Mimi Smartypants for President
We try to stay above the blogging fray here at BFD (or rather, I think Mopie and Jenfu do, as they are smart and I am not), but there’s no way for me to get to the sweet spot without giving some backstory.
Swistle is a blogger who has recently decided to mention that she identifies as being fat.) Well, she called it “coming out”, which I found a little strange, because was she just not commenting on her size or was she actively pretending to be thin? Was she switching adjectives the way that people who are closeted about their sexuality switch pronouns? Did she tell blog anecdotes, swapping the words “Forever 21” and “size two dress” for the mythological boutique and size 18?) (This is not the point of this post and this is also why Mo and Jenfu are smarter than I am).
Kristin, who is one of those sporty bloggers, was inspired by the resulting uproar in the blogosphere to write a “fat is not healthy” reaction post where she reveals that she had a self-diagnosed muffin top, so therefore her metabolism is on par with everyone else in the world and what works for her should work for the world. She also then goes on to detail all of the ways she makes herself uncomfortable through exercise to achieve this ideal, which she does because:
I do love that I don’t feel the need to turn off all the lights before I get into bed with Corey. And yes, it’s an immense relief to not have to contort myself into various hunched self-conscious positions in order to make myself less conspicuous at the swimming pool. I am no longer persistently tired, and when I do eat some cheesecake on special occasions, it tastes a thousand times more delicious because it’s a novelty – I’m not eating it every day.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I read that and almost spit out my mouth full of my daily cheesecake. Isn’t it interesting that two totally opposing bloggers can be basically writing posts about exactly the same thing? They’re both revealing things about themselves, both wading through layers upon layers of body insecurities in attempts to earn positive reinforcement.
Thankfully, the inimitable Mimi Smartypants takes it on home for everyone:
Listen hard, now: you never did have to turn out those lights or hunch into those positions. No one has to. Not at one hundred or three hundred pounds.
In fact, I order everybody to fuck with the lights on and carry a sign at the swimming pool that says YEAH I’M IN A BATHING SUIT. Maybe that second part is unnecessary. I’ll leave it for you to decide.
Sing it, Mimi.
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Feminism
I love mimi smartypants. when I read that yesterday, I literally did a fist pump in the air. At work. No one saw…I hope…
I love Mimi, too, she’s awesome. Kristin’s body dysmorphic disorder and low self esteem has caused her lots of problems in the blogsphere (the “fatskinny” kerfluffle). I call bullshit on her crazy diet not being an eating disorder, and I also call bullshit on her “it’s not about looks” bullet point. Her obsession with physical appearance (particularly her boyfriend’s) is all over her personal blog. It’s pretty sad actually.
I agree with some of those comments. However, reading her actual blog post (as opposed to summaries of summaries), most of what she’s saying seems pretty reasonable.
She chooses to be athletic. Some people don’t. Isn’t it okay to do either? She feels self-consious at some weights. Many other people do as well. Is doing a certain exercise to reshape a body part really all that different from buying clothes to flatter that same body part?
I didn’t see anything in the referenced post saying that people should have to make the same decisions that she made. I did see her say that some of the things people say, such as lifestyle not impacting fitness, were inaccurate – which is also an opinion, but a very different one.
Saying, “I believe that you’re overweight because of lifestyle choices,” is one thing. That, she’s doing. Saying, “I believe that you’re bad because you’re overweight” is something else entirely, which she doesn’t seem to be doing. And if her getting more athletic implies that she feels that “fat people are bad,” wouldn’t someone else deciding not to imply “athletic people are bad”? I think we can probably all agree that that’s not the case.
Interesting exchange. It’s too bad people like Kristin focus only on their physical “health” while apparently completely ignoring their mental health.
Richard – Of course it’s ok to do either. What rubbed me the wrong way in her article is the notion that every fat person who claims they actually DO exercise and try to eat well are just big fat (heh) LIARS. And that thin people who claim they don’t exercise and eat whatever are also big non-fat LIARS.
I’m a fat person who remains fat despite trying really hard to be healthy and work out and do all the things a “good fatty” should do.
My BFF is a super thin (size 0 or 2) gal who is a pizza nut and never works out.
But according to Kristin, we’re both full of “crap” for claiming these things are true.
That’s what drives me batty about all these types of discussions. What also drives me batty are “reformed” fatties who were never even fat. Like, “You guys, I was SO FAT, I was like a size 10! Then I started exercising. So obviously it’s easy for everyone.”
