doesn’t keep me from getting a lot out of the site and the fat acceptance message, even if I’m personally not ready to take it on as a permanent political stance. My blog is kind of hovering on the edge of being acceptable to the fat acceptance movement – it’s about reveling in a healthy lifestyle, first and foremost, as an end in itself, but also with the idea that weight loss can be part of that lifestyle.
I hope what I’ve said here makes sense and doesn’t offend anyone. Thanks for asking this question – clearly, it’s something that’s been on my mind.
“And yet, I’m sure many of you don’t identify as “fat” and yet hang out here anyway. Right? I hope?”
“how do we make people who aren’t fat feel like they’re our people too?”
I’m not overweight at the moment, but that can always change, and I like hanging out here. I have been overweight , underweight, and in-between, and at every size have had comments made about my size.
I guess I lurk in a lot of fat-acceptance blogs cause I like the attitudes there, and I find that I always have something to learn about size acceptance and health at every size.
I enjoy reading about the topics that you bring up here, and others’ reactions to them. I always feel welcome to participate in the conversation even though I often choose not to.
A lot of our commenters and one of our bloggers at Shapely Prose are non-fat. There are great conversations to be had about the similarities and differences between how fat bodies and non-fat bodies and female bodies in general (and, to some extent, non-female bodies, though I see fewer men around) are treated in our culture. Signalfire and others should stick around the fatosphere, because they absolutely belong here. Not least because they’re so aware of the fact that they might not.
(I hope that last point made sense… I mean, someone who was going “yeah, but what about me as a thin person, I am also totally oppressed” would not be wrong, but would also not be acknowledging privilege. Someone who says “I experience this in a different and sometimes, though not always, easier way, we are all in this together” can be making a huge contribution.)
As for the questions, whether you can acknowledge fatness depends on the person and unfortunately you just have to judge on a case-by-case basis. And the response to “I’m judged for my fat” is “that makes me angry.”
“we all live in a culture that makes us want to hate our bodies”
I think that answers the question about how we make people who aren’t fat feel like they’re part of the movement. All of us — fat and non-fat alike — are made to feel that we don’t measure up. Either we’re too fat or our boobs aren’t big enough or we’re too short or too tall or too something else. Just being thin isn’t enough. For me at least (and I’m definitely still struggling with this), fat acceptance is really about body acceptance, so it can be instructive for everyone, not just those of us who are actually fat.
As someone who’s been in tech support for 8 years, i can honestly say that there’s nothing wrong with not knowing something if you don’t have any experience with it. I know something you don’t know, and you know something i don’t know. If we work together, we know more than either of us individually. Together, we can form… VOLTRON.
*cough*
No, but seriously… if you want to know about something? There’s something wrong if you don’t ask.
So next time your friend says you don’t know what it’s like? Ask ’em to tell you about it. Tell them you want to understand. Ask to compare notes. I’ve done that with friends of mine (of all sizes), and even when the sizes are similar, the experiences are different.
There are some situations where, if you’ve been there, no explanation is necessary… and if you haven’t, none is possible. I’ve been through a few things like that, and i don’t know if being fat falls into that realm of things. Some people say it does, others say no. Again, it depends on the experience of the individual.
I’m technically a fat person and I describe myself as such, but I’m not fat by the standards of many of you lovely ladies (and guys). So sometimes I
I go to these sites partly because I don’t agree and partly because I do.
Posted too soon! Sometimes I feel like a bit of an outsider is what I was going to say.
Oh, and…
Some people like the word fat, others don’t. I think the primary objection is when it’s used in a derogatory fashion, as opposed to merely being a descriptor.
Honestly, i sometimes stutter over the word fat, but that’s because i am incredibly weird and that’s a long story. So if you’re not certain of whether or not to use it, you have two options: ask first, or just err on the safe side and find another word.
