Michaele Salahi poses in a bikini for [InTouch] and then says she is not an anorexic and that she eats plenty and that if people would get out and move they would look just like her. Eating plenty huh? Want to know what she eats everyday? In the morning she has a bowl of cereal and at night she has a salad with some grilled chicken in it. No lunch or anything else the entire day. Umm, how does she even have the energy to move around…

Not to be outdone, Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel says the way she lost 33 pounds after pregnancy was to “Taste everything, eat nothing.” Umm, that sounds like one of the favorite tricks of anorexia. .. What [the tabloids] have done is put two incredibly skinny women in bikinis in their magazine and said they basically don’t eat. That is the only way you will look like them and the tabloids seem to be celebrating it. That is wrong, wrong wrong. If you are naturally skinny, then great. You are just as sexy as the curvy person or the overweight person. What I don’t like is they are saying the only way to be sexy is to be thin and to not eat. That is wrong.

I think we’re all pretty familiar with the hypocrisy of the tabloids by now. But still, as long as they keep printing this, it’s good to keep saying it: these messages are damaging and dangerous. And the Real Housewives may be, right at this very moment, the number one thing that’s holding back contemporary feminism. Well, them and Heidi Montag.

Dear BFD,

First, thanks for adding an Ask BFD category. I love your blog and the FA blogosphere so much- I wish I’d known about it in high school! :) Reading these blogs are very rewarding, but yet difficult for me because of cognitive dissonance. How can you be a fat positive advocate, and a good friend and influence when it comes to body positivity for the people around you, when you still struggle with accepting yourself?

Obviously, the world we live in is still very judgmental, which is what a lot of blogs often discuss. My problem, though, is just as often me. Being college-age now, my sister and some of my dearest friends struggle with eating disorders, so body positivity and self-esteem are an important issue for me. But as someone who struggled with eating disorders herself, and who still sometimes -hates- her body at a ‘healthy BMI’, and what most people would call an average size- I often feel fatter now than when I was
obese- how can I counsel self-love without being a hypocrite? How can you keep from triggering the people around you when you’re trying to keep losing weight yourself?

I am the biggest HAES advocate believer you can imagine, and the last thing I want to do is spread any more negative energy into the world. I am a radical liberal and feminist, and many of the women I personally find attractive are bigger than me- Beth Ditto is one of the most fashionable, inspiring, and talented women I have ever seen, for instance, and I have the most monstrous crush on Hayley Hasselhoff from Huge. But this just doesn’t transfer to my own behavior and self-image. I want to be a good role model to the girls around me, and I think my problem is one a lot more common than some people think. The only analogy I can think of is being straight in a gay pride parade, except it’s probably closer to being a secretly self-hating gay- how can you support this cause when you’re one of those girls who are technically the ‘enemy?’

I know I’m a work in progress, and I try every day to become a happier, more self-loving person, but eating disorders don’t just go away just like that, or even just the puerile teenage insecurities every woman’s faced sometimes. Thanks for reading this, and I’d love any advice on how to still be an advocate for others, even with my own problems. Most of all, I love my sister more than anything, and I fear the effect I have on her sometimes. Does anyone else have this problem, and what do you do? Thanks for your time!

Gratefully,
Barnardgirl

This is such a great question, Barnardgirl, and thanks for sending it in!

First of all, I think you’re making an assumption that isn’t true: that somehow, all FA advocates are perfect models of self-esteem and self-love. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who doesn’t still struggle with these issues sometimes. I still “feel fat” and unattractive sometimes, I still get my feelings hurt by petty fatism, I still have a semi-disordered relationship with food—I’m not immune, and I honestly don’t think anyone is.

So, be careful with things like calling yourself “the enemy.” You’re fighting a lifetime of messages that there’s something wrong with your body, and at least you’re thinking about these issues. You’re doing the best you can.

