Oh and to clarify because I know this will be questioned. I am a big woman. I’m 5’6″ tall and over 225 pounds and happy with the body I have. I wish there were more of these clubs so some of my more self conscience friends would be able to feel the freedom of knowing they are desired and accepted by a lot more people of all different sizes then they realize.

-Denise

My questions about attraction are to clarify that you understand the difference between attraction and fetish. Example: your husband spoke to you because he’s naturally drawn to (let’s pick something at random) short women. You’re short, so he had his eye on you from the start. Whereas, if you were tall, he might not have noticed you.

There are extraneous circumstances that override preference. For example, you meet your future husband through a friend and whereas in a public setting he might not notice you, through fate you met in a setting where he gets to know your personality up front. He may then fall in love with who you are, regardless of your height, because the direct connection through a friend superseded the randomness that attraction facilitates.

Does that mean your husband is no longer attracted to short women? Or that he isn’t really attracted to you? Not at all. Attraction is malleable, so if you started out short in your relationship and, after he falls in love with you, you magically grow to be 6’2″, he’ll still love you.

I’m simply referring to those instances of initial attraction, when the only thing you have to base it on is physicality, which some people have certain preferences for.

I don’t care what your opinions on plus sized clubs are. If you’re uncomfortable there, fine. But what I find troubling is your dismissive attitude toward the differences between attraction and fetish.

As far as your repeated claims of male entitlement behavior: I find it ironic that someone who expects people to be so open-minded about fat people finds it so easy to stereotype people. So, fat fetishists and fat admirers are the same. And all fat fetishists (and admirers) are going to plus-sized clubs to exert their entitlement over fat women.

I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong. Are there men who exhibit those behaviors? Yes. Do fat fetishists at plus-sized clubs have a higher tendency to do so than “normal” men at “normal” clubs? I don’t think so. If you’re a predator, you’re a predator, regardless of your individual idiosyncrasies, and you’re going to that venue to prey.

I’m not at all bothered by your desire to avoid such clubs, but I am bothered by your generalizations about the people who do frequent them.

And just out of curiosity, what is the “culture” of fat admirers?

Peace,
Shannon

People are people, whatever their weight.

“Why?”

That’s the sort of thing that should never need justification.

I am choosing to avoid such clubs, because the culture behind “fat admirers” is a big turnoff to me. And bringing up my partner’s preferences is in no way relevant to the argument.

When it comes to plus size clubs: I’m not into it. This doesn’t mean I have a problem with fat people – I am fat, and quite comfortable with myself. And if other fat people feel they need a club to feel comfortable, or because they want to embrace their fatness as a sexual element rather than as one part of a whole person, I’m sure some will enjoy such clubs. If it were just about being comfortable, I’d feel a little sad some people find it necessary, but whatever. Since people often hit nightclubs because they’re looking for sex in addition to a normal good time, however, this means that such a specific club will bring out people with specific desires that I don’t want to be approached with.

Since I don’t want to be subjected to “What do you mean you’re not into it, you’re here and you’re fat – therefore you should be available to my advances”! Therefore, I am opting not to invest my recreation time in such a club.

I’m not stopping anyone else from doing it and I’m not going to further justify why I don’t want to participate in such a culture.

And you and I may know that no-one in their right mind picks a partner based solely on the basis of them being fat besides the Craigslist guys, most of whom aren’t looking for love but a notch for their bedpost, but then, to some women we’re all that shallow and only care about what they look like – because after all no woman ever rejected her potential soul mate based on his lack of arm candy potential or what her friends might think of the fact he’s beneath her in the physical attractiveness department. And if all that also means that because I happened to marry a fat chick (as opposed to just being fat myself) I’ve nothing to contribute to political FA, then so be that as well. Frankly I’m getting really rather tired of trying to push the point to people whose minds were made up long before then, so I give up.

And jumping in on the fetish discussion- I think, especially when it comes to something as socially taboo as being attracted to beefier people, that there’s a real problem and a real disconnect in distinguishing between what is an attraction (a preference) and a fetish. We all have our preferences- I’ve got a thing for red hair and freckles. Some men are into boobs, some men are into legs. Some women prefer a guy with short hair, some with long. It all goes into what physically attracts you- and *most* people will sometimes find they become attached to people who don’t fit their “normal” idea of what is physically attractive, and that’s OK too.

Fetish is different; It’s not that you’re just attracted to people who look a certain way, it’s more sexual. And for all that it’s viewed as ‘creepy’ I am completely OK with this, as well. It’s not my thing; Fetishization is generally objectification and I don’t want to be objectified for my weight- and since I don’t want to, I would probably feel a bit “creeped out” if someone tried to, but keep in mind that even fat fetishists aren’t really hurting anyone at their core so it’s sort of unfair to just call that creepy because that’s how it is perceived.

Anyway, this is getting kind of long but the point I’m trying to make is that in discussions like this I tend to see a lot of talk about how ‘creepy’ fat fetishes are and such and I just want everyone to remember that just because something isn’t your thing doesn’t automatically mean it is inherently creepy. Sure, some fetishists of all sorts will probably act in ways we might feel are creepy- and that’s a sign to back off, they’re probably not the right one for you.

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