Skinny Girl Asks "Is My Body Beautiful Too?"
I received an e-mail from Alyssa, and I thought it was worth talking about in an entry. She asks if she can be “skinny” and “built like a 12-year-old boy” and still be considered “beautiful.” Here’s her e-mail (bolding mine):
I am 5’6″ and 112 lbs. I have a small bone structure and a really high metabolism. I have been skinny my whole life, and I am a “ruler body shape” meaning it’s hard for me to gain weight or build muscle, and I have pretty much 0 curves (My chest and my waist are 1 in. apart in their measurements.:( ) and I HATE it.
My best friend is very curvy and has really nice legs and a butt and chest and her body builds really nice muscle when she works out. She says she feels like a hippo, but every time I look at her body, I feel sick to my stomach about my own and would give anything to have some of her curves.
I feel like a 12 yr. old boy. I never wear shorts or anything tight b/c I feel so insecure about how unshapely I am. and I refuse to wear swimsuits. I haven’t even owned a swimsuit since I was 12 years old. (I am 24 now.) There have even been points in my life where people have asked if I have an eating disorder b/c of skinny I am. But I eat at least 3 meals a day (usually more) and often times a lot of junk food. I almost never workout. and I’ve been at the same weight since I was a freshman in highschool.
I know this probably sounds really stupid, but I’ve seriously burst out crying in my car in the middle of the day just thinking about it. From my perspective, it seems like the people with some kind of curves are perceived to be most beautiful. Celebrities for instance, i know they’re typically not overweight but you look at who gets voted for the best body or best legs or best butt, and you will almost never see someone who is built like I am. I know; I’ve done research on it. Also, you see all these women who get chest implants b/c they don’t want to be flat. Because the curves are considered womanly and beautiful and desirable.
Today I typed into my search engine, “can you be skinny and beautiful?” and came across this site. I know that most people are struggling in the reverse direction on here, so maybe this is the wrong place to post this. But, again, I thought I’d try anyway to see if anyone had any perspective on this.
Can you be a 24 year old female who is built like a 12-year-old boy and have a beautiful body or be considered beautiful? It seems impossible b/c you don’t really have much of a body to begin with. I just don’t know what to do or what to think. Maybe someone has thoughts or suggestions?
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that people who are skinny can have the same kinds of insecurities as those of us who are not skinny do. They don’t fit into “the mold” either. Because you’re supposed to have curves, but the right kind of curves, and just the right amount.
And a lot of the answers are the same for people on both sides of the coin: don’t let the media tell you what “beautiful” is. Don’t let their ridiculous standards suck you in. Stay aware, stay alert. There are no standards you have to live up to; your self-worth isn’t based on how well you adhere to some invented system of what is or is not beautiful. Don’t buy into it.
Kari answered Alyssa here. I would love to hear what the rest of you think.
Posted by mo pie
Email us
I just read her post, and I teared up a little bit reading it. I can relate completely!
I am 15 years old and weigh 100lbs (on a good day) and I am a sophomore in high school. Almost every day I get called skinny, or asked if I have an eating disorder. I don’t. When my mother was in high school, she graduated weighing 95 lbs. So I know it must be genetic. In 7th grade, I took an acting class, and in front of the whole class, my teacher asked me if I was anorexic or bulimic. I said no, and ran out of the class room crying, and spent the rest of the day locked in the school bathroom, crying in a stall. Now, 3 years since that, I still cry myself to sleep almost every week because of what people say to me.
I just want hope and understanding from others, and to know that I am not the only one in this situation.
Thank you for hearing my story, and understanding that I have no control over this.