So, first of all, I would advise you to keep doing what you’re already doing—read and participate in blogs like this one and other feminist and fatosphere blogs, replace Cosmo and Vogue with Ms. and Fatshionista, and keep working on internalizing emotionally what you’ve already accepted intellectually.

As for your sister, I have a sister myself, and I appreciate your desire to be a good role model for her, as well as for your friends. All I can say is, resist the urge to participate in Fat Talk as a form of bonding, keep preaching the gospel of HAES and modeling it as best you can, and keep reading for the readers’ advice in the comments. Readers—what advice can you give Barnardgirl?

It’s just mean, scary and damaging to all the poor innocent girls who ALREADY feel like Shamu incarnate because their legs don’t look like whats-her-nuts on Gossip Girl. Can you imagine? You’re walking through the mall, pulling your ill-advised American Eagle shorties out of your wedge and wishing you hadn’t cut your bangs, all while sizing up the nearby cookie cafe for sweet refuge from inadequacy. All of a sudden, Waif McKnobbleknees strolls out of Urban Outfitters wearing THIS hanging off her collarbone, glaring at you with her sunken eyes. She might as well wear a sandwich board that says, “HEY, FATTIES! Y’ALL LOOK LIKE HELL! LOLZ!”

A couple of points: one, of course, it’s beautiful and normal and lovely to be waif-like or to have knobby knees, and it does not automatically mean you have an eating disorder, but you should still not wear this T-shirt. Two, this shirt is being criticized as “pro-ana.” Is it?

The disingenuous description on the Urban Outfitters website is:

Eat less or more or however much you’d like in this seriously soft knit tee cut long and topped with a v-neck.

And in case you’re curious, they come in extra-small, small, medium, or large. So, what do you think the message of the shirt is? Are you offended by it?

I started modeling in 1998, at the age of 19, at 5’11″ (180 cm) and 120 pounds (55 kg). I grew up hating my body. I was always too tall and too thin. I loathed every encounter with the school nurse (she used to ask if my parents fed me), and by the time I was 13, I had acknowledged the fact that I was labeled a freak by the society around me. I can’t even remember how many times I have been asked (sometimes by total strangers on the street) if I had an eating disorder. Both of my parents are tall and thin, as are my siblings, but my body was the freakiest of all. I felt abnormal, and now in hindsight I wonder if I felt like that only because of the mean comments people made. I have a feeling I would have developed a more normal relationship with my body if I had been allowed to be who I was.

2.    The totally reliable Examiner is claiming that Megan Fox was kicked off the Transformers 3 set for being “too skinny.”

Fox and Transformers director Michael Bay had a “huge row” over her weight. The 24-year-old stormed out after the blow-up after Bay called her “unhealthy”.

“[Bay] thinks she has lost too much weight and looks too frail. He wanted her to put on some weight and it all kicked off.”

Bay wasn’t the only one concerned with Megan Fox’s weight loss. Even the crew said she was far from sexy and more a “gaunt, pale image”.

3.    The L.A. Times covers the fat celebrities who make their money (and careers) from their size. (Goddamn it, Kirstie Alley.)

Welcome to the era of the fat celebrity. No longer is it shameful, shocking or a career killer for the famous to make weight struggles the centerpiece of their lives. In fact, they’re making money off of it.

“Fat celebrities are particularly irresistible because in the real culture people are constantly struggling with what’s wrong with their bodies,” says University of Colorado law professor Paul Campos, author of “The Obesity Myth: Why America’s Obsession With Weight Is Hazardous to Your Health.” “People can identify with that, and this is another way of tapping into the fascination with celebrities as being both unique but somehow just like us.”

4.    iVillage is throwing a contest—who loves themselves the most?

iVillage Beauty & Style is all about making women feel confident. Whether through a perfect manicure, a head-turning dress, or your go-to lipstick, iVillage encourages you to express your personal style with pride.

Upload a photo and sound clip of yourself, talking about how hot you are and why, on IVillage’s fotobabble site and maybe win $500.

