“How Can I Feel Confident About My Small Chest?”
I got this comment recently, and thought it deserved a post. As a large breasted woman, I’ve always had that “well at least I have big boobs” fallback when I feel insecure. (Which is obviously problematic because why are large breasts good in the first place? Because of our stupid, idealistic beauty standards where you have to be skinny but have huge tits so men will want to have sex with you. On how many levels does that fail? Let us count the ways.) But before we get to that conversation, here is the post:
Hey you guys! Not sure where to post this, but I need some BFD help right now. I have a problem that I just can’t seem to solve on my own.
I’m a chubby, pear-shaped woman, and I’m very happy with my size. But, while I wear a size 10/12 in jeans, my bras size is a mere 34A.
I’m okay with my tiny breasts, personally. In fact, I think they’re super cute, and as it happens, my boyfriend agrees. I’m just so worried that other people will judge me because of my figure, or that they will think I am ugly, un-sexy, and un-womanly.
How can I learn to feel confident about my small chest? How do I deal with feeling that others might think I’m slightly freakish, or that I look like a child?
I know you guys are a wonderfully body-positive community, and I’m hoping you have some words of wisdom for me.
I know that it’s not only size 10/12 women who are pear shaped and have small breasts, and I’m interested to hear the thoughts of the BFD community on this one.
Also, while we’re at it, I think we should click to fund free mammograms at the National Breast Cancer Foundation. A click on that site, which is absolutely free, “helps fund free mammograms for women in need—low-income, inner-city and minority women whose awareness of breast cancer and opportunity for help is often limited.” A good cause if there ever was one.
BFD powers, activate!
Posted by mo pie
My mom is pear-shaped and smaller chested (i inherited my rack-of-doom from my dad’s side of the family) and loves it because, as she says, she can go days without having to wear a bra. And as someone who currently is earning her way through school by selling bras, let me tell you — the average 34A bra is much less expensive than the average 40DDD bra.
Also, you are not barred from the sexy or womanly bras — Wacoal and Calvin Klein, among others, make really sexy, fun bras — padded and unpadded — for sizes 34A.
And don’t worry about what other people might think. You love them, your partner loves them, and if anyone is assholish enough to chide you for them, you can say “I went three days without having to put on a bra!” They will pretend they are not jealous, but they secretly seethe with envy.
I agree with everything the first commenter said – smaller breasts get to have cuter bras – or no bra! If I went braless, children would scream and buildings would shake! Smaller breasts also look great in button down tops, where larger breasts almost ALWAYS cause gaps.
I’ll bet she doesn’t suffer from back pain, either. Or get those dents in her shoulders caused by big thick bra straps.
Small breasts are fun and carefree! Rejoice in them and know that while you still might secretly covet the assets of us boobaciously endowed, we are AT THE SAME TIME secretly coveting your freedom breasts!
Just remember that not everybody likes big boobs, not everybody likes big booties, not everybody likes any one accepted notion of beauty.
Sure, there’s a social standard, but the internet makes it possible to see just how artificial those standards are. Be confident in your own unique beauty and accept those parts you cannot change as just one of the many, many physical pieces to your all-encompassing puzzle.
Who gives a shit if some random guy doesn’t like your puzzle: you’ve got a man who does, and that’s what matters.
Peace,
Shannon
I just made a post about this very topic on my site. I am on the smaller side as well. 32B. I used to be insecure about my size in high school but now I love them. Smaller boobs are great because they tend to be perkier than larger boobs that just kind of sag. You have to realize that you are completely normal. Everyone knows that breasts come in all sizes and no one thinks you are a freak. Men love boobs no matter what size they are. They are yours and thats what makes them special.
I don’t have that “perfect” hip to chest ratio either. I’m a 40 C, but only because it’s nearly impossible to find a 42B. (Large chest, smaller breasts.) And I’m a 18/20. You just gotta love the girls no matter what their size and dress them up so they look their best!
Also remember that you have a body type that is desirable in Brazil, home of some of the world’s sexiest people. I personally think small boobs are awesome, because I was not blessed with them. Any time I see Gwen Stefani or Kate Hudson rocking their perky boobs, I sigh with jealousy. No one talks directly to their boobs, and they don’t have to worry about looking like, or being treated like, porn stars when they wear strappy tops.
