350 Pounds: Weight Ain’t Nothing But A Number
As I was looking up some info on recent awards fashion, I came across this story, about the NAACP Image Awards, where Precious director Lee Daniels made a comment about Gabourey Sidibe’s weight.
“No one in Hollywood told me they wanted to see a movie about a 350-pound black girl who had HIV,” Daniels blurted out during his acceptance speech, before realizing that he’d possibly embarrassed his full-figured star. Trying to cover up his mistake, the director stuttered at Sidibe and the audience, “She’s not 350 pounds. … Gabby… But the book says. … “
According to the article, this “mortified” and “noticeably upset” her, and it was a “stinging blow.”
“Daniels kept apologizing in front of the crowd, and even though Gabby was upset by his comment, she still accepted his apology. She was like, ‘Okay. I wanted that in there. Thank you,’ ” says a source. “It’s not like this was the first time someone has made a hurtful remark about her weight, even unintentionally.”
I guess I’m a little confused that this is seen as a “hurtful remark.” I have no idea how much Sidibe weighs or how tall she is, but does the number really matter? Maybe it’s just the automatic idea that 200+ pounds = enormously fat and 300+ pounds = immediate explosion and death. Which, as we all know, is crap. I wonder what a Gabourey Sidibe guessing game would look like.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Fatism, Gabby Sidibe, Gossip
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I’d be curious to see actual footage from this. You know how reporters turn furtive glances into being “mortified” and “noticeably upset.”
Give her public comments and persona, I find it hard to believe that Gabby would be mortified that she’s 350 pounds. Who knows, though, maybe her self-confidence comes from not weighing herself?
Peace,
Shannon
I saw this and was wondering if any of my fave bloggers would mention it! I found it kind of crazy for the same reason that Shannon does–she seems so comfortable with herself, why would she care?
I guess few would want the exact number put out there because even those of us in the FA movement may struggle at times with other people seeing the NUMBER. I shave off 20 pounds on my driver’s license when I renew it, for absolutely no reason other than pride/embarrassment. I also think to myself that I’d be mortified to be kidnapped or go missing, because the missing persons stories give your weight when they describe you. Yes, this thought has crossed my mind and I’m not even kidding. And I feel generally just as happy and well-adjusted as Gabby, but I guess we all have those moments!
It’s definitely odd though, that he rushed to make that correction. Because frankly I were playing a guessing game I’d definitely place her well into the 300s just based on the fact that we are of similar height and frame, and I am about 285, and she appears at least to me to be somewhat bigger than I am. But who knows, and why does the media harp on this? Poor Gabby, she seems like SUCH an AWESOME person and all anyone in the media can talk about is her weight. Ugh.
How awkward. I can see how some people might be upset by his remark, but with anyone who is actually confident and accepting of their 300+ weight, it wouldn’t so *that* bothersome.
I saw an article somewhere (of course I can’t remember where), where she claimed to weigh 200 lbs. And I remember being angry about that. I know it isn’t exactly kosher to say so, but like the other poster above said, she’s definitely into the 300s. And I was mad, because by claiming to weigh much less than she actually does, she just reinforces the idea that “200+ pounds = enormously fat and 300+ pounds = immediate explosion and death”. But, she’s clearly not comfortable discussing it, and I can imagine it was really uncomfortable for it to be brought up that publicly.
One of the challenges of reading that Sidibe claimed to weigh 200 lbs is not knowing whether she, herself made that claim or an unscrupulous writer/editor (to whom 200 pounds is the utmost end of imagination)made it up.
My mother walked in my bedroom while I was changing, I was completely nude. I weigh 280-295 pounds. I’m on medication for mental health issues that has caused me to gain a little weight. She said that I should be embarrassed because she “didn’t know that I was that big,” and that I need to do something about my weight. She’s also a huge fan of The Biggest Loser. I want to lose weight, not because I’m having health problems but because I want to get a boyfriend, and she’s on my case sometimes about my weight being the reason why I don’t have one.
I understand where Sidibe is coming from. If I could choose, I would be thin. But I’m reluctant to have lap band surgery. Any thoughts?