Well, three options: use it and act like it’s no big deal. lol. Take the power out of it, as it were. :)
I wouldn’t identify as “fat” and yeah, I hang out here and read. I think the title says it all “Big Fat Deal”, like so what if you are fat, if you’re not fat, if you’re skinny, whatever. Now that’s not the way the outside world actually works, but I’d really like to think that the world would IDEALLY be like that.
First of all, while I do agree that listening is important… you do gotta say *something* so that people understand where you come from on the issue. Otherwise, people will make the assumption that non-fat people are thinking what the media or bigoted anti-fat people say overtly. And I think that ultimately fat acceptance/body acceptance needs to be embraced and espoused by non-fat people (like the lovely Helen Mirren) as well as fat people in order to make headway in changing culture. I’d rather risk occasionally saying the wrong thing and appologizing for it, than to say nothing and have people assume I stand with the status quo.
Not that I answered the question of what actually to say on the matter… :-D But I think that comes from knowing where you stand in your heart and responding appropriately to the situation and the discussion in front of you.
my doctor asked me at my last visit .. ( he was thrilled with my weight loss thus far) I am working on getting healthier and stronger.. he asked me which I find easier to accept when someone calls me fat or obese.. i said obese because it was more clinic.. and easier in a way to handle.. but not really.. I am a fat person.. and I am an obese person.. I am working to change those things.. frankly no matter how my body looks I would prefer to be thought of as just a PERSON..
Recently I had a really good friend confide in me that she didn’t like the way she looked in most of her clothes because she gained some weight in her middle. I have known her for about eight years and always thought she was beautiful. The fact that she’s heavier doesn’t change that at all, so after she vented I said to her, “You’re still beautiful but I understand where you’re coming from.” If I couldn’t relate to what she was saying I’d just leave it at the ” You’re still beautiful” part.
I come to this blog because you promote loving yourself for who you are. Fat, skinny, or in-between. Just because you’re not fat doesn’t mean you can’t identify with the human struggle of acceptance.
I’m fat. It seems anyone over a size 0 is fat these days (didn’t we recently discuss someone calling Jennifer Garner fat?), but I really am.
Thinner friends and family often try to show their support and concern for me, and it comes out clumsy or condescending, but I try to focus on their intent, which is usually good.
I like hearing from others who are like me, but I also appreciate hearing alternate points of view, even negative ones to some extent if they are sincere. Sometimes I try to educate, other times I just ignore them.
I do try hard not to let the issue become an us/them thing. I don’t like when people call thin people anorexics or skeletons or whatever either. I want us all to be loved and celebrated for who we are.
I absolutely believe that people of all sizes should read and participate in these blogs.
I also believe that if you have never been fat there is a way that you do not understand what it is like to be fat in this society. For me, it is similar to understanding that I can never, as a white woman, understand what it is like to be black in this country. I can get glimpses and have a general understanding, but in my daily experience I don’t live it.
What we should not allow is this difference in experience to stop the dialogue, or nothing will ever change.
“All of us — fat and non-fat alike — are made to feel that we don’t measure up.”
As I mentioned in my post, I’m really tall. Six feet in flat shoes. And I get all sorts of comments about it — strangers on the street asking how tall I am, people saying “Doesn’t your husband mind that you’re so much taller than him?” (he’s 5’9″) … one guy even said, “Well, I don’t know, I just thought, you’re so tall and you wear Birkenstocks and stuff … I guess I just thought you must be a lesbian.” Really.
Is this the same as being fat? Totally not. Is it a size-acceptance thing? In my mind, it kind of is, because I definitely fall outside the norm size-wise, and strangers think it is OK to cast judgment on that. That’s part of what I like about these sites and why I find it so nice to spend time here, even though I understand that the judgment being cast is different. Nobody, as far as I know, has wondered how I “let myself” get so tall. But there does seem to be a level to which people think I am not playing by the rules by not being the size I’m supposed to be. If that makes any sense.