I don’t even put stock in bra sizes anymore. My best-fitting bra is a 34-D but if I asked someone on the street to guess my cup size (lol) they’d probably guess B. I read somewhere that Holly Madison is a 34D and fake boob sizing must be vastly different from real boob sizing bc my breasts look absolutely nothing like hers. I would like to go on a full-fledged bra-sizing rant here, but I’ll refrain and say only that if you get down on yourself because society tells you you should be a34C or whatever certain size, just remember that doesn’t even mean anything.
Whenever I catch myself worrying about what “other people” think, I remind myself that 1. other people are generally worried about themselves and 2. I’m not that interesting. Usually, I’m really projecting on to those poor “other people” my own worries.
Because, let’s face it, if someone is judging your body that harshly, would you value their decision? Would you want to be around them?
Oh good grief! Stop basing your self-worth and self-image on the possibility that someone just might think you’re “slightly freakish” or look like a child. Anyone who thinks either of these things is hugely freakish and has the maturity of a two year-old.
There are much more pressing things in the world that you should be worrying about. You’ve got your health and a good relationship. Move on.
I do find it frustrating to find plus size, small boob bras. I find any clothes shopping awful. If I could just be a standard fatty, without being extra tall and small boobed and living in Canada which has almost no plus size stores in the first place! Frankly, I think I look better naked than in most of the dreck I wind up having to buy.
But advice for the tiny titty club — if you want a sexy look, enjoy the fact that you can go braless without it hurting! Men’s button down shirts without a bra look really hot. Generally, for work-level dressing, you can also get away with lower cut tops, since the lack of cleavage keeps them from being too sexy for work. Then buy some lovely jewelry or scarves.
Or, advice for anyone — wear whatever you damned well want along with a look of self-confidence on your face and you will be the best looking person in the room.
They make tons, tons, tons of cute clothing that works without a bra under it. Sexy dresses, cute halter tops, others have said sexy lingerie. SAAS even has a series that shows you how to sew your own clothing so you can make a top that fits you, instead of fighting with the ready-to-wear industry’s idea of what your body should fit. Although other people can try to make you feel unfeminine, you’re not as limited in how you express your femininity as very large chested women are.
The thing that all of us have to grapple with is that other people’s problems with our bodies isn’t our problem. If someone has an issue with your chest, or your weight, or your hair, or nose or whatever, that’s their issue, it speaks volumes about that person and doesn’t say a damn thing about you. People with appearance related hangups are people you don’t have to waste energy on, at least until they grow up and join the rest of humanity.
Oh bugger, that should read “Unapologetically Fat has an SAAS series, that shows you…”
Please forgive me, my sugar is a bit low this morning, makes it hard to brain.
Deathfatz: I have it. Also a pear shape and B-cup breasts. My general attitude is, so what if people think I am freakish? If it weren’t the deathfatz, it would be the big booty. If it weren’t the deathfatz or the big booty, it would be the small boobs. If it weren’t the deathfatz or the big booty or the small boobs, it would be the way I dress or how I wear my hair. Haters will always find a reason to hate, but since there is nothing I can do about what other people think, I try not to waste my time and energy worrying about it.
“…you can say “I went three days without having to put on a bra!” They will pretend they are not jealous, but they secretly seethe with envy.”
This! I wear a 38D, which is definitely not a Rack O’ Doom but large enough to cause discomfort when I don’t wear a bra. I hate the sweaty confines of my bra on hot days, but going without is even worse. Take advantage of your ability to go au naturel without pain.
I’m a 36 C, which is average, but I think fairly small on my size 14 frame especially compared to my hips which are awkward and severely disproportionate. I personally hate my boobs, not because of their size but because of their shape and overall unattractive appearance. I think you should focus on the fact that yours do look attractive and that your boyfriend likes them. Focusing on aspects other than size, or wearing cute bras, might make you feel better. And honestly, I really don’t think you have to worry about other people judging you based on your breast size; I think people are more likely to notice the whole package, and how you present yourself overall, rather than focus on one part of you. As long as you feel confident about your boobs, which it sounds like you already do, and don’t draw attention to the fact that you might feel insecure, no one else will notice anything.
@MEP — ditto on the talking to the boobs and strappy tops. Also, having to wear high necklines to work because otherwise cleavage pops out and says hi.
As an inverted triangle (big shoulders, big boobs, small hips and butt), I can kind of empathize, but in reverse. My lack of hips/butt has always made me really self-conscious — I associate pear shape with being more womanly, not less.
Rejoice in them and know that while you still might secretly covet the assets of us boobaciously endowed, we are AT THE SAME TIME secretly coveting your freedom breasts!