5.    Check out Letters to My Body, a very cool community-based body image project that you can join.

The purpose Letters to My Body (LTMB) is to serve as a catalyst for open discussion and free speaking about the positive and negative feelings that we have concerning our bodies.  The hope is that through an anonymous vessel such as a letter, we can begin to heal the wounds that have been cultivated over our lifetimes, and also to praise our bodies and recognize that they are beautiful–no matter what shape, size, or condition.

In addition, I hope that Letters to My Body will bring awareness to the countless women and men who suffer from eating disorders.  I want this silent disease to stop being so silent.

Oprah once ordered two pecan pies from room service and *shudder* ATE THEM BOTH!! And what, Kitty Kelley? The earth tilted on its axis from Oprah’s subsequent weight gain? As I’ve mentioned many times before in this blog, I’m a food addict, and if indeed Oprah suffers from the same problem (which I personally think she does) eating two pies in a sitting ain’t no thang. I have, after a particularly bad day, personally inhaled a whole pizza and chased it with a cheesecake.

Of course, people are reading this to reinforce “Gross! fat people and their fat eating!” instead of thinking about binge eating as an actual disorder, along the lines of the comparatively (and incorrectly) glamorized anorexia and bulimia. No, it’s just, let’s lash out at Oprah, a powerful woman of color, and target something foolproof: her weight.

2. This article about reframing the war on obesity makes a few good points, but there’s also quite a bit of fat shaming.

Instead of having a discussion about obesity, I wish it could be framed in the language of “nutrition” or “nourishment.” Because I’d like to include all the kids, fat and thin, big and small, in a larger discussion of food.

I see lots of thin kids at school and they are eating the same foods as the obese kids. Are they eating the right calories and fats to nourish their bodies? Somehow I don’t think so… [it's just that] in our thin world it’s easy to say “let’s fight fat!”

Apparently originally, the blogger wrote “…being obese is a big problem and if you are overweight, you did something to get there.” People took issue in the comments, but I saw a lot of “don’t blame kids, blame their fat, lazy parents!” The full comment has been edited out, but the “being obese is a big problem” is still there.

3. And speaking of kids, PETA strikes again!

The advertisement? “Tot Teetering on Childhood Obesity? Go Vegan!” You know the fools at PETA were all, “OMG HILARIOUS PLAY ON TEETER-TOTTER OMG HIGH FIVE!!!”

Ugh, this kills me. I know getting upset about PETA’s press releases is completely futile* but still I rise. Can you imagine a little fat kid (who, btw, is already teased mercilessly because kids are the motherflipping MEANEST) coming to the playground and seeing those teeter-totters? Stunts like this don’t turn kids vegan but I bet they could turn them suicidal. Further, how many fat kids do you know who venture near a teeter-totter anyway, it’s already ground for public humiliation. Way to know your audience, PETA!

And what of all the thin kids with malnutrition and fast food diets? There are tons of them, believe it. Just because they’re skinny, they get a free pass? Thin does not healthy make. What a crappy lesson all the way around.

4. An interesting article about classism in Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution:

Food Revolution highlights how much of the war on obesity is rooted in classism. One scene shows Oliver reacting to a newspaper article that suggests he thinks the people of Huntington are cola-swilling rubes who think an apple is just a character in the Bible. So most of his time isn’t spent cooking, it’s spent convincing residents he doesn’t look down on them. It’ll be an uphill battle. Advice on better eating isn’t evaluated on the quality of the advice as much as on its source. The lower-middle class doesn’t want to be lectured by a more well-off person about how easy and worthwhile upgrading one’s diet is, because the immediate thought is, sure, easy for you, perhaps. When Oliver arrives in Huntington with his British accent and his crates of radicchio, he’s dooming himself from the start. He’s not only a rich guy, he’s a rich British guy, thumbing his nose at our good, old-fashioned American preservatives.

