Comments on: Mimi Smartypants for President

By: mccn

mccn — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:10:31 +0000

I think “coming out” is exactly that – challenging assumptions. If you don’t say you’re queer, people assume you’re straight, generally. If you apply makeup, people assume you identify as female. If you pontificate on the internet, I think most people and white people generally, will assume you’re likely to be white. And if you say nothing about being fat? People will assume you are not. This is what privelege is, in its most subtle form: being in tune with the assumptions people make about majority culture. So, for some queerfolk, coming out is exactly challenging assumptions – whether or not they’ve tried to present as straight previously. Assumptions are powerful blinders – and biases (like confirmation bias) in thinking work to reinforce them.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:27:57 +0000

I would definitely vote for Mimi Smarty pants for President. She “gets it”. Go Mimi! Count me in for your campaign!!

By: Jez

Jez — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:59:16 +0000

It makes me so sad that women in particular feel they have to hide their bodies when having sex. Seriously, there is a very therapeutic nature to embracing your body as an integral part to your sexuality. You can’t have those sexual pleasures without your body – your skin, your brain, your movements – they are all a part of the whole damn experience.

One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten concerning my weight was my fiance telling me that he loves how comfortable I am in my own skin (particularly concerning sex) – because, to him, it not only shows that I love myself, but that making love is about the two of us as lovers and not what our bodies look like.

By: Kgrrrl

Kgrrrl — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 17:40:38 +0000

I’m curious why someone would be considered to have ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ because they felt bad about how they looked getting into bed…
That’s one of the most insane statements I’ve heard in a long time.
I have days/weeks/ months where i don’t like to look at myself in the mirror and where I don’t feel like I’m happy with how I look. There are other times where I’d happily prance around in a bikini – cause I’ve worked my ass off at the various types of activity that I do that make me feel better about me.
But I do it for me. Kristin works out for HER and she feels better now, can prance around wildly in her underthings and not feel even slightly bad about climbing into bed with a guy with 4% body fat. But that’s HER. I don’t pretend for a moment that I know what it’s like to be overweight or even to be happy about it.
My sister is obese and is happy. Good for her. I couldn’t handle it, but I think mainly cause I WANT to be the size I am and I work hard at it. I’m not sure what’s going on in her head, or do I pretend to. She could be screaming out for help for all I know, but she portrays happy, though she’s not healthy.
If you’re happy at your size, then great, but to make fun of someone who is at a size that you don’t feel you ever need to be is pretty harsh.

By: catgal

catgal — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 03:53:31 +0000

Richard. I realize that working out to exhaustion is a valid way to exercise. I’ve done it myself, with a trainer, but to me much of what was written about diet and exercise in the post made it sound not like it was at all enjoyable, more like a sacrifice that made her worthy of being thin. For me that attitude caused resentment for me for both the diet and the exercise. I prefer to be more gentle with my body and brain now.

By: Alice

Alice — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 20:14:48 +0000

See, I totally understand about the ‘coming out’ thing being a reveal, rather than a retcon. Coming out for me was usually clarifying pronouns, rather than switching them. God love the ungrammatical use of ‘they’ when it comes to that stuff. But god love being out (in all areas) more.

Anyway, as for the rest of the brouhaha, yay to M.S.! One thing that I think many of us can agree on is that feeling like you ‘have to’ hide your body sucks. Sex should be fun, not shaming, and even though many of us have internalized some version of the ‘everyone must find my body “acceptable” all of the time’ dictum, that doesn’t make it objectively true.

I strongly and thoroughly disagree with Kristen on many points that have been enumerated above, but the final thing that I’m coming away from this with is a sadness about how we can get polarized about all of this stuff. Restricting your diet and choosing to dedicate many hours each week to working out is a sacrifice, and I can get how it may be easier at times to feel that it’s ‘worth it’ if you look upon the alternative with disdain.

Reducing things to two extreme options is easy, but not accurate. Daily cheesecake or wanting to vomit from bench pressing. Bingeing all of the time or looking forward to the one dorito a week.

Because none of us have infinite amounts of time, energy or money, we’ve got to compromise. And maybe it’s easier to feel ok with our own compromises when we pretend like the alternatives are all totally unliveable wastelands of suck. But as understandable as that tendency is, and as much as I end up doing it in my own life, it can become hurtful way too quickly.

By: Richard

Richard — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 23:00:54 +0000

Don’t confuse pain with misery either – working out hard to the point of failure is, honestly, painful at times. That doesn’t mean that its not a positive feeling, even at that time. Searing pain would be something very different.

By: catgal

catgal — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:57:44 +0000

I will admit that I didn’t read all the comments, so forgive is someone has already said this…

I just read the post and I hear a lot of conflict in it. I am often in pain when I excercise so it is unpleasant, but I like being fit more.

This is classic nothing tastes as good as thin feels argument. And you know what, there are many things that taste better then thin feels. The reason is that for the majority of people who are looking towards FA/HAES, have already made themselves miserable denying themselves the food they enjoy in favor of things that they don’t enjoy.

Sure she is stating basic “universal” thoughts that anyone can get in shape and to some degree that is true. Sure getting on the bandwagon is hard, but I don’t believe that staying on it at the level she is describing is sustainable long term. Let’s talk again in 5 years and see how gung-ho we still are with the eggwhite omlettes and searing pain.

If she can do it then, hey, more power to her. I hope she succeeds. But for me, I have climbed on the deprivation and pain wagon and fallen off too many times. Now I am on a wagon that has less turbulence. Sure I will never be not fat, but I am OK with that. I will concentrate on making better food choices and getting of my butt more often, rather that regiment myself into obsession.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 18:32:06 +0000

Kristin– Thanks for your response. I know what you mean about skinny but less fit people, the only thing that chapped my hide about your blog post is the claim that big women who say they are exercising and eating right are “full of crap.” It’s just not always the case, and vice versa.

Sarah B. – I think what Mimi meant was that it’s sad so many people think “that’s just the way it is” about turning the lights off for sex or hiding in your bathing suit.

If we all loved ourselves a little more I think we’d all be a lot healthier, inside or out. Heck, I am almost 300 pounds, and just last night had hot crazy lights-on sex. And it felt great, and I didn’t think about my cellulite or belly rolls once; because who cares? God knows my boyfriend doesn’t!

By: Sarah B

Sarah B — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:38:00 +0000

While I appreciate the sentiment of Mimi’s retort to that part of Kristin’s post, I think it’s easier said than done. Maybe she doesn’t have to turn the lights off or contort (or avoid a bathing suit altogether) but that’s just the way it is for some of us. But I also think that it’s erroneous to assert that getting into better shape magically erases the need for either of those things for people, either.