I haven’t seen the footage but I gotta say if I were here I’d be more mortified by the back-pedaling than the statement he made in the first place.
if I were her* not here…
My first thought is, you do NOT need to lose weight to get a boyfriend. Visit the Museum of Fat Love, please! http://love.twowholecakes.org/index.php?album=fat-love
@ Jasmine Marie: I second mo pie! There are so many good guys out there who will be attracted to you for exactly who and what you are! My reasoning is thus: why would you want to be with somebody who would only want you if you were thin?
Thanks! I really needed to see the museum of fat love.
@Jasmine Marie Don’t change a thing for love because love doesn’t need you to change.
Alright, snap your fingers, you’re thin. Now you’ve got the guy of your dreams. He likes you… hell, he even says he loves you when, all of the sudden, SNAP, you’re fat again.
Does he stick around?
If he doesn’t, was it ever love to begin with?
Thin or fat, you’ll find love and it will be the right love for you. Don’t change yourself in your search for love or you may find a love that isn’t made for you.
Peace,
Shannon
I agree with April. The backpedaling would have been difficult to witness.
@Jasmine: Thirding (heh) Mo Pie. Drastic measures aren’t necessary. Check out operationbeautiful.com. It’s a good place to visit for info and raising self-esteem, etc. :)
If she was upset, I wonder if it was about the content of the rest of his comment (to wit, the idea that people simply weren’t interested in the story of a fat black girl with HIV.) Because that could be kind of unsettling, objectively speaking.
@Jasmine: I’ve been married for 15 years now, and we’re still stupid in love with each other. Any man worth loving will be in love with you, not your bathroom scale, anyway.
@Jasmine – my mom used to make lots of similar comments to me like that and it’s hurtful. I was in my mid to late 30s before I finally told her enough is enough. Your mother doesn’t get to judge your body, nobody gets to. As for a boyfriend, I met and married my sweet husband during that one brief time in my 20s when I didn’t give a fig about what I weighed and I was just happened to be a good place in my life where I happened to be exercising more, though thin. And it wasn’t just my husband, before we settled down, I was dating several different guys, I think it was the fact I felt confident for the first time ever, instead of a fat cow, even though the size was no different than anytime before.
I read Push some time back and currently have it lent out to a friend, can someone remind me of the details of the book. I remember when hearing that M’onique was cast as the mom that she wasn’t nearly as large as the mom in the book and that Gabby looked a little too big for the role. Can someone refresh my memory?
Not that I care, but there’s no way Gabby is 200 lbs, and I’m sad she feels like she has to lie about it even though it’s none of our business what she weighs. On a related topic, my uncle runs in some big time tennis circles and has met both Williams sisters and says they both so tall and muscular that they both weigh significantly more than their listed weights, so even fit people feel the need to lie.
I understand why Sidibe would be uncomfortable with having her weight (if 350 lbs. is even her weight) announced to a room full of people – strangers, no less. If I choose to disclose my weight, that is my decision, and nobody else’s. I can learn to be comfortable with myself, but it’s a process, and sometimes being ok with how I look is completely divorced from the number I see on the scale because it has to be for my own well being.
I think most women are used to lying about our weights – I know when I lived in a state that put weight on drivers licenses, my listed weight was 15-20 lbs less than my actual weight. Most people guess I weigh about that much less, though.
Hey, Jasmine. I just wanted to say that I actually met my guy when I was at my heaviest. I’ve lost some weight since (through stress and being unemployed–NOT a diet I recommend) and he hasn’t noticed. Most people might be upset, but to me that just means he cares more about other things!
My mother always told me to not bother trying to please a man, because if you couldn’t please him without trying it just wasn’t going to be worth it in the long run. Eventually you’ll slip and he won’t like you any more. She eventually married the nerdy guy that wouldn’t leave her alone–and they’re still together, over thirty years and much yo yo dieting later!
@Meegs, I’ve done the same on my driver’s license and thought the same thing on missing persons and hate myself for it. I’d been absolutely dreading my renewal this winter, too, wondering how much I could shave off the numbers. At least until I realized I’d another year. Whewy! I even considered giving a ridiculously high number for my weight. Thinking that should anyone see my license and see the exaggerated number they would then think I look pretty good and must have lost a lot of weight. I know, I know… horrid, horrible, lousy thinking.