5. The Curvy Fashionista came to Igigi with a group of us last week, and she is awesome. Maybe now that I’ve decided to follow her around like a baby duckling in search of fashion advice, I’ll be plugged in more to events like these.

Thanks to Michelle, Rebecca, Aych, Ian, and Jess for the links!

“I’m on a raw-food diet,” says Seyfried. “It’s intense, and sort of awful. Yesterday for lunch? Spinach and some seeds… If I didn’t run and work out, there’s no way I would be this thin. But I have to stay in shape because I’m an actress.” She adds: “It’s fucked up and twisted, but I wouldn’t get the roles otherwise. If I had been bigger, I don’t think they would have cast me for Mamma Mia! “

Here’s the really depressing quote:

“I’m not a beautiful prom-girl type,” she has said. “It’s very easy for me to gain weight. Even though I tried not eating for a week when I was really young, I couldn’t do it any longer because I liked my food too much.”

Oh honey. It’s not that you “liked food too much,” it’s that NOT EATING FOR A WEEK IS FUCKING INSANE. Also, it’s called “starvation.”

The pattern, the Times posits, is that slim people are “fed up” with the obese. Some choice quotes, bolding mine:

Michael Kellner, a trim, 37-year-old public relations professional who lives in San Francisco, is among the disgusted: “I am completely and utterly frustrated with rising healthcare costs due to the deluge of fat Americans taxing the healthcare system. I’m in shape and have been all my life because I don’t soothe myself with food all day.”

Way to snap judge, there, Michael Kellner! And you’re so right on. In fact, after reading your quote, I had to go “soothe myself” with a can of frosting, which I licked off my fingers because I couldn’t be bothered to find a spoon.

Actually now I’m thinking about the whole issue of self-medicating with food. I’ve done it: gained weight during periods of great stress, partially because I learned to associate food with comfort and love as a child. I’m sure I’m not alone. But it doesn’t mean some asshole like this Kellner guy knows what the fuck he’s talking about, or has a right to judge fat people on that basis. Sometimes self-medicating with food in response to legitimate stress is a better alternative to things like suicide or alcoholism. And you can’t, obviously, assume that thin people never do something and fat people always do something, which I think is the salient point. Anyway, moving on.

Los Angeles actor Jim Dailakis feels most frustrated with the fat issue when he travels. “I understand some people have issues that are uncontrollable. However, why is it that if I say anything about being stuck between two huge people on an airplane, I’m being politically incorrect? I work out religiously, watch what I eat and am very healthy. Yes, I’m fed up with it.”

I think we’ve talked the issue of discomfort on airplanes into the ground, haven’t we? The hypocricy of obese people being targeted for making others uncomfortable when, A) they’re uncomfortable themselves, because airplanes suck; and B) it’s a horrible self-conscious experience to fly while fat anyway; and C) you don’t see people attacking parents who bring crying, screaming, or seat-kicking children, who also make flying uncomfortable. We all know all of this, so… moving on again.

“In our society, being heavy has become more of a stigma lately because we’re struggling with other issues of consumption,” says Abigail Saguy, associate professor of sociology at UCLA. The economic climate, a recent history of people buying more than they can afford as well as environmental issues, including the depletion of our planet’s resources, are making people feel more angry about society’s overconsumption, she says. Obviously overweight people are an easy target… If people feel they’re sacrificing, then see someone spilling over an airplane seat, they feel angry that that person is not making the same sacrifices they are.

This is an interesting theory. In fact, it’s the central metaphor of Wall-E, which we’ve discussed before.

If public health officials, employers and still-slim Americans channel their concerns properly, it will have a positive effect, health experts say. “There’s no better example of what happens when public health takes on an issue than what we’ve seen happen with tobacco over the past 10 years…” “Not long ago, the thought of not allowing people in a building to smoke wasn’t realistic; now it’s common. Similarly, in some schools the thought of banning sugary drinks and junk food seems completely unrealistic, but that will change too. The changes will meet resistance, but over time, healthy ideas will gain acceptance.”

