First of all, I am very sorry about the strain this must be causing your family. Fearing for the quality of life and for the life, period, of your child is the hardest thing a parent can go through.

Instead of forcing weight loss upon her as the solution to her emotional problems, you should take this as an opportunity to strengthen and build a strong father-daughter bond. For anything you say to truly motivate her, she must know first that you want her to be healthy and happy because you love her.

Also, the first step in her emotional process will be to love her body. The more you show your disapproval of the body she has, the more sadness and worthlessness she will feel. You have the responsibility, as her parent, to teach her how to love herself. If she can reach that, than she will want to take care of her body in a healthy way. This makes sense because you take care of the people and things you love, right? If one hates their body, then one is unlikely to give it proper, healthy care.

If you are concerned about diabetes, I would definitely take her to the doctor to be tested.

Perhaps once you have helped her to love herself for who she is and not to hate the body that enables her to live day to day, then you can encourage weight loss ONLY as a way to improve her overall health. It is okay for a woman to be curvy and to love herself without being “idealistically” thin.

You could offer to help her along the way, however, those kind of bribes may not be a good idea. It would promote her to reach her goal not for her health, but for the “prize” she wins at the end. This has to be a physical and emotional journey for herself, for a lifestyle she will carry though with her the rest of her life. It cannot be a short term, reach a goal, win a trip, type of thing. Yes, it is appropriate to celebrate her progress, perhaps even by going out for a family and friends dinner to her favorite restaurant! However, it should not be with something extravagant.

Take this opportunity to grow with your daughter. Offer to join in and help along the way. If you love her and are truly concerned, you will find the way to bring her back into emotional and physical health. The ultimate goal is her happiness and self-acceptance. I know that you want her to be happy and healthy.

I hope this advice has been somewhat helpful!

Best of luck

I’m not your daughter but i could be in the sense that it’s taken and is taking me a long time to get out of the sort of situation you describe. I would say that what helped me even want to address some of the issues(health and otherwise), and ultimatly start to tackle them was an increasing awareness that I was loved unconditionally. In my case it was a combination of a growing faith combined with a loving husband but perhaps you are in the best position to accept and love your daughter right now, and show her that she is worth loving as she is. I am in no way saying that you don’t do this already but if people are treated like problems that need to be fixed it can just add to self-loathing and everything else.
It sounds like you are having all the right ideas, and i reckon therapy will def help at the right time….but being her friend and ally is just as powerful.
You sound like a great dad, hope you and she work through this. All the best to you.

Though I’ve not said much to her about her weight, other than a couple times saying I was concerned for her health (all the women on her mother’s side – but not her mother – are big women and have diabetes), I feel I need to do or say something, but don’t know what. Would positive incentives be effective – i.e., money for each pound lost; promise of a carribean trip when she meets a goal, etc??
What can I do?

Any advice would be appreciated.
Joe