Anyway, that’s a tangent. Sorry. Another reason I’ve been thinking about this is that my husband is overweight; he’s gained about 40 pounds since we’ve been married. He will always be a stocky dude and I don’t care about the weight — really, truly, honestly, but he does; he says he feels fat and unattractive and out of shape.
It’s so hard to know how to react to that. I want to support him, but I also want him to know I love him whatever size he is. And I hate to hear him being down on himself. You know?
i agree that everyone should participate in the discussion. I dont really think about whether I identify as fat, instead I always try to place the issues at hand in a larger social context. Sometimes I am wholeheartedly on the same side as everyone, sometimes I have to vehemently disagree. But I think its precisely the unique place that fat has in our society that makes conversation difficult as well as absolutely necessary. It seems like most people here have had varying feelings and perspectives on the subject throughout their lives, and talking about validates our feelings. Making the issue less taboo is a great way to combat the ignorance.
Wow. I never even thought of the mud flap girl as “fat”…
I actually have a post about that in the works. Hold that thought! Heh.
I’d like to see the fat acceptance movement be nicer to people who used to be fat and have lost a lot of weight. I sometimes get really nasty e-mails from FA people because I’ve lost 200 pounds. It’s one of the reasons I don’t go to many FA sites, even though I consider myself body positive, since I get the impression I’m not wanted around there.
I feel the moderators of this site are about the acceptance of all body types and sizes, but some commenters seem to be very unapologetic about throwing around derogitory comments about skinny folk. I will never understand why it is okay to make assumptions about skinny people without also giving permission to make assumptions — and spread misinformation — about fat people. NO ONE’S body is free from criticism, either from the self inside or the outside. As PastaQueen has pointed out, there are fat people ready to jump all over you for losing weight, just as there are skinny people telling you to “get off your ass and stop eating junk.”
I have been both fatter and thinner than I am now right at this moment, but the issues that go along with body positivity are always salient for me, hence my adoration of this blog. It’s a rare person indeed who hasn’t struggled with some sort of body image issue, and I tend to think that all those voices are valuable as we discuss our participation in a culture that actively creates those issues–and how to change the culture, as well.
That said, I’ve been guilty in the past of thinking that a thin woman has nothing to complain about when she talks about her body, that she can’t possibly know what it’s like to be me. I’m starting to come around to the idea that as long as respect and understanding is the goal–which, admittedly, it isn’t always, witness some of the craziness all over the internet–then there’s nothing to lose by at least expressing solidarity and the desire to become more educated and aware.
I agree with a lot of these comments. Truly, almost all women–and almost all people, for that matter–have dealt with some sort of body issue. It happens that fat is a body issue that supercedes most other types of body issue because there is a “medically sanctioned” hatred of fat, so fat acceptance blogs and organizations continue to be pushing the envelope of what it means to overcome body issues. But I think we all can rally around the problem of having others determine what shape, size, color, or flavor we are. As far as communicating that, I think it’s appropriate to express a *desire* to understand where someone is coming from even if you are currently unable to claim understanding. If someone asked me, in a respectful manner, “What’s it like to be fat?” I would be thrilled to share that as well as point out the similarities between my being fat and his or her being…well, whatever type of experience paints them as Other. We all have something like that, and that’s the cornerstone of compassion. :)
Hello hello :) I guess this is as good a post as any to come out of the closet. I too spy on fat acceptance blogs and I wouldn’t identify myself as fat…but I used to. I lost 50lbs my first year of college and ever since then have “spied” on the fat aceptance movement as a form of having mental support for my own weight maintenance struggles…
hello! i guess i’m delurking — i’m not fat, but i read this blog all the time. i appreciate the positive body talk, and accepting attitudes found here. and i am always interested in learning about the other side of the story; meaning the ‘Obesity Epidemic’. i learned a long time ago to question what the media tell us, and have learned a great deal about health and size here. :)
I think a lot of fats and non-fats can benefit just from understanding that everyone has something that makes them feel like the pink elephant in the room at times, and for some people, it’s being a pink elephant.
