"Top 10 Subtle Ways To Tell Her She's Getting Fat"
Teghan sent along this link to an article on AskMen.com (and believe me, I feel gross about even giving them attention). It’s a list of “Top 10 Subtle Ways To Tell Her She’s Getting Fat.”
Well already, it’s a charming list. Feel free to spare yourself the pain to your eyeballs, since I will tell you that the list includes things like “Trick her into exercising,” and “Grab her love handles*” and “Buy her clothes that are too small**” and “Sabotage her chair.” Good grief.
*We can rename them “hate handles” just for these guys.
**Involves policing the size of her clothes and then somehow knowing what size she wears in which brand. Given the disparities in sizing from label to label, no man on earth could pull this off.
Here’s the worst one (bolding mine, indicating white-hot rage):
When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it. If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.
Number one is to take her somewhere where she has to wear a bathing suit. Maybe this is the worst one:
If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain.
Sure, you can only have fun if you’re skinny, and you are only fat if you sit around “eating donuts.” Now that is just downright lazy writing, if you ask me; there’s a trope that I would be happy to see die. And I can think of a number 11 for the list: “Make her read this article, which will cause her to throw up any food she’s eaten in the last few hours.”
Hey, where’s the list of “Top 10 Subtle Ways To Tell Him He’s A Jackass”?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Fatism, Feminism, Magazines, Sex & Romance
Oh good gods. I feel sick and irritated. What the holy hell is going on over there?
It’s not just the list – which is utterly horrible – but they’re also encouraging those guys to lie to and manipulate their girlfriends or wives. That’s sick and wrong, and if I ever found out my partner was doing that to me, I’d leave her sorry ass right that moment. I hope anyone in a relationship like that will get the hell out, because it’s flat abusive.
There is no subtlety in telling whatever guy that would even attempt to try this that he is a jackass. Step 1 is saying flat out “you are an asshole”. Step 2 is breaking up with said a-hole if he didn’t quit it.
On top of this (and this could be me), the article seems to assume that the guy in this relationship hasn’t gained weight along with her.
I looked at the list (just to see what was there for ammo), and I have to say that some of the “suggestions” would require him to pay way too much attention to her. My BF has no idea what size clothes I wear, nor does he even care. And with the giving her smaller portions, the blurb even says “If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.” to which I say HELL TO THE NO!
The only one I agree with is the one regarding “clean up your own diet.” This is a problem for many new couples. Girl moves in with guy who eats like crap and absorbs some of his awful habits, then ends up gaining unwanted weight. There’s NOTHING wrong with deciding to clean up your own diet as a good example for your partner or spouse (yes you, boys – I’m talking to you). A couple that eats healthy and shares a passion for health and activity is more likely to stay together than a couple that continually sabotages one another into losing weight.
If you’re concerned about your partner’s weight or health, sit down and and have a serious talk about it. Don’t sabotage them. Keeping a healthy, happy household is a joint effort. If you have kids, get them involved, too. Simply playing tricks on someone will only discourage them and mess with their self esteem. This goes for both men AND women.
Mmmmm….Baby doughnuts! Make mine gluten-free, please.
Totally agree with Melissa’s point – it is rarely just the woman who gains weight after the start of a new relationship – usually it is the man and the woman blissfully eating all the crap the man wants to eat, and BOTH of them gain weight!
Been there, done that, got the 25 pounds to prove it! lol
So, if my S.O. starts sabotaging me in order to get me to lose weight, can I stop cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids in order to get him to help more? What if I “accidentally” cancel the cable subscription, so he can’t watch his 8,000 sporting events every week? Can I hose him down when he goes nearly a week without bathing?
Luckily, I don’t have the need to do any of these things, because my husband is a real man. He doesn’t care that I’ve put on weight. He NEVER insults me. He’s incredibly supportive, and a great dad, too.
Guys suck. Be a MAN.
Lisa said:
And with the giving her smaller portions, the blurb even says “If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.” to which I say HELL TO THE NO!
And I would like to add – she can go back when you’re not looking, too. And just what kind of disordered thinking are we getting into, then?
This pissed me off so much.
All men aren’t like this, I know, but are a majority? Is this the world I’m sending my babies out into. Wait – don’t answer that…
A little while after 9/11, a pollster asked random men what their five biggest concerns in life were. It came down to terrorism, war, moral decline, the economy and THEIR WIVES’ WEIGHT. When women were asked the same thing, their husbands’ weight didn’t make the list.
I wonder how most men would react if women pulled this crap on them? Never mind…most men wouldn’t even notice.
{sputtering with rage!!!}
My husband and I have been married for almost a year and a half and we’ve BOTH put on some weight. Actually, I lost some and then put some back on, but whatever. We both have goals to get workout routines going because exercising makes us feel better (I heart endorphins), but we’re not beating ourselves up because we haven’t done it yet.