Once again, I hope people who want to ban junk food in schools (which I’m obviously not against) will stop demonizing fat people en route to enacting positive change. And also, the idea that it’s only “still-slim Americans” who will have a voice about public health is really, dangerously fucked up.

So, that’s a lot of ground to cover in one post. What do you guys think?

Thanks to @Knifemouth for the link!

Here’s something I hadn’t thought about before. The definition of binge-eating disorder (BED) says that binges involve eating more food than most people would expect you to eat in a relatively short time. So what if all of the people in your world don’t find your eating out of the ordinary?

Another way of asking this question: Could the definition of BED be culturally-dependent? A blurb about a recent study suggests that black women meet BED criteria less often than white women. One of the project’s researchers says, “These (black) women could be binge eating, but they may have less anxiety and distress surrounding their eating habits, so they don’t recognize it as an issue.”

Where it really gets interesting is in the comments (all bolding mine).

Frankincensy says:

He makes a really good point, though I have to admit I bridled at “we can try to convince these women they have a problem”. If the definition is culturally dependent, it doesn’t seem right to pathologise women’s eating habits simply because they don’t fit the (white-identified) norm.

Looking at eating habits in context sounds more sensible than applying arbitrary rules about what is and isn’t bingeing, though that might pose a risk of overlooking detrimental eating habits because they’re “normal” in context (for instance, and I apologise for the cliche, a 17-year-old model may have a restrictive ED yet not stand out from her peers in terms of how little she’s eating). An eating pattern that does not cause psychological distress may still be causing physical harm, though I’m not sure whether that would still count as an eating disorder.

The always insightful Meowser says:

Bingeing is not just enjoying some brownies and ice cream; it’s inhaling ALL the brownies and ALL the ice cream as fast as you can so you can get to the whole pizza and the bags of cookies and whatever else you’re bingeing on, and stuff it all in before you can stop to think, much less taste any of it. It’s the opposite of actually enjoying food, really. And there’s an ugly racist element to this (presumably white) researcher’s theorizing that these black women can’t possibly know what they’re doing to themselves and must be lying about how much they eat.

Rachel:

During my eating disorder, I saw a shrink who diagnosed me as bulimic after asking me how often I binged and how I felt during these binges. The only problem was that I considered anything above 500 calories a day to be a “binge.”

And Fantine:

I remember being in a weight loss program at age twelve, and going through a chapter in the little textbook about binge eating. We did this exercise where we ate a slice of apple as quickly as possible, and then ate another slice slowly, savoring it. We were asked how often we binge, big binges or little binges, by ourselves or with others. There was no option for people who did not binge. We were all fat, so we must all be binging, right?

Believe it or not, I tried to restrain myself from over-quoting, so I highly suggest checking out the whole discussion. I’m still trying to formulate my thoughts on this issue, but I thought it was worth thinking and talking about. Thanks for the post, Rachel!

In the meantime, the project is a pretty brilliant idea: it’s “an international, 5-day body activism campaign that draws attention to body image issues and the damaging impact of the thin ideal on women in society.” And the point of it is to highlight the damage that your inner critic can do, how you can absolutely brutalize yourself, how your self-negative thoughts can so often be attributed to the current, incredibly pervasive beauty ideal (as chronicled on these pages). The project calls it “fat talk.”  The site says:

Fat Talk describes all of the statements made in everyday conversation that reinforce the thin ideal and contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies. Examples of Fat Talk include: “I’m so fat,” “Do I look fat in this?”, “I need to lose 10 pounds” and “She’s too fat to be wearing that swimsuit.” Statements that are considered Fat Talk don’t necessarily have to be negative; they can seem positive yet reinforce the need to be thin — “You look great! Have you lost weight?”

We believe that that by eliminating fat talk, we can begin to change the way that women think about their bodies.

