Oh, Kirstie Alley. You’re a ridiculously beautiful woman. You’re reasonably talented, you’re fairly charming, you’re actually pretty hilarious, even. My point is, you have many excellent qualities, all of which are ripe for the picking and/or exploitation. You could have a career, Kirstie Alley! You could be an Actress, full stop. You don’t have to spend the entirety of your career being a Fat Actress. You don’t have to base all your attention-getting activies on the size of your body and the shape of your ass. Enough with Jenny Craig and the bikinis on Oprah and swearing that you’re going to get back into a bikini, on Oprah.
What I’m saying, Kirstie Alley, is that you don’t need to have a goddamn reality show about how you’re going to lose the weight. Kirstie Alley, you are equally hot and you are equally talented at every size you have ever been. But more importantly, Kirstie Alley: you are more than your goddamn fat. I’m tired of hearing you talk about it and I’m tired of hearing you complain about it, and I’m tired of hearing you hate on yourself and your body and your life.
I’m sorry, Kirstie Alley. I didn’t mean to get angry at you. It’s just–please believe me, Kirstie Alley, when I say that I’m not discounting your struggle, how difficult it is to be an actress in Hollywood, how incredibly hard it must be to work in an industry where you’re only as good as the size of your ass. I just wish, I guess, you didn’t have to buy into the game. I wish you didn’t have to say ha ha, everyone, I know how awful it is that I am fat! It just makes me sad. It just makes me wish you could be simultaneously happy with your size and happy in your career and successful and while I’m at it, I may as well wish the same for everyone, and ponies for all, and world peace and teleportation technology via the magic of physics. You know, the easy stuff.
Posted by jenfu