Fats, and fats-sympathizers. We all have friends that are thin and they are just as much of a friend as those that “get it”.
“I know how you feel” is never really a good thing to say to anyone. When is it ever not patronizing, or seemingly so? Nonetheless, real friends don’t have to worry about how to word their thoughts so as not to offend each other.
“FAT” is a word I use all the time. It’s mostly in a sarcastic, joking way. Just as with any word, it’s the intent behind it that really matters. I think saying, “OH SHIT!” and “OH SHOOT!” are the same thing.
Enjoy being fat or unfat, everyone.
I’m not fat. I don’t really think of myself as thin either, but that might be because we live in a society where it’s impossible to be thin enough until you’re too thin. So, um, a “societally acceptable weight ally”?
I made a comment on Shapely Prose earlier today about how I need the sense of acceptance in this movement. Like a lot of people, I’ve struggled immensely with body image issues and the sense that it’s OKAY to look how you look, that it’s NO ONE ELSE’S BUSINESS unless maybe they actually are loved ones worried about your medical test results? I LOVE that.
I’m not all the way there with the acceptance. I’ll admit that. But I’ve come a long way. I will speak up to defend people. When someone says obesity is a health threat, I’ll correct them and point out that while behaviors that lead to obesity can lead to other things, it’s not weight that’s the problem and furthermore why do you care so much about the health of strangers? I still spend too much energy about possibly worrying about gaining back the 15 pounds I lost when I took up running, but I’m happier with myself and that has as much to do with reading the message that food and weight are not all-important moral issues as it does with running.
Sometimes I feel like I should just butt out and any story I might tell about my dad telling me I was a slow fuck and should run with him is offensively minor compared to some of the shit people have been through. Sometimes I worry that I will come off as uncaring or offensive because I’ve been through so much less and, really, am only partway there. I can accept other people’s fat, which I think is something fairly rare in our society, but I’m not sure I could accept my own. It’s progress, though, and the FA movement has helped.
Do I ever feel like a “spy”? Not really. I feel like I often have less to say (but once I open my mouth…. as you see). But body acceptance (fat or thin or short or tall or muscular or willowy or blonde or brunette) is for EVERYONE and health at every size means health at every size and shape.
This is an important discussion to have. I’m the non-fat blogger at Shapely Prose, and I wrote a post a while back about this issue that some BFD readers might relate to.
I firmly believe that it’s important to have non-fat people in the FA movement, partly to get the message to them and party to build support for the movement. But also–and I think people forget this sometimes–people sometimes are fat kids and thin adults, or vice versa, or lose weight because of illness, or gain it, or what have you. In other words, people might have experiences with fat that are not apparent from their current body shape and size, so opening up the conversation can be really enlightening even to people who are not currently fat.
I’m a thin person, I’m 40 years old, love bacon and brie and am a gym refusenik and I have been a size 0-2 since high school (back when it was called a 4). Society’s approval or not, that’s just the way I’m made and I have no reason to think anyone’s body is any different: they all do what THEY do.
I come to blogs and articles about HAES and Fat Acceptance because I don’t think anyone should be limited by society to the sum of their physicality, as defined by race, size, good-looks or relative ability. That’s something that every woman suffers in the world, and I believe it is one collective issue for all of us, no matter what size we happen to be.
Everyone knows too many beautiful, wonderful girls who limit what they feel they deserve to punish themselves for minor or imagined defects.
And this affects us all.
I’m not fat and never have been, but believe it or not I can identify with a lot of the posts in fat blogs.
I don’t feel like I’m spying because a lot of what is written is about acceptance, feeling out-of-place in society, and wanting to be happy despite all the shit, and that’s something we all struggle with – fat, thin, or in-between.
I just saw the tagline “your body is a wonderland” and it made me smile.
This site is great for general body-love and getting people to be kind to their own bodies. There are moments though (and add my voice to those who have commented before) when the talk directed at thin people gets quite nasty… it’s offputting but I guess it’s just backlash and in that way it’s understandable.