In reply to Kats comment, In my experience as a skinny girl real world society doesnt accept me. I get comments all the time about how i should eat a hamburger or am told that “guys dont find skinny girls attractive” and when i try to tell people that these comments hurt they tell me that they are just worried about me or wish they had my problem but i doubt they’d be saying that if they knew what it was like, there are no support groups unless you actually have an eating disorder which is apparently a given if your a skinny girl, all the foods in the shops are geared to those to loose weight no special gym groups no jenny craig for those who want to gain and no sympathy, you dont get people telling an over weight person that they should put down the hamburger or that they are looking really fat, and if people do say it its considered rude but its totally fine to make fun of a skinny person where ever when ever. when i go out the comments are about my weight and its never positive, no one notices my personality or the clothes im wearing or the way ive done my hair im just skinny and thats all i am and thats apparently a very bad thing.
i know exactly what you mean! i have been skinny my whole life…no matter how much i eat(and i eat a lot) i never put on weight. but that does’nt matter to me because i am fine being rail thin, having only a hint of curves. but what kills me, is being reminded of my imerfections everyday. my my mom, my friends, my peers and even randon strangers. nobody understands. if i ever complain about being skinny i get nastly look from other girls who think im trying to rub it into their faces. sometimes i feel im the punching bag for those who put on weight. they hate me for how i look, but at the same time say thigs like, ‘oh my god! you have NO thighs!’, or,’the 1st time i saw you, i thught you had anorexia’. i cry so often…i feel so alone. its like i am being punished for just being me. and its true..guys do make fun of me. and girls make sure they point out, how they are appreciated by guys…and im not. sometimes i feel like shouting at everyone, for defining me as the skinny girl and nothing more. for talking about how some actress looks ugly because she is skinny in front of me.most of all, i hate knowing that the whole world thinks they have the right to judge me… . i am waiting to find a friend who i can talk about my problems with, to find a guy who will tell me that i look beautiful and mean it.
I can relate to all of these posts above. I am 20 yrs. old, and at 5’6” I weigh anywhere from 95-100 lbs. No more, no less. I am studying towards my passion for law and law enforcement to eventually become a police officer. When I tell people this, the first thing out of their mouth is…”you..a police officer?!” followed by a laugh and a comment about my slender frame. I am struggling to gain weight healthfully, while building muscle and endurance, just as some may be struggling with the opposite. I have consulted my doctor, the library, and the internet with nothing short of barely any information on how to gain weight for someone with a metabolism like my own. I don’t think people can see how crushing ANY type of comment about a woman’s size can be, and some may be less reluctant to critisize a thin individual because it is socially “acceptable”, and considered “the body every one wants today!” Thank you for sharing this e-mail as it shows a different angle to the judgement people have upon others’ bodies.
Ashley I know exactly what you mean, I am 5’7 and 115lbs and I work as an ocean lifeguard. When people come to the beach they usually ask me if I am in training, or if I was there visiting my brother or sister. people are always so surprised when I tell them what I do and I get alot of comments along the lines of “you can lift someone out of the water?” or “I wouldnt trust you to save me, you could never do it.” I feel like I can never complain about it though because people feel like I am rubbing it in their faces that I am skinny.
I’ve been skinny my entire life. I’m 24 years old, 5’7″ and weight 100 pounds. I don’t gain any weight no matter what I eat. I have some limitations as to what I can eat due to food allergies, but trust me, if I could eat those things — I would. I don’t have an eating disorder but constantly get asked if I do. I get told the same thing about men not liking “skinny women.” [Not that I care because I wouldn’t really be attracted to a man who was that shallow to begin with~]
I was mercilessly teased in school to the point where I didn’t want to go to public school and was home schooled all throughout high school. I still feel insecure about wearing shorts or skirts because of my weight. I hate wearing bikinis or swim suits too. My family is always teasing me with the “eat a hamburger” comment as well. It gets really tiresome and frustrating because I didn’t ask to be this way and I have no control over it either. It’s hard to find clothing that fit because I am tall but don’t have the width to match.
I find so many girls on Tumblr who are overweight constantly posting pictures of skinny girls like myself as wanting that body; trust me, you don’t.
What I have learned from all of this is that as long as I am healthy, as long as I am eating well, and as long as I don’t lose weight – I shouldn’t let anyone’s opinion bother me. It’s very hard to do because people are very, very cruel. There is a lot of campaigns out there telling curvy women to love themselves but absolutely no love for naturally skinny women. I get sick to my stomach when all the media does is hate skinny women and make it sound like it is somehow bad to be so thin. I’m sorry, but some of us don’t starve ourselves and yet we weigh what we do.