Hey Katie,
I just wanted to say that that is some EXCELLENT advice that you passed on. Your mother is exactly, on the mark right. It takes me a lot of repetition to remember this fact, but it is very true.
I’m going to write this out and read it often, so it becomes second nature. Thanks for sharing that.
N
Jasmine Marie.
You don’t need to lose weight to find love or be sexy and finding love shouldn’t be the thing that proves your worth as a human being.
@Jasmine: I’ve been married for 20 years, and in that time I’ve had three babies and developed a chronic illness, and he’s put on about sixty pounds, and it’s not about the bodies, it’s about the person inside them.
And we’re poly, which means we still date people, and when I decided that my fat was a statement at the world “Fuck you, I will not disappear for your convenience, I will not gracefully tuck into a corner until I’m wanted,” and started accepting that I take up space the way I accept that lime green just does nothing for my skin, I had no trouble finding partners at all.
@Jasmine, the lap band would probably help you lose less than half your excess weight, and while it’s touted as less invasive than other surgeries, it has a really bad late complication rate with slips, reflux, and eating difficulties. Many people who have the band need additional surgeries. I am a proponent of size acceptance but also bariatric surgery for those who choose to have it, but I don’t think the lap band is worth anyone’s time or money.
I have to agree with mo pie on that she should not have been offended. I don’t think Sidibe weight was the issue or point, it was acknowledgment and thankfulness that the public can appreciate something other than mainstream pop.
The back-peddling by Daniels because he was worried that he had hurt her feeling shows he cares more for Sidibe’s feeling than promoting himself, but unfortunately, it did bring the spotlight to the weight issue. Had he not backpeddled, I don’t think anyone would have even given the weight issue a second thought – that was not the original point.
Another reason Sidibe should not be offended is that it is her weight that got her the role and it is what is different and sets her apart from other actresses. There are thousands of super skinny actresses that will never achieve in their lifetimes where she is at right now in her career and would not be if she did not fit the role. While they would have put a skinny girl in a fat suit, no one can bring to life a role like someone who has actually lived it,
Another she shouldn’t be offended is if you want to be an actress, you need to grow a thick skin because if you achieve any sort of success, people are going to criticize you no matter how you look – it comes with the territory. While the old adage that their is no such thing as bad press is not entirely true, if people are talking and commenting about you and if you are in the press for any reason, even a scandalous one (i.e. Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Nicole Ritchie) it deems you news worthy and gives you more of an opportunity to market and promote yourself.
Who are we to say who should be offended and who shouldn’t be offended?
I’m trying to locate a video of this moment so if anyone has a link please pass it on.
I want to offer this as food for thought:
1. Being embarrassed and being offended are two different things.
2. Perhaps in hindsight she wasn’t offended by the remark.
Imagine this, you are riding the wave of a surprise success. You’re dressed to the nines…hair, makeup, dress, shoes, accessories, attending an event that you’ve watched for years. You’re in a room full of people and your colleague has been honored for a project that you contributed to….and then…you get a very public reminder of why you’re not quite acceptable and why some MAN had to fight for you. Anger inducing? Probably not. Wince-worthy? Absolutely.
3. It wasn’t just her weight that was mentioned (although I know that this is a fat acceptance blog). Her gender and her race were all rolled up in why this particular story would have been rejected by major studios. While Gabby may not be HIV positive in the real world, she is black, she is a girl (woman), and she is overweight what ever that weight might be.