I actually don’t know if I identify as fat any more. Might depend what day it is.
I’m one of those people who is right at the bottom of the “obese” BMI category, and who actually looks fairly average (not-thin-but-not-that-fat), at least with clothes on. I don’t suffer any societal pressure whatsoever, or not since I stopped being a teenager.
I don’t feel like an outsider here, possibly just because I’ve been around so long. When I started reading these blogs, I was somewhat heavier, less fit, and much less happy with my body.
I never actually lost that much weight, but I managed to become confident enough to join a gym and do something about the fitness., which made me feel a lot better. And, you know, I couldn’t have done it without the blogs, so I’m not planning to go away. I still feel I have things to say, even though, you know, I’m not actually suffering for my weight right now.
I’m a kind of lurker too–used to be fat but lost a lot of weight owing to illness and so now “pass for thin” to borrow a phrase. I love this blog for a number of reasons. Currently I teach in a Big Ten university where body image is VERY important and heavier students have a rough time of it indeed. In fact, I’m beginning to believe that size-based harassment or dismissal is as significant as sexual harassment in terms of the damage it does to my students academic careers, let alone their psyches. In addition, I think it’s harder for those students to cope with–we have sexual harassment policies after all.
The scary thing is that I think the students are less vicious than the faculty. The things I’ve heard my colleagues say (deans, no less) about heavier students (and I’m talking size 10-14 here) are positively chilling, in spite of the fact that some of these commenters are of considerable girth themselves. There is absolutely no question in my mind that size affects these students opportunities to get fellowships, grants, coveted lab positions, you name it.
So I come here for the consciousness-raising and snappy comebacks. They’re sorely needed.
I am technically not fat (size 8). But I FEEL fat and always have. I hate my body and wish I were a size zero (the only acceptable size nowadays). Only by being perfect will I be socially acceptable and be entitled to have dates and sex. I am ashamed of my entire being due to my size and appearence. I am now 47 years old. My ENTIRE life has been consumed with this body (and therefore, self) loathing. AND THAT IS WHY I VISIT BFD AND OTHERS. IT HAS GOT TO STOP BEFORE I GO TO MY GRAVE WITHOUT EVER ACCEPTING MYSELF FOR EVEN ONE DAY.
WHEW!
KC–As a person who is thinking about applying to graduate school, your story is especially frightening to me. I would definitely be interested in hearing more about the kind of discrimination you’ve seen if you are willing and able to share it.
Personally, I think that the goal is to have everyone on board the fat acceptance/body acceptance band wagon because the kind of things fat people face really do effect everyone in one way or another. The best example I can think of for this is my best friend.
She is not at all fat and never has been, but in high school her boyfriend’s friends were jealous that he was dating someone and they weren’t so they decided to ridicule her, and of course how did they do this? By continually talking about how fat she was. She was already very body-concious and that really triggered something in her. She became anorexic, was able to start eating again, but only in a dieting mindset, and then battled bulimia before going back to dieting. Even though things are better for her, to this day she sees herself as a person who needs to lose weight.
That kind of thing might not happen to everyone, but it could. In this climate there is constant pressure to fit the body ideal, we all know that, and even those who somehow manage to make it are under constant pressure never to slip up, never to age, to stay just as thin and flawless as the images in magazines.
And so, though it is a whole different experience to be harrassed for being fat, those who are not fat are instead meant to take that as a warning: stay thin or else this will happen to you. In the end, everyone ends up obssessed about their bodies and distracted from the things that really matter.
Did anyone see “Without a Trace” last night? It was about everything everyone is talking about here, and it is the first time I have wept at a television show in years. It hit so close to home in so many ways.
Spoiler Alert!
