“Mario is the only fat friend she has, and [she] wants him to change.”

And from CDAN, where I first saw this:

It isn’t something that is keeping me up at night, but it’s good to know that you can’t be Gwyneth’s friend if you weigh more than 100 pounds. What kind of person picks their friends based on their weight? Oh, that’s right. This is Gwyneth Paltrow we are discussing here. Ms. Superficial, and the person who thinks we are all idiots if we don’t follow every piece of advice she gives us, because her life is perfect.

Whatever. At least I get to eat.

Oh man, too funny.

Hugh Grant, 48, who played the skinny cad to a puffy Renée Zellweger in “Bridget Jones’s Diary” just eight years ago, may find the tables turned in “Did You Hear About the Morgans?,” a comedy to be released by Columbia in December. His co-star, Sarah Jessica Parker, is the sleek one this time around, while Mr. Grant’s famous dimples pop out where they used to pop in.

Once it gets beyond all the fat jokes, the article does make a few interesting points. One, it contrasts the male stars of today with the skinny stars of yesteryear.

Photos of midcentury stars — Humphrey Bogart, James Stewart, Clark Gable and others — show them to have remained rather gaunt at an age when many of the current crop are anything but.

And of course, this raises the question about female stars of today. Kathleen Turner is listed in the article as one of the only female stars of that generation that got fatter and is still allowed to act. As the article puts it, “actresses who expand do not often get roles to showcase that growth.” No; if anything, Hollywood has become less tolerant of heavier women, as it has seemingly become more tolerant of heavier men.

But a new willingness to cast heavier men “may have happened organically,” Ms. Fasano said, as Hollywood over the last few years has been plagued by what has widely been seen as a shortage of reliably appealing stars.

Somehow, I can’t see Hollywood shifting towards accepting “heavier females” in an organic or any other way–and I can’t see A-list women like Angelina or Gwyneth ever allowing themselves to gain weight, even as they age. Can you?

Our plan is this: five weeks, six days per week – one-and-a-half to two hours per day, which is what Madonna and Gwyneth do. We will do 40 minutes of cardio exercise in each session, followed by one-and-a-half hours of Pilates-based toning exercises… It’s unlike any other workout because Jonathan will change what we do after every eight sessions in order to prevent the muscles from getting used to anything and to keep them working hard.

Ashley Pearson says things like, “I feel awful every morning. People have started to tell me they can see a difference physically, but I’m too tired to care” and “he gently suggests that if I do need to vomit, I should make sure I lean away from the machines.” One gets the sense that this workout regimen is nothing less than pure torture.

Jezebel sums up the results (although you can read the blow-by-blow at the Daily Mail link):

Pearson notes that during those five weeks she almost vomited during workouts, aggravated her constantly aching left knee, and started avoiding stairs because it hurt too much to climb them. The workouts also took a huge toll on her personal life: she couldn’t concentrate, her boyfriend broke up with her, she was too tired to maintain a social life, and she was constantly showering or doing laundry.

Though you might expect that Pearson would realize after going through this “nightmare” that such a gym routine wasn’t worth it or condemn the society that demands our celebrities obsess about their weight, all Pearson takes from this experience is that we should have more respect for Gwyneth and Madonna… Apparently having a lower quality of life is worth it, as long as you’re 10 pounds skinnier.

Amen, sisters. And hilariously, Ashley Pearson’s before and after photos look totally indistinguishable. She’s wearing poufy clothing in both of them, and I defy you to see any difference. Her outfit in the “after” photo is very cute, though.

Thanks to either Nonk or Annie or both for the link!

Martha’s Vineyard Detox Diet: Followers include ridiculously skin-and-bones supe Gisele Bundchen, weight loss master Robin Quivers and the muscular Madonna. The 21-day detox promises devotees to shed 21 pounds in that many days “by subsisting on live juices, enzymes – and regular colonics.”

Master Cleanser: Reportedly what Beyonce used in order to nab her Dreamgirls role, Vince Vaughn allegedly follows the lemon juice liquid diet, and Jared Leto shed his Chapter 27 weight by drinking the “water mixed with lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper” cocktail as well.

Joshi’s Holistic Detox: Fans include the clavicle-flashing Gwyneth Paltrow, original waif Kate Moss and currently slim Ralph Fiennes. The main focus is avoiding acidic and toxic foods, but the downside hardly sounds worth it, and sort of explains Kate’s moody expressions in photo after photo: “Users report headaches, stomach pains, nausea and fatigue.”

Follow the link for pictures of the skinny celebs. Post here to answer Defamer’s question, “is giving up our nightly vino and succumbing to regular colonics worth looking like a lollipop head?” One of the profound questions of our age.

“Food can be an evil thing in the wrong hands. Here are a series of obesity-enhanced photos to show you what your favorite celebrity would look like with a few extra pounds. As we are all striving for that perfect weight, just take a few moments to have these images permanently seared in your brain, and food will begin to lose much of its appeal.”

Wow, I kind of don’t know where to begin. First of all, “a few extra pounds” equals to a couple of hundred pounds added to each celebrity. They all look like they’re wearing fat suits, of course—they don’t look like normal curvaceous women. It seems like the point is to make them look as grotesque as possible (at least in Gwyneth Paltrow’s case). Secondly, talk about value judgments—if these celebrities really were obese, it would be “evil”? And third… god, I don’t even know. Go see for yourself.