Is It Really A Big Fat Deal?: Hidden Fat Hate
I had a fabulous time last weekend seeing Adam Lambert’s show at the Warfield in San Francisco. In fact, I was right up against the stage, so close that I could see the individual flecks of glitter on his skin. And other than a few songs that I don’t really care for, it was a terrific show.
I went hunting for videos of some of my favorite performances: “If I Had You,” “Sleepwalker,” and his slowed-down version of “Whole Lotta Love.” And I found this video! And it is great! And I will post it, because I love Adam Lambert! In case you hadn’t noticed! And then I will get to the point.
I decided to post the link to this video on my Facebook page, and once I did so, I saw the second part of the description of the video, which Facebook puts in automatically:
Taken by my sister at the San Francisco Glam Nation show at the Warfield.
Woman with the fat hands in front of the camera’s view, I want to smack you hard. Move them to the ground!
What a tiny little thing, the word “fat” in that sentence, the violent little message. But it stopped me short for a moment. After all, I was at that concert, right up front, probably waving my “fat hands” in the air from time to time, dancing and jumping around and enjoying the show. So I took it personally. At least for a moment.
I feel like there’s lots of little moments like this. Little things that are in and of themselves practically meaningless, certainly not worth getting upset over, and yet they accumulate. And over time, they add up to that sense of unworthiness and self-consciousness that we’re all dealing with and fighting against, simply because we aren’t skinny. Because we have “fat hands” or whatever and people—for some reason—hate us for it.
However, we also have the ability to think critically about stuff like this. We have this community and others like it. And I think that’s worth more than I often consciously acknowledge in terms of looking at a little comment and thinking, “well, that’s not right” instead of automatically internalizing it.
So tell me: have you seen any fat hate like this—any little throwaway moments—in the world around you lately? How did you handle them?
And can anyone get me Adam Lambert’s email address?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Adam Lambert, Celebrities, Fatism, Personal, Question, Video
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I saw this on Failbook. Seems mean to me to even mention the size of anyone’s hand in the picture.
http://failbook.com/2010/07/27/funny-facebook-fails-tagging-your-pictures-is-important/#comments
I don’t read the comments on any of the Cheezburger network sites. Not unless I want to lose what little hope I have left in humanity.
I’m thinking that if you are filming a concert on your little camera from the audience, then you should not have anything to say about someone putting their hands up in the air. Even – GASP – fat hands.
After all, someone behind this guy’s sister was probably sitting there thinking “Sheesh, I wish this camera-toting lady would get out of my way so I could enjoy the show” – although, if she were in my way, the word “lady” would probably be replaced by something more derogatory.
Sorry, no info on his email. But I recently bought a book for my son that he loves, about an animal strike at the zoo. It’s very cute, except, at one point, the authors write that the elephants “just lie around looking fat.”
So I’ve decided, when I read it to him, to turn it into a compliment. It’s accompanied by a cute illustration, so we focus on that. But it is rather disturbing, as it seems to me that it’s meant as an insult.
Someone called me a fat whore when I was riding my bike and my fat whorish ass got in the way of their van. I got really angry and upset when it happened, but later, and because I am learning to live the “FA way”, I became more sanguine about it. People who are obessessed with the shape of a strangers body are very weird and troubled. They are creepy. So I look upon them as fat-hating, fat-obessessed perverts who deserve my scorn and ridicule, not my fear. And I practice smiling, so people know not to fuck with me. It’s hard to insult a woman who is beaming with self-love.
I think that using the word fat as a derogatory term is the same as using the word gay. It’s just weird. And the thing is, the hands that she/he were referring to might not have even belonged to a fat person or been fat hands, they just might have been annoyed that hands were obstructing their view and said, “move your big fat hands, big fat head…” or whatever other body part really can’t be fat. It’s not necessarily that it was fat bashing, it was using the word fat as an adjective to mean bad.
This is a case where I really give the benefit of the doubt. The person was just expressing annoyance at the hands in her video. I don’t think it had to do with the fat so much as the hands. It was just a descriptor. If any other hands had been there, she would have come up with some adjective to describe them.
I wouldn’t give the benefit of the doubt, mostly due to “I want to smack you hard”. The commenter needs to grow up… watching a free video obviously filmed by someone in the crowd, and then complaining at people enjoying themselves.
TsuKata, do you really think they would have posted a complaint about “the woman with the thin hands”? Do you think it would have carried the same venomous tone?
A few years ago, at a CAKE concert in Atlanta, a drunk woman kept bumping into me. Finally, once it became apparent she was bent on antagonizing me, I turned around and asked her to stop. In response, she said, “Well, if you weren’t taking up the space of four people I wouldn’t bump into you!”
Her friend hauled her away, but the damage was already done.
CAKE is one of my favorite bands. That’s the only time I’ve seen them live. And, when I think about that concert, one of the first things that comes to mind is that woman’s hateful comment. Even now, years later, it makes me want to cry.