And OMG! He still thinks I’m sexy! Amazing!
If some guy tried those not-so-subtle tactics with me he would be history!
* head explodes *
i don’t even know what to say.
That is so completely awful… I am so sick and offended I don’t even know what to say. Guess I’m not alone.
Ugh. I mean I’ve put on almost 80lb since I met my husband, and I don’t doubt he thinks that I was more attractive some lbs ago, but he loves me, and he loves our life together, and no matter how concerned he would be about my weight or whatever, he’d never, ever do anything so asshole-ish.
I read this and it makes me appreciate my man even more than I already do. He loves me no matter WHAT and is the first to jump in and defend me whenever I get down on myself because of my weight.
When I saw this, my first thought was is if it was created by the same asshats who authored “My Fat Spouse”. It sounds of a piece with their philosophy that if your wife was young, hot, and thin when you married her, she had better stay that way for the rest of her life if she wants to stay married. Anytime trickery is mentioned in regards to changing your spouse, the relationship is in deep trouble and counseling is in order (if not getting rid of the spouse who thinks trickery is the way to go).
Number 1 way to know you’re with the wrong man? He does any of this crap. People who love you do so because of you, not your weight. This is literally abusive.
Anyone not read The Gift of Fear yet? This is part of a classic manipulative/abusive relationship, breaking down self esteem so that you’re easier to control. Screw that noise.
Alyssa, I absolutely loved your comment and I think your suggestions for getting your S.O to help out more are PERFECT.
Everyone else who pointed out that this list is hateful, manipulative and abusive, I’m with you.
Ridiculous bullshit like this just makes me appreciate and love my feminist husband that much more.
What I love is the assumption that in a relationship where somehow, without his noticing, BAM the woman put on weight, it was the man serving up the food???? “When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts.”
Riiiight. Because you were loading her plate before, THAT’S why…but no wait, that would place blame on the man and that’s just not done…give me a break. If it weren’t for the fact that he does the dishes since I cook I don’t think my husband would know what the frick a Serving Spoon even looked like in order to “dish up meals” to me.
These “tips” sound like a surefire way to quickly end a relationship at the very least! (And seriously, what partner knows their spouse’s sizing in clothing??? And who is going to WASTE MONEY in this economy buying their partner something that Doesn’t FIT?!??)
Tell me – if a woman gains enough weight that her SO notices, what are the chances that she’s inwardly obsessing about it herself already?
More like “10 subtle ways to be emotionally abusive.”
That’s seriously rage-inducing.
“If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.”
Right, because YOU don’t deserve the suffering of starvation, but SHE does. Oh, I forgot–fat people don’t need to eat. They can indefinitely sustain themselves off their own body fat supply, which magically never seems to dwindle.
Ugh.
My ex-husband actually tried the ‘let’s both improve our fitness’ thing on me – bought us both new trainers, but by the end of the week it was him standing watching making sure I was getting my daily run. The hateful thing with him was that I was fat when I met him; he just ‘decided’ that as he really preferred thin women, he was going to make me lose it. But he didn’t tell me that till we were in mid-divorce.
Husband #2 is, I’m pleased to say, a thousand miles above such shittiness. Thank Goddess all men don’t think this way.
That is DISGUSTING.
The Maxim Magazine mentality (or make that lack of), where all women should be size 2 waist and size 44 DDD breasts, strikes again!
Tip # 11: Show her this list. It’s the fastest way known to woman to lose 200lbs of useless weight.
Excuse me while I go kiss my wonderful husband who has loved me and found me attractive everywhere from a size 8 to a size 26. You know, because he considers me a PERSON rather than a public representation of his penis.
Did anyone else go to the site and notice the link for “Top 7 Ways to Get Out of the Doghouse”? Pretty sure any man who used the “tactics” in this article would be needing to learn how to get out of the doghouse . . .
I think it sounds a lot more like 10 ways to get a divorce.
And if they read that article and think it’s wonderful, their head is too too far up their *** to be helped.
I think what is more insulting is the insinuation that women don’t know their bodies better than the men who objectify them.
“Don’t worry, the patriarchy will let you know when you are too fat.”
Dear asshats.
I know I’m fat. I know I used to wear a size 12, and now I wear a size 24. I am not stupid. I don’t need “subtle” hints. I am aware of my body. Now, let me make you aware of something. I don’t give a shit what you think.
Love,
yellowhammer
Oh my god, you’re so right, yellowhammer. I hadn’t even thought about it that way, but that’s the underlying premise of the ENTIRE ARTICLE. Unbelievable.