A college freshman is heavy and introverted, with a close relationship to her father. She has a good friend who, though he has some pretty intense feelings for her, smothers them in favor of acceptance from the fraternity he’s rushing. He is too goaded and too needy to intervene when a popular, affluent and good-looking fratenity brother schemes to pull his friend into a “rodeo.” (God, this is horrible.) The frat brother takes the young woman (who was actually not very big, and also happened to be really pretty) back to the fraternity house, and they commence a sexual encounter. She doesn’t know that the whole thing has been orchestrated so that, at the crucial moment, the rest of the fraternity brothers burst in screaming “ride that heifer!” pounding cowbells and whooping. Essentially, the intimate encounter turns into a sort of gang rape (group humiliation, rather than multiple parties forcing themselves on her. But still horrifying and criminal, in my book).
Fat-haterd in our culture is indeed an extension of sexual harassment. Regardless of your weight, the message is that while women are less than human, fat women are reserved for a special prescription of antipathy. The ultimate message is a threat: your body, which can and will change over time, is public property. (I know we’ve had some gentleman posters who resent our assertion that fat is a feminist issue, but what is the humiliation of fat men other than a punishment of their bodily softness, and a denigration of all things feminine?)
You don’t have to wear my jeans to understand or feel this. I am happy for any of my size 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 sisters to join me on FA blogs. This is about all of us.
That would be fat-hatred
I’m a thin person who really enjoys this blog, and has always felt guilty about reading it – which is silly, I know.
I am always interested in hearing what everyone here has to say because it helps me better understand someone very important in my life who strggles with their weight. I want to try to see life from their perspective, and coming here really helps me.
Thank you to everyone!
I personally think it’s something non-fat folks have to come to on their own. It’s the whole seperation thing that screws people up and it goes beyond fat vs. non-fat. Why does fat have to make anyone uncomfortable? Much less someone who’s never experienced it.
Thank you to PastaQueen for her comment. I have been told in no uncertain terms that I am not welcome at FA blogs. My viewpoints have been met with nothing but snotty attitude and even insults. Certain FA people have been really nasty to me!
As a person who has lost nearly 180lbs I have sought to understand the new place I occupy in society now. I consider the position of someone like me to be a unique one: Not only do I find myself being privy to the biases of people who don’t know I was ever fat but I have been rejected by people I “came out” when they find out I USED TO BE fat. That speaks volumes about how deeply fat hatred is entrenched in our society.
As WLS becomes more common, there are an increasing number of people dealing with the rapid transition it brings on. It comes with its own set of issues and concerns that I feel DO have relevance to some FA-related politics and perspectives.
Just discovered that PastaQueen did NOT have WLS! Down 200lbs without surgery?
Dang girl, you’re my hero! I’ll be buying your book. Actually, I’ll just send you money.
I’ve become a part of the fat acceptance movement through my recovery from my eating disorder. So many women think they’re fat, are *convinced* they’re fat, that I don’t know it really matters what size they actually are. As long as you think you’re fat, the world is winning.
Skinny people are affected by fat hatred, too. Everyone is. I’ve weighed more, and I’ve weighed a hell of a lot less, but I’m healthy and kind of happy and realizing that the size of my ass doesn’t indicate the size of my brain or the size of my heart. Just the size of my pants.
Carrie
KC, I’ll echo Jae’s request for elaboration, if possible–I’m all but certain to start a Ph.D. program next year.
Count me as someone who’s glad to have body/fat-positive allies of all sizes. It’s funny–I now weigh more than I ever have, and only after consciously covering my ears and going lalalalalalala as much as possible to the voices telling me how much I suck (inside my head and out), I’ve begun to realize how ridiculously distorted my perception of my body has been my entire life. Like, I’m fine (or working towards it) with the way I look now–what the HELL was the matter with my brain when I was heaping so much scorn on myself, at any and all weights? What’s the fucking point of all that anxiety and lost time? And even though we fatties are exposed to disproportionate idiocy, discrimination, and dehumanization under the guise of “concern,” I’m quite sure that everyone has wasted too much of their lives on similar bullshit. Better for all of us to recognize how important it is to get rid of this kind of thinking.