Regarding the use of the word “fat” in the YouTube description. The entire statement is abusive, but the addition of the word “fat” does twist the knife.
Down with hate, up with acceptance.
To those who think that the use of the word fat in this context is just a descriptor, consider how it would be perceived if one replaced the word ‘fat’ with the word ‘black’ followed by a comment about committing violence.
Yeah. Just a description. Right.
It’s entirely possible to be a vindictive jerkwad about someone in your video daring to enjoy the concert they were attending at the time, completely unaware of the ART you were producing three rows back without compounding the nastiness by using weight (or sexual orientation, or race, or whatever) as a shorthand for hate.
AFW, I had a similar experience when I went to Put-In-Bay, OH last summer with a couple of friends. I had already gained a lot of weight that summer and though I’d been recently exposed to the world of FA, I was feeling pretty insecure. A guy came up to me and was all hands all over me, I kept scooting away, but he kept following me. Finally I jerked away violently and walked off the dancefloor entirely to sit down next to my friends. He followed me to shout, “you’re a fat slut!” as I walked away.
Though everything about that weekend previously had been so much fun, the whole trip was marred by that. Words hurt. Even the stupidest of throw away comments from the stupidest of strangers matters.
Grocery store last week, getting a half-gallon of milk. Next to me, a young couple hanging all over each other and arguing about almond milk.
“I’m not saying you have to buy it,” Hanging Boy said to Hangee Boy. “You just have to decide if you want to have a healthy lifestyle, or turn into a fat cow like her.”
I just heard a kid outside my window shout “Oh no, I’m a fat pig!” followed by “Now I’m a monster!”
I know kids say weird things while playing, but it’s kind of sad when you think about it. What are people saying around these kids? -_-
I’m also kind of sad because my life was mostly diet talk free, but in the past two or three years we can’t have a family dinner without someone talking about weight or that eating (tasty food) will make you fat. Oh Mother’s Day people actually weighed themselves in the kitchen before we ate!
@byrneout
I am a big fat vegan, wonder what those poor boys would do seeing me picking up my effin almond milk with my nice round 270 pound body that would likely stick it sideways in a very private part of them for being such asshats?
I really hate people sometimes. Being vegan does not = thin.
I remember someone was regaling a story about some woman’s hair that she had seen at the pool. The focus was the hair, but the woman went our of her way to say that she had to be “at least 300 pounds,” like that added to the atrocity that was her hair.
I was like, “…:/”
Some people will find any excuse to let out their thinly-veiled fat hate. Screw those people.
@O.C.
I am a fat person myself and sorry but I have no problem with the comment. And I do know of many fat people who if faced in the situation where thin hands were in front of them would use the term “that skinny b*tch’s hands”.
Now does that make it right? I don’t think so but it is human nature to describe something. Sorry but the hands were fat. If you truly want to get where fat is alright then you can’t take offense. When you do, that is giving the word fat power.
That is precisely why I have no problem with that statement and in fact if a fat person pisses me off I just might resort to saying that fat ass. Does that mean that I hate fat people. Heck no, I am one. If I ask a friend, hey did you see that white trash person over there do such and such, does that mean I hate white people or people who go around looking like they don’t have a care in the world? Nope it just means I am describing what a person looks like to me.
I say get over it.
I’m friends with a girl from school on Facebook, and recently she posted something that made me rethink our friendship. It said something like “Sitting in class and I just farted, too bad everyone is looking at the fat girl next to me. Haha, I win!” I’m just going to file this away into the “stupid things my friends think about fat people, but would NEVER (yeah right) think about me” folder. Ughh.
@txhealthynfitqt Sorry, but you don’t get to tell other fat people how they should react to something like this. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel it’s something to get upset about, but you have to respect the feelings of others who disagree.
And back to the topic of hidden fat hate, I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels the other day, and the wife Sharon and her sister were going to a reunion of some kind where they were anticipating bumping into someone they disliked and hadn’t seen for 20 years. Sharon’s comment was something along the lines of “I hope she’s become incredibly fat.” Yes, because fatness is the absolute worst thing that can happen to someone, and if you get fat it proves you are worthless and disgusting and you also probably deserve it because you’re someone I disliked when I was younger. Ugh.
Today I went to a theme park where many of the seats were not built to suit my ample ass. When I blogged about it today, one thing I noted was how friendly and non-judgmental the staff were. I’m so used to people making disparaging comments that it stands out when they don’t! That, is a sad commentary.
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I don’t know much about Adam, but isn’t he gay? I’m saying this, as someone who’s fallen in love with a lot of effeminate men only to find out they’re playing for the other team. I’m just wondering if it’s like you love like appreciate his music, or love love him. If it’s you love love him, I don’t know if you should because it’ll be a let down when you find out he’s into dudes.
Yes, Adam is gay, but it has not gotten in the way of our love. Same with Neil Patrick Harris.!