Comments on: Ask BFD: When Do I Speak Up?

By: Kendra

Kendra — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:48:29 +0000

Aaaaand… that would be “is challengING.” As in, challenges their assumptions.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:47:15 +0000

This is a hard one for many of us – lots of good suggestions (I’m totally stealing the “I threw out my scale” one, because it’s true!).

Others I’ve used have been an immediate topic change (like, them: “You’ve lost weight!” Me: “Look at those petunias!”), or something like, “You’re right – I hope I don’t lose any more! I love my shape.” Just the act of telling people that you actually LIKE how your body looks/feels is challenged, and can lead to HAES conversations (or at least stave off diet talk).

By: gluelita

gluelita — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:18:08 +0000

just back to report that i think my response may be:

the fact that, in your eyes, my worthiness hinges upon the number on a scale is a source of endless comfort to me.

By: Monica

Monica — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:01:29 +0000

Still not sure how to react to girls saying to me,â€So skinny OMG I. Am. SO jealous!â€ The last time I just said, â€œWell skinny is only one thing.â€

That might not feel like enough, but I think anything is better than silence. That’s a tricky situation, and one I’ve never found myself in nor anticipate finding myself in, so I don’t think I have any better advice. Good luck!

By: Anya D Night

Anya D Night — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:53:21 +0000

When someone makes a fat-phobic comment infront of me, I just make a horrified face and start excluding them from my life. You’ll find that not laughing at fat jokes can be pretty effective. Sometimes I’ll just stare in silence and then change the subject. My favorite response to a casual fat-phobic statement like, “The Ballet company just doesn’t want girls’ weight to get out of hand” is to just ask why. I’ve discovered that people tend to get defensive pretty fast. It tells me that they already knew there was something wrong with what they were saying.

Still not sure how to react to girls saying to me,”So skinny OMG I. Am. SO jealous!” The last time I just said, “Well skinny is only one thing.” But I don’t feel like it’s enough. Telling them how THEY TOO are very pretty doesn’t seem to work so well either. Any tips?

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 03:39:07 +0000

I am someone that believes in FA but am also trying to get rid of weight so I can physically feel better. I have had comments from people I care about and people I don’t care about. The people I care about – I appreciate their sentiment and support because they already know “what” I find unoffensive.

The people I flat out don’t like, or others that I like but I feel it’s none of their business…I’ve started using a line that I stole from another blog (and for the life of me I can’t remember if it was Jack Sh*t or Fat Daddy Rants). It’s “Yeah, I’m on a hunger strike until…(world peace, gays and lesbians can marry in this country, no child goes hungry, etc.). Shuts people up pretty quickly with a sense of humor. I have yet to have anyone get upset or NOT take the hint. It defuses the situation and I move along.

By: lisa-marie

lisa-marie — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:25:27 +0000

I ask them why they didnâ€™t think I looked great BEFORE. The blank stares are awesome. The stammering qualifications of their comments are even better.
Yeah, Sparklepants, but then you get those totally brutally honest people who tell it to your face: “Because you looked bloated and you struggled to walk and lift stuff and you were always breathing really heavy and I was afraid you were going to drop dead of a heart attack nearly every day.”

By: lens

lens — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:10:22 +0000

I wouldn’t recommend this response, but this reminds me of an incident about a year ago, in which one of my colleagues walked into the teacher’s lounge, and another one exclaimed over her weight loss.
“Oh my God, you’ve lost so much weight, you look amazing!” said Woman 1.
Woman 2 just gave her a deadpan stare and replied: “My mother is seriously ill and I’m struggling with serious depression. If this looks good to you then I’d really rather look ‘bad’.”
That shut Woman 1 up really fast, let me tell you, and she was falling all over herself with the “I just meants” and the “I’m so sorrys”.
It just goes to show what a distorted idea we have about the relationship between women’s weight and their supposed level of happiness and self-satisfaction. But then, we all know that, and that’s why we’re here.

By: gluelita

gluelita — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:01:27 +0000

i have been in a cycle where i lose about 20 (if i exercise 2 hours a day) and then gain it back because that isn’t sustainable when you are also bipolar and working 50-60 hrs/week. but i also think i start getting to a point where i am getting those comments and it just depresses and freaks me out to know that i am always being so JUDGED. thanks for the many ideas on how to deal with these remarks.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:30:21 +0000

I get this comment a lot from family members, and while I don’t want to be rude–after all, they honestly believe they are paying me compliments–I want to make people aware that I am not going to discuss my weight/appearance. Usually I get by with a “Oh? I have no idea, I stopped caring about how much I weight and now I worry more about my health” or something similar. This led to a quick FA/HAES conversation with my aunt at a party recently, but usually it’s met with blank stares.