Do you remember when Karl Lagerfield was fat, and you got the feeling he sort of hated himself? He wore a lot of big, black clothes that covered him all the way up, and wandered around flapping a little fan in front of his face, in order, one assumes, to hide his double chin. It reminded me of myself in high school, where I would literally back out of rooms because I was afraid that someone would notice my ass, and the size of it, which I felt was all wrong and a terrible thing.
Uncle Karl then went on to lose 90 pounds or so with the help of a doctor and a lot of starvation, and the avoidance of exercise which only makes you hungry. Hunger is a terrible, terrible thing. So is being fat, says Uncle Karl. There’s a trend toward using less-skinny models in runway shows, and Karl doesn’t like it one bit. Karl, in fact, thinks that it is “absurd.”
“No one wants to see curvy women,” Lagerfeld said. “You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying thin models are ugly.” Fashion is about “dreams and illusions.”
Dreams and illusions! Ha! Oh Karl. You are an asshole. And you’re kind of an idiot, too. And you know, I was filled with rage when I first read your quote, but I think, in the end, I just feel kind of sorry for you. You used to smile a lot, when you were fat but still, I assume, eating things. And now I don’t remember the last time I saw you looking anything but grim. I’m sorry you’re hungry all the time, Karl, that you have to starve yourself to stay so thin and gaunt-looking and you suggest we all do the same in your diet book, that you seem to be a miserable, kind of creepy and grim old man who hates the person you used to be. I mean, a fan to hide your double chin. That’s pretty sad, Karl.
Your dreams and illusions, the ones where you are fabulous and elegant and enviably slim, they sure are hard to keep up with, aren’t they, Karl? Go have a bowl of low-sodium broth, Karl, and salt it with your tears.
Posted by jenfu