I was pretty fine with my body. Fine with being a fat bride. Fine with the fact that I was wearing a strapless dress which showed off my, yes, arms — which are considered unacceptably fat by many people. Until it actually happened.
Suddenly, my appearance was way more important than it had ever been. I’m certain that I couldn’t count how many people complimented me on my appearance. On my dress, my shoes, my hair, my makeup, my jewelry. I did not get any criticism, thank God. I only got tons and tons of compliments from everyone there. And the compliments keep rolling in on the photos I posted on Facebook. I was about to say “not that I mind them,” but the fact is, I do mind them. Not because I think people are ill-intentioned or because I find compliments embarrassing. But because it was so apparent to me that my looking beautiful, or sexy, or whatever, was an important component of the event. It was a feature. My appearance was part of the entertainment, and so matter what I did, if I went along with the cultural prescription by getting dolled up, I was going to be rewarded with oohs and ahhs.
I think we’ve all experienced this fixation on the appearance of the bride*, either as a wedding guest or as a participant–and hopefully not a competitor in the “wedding dress challenge” by You Know Who. I didn’t walk down the aisle at my wedding–I didn’t even have an aisle, just a party. And I still wish I’d had better hair, which, why!? Anyway, the whole post is a must-read.
*Or brides, I hope.
Posted by mo pie