THIS. As we get older we think people are thinking about the same things we are (ourselves!) but theyr’e NOT. They’re wrapped up in their self and worrying what YOU think! ^^ I hope this helps.
Ditto what JeninCanada said!
I am de-lurking to comment here for the very first time to say how much I loved evilsciencechick’s comment about “freedom breasts”! I can’t even express how delightful it is. With two words, you gave me an awesome new positive way of thinking about my body! Thank you!
I used to be a 38DD, am now a 32B, and I really like being small chested better. Having big breasts was depressing and painful… whenever I went bra shopping all the ones in my size looked like something my grandma would wear, I got reffered to as a big breasted girl a lot (as if that’s all there was to me), and my back always hurt.
I don’t care what guys or anyone else likes, when it comes to your body only you have to accept it because you’re the one living in it.
I am a 46B on a 6 foot size 28 frame. I waited for years for my boobs to come. And whilst my lovers have made do, I always wished I had bigger ones to balance me out and so I would not look so much like a boy. The first place I loose weight is there. It is just terribe’
In truth I blame the PCOS for derailing my pubertal potential with too many male hormones. I wonder if that is true for other large but flat chested women?
“you’ve got a man who does, and that’s what matters.”
Atchka! Thanks for letting me know that I am a complete failure because I am single (regardless of breast size).
Decades ago when I was skinny my boobs were pretty small. An old boyfriend told me that the French considered boobs that fit into an old fashioned champagne glass (round and shallow, not tall like a column) to be “perfect.” And then actually tried it out. Mine fit–and it remains the nicest thing anyone’s ever done/said to me regarding boobs. Suggest you try it.
Smaller breasts with bigger band sizes do not get many cute bras, unfortunately. In fact, they’re hard to find. I’m a pear-shaped size 18 and wear a 40B.
However, I’m not self conscious and I don’t think that my body looks “unfeminine.” Like other pear-shaped women, I’ve got a defined waist and big butt and hips. It might not be the trendy body shape, but it works for me and my partners have liked it too. Sooner or later you have to stop caring so much about how your body measures up to a beauty standard that exists to sell stuff.
Like deeleigh quoted, small cup sizes with larger band sizes 1) do not have many options and 2) are close to impossible to find. Whenever I find one, I’m nearly brought to tears. (I’m an true A- almost small B with a 36-28 band).
Those of you who have boobs, and claim to envy us – are sadly mistaken. Not all of us can walk about freel without a bra. Some of us are unsymmetrical, or saggy or oddly shaped. Personally, being unsymmetrical has been the worst (if there can be more than one) aspect of being flat – it makes finding a properly fitting bra a soul defeating shopping experience!
Although I don’t mean to sound unkind or unsympathetic, I don’t quite understand the purpose of this posters request. She claims she likes her body and (how fortunate!) she has a BF who also appreciates her…. so what’s exactly the problem? If YOU like/love YOUR body, then by god REJOICE! You are blest.
Speaking as someone who is also an xtreme pear, I can echo some of the comments about feeling “freakish” (as in freakishly flat chested) or unfeminine for not having breasts. Its not a cakewalk, considering that virtually all men (who are not gay) worship breasts. As part of a research study I conducted a few years ago, I interviewed several different categories of men and the response was overwhelming.
Flat or fake? Guess which one won? And it wasn’t the first one. Which means, something is better than nothing at all.
The poster doesn’t sound all that unhappy about her “situation”. When I was at my thinnest, I had AAs and the body of a 12 year old boy. Although I may be fat now, at least I have (somewhat, not really) breasts.
It’s one of those not quite the consolation prize sort of deals….
Oh and NewMe, thanks for hitting the condescension nail on the head:
“There are much more pressing things in the world that you should be worrying about. You’ve got your health and a good relationship. Move on.”
Wow. I’d love for you to be in my shoes for one day….
(currently considering moving to Brazil where “my kind” seem to be most desired)
Hmm, I think if you have wide enough hips to be considered a pear shape, you’ve gotten past the point of being viewed as a child regardless of your boob size.
I like to remind myself that they won’t cause me a whole lot of back problems as I get older, but I guess isn’t really confidence-boosting…
Maybe find other things to be confident about, rather than your chest? Do your boobs HAVE to contribute to your confidence?
It is so difficult to find smaller cups with larger band sizes, I am so glad someone brought that up. I think the encouragement from all the people spouting the benefits of being small chested is great , but Vanessa is right- not all of us with smaller breasts can go braless. I am symmetrical but have oddly shaped boobs that without a bra to support them do not look great. I dont have a problem with them per say and not because my boyfriend likes them, but because I just dont mind too much.
