Celebrity Fatwatch: Mariah Carey
I had to snap a quick picture of this when I saw it on the cover of the National Enquirer at the grocery store. 200 pounds is DEADLY now. You will DROP DEAD if you hit 200 pounds!
Out of curiosity I opened the magazine and there was some article about how she got married and “let herself go” (blech). And also inside are the “shocking photos” of Mariah Carey looking… a little curvier than usual.
I didn’t keep reading to find the quote of some doctor talking about how 200 pounds will kill you immediately. But then again, I didn’t need to: we all remember that “200+ pounds = enormously fat and 300+ pounds = immediate explosion and death.”
It’s especially funny because BFD commenters have long since noticed a trend in how the tabloids deal with Mariah. Said RoseCampion back in 2008:
Mariah’s “new” body. I’ve noticed that every couple of years or so, Mimi gets a tiny bit chunkier- to the point where she’s curvy. She then proceeds to diet/exercise it off in some way until she’s on the skinnier side. The tabloids then go into orgasmic excitement about her “new” body and how great it it. I’d say she cycles losing or gaining only about 15 or 20 pounds, max.
So keep an eye out for the orgasmic excitement tabloid, coming soon to a newsstand near you.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Fatism, Magazines, Mariah Carey, Music
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Does this mean I’m a zomb…brraaaiiinnnssss…..
I’m still waiting to explode and die. I’ve been 300lbs for almost a decade. I’M A TICKING TIME BOMB, YO!
Zombies, indeed! We, the fat undead, eat our brains deep-fried.
Yeah, and 200 pounds is only ever “deadly” when a woman weighs that much. When do you ever hear anyone hyperventilating about the health of football players or boxers who weigh over 200 pounds? There’s plenty of 300-pound NFL players, but nobody’s screeching and wailing about how their weight is going to kill them (even though football is an incredibly punishing and risky sport and must put an incredible strain on their hearts.) I’m 5’9″ and well-muscled and I looked pretty close to “normal” at 200 pounds (current weight is around 250.)
Does anyone remember the tabloid headline a year or so back with the shocking news: Kirstie Alley hits 160 lbs — Too Fat For Sex!
“Does anyone remember the tabloid headline a year or so back with the shocking news: Kirstie Alley hits 160 lbs — Too Fat For Sex!”
WHAT?!?
I do not remember that and no kidding I spit water right out of my mouth when I read it just now.
Wow.
According to National Enquirer, I should’ve been dead at 13. Or maybe I already died and I’ve been the walking undead for 11 years. I’m UNDEADFAT! Awesome.
Kirstie Alley hits 160 lbs — Too Fat For Sex!”
Uh … right. So what WAS I doing this morning?
Oh, I’m supposed to be dead?
Well I guess that’s what I’m doing wrong!
Hey, what does everyone think of the proposed drama going into pilot:
Mike and Molly
The formula: “Mad About You” meets “The Biggest Loser”
The plot: A romantic comedy about a couple that meets at a support group for overeating.
The brand names: Co-creator Chuck Lorre can do no wrong for CBS lately with hits like “Two and a Half Men” and “Big Bang Theory” under his belt.
Off screen: Media buyers say they wonder how advertisers will respond to overweight lead actors. Sitcoms like “Roseanne” may have featured heavy stars but didn’t center around weight.
The buzz: Mr. Lorre’s cred with CBS comedies could catapult this sitcom pilot to a sensation.
WHAT?! 160 pounds is too fat for sex now?! Does that mean I’ll never have sex? HAHAHAHA! Just let them try to stop me! I’ll explode my 300 pounds of undead fatty self all over them. Come and get me fat sex police! I dare ya!
Also, I think I’m gonna dress up as the obesity epidemic for Halloween… Only I’m gonna dress up all cute and sexy and then just have a sign taped to my butt that says “epidemic” or something. Because, really, we’re just an epidemic of cute, sexy, cuddly, AWESOME!
Oh my god, not only did she gain 2 GAJILLION POUNDS, but she also bleached her skin and changed her facial features!
Am I missing something here? Some grand joke that no one is bringing up and I’m too slow to pick up on? Last time I checked, Mariah Carey was a woman of color, not my caucasian stepmother.
Do they really have no faith in their fanbase? Do they really think no one knows what Mariah Carey looks like?
… wait, this is the Enquirer. I withdraw the question.
Hi
Mariah’s Mother is in the mini-BBW range, so this may be naturally the size that Mariah’s body is seeking.
William
Ooh, we talked about “Too Fat for Sex” years ago! http://www.bfdblog.com/2007/09/05/fear-itself/
Emily, I hadn’t heard about that…. we should talk about that in its own post!
I should have been six feet under 10 years ago, according to that headline.
Isn’t Mariah like 7 1/2 feet tall? And 200 lbs? Please! 200 lbs is my goal weight right now. This just proves that the Enquirer wouldn’t know a real woman if she bit them in the ass.
Doesn’t she go on some crazy-ass diets to lose all the weight? Gee, then she gains it back when she starts eating again…shocking!!!!!
If 160 pounds is too fat for sex, does that mean that 320 pounds has gone all the way out the other side and is engaged in constant, mind-blowing, awesome sex at all times? Wow, no wonder I’m not getting any work done.
Also
If 200 lbs is a deadly weight number then I am in big trouble :)
William
The “Too fat for sex thing!” is hilarious. And inaccurate. A few years ago, when I was about thirty pounds heavier than I am now, I was having a lot more sex than I am now. Then again, I lost that thirty pounds after I cut way back on drinking, and my sex life also took a hit around that time.
It is true though. Think about it. You put infants and kids life in danger with a billowing FUPA at 200lbs. A whole baby could get swallowed in that fold of FUPA. Waldling around without being able to see your toes is certainly deadly, and a danger to those around you.
No, no, fat zombies go around moaning “Caaaaaaaaake… caaaaaaaake…”
And I’m just gonna go ahead and make my favorite joke.
Q: What do vegan zombies eat?
A: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINS!
Nomie, I used to play World of Warcraft, and there was a pre-expansion event that turned players into zombies for a few minutes. It spawned a vegan zombie guild who would roam the major cities, yelling “GRAAAIIINNNS!”
http://www.forbes.com/2010/04/30/job-loss-weight-gain-self-esteem-forbes-woman-well-being-money.html?boxes=Homepagechannels
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Havn’t you noticed that when a heavy person is talking to someone weighing around 120-130 lbs they all seem to think that anybody weighing in at 165 lbs is FAT, except for the person that they are talking to
Hey! l have been having so much sex AFTER l hit and surpassed 160 lbs. l mean, people, c’mon! You have to have more cushion for the pushin’… Mariah is so tall, she could get curvy and gain all the weight she wants, she has also lost it rather quick but if she is so successful and so happy, and her husband loves her no matter what, kudos to her for enjoying her success, her life and all that good food she wants!