The “Fairy Tale” Of Weight Loss
Our own Jenfu is featured in this article at MSNBC, along with Pasta Queen and a tiny little piece of my hair in Jen’s “before” photo. (Here’s the original photo.) Although it shares a theme with Kate Harding’s The Fantasy of Weight Loss, be aware that the article discusses diets and WLS and has some pro-weight loss talk. I’ll put it behind a cut.
“I think fat people are sold a fantasy, and then get no support in the reality, because we’re simply supposed to be grateful that we’re no longer fat,” [Jen] Larsen says… But weight loss chat rooms, forums and blogs are filled with people who are wondering why their newfound svelte selves and stellar metabolic profiles are leaving them ever-so-slightly disappointed.
And who can blame them? Reality shows, weight loss books, movies, TV shows and advertisements all tell tales of people dropping major poundage and gaining seemingly perfect lives. They find their true selves and their true loves. They go back to school or get promotions. They become social butterflies, the life of the party.
Anyone who’s read Kate’s piece knows that’s a bunch of BS. And if you haven’t read it in a while, or ever, go and enjoy.
Accepting my fat really wasn’t the hard part. Accepting my personality — and my many limitations that have jack shit to do with my thighs — was. But oddly enough, once I started to do that, my life became about a zillion times more satisfying… The thin person inside me finally got out — it just turned out she was actually a fat person. A reasonably attractive, semi-outgoing fat person who has an open mind and an active imagination but also happens to really like routine and familiarity and quiet time alone.
That was never who I expected to be — it was just always who I was.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Diet Talk Warning, Jenfu, Meta, Personal, Weight Loss, WLS
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I read the article, and I think it sends a really important message, one that to me has always seemed obvious, but I guess it’s not obvious to everyone. That message being that losing weight won’t make you perfect. It won’t solve all of your problems. It will make you thinner, and often results in more energy and other small fortunes that come with it, but for someone to think that being fat is the root of all of their problems and that being skinny will magically make all of that go away, well they will always be setting themselves up for disappointment.
I’m well aware from my weight ups and downs that getting thinner doesn’t immediately take away your worries.
That being said, I think there IS some bit of happiness and freedom that comes from being thin, and it’s one I think about all the time. The freedom from certain types of anxiety:
– Worrying about getting kicked off a plane, which I am currently losing sleep over now as my vacation looms and me and my equally fat boyfriend worry about our coach seats.
– Not being able to find clothes to even try ON at the mall when you shop with your friends.
– Worrying that your fat ass will keep you from getting a job, which I’m also losing sleep over currently as I interview for a job I reeeeally want.
– Having to tell your friends that you don’t really want to go to Six Flags when really you’d LOVE to go but are too terrified at the prospect of not being able to fit on the rides. Ditto Disneyland.
Etc. etc. etc. No matter how miserable a person might still be after losing enough weight to qualify as “normal,” these are anxieties that they no longer have to lose sleep over. And yes, I am jealous of that, and it’s what keeps me still tempted to diet or consider WLS even after all these years trying to accept myself.
There are some advantages, obviously. It’s easier to shop for clothes, though I will always hate it, even if it no longer throws me into despair, like it used to.
I don’t feel like I’m invisible, like I used to always feel. I don’t think I have changed, I just think people don’t see overweight women, I don’t really know why.
My social life hasn’t magically taken off. I’m not mentally healthier, or more socially successful, or happier. But, I’m still technically overweight, in my size 6 jeans. Maybe in another 4 pounds, when my BMI < 25, it'll all magically get better.
I agree that there are a lot of anxieties that go away when you go from fat to thin or even more “acceptable” but a happy person it does not automatically make. Acceptance of your self as you are both in physical body and character is what brings the happy. Something I didn’t discover until I got to my current body which is certainly larger than it was when I was constantly obsessing over making it smaller. I’ll keep my fat body and peace of mind thank you muchly.
Happiness is a tricky beast, because we all think that if we don’t have it, then there must be some reason. And we go searching for a reason, and often drag the first one home without actually finding out if it is the real reason or not. People often think, if thus and so hadn’t happened, if I was only whatever, if my parents hadn’t done something, or any of a multitude of things. Fat is an easy one, as is being short, being an introvert, being many many things. But happiness isn’t external, lots of studies show that most people have an internal level of happiness that is not much affected by other stuff. If we want to be happy, then we need to relax and contemplate when we feel happy, what are the commonalities amongst those experiences, and can we make more room in our life for those experiences.
Also, for me, SSRI’s did a whole lot of good. For others they don’t, I know.
I read that article too. I just came away with that you’ll still be the same person, fat or skinny. I am really happy right now, I’d just like to bend over without having to suck my stomach in. :)
You’ve gotta work on all parts though, not just the muscles. :)
If you still have all the issues and body anxiety then I think staying thin is harder/more stressful than getting there in the first place.
When you are losing weight, you get affirmation/approval/praise on a constant basis but, if you reach your goal, you it’s like you’re given a pat on the head and told “good girl” then left to your own devices.
You still have all the same issues inside but none of the external validation.