Difference being, when one person stops working out and munches lots of Doritos, they might go from a 6 to a 10 (zomg), whereas when I do the same, I might gain 10 times as much weigh. Because my body is DIFFERENT. There is a huge difference between going from 120 to 140 or 150, and being 300 pounds. But not according to the Kristins of the world!
Ugh, ok, I will stop ranting. :-) Also, I’ve loved Mimi Smartypants since her Diaryland days, she rules and we should all listen to her.
Richard, thank you – you nailed what I was attempting to say.
And Sarah – you may be “fat” according to your own diagnoses — but if you are eating well and working out regularly and getting stronger — than you are much more fit than many skinnies. At my skinniest, I was a wreck -I was weak, I chainsmoked, I ate shitloads of Doritos and my skin hung from my body.
Now I’m exercising and eating balanced meals and I weigh 20 pounds more but I can run half marathons. I feel good in my skin. I can climb to the top of a mountain without feeling death grip me. And that makes my heart soar, and that was what I was really trying to say.
I never said exercising is easy. I never said skinny people are fit. I never said fat people are lazy. I don’t think I ever used the word fat. I was trying to convey that you have control over your body and your fitness: if you want to push it, change it, work it you can do it (barring medical conditions, special circumstance, etc. etc.).
And if you DON’T give a crap about being fit, and want to eat cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner and blow bubbles in a translucent tutu motionless, whatever! Cool! It’s up to you. I was talking to people who claim to want to be fit and come up with a million reasons (time, money, genes, etc.) to not do it.
Also MEP, body dysmorphic? That’s a lofty diagnoses. I’m 6’0 and 155 pounds and eat 3 balanced meals and 3 snacks a day. Don’t think that’s overly insane but again, perspective is unique to everyone and you are welcome to yours.
Kristin, check out the definition of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It has nothing to do with what you eat or what you accomplish physically; it has to do with what you see when you look in the mirror. The fact that you didn’t think your body was good enough to be looked at by SOMEONE YOU SHARE YOUR BED WITH indicates a problem.
While I wouldn’t necessarily agree with what Kristin wrote or the way in which she chose to write it, I WOULD argue that internet diagnosing her with a mental disorder is pretty fucking shitty. Not only does it diminish the experience of people who actually suffer from these sorts of illnesses, it completely undermines your contentions with the content of her post. Brutalize the content of her assertions, not her as an individual. Otherwise, it’s just as bad as someone saying “all fat people are lazy.” I wouldn’t listen to a thing that person said either.
I don’t mean to get kumbaya on your dress, but can everyone restrain themselves to shit you’d feel okay about saying to a total stranger’s face? Because I don’t think “bullshit, you are full of crap” nor “you have a mental disorder” qualify.
Respectfully, Kristin, you’re once again reacting to the broader stuff about exercise/diet/weight rather than the teeny bit that I found remarkable/appalling: the part about “having to” hide your body, at whatever shape or size, from the gaze of others. That is THE ONLY THING my comment was about and the only real thing I find interesting about the discussion (no offense, anyone).
Wait…is this like a fat rule or something now? I would love to have daily cheesecake! lol. Although screwing with the lights off is retarded and I can’t follow that one, besides, my partner won’t be able to aim the whip at what he can’t see.
Oh wait, I also had something to say. Kristin, I don’t think there’s any point in addressing yourself to people who want to be fit but come up with excuses why they can’t, because I believe that population of people is vanishingly small. If you really want to do it, you do it. If you’re not doing it, you don’t want it badly enough.
However, point #1 in your post is not about fitness; it’s about weight. It doesn’t matter whether you used the word fat in it. You’re tangling what you have to say about fitness up with what you have to say about weight, and that’s what’s getting people mad.
Also, the extremity of the examples you use for people who don’t share your commitment to fitness and/or weight loss are insulting, whether you mean them to be or not. Telling someone if she doesn’t want to be fit, then it’s okay with you if she eats cheesecake three times a day while doing something pointless and wearing something stupid… that’s just condescending, and it’s beneath you to pretend you don’t realize that.
I mean, other people widened the discussion too, and I can’t fault anyone for that because there are a ton of topics here. I just wanted to make clear that my reaction was all about the self-consciousness/shame that, in your mind, went hand-in-hand with not being “fit.” That is pretty much my #1 issue when it comes to this whole fat-skinny-gender-society ball o’ wax.