I know that living as a person who is not small is challenging. It’s just so easy to discount the pain of others when you are so entrenched in your own struggle. People of oppressed groups often forget that we have privileges that member of others do not and discounting the truths of others is the very thing that we are fighting against in our own lives.
i am 5’1″ and i weigh 218 pounds. (gads, the way my fingers hesitated on that weight…)
my point is, you NEVER know whats going to set your weight off. i was 175-180 pounds for roughly 6 years. water weight fluctuated me because of that special time of the month, but i was STEADY at that weight.
then came diabetes, and the drugs to control *that* plus the neuropathy i have put me up to my current weight. and i HATE it. i hate it because i did nothing but follow dr’s orders and i didnt get the FUN in gaining it. no ice cream, no cookies, no decadent deserts, nothing.
how come “you’re fat! you gonna get the SUGAR!” (yeah, i’m from the south, lol) doesnt ever tell you “you’re fat! you gonna get the SUGAR!! AND have to take meds that make you FATTER!” you know? i’m thankful that i dont weigh any more than i do, and that i havent gained any in about 3 months.
and i’m really thankful that my hubby adores me as i am, and desires me as i am, and is comfortable with me as i am. if *I* want to lose weight, he would support me entirely. but he loves who i am, not what i look like, or my dress size. :D
I wonder if it was the comment about her weight that bothered her, or if it was the director backpedaling and embarrassed apologies that bothered her.
Personally, I never mind when someone mentions my weight or calls me “fat”, but I do get a bit miffed when they start apologizing to me for it.
After the story aired, I told my grandfather that it was nice to see someone who resembled me out there doing good. He replied, “You weigh the same she does?” I’m huddling close to 360 right now, but because of how I’m proportioned, most people think I’m in the 200’s.
I’m not sure what bothered her the most, the mention of her weight or that he quickly backpedaled, but we can’t ignore the fact that most of the media hasn’t concentrated on her acting or the content of the movie, but “damn, look how big she is and she’s not acting like a self-hating, depressed fat person.” I don’t think even Mo’Nique is experiencing so much of the fat talk like Gabby is. But until more of the myths about fat people get busted, this kind of talk is what we should sadly expect to hear.
She shouldn’t have to apologize for her weight, or lie about it. Like me, she’s visually fat and no amount of black is going to make us look slimmer. Embrace the deathfat and continue to be a positive influence, I say!
Never really understood the obsession with weight or age either one. You are what you are, what’s the use in hiding it. Just because you don’t say how much you weigh, doesn’t mean you don’t still weight that much. Just because you never tell your age doesn’t mean you’re going to live longer or look younger. Always seemed so strange to me.
Here’s a different perspective: What are WE supposed to learn from his blunder? Here’s what I got:
1) The opinion of ANY OTHER has nothing to do with me.
2) The human being that I am has nothing to do with any number on any scale.
3) The social mores of society are so off base they are laughable.
4) His mortification is his own consciousness prodding him about his prejudice.
I spent a lifetime learning that I was as okay as I could conceive of myself to be and that it was 100% unrelated to the opinions/words/actions of any other.
Pat Matson
@ Mister:
My guess is that you are a man. Women are regularly belittled and abused and held to ridiculous body standards that men absolutely are not. You can know that as a fact, but having never experienced it, you won’t get it.
The things people will say to a fat woman, they would not to a man. Fat women are derided just for being fat.
It is hard to have that number out there. I struggled with giving the number to Health magazine when I was interviewed. In fact, when it hit the internet and was being discussed, it made it even worse. Even though I accept myself as a fat woman, admitting that I weighed 400 pounds is hard. Hell, writing it here, is difficult, and it is already out there for anyone to find.
Hell, my husband didn’t know my weight for the longest time and he is the most fat accepting man I know. He loves me for me, regardless of weight, and is a big man himself. When he first saw my weight, I was embarrassed. At that point we had been married for something like 7 years, together for 9 years. Isn’t that crazy?
I always think it’s funny when the media uses the over 300 pounds remark like it’s so huge. OMG how does that person even make it out of their house?
I hate to say it but there are a whole lotta over 300 lbs people in the world.
It’s not that unusual
So many people lie about their weight that people really think “200lbs” is OMG HUGE.
Obvs I put my weight in the name of my blog, but I don’t use my real name, either.
Well first off this was in the Daily News, so take whatever they say with a giant grain of salt. Also I almost think it sounds like she was pissed about the back pedaling.
You know before Precious blew-up and it was just the fat/race/feminist blogs obsessing over Precious I feel like EVERY article said it was a movie about a 350 lb dark-skinned black woman.
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