I do hate that my choices of bras are
1. hideous 2. hard to find 3. really expensive.
I think we can all agree on the fact that the garment industry loves taking money from women who do not fit into an industry mould, which is by the way, pretty much everyone.
As a member of the itty bitty titty brigade, one thing I really like about them (besides the chance that they will stay perky much longer than they would if they were larger), is that when I put on weight, they get (a little) bigger. It is something that makes it easier not to freak out when I go through a fatter phrase. (Full disclosure: I am not fat, but like just about every other woman on the planet, I have been conditioned into worrying about my weight and being disappointed when it increases). So now that I am onboard with FA and trying to love my body no matter what it does, I consciously look at myself in the mirror when I think I am getting a bit fatter, and can at least admire the new curves on the boobs, and am working on extending that admiration to the belly and hip curves. It’s a starting point, at least.
Pingback: Big Fat Deal » Fat And Disabled Contestants On Project Runway
Why, why, why do people bring up what men like whenever women’s bodies are discussed? It has nothing to do with them. No wonder they get all full of themselves thinking that everything we do is to win their approval. Seriously. The only thing that matters is how you feel, not what anyone else thinks.
I have big boobs and envy women with small – even tiny – breasts. There’s the bralessness (which from other commenters, I now realize isn’t an option for all small-breasted women) and the button-down shirts that fit right, and the being talked to face-to-face rather than face-to-boobs thing. There’s also the gravity issue. Gravity is not my friend. I’ve lost 40 lbs. in the last year, and while my bra band size goes down, my cup size won’t budge. I will always envy small-breasted women, but I’m happy in my own skin, and will continue to work with what I’ve got. I wish everyone could just go ahead and do that. Fat, thin, tall, short, whatever.
I’m not sure what body type I am exactly. But I’m 5’4″ and 130 pounds with 34B size breasts. So I’m pretty small from my chest up and from my thighs down, but I have a large belly.
It sort of sucks, because I feel I’m very unbalanced. I don’t particularly WANT big boobs (not that there’s anything wrong with them!) but I hate how much my stomach overpowers the rest of my body. It’s hard to feel confident when I’ve grown up, asking myself, “If I’m not even that heavy, why do I look so fat all the time?”
Hey Laura: first all all, if you are 130 pounds, 5’4″, and a B cup, then you are almost certainly NOT fat by most peoples’ standards, regardless of your shape.
It’s true that apple shapes are exactly trendy right now, but plenty of people thing they are adorable. Personally, I love bellies! Also, although I am more pear-shaped, I definitely have a curvy tummy. And it is probably the one part of me that has garnered the most complements from my sex partners. Who would have known?
Try to quit beating yourself up, and recognize the awesomeness of your figure. ^_^
Thanks CurvyChica :). I know I’m not really fat, but I’m just not proportional lol. But I’m working on the self confidence!
I’m 20 i’m so insrecure with my chest its really small i’m talking training bra thats right. I don’t even have a bra size. When i go into places like victoria secret with a friend of mines i feel so bad because i no there’s nothing in there for me.
So I am about 280 pounds, and I hold it all in my stomach, and none in my size A breasts. This has the effect of making me feel masculine, which I hate. I wear a 50 A, which as you can imagine, pretty much does not exist, so I have to wear a 46 B with Bra extenders.
It feels awful to know then when fat women are celebrated, it is always the hourglass figure, and not much else.
I really hate that.
I am so sympathetic. I am a size 18 with B size breasts, I wear a 44b or 46b. I would actually prefer an A, but usually have to make do with slightly saggy cups. I hate shopping for bras and have to do it exclusively online because no one carries my size in a store.
Now I’m pregnant and let me tell you finding a nursing bra in that size is even more difficult. It’s not my first pregnancy so I already know my boobs aren’t getting any bigger. The only nursing bra in my size costs about $50-$70!
I can give a tip though. Try breezies bras. I found them a couple of years ago and have been just thrilled with them. They make 44b and 46b in a variety of styles. I actually have a bra that’s cute with lace and ribbons and looks like something in a VS catalog that would never come in my size there. The Breezies cup sizes run small, which is great! A 44b or 46b in playtex or goddess is very saggy on me, but the Breezies are perfect. I buy them on e-bay for about $10-15 per bra (They’re $30-50 on QVC normally). It’s just been amazing for me to have a nice bra wardrobe, so I wanted to pass the idea on to other small chested plus size ladies.