Hey!
Can I vote for (submit, whatever), “Consciousness-raising and snappy comebacks” as a new BFD tagline?!
With all deserved appreciation to KC for the turn of phrase!
Hi; I’m Michael and I’m not fat. And while I’m not up on the BMI specs, when I was young, there were those height/weight charts. In my life, I’ve never weighed as much as the chart said I should for my height. Which is to say, as a child, then later, a teen, I was called ‘lean’ and ‘slender’ and ‘slim.’ As an adult, the heaviest I have ever weighed (so far) is 147 lbs.
So, I’ve been reading BFD since about this past June or July. I found it because I used to know Mo in person years ago (Hiya, Moey!) and one evening, I was in a Where Are They Now sort of mood and Mo was one of several people I googled. I’ve kept reading the blog since then because… well, lots of reasons that have already been mentioned above. I appreciate the discussion, I appreciate the opportunity to learn what others go through. BFD is a pretty fun hangout.
I don’t feel I’m spying; more like, I feel I’m an audience to something I have not been on the receiving end of, but still identify with in certain secondary or tertiary ways which I doubt were part of the BFD plan.
I, personally, identify most with the Acceptance and Celebration message which I think extends beyond the Fat line, or even the Body line. (As has been pointed out, most people have some experience or another with feeling other, or left out, or unaccepted, or even unacceptable, even if their experience wasn’t about their weight. I have mine.) I mostly keep out of the discussions of the fat issues, though, since… well, I don’t have the ante (poker metaphor!).
I haven’t read any other FA blogs or materials, so my exposure to the issues signalfire raised has come mostly from those discussions here at BFD which I’ve read.
Again, I say the stuff I most identify with is the acceptance and celebration messages, but there are some instances of… well, what is it? Instances of lashing out? Frustration? Anger? Instances of… bashing… some Enemies of Fat. There have been (a minority of!) comments posted here & there at BFD which have disturbed me with their vitriol. Certainly, the majority of the blog entries and their associated comments leave me thinking, yeah, people should work out how to be kind to and with one another. And I really enjoy seeing how frequently the participants here are kind to and with, as well as supportive of, one another.
So, yeah, speaking as more spectator here than participant, there is, at minimum, a disconnect at seeing a message ostensibly about acceptance delivered in a militant, combative way (when it happens).
Michael, I took your suggestion on the tagline (thank you, KC)! I also added Mandy’s “Enjoy being fat or unfat, everyone!” Yay for new taglines! (And for being called Moey once more.)
what is too fat?? is it when there are lumps and bumps and over hangs when u wear clothes, if so why don’t i just buy the next size up and be thin? Is it because i don’t look like plastic fantastic, blonde bronzed and completely pubic hair free like the magazine models? is it that annoying noise my legs make rubbing together when i walk while wearing denim, (god forbid i’d never do cordarroy), what about the number the tag on the back of my pants says, or the nuber on the scales?? (by the way if u hate ur scales as much as i do but think its a wate of money to throw them away they make great doorstops, pot plant stands or sinkers for deep sea fishing) what about the back of my legs and my rump resembling cottage cheese? mmmm rump…cheese…mmmm mmmm back to the subject. What is fat?? what is not?? No one i know thinks I’m fat but im not thin, so what the hell am I?? I am coming to the realization that I am just me, there is no FAT ACCEPTANCE!, there is just self acceptance and it is very daunting, yet so self liberating scary and exciting and empowering all at the same time. I am me, and learning to accept that this is a whole lot more rewarding than looking at a number on the scales hoping to god it gets lower and hating myself when it dosen’t. I just wanna be happy, try my best to be healthy, but who wants a healthy body ( or what the media portrays as a healthy body) if u end up with a crazy mind, constantly thinking about calories and excercise, an eating disorder, self loathing and self torture, if orange peel bottom means happy mind and soul i say shake that citrus peel booty baby shake it till the cows come home. I just wanna feel free to be me.