I’m going to stop now and invite you all to my house for tea. Because if we could hang out without the subtext and imaginary insinuations that can be found in text…I think we’d all be cool.
My point about eating cheesecake and swirling in a tutu was *not* meant to be condescending. It was meant to say – do any ridiculous thing you want, do any serious thing you want, study for the LSATS, I don’t give a crap because it’s your life.
And actually – the number of emails and comments I’ve received from people who said they want to get fit but can’t because of XYZ has actually been alarmingly high, which is part of what compelled me to write the stupid ass post in the first place.
If I could do it over again I would take 10 hours to write it and think very carefully and consider a million points I didn’t take into consideration the first time round, a fact I’ve admitted to several times already in comments. I understand what you’re saying about fitness and weight and entanglement and god knows I regret my choice of words.
I was trying to convey that you have control over your body and your fitness: if you want to push it, change it, work it you can do it (barring medical conditions, special circumstance, etc. etc.).
It may be all a matter of mind-over-body for you, Kristin, but for others it’s not always so simple. I’ve maintained a (non-surgical) weight loss of 100 pounds for six plus years now. That loss was initially much more, but I found that it required an anorexic lifestyle of two hours daily exercise and less than 800 calories a day to maintain my lowest weight. I am physically active and a health-conscious vegetarian and yet despite my best efforts the weight can — and has — returned quite easily.
I’d like to read what you have to say about this study in which researchers found it virtually impossible to keep a thin person fat and vice versa.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/health/08iht-snfat.5614611.html?_r=2
I like tea! Common ground: Achieved.
Oh… so I AM the only idiot who clicked on “Mythological Boutique” hoping it was an awesome new store Weet found.
Awkward.
Punchy, I did it too.
Because if we could hang out without the subtext and imaginary insinuations that can be found in text…I think we’d all be cool.
Oh, good, so now we’re being accused of imagining things. Huzzah! If we’re entering a new imaginary realm, I’d like a million dollars and no chin pimples, please.
And Punchy: no.
The other part that bugs me about what Kristin writes is that her blog has a lot about how much she hates the exercise she does.
Exactly why would I get up a half hour earlier (and be even more sleep deprived than I am now – and getting enough sleep is damned important to health) to do something painful and unpleasant?
I think I’ll stick to my dance classes a couple of times a week and regular walking which I enjoy when I’m doing those. And getting a nice workout with my sweetie with the lights on :)
Mimi Smartypants rocks! She definitely hit home with what she said.
While I appreciate the sentiment of Mimi’s retort to that part of Kristin’s post, I think it’s easier said than done. Maybe she doesn’t have to turn the lights off or contort (or avoid a bathing suit altogether) but that’s just the way it is for some of us. But I also think that it’s erroneous to assert that getting into better shape magically erases the need for either of those things for people, either.
Kristin– Thanks for your response. I know what you mean about skinny but less fit people, the only thing that chapped my hide about your blog post is the claim that big women who say they are exercising and eating right are “full of crap.” It’s just not always the case, and vice versa.
Sarah B. – I think what Mimi meant was that it’s sad so many people think “that’s just the way it is” about turning the lights off for sex or hiding in your bathing suit.
If we all loved ourselves a little more I think we’d all be a lot healthier, inside or out. Heck, I am almost 300 pounds, and just last night had hot crazy lights-on sex. And it felt great, and I didn’t think about my cellulite or belly rolls once; because who cares? God knows my boyfriend doesn’t!
I will admit that I didn’t read all the comments, so forgive is someone has already said this…
I just read the post and I hear a lot of conflict in it. I am often in pain when I excercise so it is unpleasant, but I like being fit more.
This is classic nothing tastes as good as thin feels argument. And you know what, there are many things that taste better then thin feels. The reason is that for the majority of people who are looking towards FA/HAES, have already made themselves miserable denying themselves the food they enjoy in favor of things that they don’t enjoy.
Sure she is stating basic “universal” thoughts that anyone can get in shape and to some degree that is true. Sure getting on the bandwagon is hard, but I don’t believe that staying on it at the level she is describing is sustainable long term. Let’s talk again in 5 years and see how gung-ho we still are with the eggwhite omlettes and searing pain.