If you read BFD, you’re probably already pretty aware and pretty angry about the prevailing body image ideal, the extent to which women will go to achieve it, the extent to which even when we deliberately and mindfully reject that ideal it can still creep in and undermine our confidence and our strength. I was going to type that I think we’d be surpised at how often even the most enlightened of us still can fall prey to that kind of negative, messed up thinking–but I actually don’t think we’d be surprised at all. Or surprised by the statistics that the campaign has compiled. They’ve also got “Five Ways to Help Promote Positive Body Image,” but I think our list is better.

So, No Fat Talk. This week, every week. Here’s the pledge:

Today I promise to eliminate Fat Talk from conversations with my friends, my family and myself.

Starting now, I will strive for a healthy ideal, which I know looks different for every woman, and focuses on health, not weight or size.

I will celebrate the things about myself and the women in my life that have nothing to do with how we look.

I decide to end Fat Talk NOW!

Sounds like a damn fine idea to me. Have you already signed the pledge in your heart? Do you think you need to sign a pledge like this? It wouldn’t hold up in court if we forced people to sign this under duress, would it? Anyone?

I’m not bothered by the overeating though. I am 100% on the FA bandwagon, and I know fat can be caused by many things, but the knee jerk negative reaction to depictions of fat people in TV or movies who overeat ignores the fact that plenty of fat people DO overeat. I am one of them!

Granted, even when I ate healthfully and worked out a lot more than I do now, I was not thin, that’s just not my genes. But my current size 24 is absolutely caused by the fact that I’ve been avoiding exercise and eating WAY too much for the last year or so. So, maybe the Jane character is supposed to be like me–she eats when she’s stressed, struggles with massive cravings all the time (I tend to drool over donuts too, what can I say), and has a tendency to binge. There’s nothing wrong with it.

Actually, I am sometimes put off by comments on some FA blogs that are always offended by implications in the media that overeating causes fat. Sometimes…it just does, doesn’t it? I know it’s not the ONLY cause, but our tendency to fly off the handle about it sometimes makes me feel ashamed that I am one of those “bad fatties” who really DOES eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting, or an entire pizza, etc.

I would never, however, eat squirt cheese straight from the can. Ew…everyone knows it requires wheat thins! ;-)

A follow-up:

Oh, and when I say “there’s nothing wrong with it,” I am not saying that I”m not aware that my eating is disordered….I obviously struggle with bingeing issues that I have yet to deal with. I just meant there’s nothing wrong (in my opinion) with portraying those very real issues in a TV show….especially one that has a chance to be so fat positive!

And M. Jinxx adds:

Sarah, I am TOTALLY with you on that point.
In fact , before I got to your comment, I was reading the others and I had the same impression and was going to mention it but you beat me to the punch. I have PCOS and have for years and I also come from a big family, so I will never be tiny, but my recent jump to a 24 from my usual 18-20 is completely because of overeating and lack of quality exercise.

What about people like us, with disordered eating ( I am also a binger and an emotional eater ) who really are fat(ter) because of overeating?

It is a bit disheartening to belong to the “bad fattie” group.

I wonder if the issues with the media portrayal are that it’s not being depicted as disordered eating, but merely playing into the “fat people are greedy” and “just put down the donuts” stereotypes. I recently ate a handful of Oreos at a family party, and I thought to myself, self, people are going to think you and all other fat people are fat because you can’t stop eating Oreos. And then I felt guilty about the Oreos anyway, not just residual good food bad food guilt, but also that I had let down my cause by playing into the stereotype. (This kind of crap is what leads people to binge in secret; I’m just saying.)

But what do you think–if we deny this reality, does this just alienate people who recognize themselves in characters who binge or stress eat? Do we want binge eaters to get help for themselves, or for the cause of fat acceptance, or both? And given, for example, the portrayal of Miranda on Sex and the City eating cake out of the garbage can, where does “normal” end and “disordered” begin? Do we all, at one point or another, fat or thin, sometimes pick up the donut, so to speak?