I’ve always felt freakish and self-conscious about my breasts. Thankfully my husband likes small breasts and has never minded how plus sized I am. Finding the right man was much easier than finding a good bra that fits :).
If you want to feel more confident about your appearance why not write down your best bits then look in the mirror and admire yourself whilst saying them? You could also write down all your positive traits to remind you as beautiful as you are you are you are not just a body.
Why do you care what strangers think of you?
Everyone has their own inscuities.
Appearance is relative, see yourself as beautiful.
If someone talks negatively of your breasts that is just a sentiment of who they are it’s not a reflection on you. A person who has a high self esteem will not see a need to badtalk someone’s appearance. What is the point?
What does it tell you about someone who flags up their low self-esteem by trying to lower yours?
Before I had my triplets my breast size was 32A, size 8, slender waist and bum my shape used to be: – The Brick.
Now I’m: – The Lolipop I’m a 32D and tiny below I’m still a size 8 so my breasts really don’t suit my tiny frame. Although I’ve gotten used to being bigger and love my breasts just the same I have backache, my shoulders sometimes hurt from the staps, the stares I recieve are leering which makes me feel uncomfortable, I do a lot of dancing but the sports bras literally can’t keep up with me! I sometimes envy my small-breasted friends as they don’t have back pain and have a choice whether they want to be a bit bigger (two of them wear breast fillets).
Seriously having bigger breasts isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Why is there so much talk of what men think? Why do they determine how beautiful we are?
Haystacks-
Thank you so much for your comment! My sister is a 52A/54AA and I have only ever found one bra in her size. (If anyone knows of any others it would be greatly appreciated.) Even with bra extenders bras were too tight. I make all her bras now, but I wish someone would make some nice looking plus size bras in AA/A/B cup sizes.
And you’re right about the prices! Way too much for what you get.
Thanks.
Sorry! That last part about price was for Kerry.
I am a large woman with 36AAA bra, waist 35″, hips 46″ with heavy thighs. I must wear pads in my bra to wear clothing. I am embarrassed to take off my clothes in front of my husband. Do you have any suggestions to make my breast a little fuller and not look like a man in my clothing?
@ Barbara Smith
Sadly, I have never heard of a safe, effective, non-surgical way to increase breast size. Doing weight-training exercises might expand the muscles under your breasts, and make your chest seem fuller. I’ve also gone up a cup size when I started taking birth control, but that effect is pretty unpredictable.
As to the embarrassment thing: chances are, your husband loves to see you topless, small breasts or no. Have you talked with him about this at all?
If there is absolutely no way you are going to go nude, I would highly recommend investing in some nice lingerie. A silky teddy or a cute negligee can cover up areas that you don’t feel like showing, in a way that’s comfortable, sexy and fun.
I know how you feel!!! My hips and butt are huge like a size 20 but my chest is only a 38 a/b. In an A cup I feel like I’m popping out but in a B it’s too big, so I usually stick to cotton sport bras. not much padding but they fit. I thought someone made an in between size like Victoria’s Secret but the lady practically laughed at me when I assked…… One thing I founf that helps is having people around you who don’t care what you look like and can joke about it. My cousin who has a rack-o-doom jokes that she donate some boobage only if I’ll give her some of my butt!!! lol
oops….I swear I know how to spell. Sorry about all the misspells lol ^_^ heehee
Hi
I think that one thing is obvious is that Fat People even more so than thin people have a wide range of body size and shapes that are possible. We just have more for Mother nature to experiment with.
William
I have smaller boobs too, I dont think its all that bad. I wish they were atleats a c. But i am gonna live with the b’s i got. I look great in button down shirts, but feel like boyz only want the girls that show off their boobs for attention… ITS GROSS!! Im not a fan of showing body parts. Not even my legs… I have a pear shaped body, and I am a size 9/12 and I hate my body. Any advive to how I can look sexier, and feel confident with out acting like a complete slut, showing my body off?
-HATE MY BODY…
Thank you for the post and all the comments. I am a pear with a small chest (32AA). I spent years obsessing over my body, especially as my breasts and my lower half are not in proportion. With a few tricks you can add (the illusion of) a few inches to your chest and play down your hip area. I have found this useful:
http://littlemissboob.co.uk/autumn-winter-2011-trends-for-small-chests/
http://littlemissboob.co.uk/autumn-winter-2011-trends-pear-shape-small-chest/