If she can do it then, hey, more power to her. I hope she succeeds. But for me, I have climbed on the deprivation and pain wagon and fallen off too many times. Now I am on a wagon that has less turbulence. Sure I will never be not fat, but I am OK with that. I will concentrate on making better food choices and getting of my butt more often, rather that regiment myself into obsession.
Don’t confuse pain with misery either – working out hard to the point of failure is, honestly, painful at times. That doesn’t mean that its not a positive feeling, even at that time. Searing pain would be something very different.
See, I totally understand about the ‘coming out’ thing being a reveal, rather than a retcon. Coming out for me was usually clarifying pronouns, rather than switching them. God love the ungrammatical use of ‘they’ when it comes to that stuff. But god love being out (in all areas) more.
Anyway, as for the rest of the brouhaha, yay to M.S.! One thing that I think many of us can agree on is that feeling like you ‘have to’ hide your body sucks. Sex should be fun, not shaming, and even though many of us have internalized some version of the ‘everyone must find my body “acceptable” all of the time’ dictum, that doesn’t make it objectively true.
I strongly and thoroughly disagree with Kristen on many points that have been enumerated above, but the final thing that I’m coming away from this with is a sadness about how we can get polarized about all of this stuff. Restricting your diet and choosing to dedicate many hours each week to working out is a sacrifice, and I can get how it may be easier at times to feel that it’s ‘worth it’ if you look upon the alternative with disdain.
Reducing things to two extreme options is easy, but not accurate. Daily cheesecake or wanting to vomit from bench pressing. Bingeing all of the time or looking forward to the one dorito a week.
Because none of us have infinite amounts of time, energy or money, we’ve got to compromise. And maybe it’s easier to feel ok with our own compromises when we pretend like the alternatives are all totally unliveable wastelands of suck. But as understandable as that tendency is, and as much as I end up doing it in my own life, it can become hurtful way too quickly.
Richard. I realize that working out to exhaustion is a valid way to exercise. I’ve done it myself, with a trainer, but to me much of what was written about diet and exercise in the post made it sound not like it was at all enjoyable, more like a sacrifice that made her worthy of being thin. For me that attitude caused resentment for me for both the diet and the exercise. I prefer to be more gentle with my body and brain now.
I’m curious why someone would be considered to have ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ because they felt bad about how they looked getting into bed…
That’s one of the most insane statements I’ve heard in a long time.
I have days/weeks/ months where i don’t like to look at myself in the mirror and where I don’t feel like I’m happy with how I look. There are other times where I’d happily prance around in a bikini – cause I’ve worked my ass off at the various types of activity that I do that make me feel better about me.
But I do it for me. Kristin works out for HER and she feels better now, can prance around wildly in her underthings and not feel even slightly bad about climbing into bed with a guy with 4% body fat. But that’s HER. I don’t pretend for a moment that I know what it’s like to be overweight or even to be happy about it.
My sister is obese and is happy. Good for her. I couldn’t handle it, but I think mainly cause I WANT to be the size I am and I work hard at it. I’m not sure what’s going on in her head, or do I pretend to. She could be screaming out for help for all I know, but she portrays happy, though she’s not healthy.
If you’re happy at your size, then great, but to make fun of someone who is at a size that you don’t feel you ever need to be is pretty harsh.
It makes me so sad that women in particular feel they have to hide their bodies when having sex. Seriously, there is a very therapeutic nature to embracing your body as an integral part to your sexuality. You can’t have those sexual pleasures without your body – your skin, your brain, your movements – they are all a part of the whole damn experience.
One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten concerning my weight was my fiance telling me that he loves how comfortable I am in my own skin (particularly concerning sex) – because, to him, it not only shows that I love myself, but that making love is about the two of us as lovers and not what our bodies look like.
I would definitely vote for Mimi Smarty pants for President. She “gets it”. Go Mimi! Count me in for your campaign!!
I think “coming out” is exactly that – challenging assumptions. If you don’t say you’re queer, people assume you’re straight, generally. If you apply makeup, people assume you identify as female. If you pontificate on the internet, I think most people and white people generally, will assume you’re likely to be white. And if you say nothing about being fat? People will assume you are not. This is what privelege is, in its most subtle form: being in tune with the assumptions people make about majority culture. So, for some queerfolk, coming out is exactly challenging assumptions – whether or not they’ve tried to present as straight previously. Assumptions are powerful blinders – and biases (like confirmation bias) in thinking work to reinforce them.