Wow. You know, sometimes I regret my decision to stop dating at 30 (in part because of idiots who shamed me for my body, though I was and am a size 6). Sometimes, I don’t.
And while all of these suggestions are repugnant…”sabotage her chair?” Because getting her to lose those 10 pesky pounds is SO important that it’s totally worth risking her getting seriously injured.
If my fellow read that and then tried any of that on me he’d have my fist in his eye. He likes to remind me that I have muscular arms. What better to knock out some asshat with.
Okay, now that the rage is out of my system. What in the world were they thinking? If men would stop objectifying us and lumping us into “Fuckable” and “Unfuckable” we wouldn’t have to be shamed into any thing.
Sabotage her chair? What are these people, 12 years old? Miss Manners says that if you think that’s funny you’re still too immature to have a girlfriend.
If the girlfriend has any backbone at all I can just see how that would play out.
“See, honey, your chair broke, you must be just like that fat chick in Shallow Hal! Wait, why are you laughing, what’s ironic about me saying that? I don’t see it.”
Ah, these guys are pikers. Sabotaging her chair? Amateur stuff.
If they really want results, what they need to do is sabotage her birth control pills (replace them with baby aspirins and re-seal the foil!) and whatever psych meds she’s on. If they’re capsules, it’s a cinch; just buy some empty capsules the same color and put the baby aspirins inside.
If they’re tablets it’ll be a little tricker, and you’ll need open access to a pharmacy, but a few minutes with the PDR and you should be able to find some weight-neutral look-alikes. Maybe even throw in some amphetamines — she’ll be a dish-doing, workout-obsessed, meal-skipping machine, baby!
And since she trusts you implicitly, since you’re always so honest and unmanipulative, she’ll never suspect a thing. She’ll think it’s all the pharmacy’s fault. Month after month. Pharmacy after pharmacy. Or better yet, she’ll think she’s losing her mind and rely on you, her rock of sanity, to tell her what to do in every situation.
(You know they’d give this advice in two seconds for real if they weren’t scared to death of a lawsuit.)
Oh holy gawd.
My husband fell for me when I was at my highest weight ever, then I lost a lot and, unrelated, we got engaged. I gained most of it back and he, unrelated, moved me from the US to Australia and we got married. I’ve lost, without really trying, a good portion again and we’re about to celebrate our 1st anniversary.
If anything, he PREFERS me when I’m not psychotically obsessing over scales and portions and calorie counting. While I think he’s probably a bit bored with my FA rants at the dinner table, he encourages me to do what makes ME happy, be it losing weight, gaining weight, or maintaining.
Funny thing having a husband who just wants you to be…happy.
Wow, I’m shocked! I am also incredibly angry that anyone would print such a load of crap! This is why women, who care too much about what guys–NOT men–think of them, develop eating disorders, disordered eating, and negative body image obsession. It also reinforces my decision to refrain from dating until I meet an actual good man who is worth my time.
I’m so glad that my boyfriend doesn’t care what I look like and loves my body no matter what.
The prick that wrote that article obviously doesn’t go for relationships with more substance to them and not just based off of shallowness.
It is obvious that anyone who is a big enough asshat to use any but the “change your own diet” is NOT concerned with health but looks.
It makes me ill.
What is worse? I bet 80% of the men who feel this way are NO lookers themselves.
The sad thing is that there are a lot of women who feel they deserve to be treated like that. How many times have we heard such a story from a dieter who, when asked what her motivation was, mentioned that her husband had either passively or actively lost interest in her because of her weight?
What strikes me also is that the chair idea is immediately physically dangerous. I can easily imagine someone fracturing a wrist or their tail bone if their chair broke and they fell.
DEAR GOD!!!!
(AND, as IF the guy EVER ‘dishes up food’ for the two of you!! haha!)
Wow. I love my husband right now. One of the factors that actually made me stop dieting was that my crazy obsessive BS was also making him unhappy. Both by seeing me unhappy and by feeling guilty if he wanted to eat real food that wasn’t on my diet. Because, you know, he actually loves me. Odd concept that.
Here’s my Top 10 Tips for guys who think their wife’s weight is a problem.
1. Quit reading Maxim or Playboy and severely curtail your TV exposure. When you no longer spend so much time looking at naturally thin women who have been Photoshopped to be even thinner, maybe your unrealistic standards will go down a peg.
2. Compare your weight to the weight you were when you met her. Is it higher? And she’s not sabotaging your chair or standing over you exhorting you to do push-ups? Ponder that one for a few minutes.
3. When you’re given a list of tips that suggest sneaky and passive-aggressive ways to shame your wife/girlfriend into dieting, remind yourself that emotional abuse is….um….abuse. Think long and hard about whether you really want to be that kind of person.
4. Do some physical activity with her that you both enjoy. Note that she does not enjoy you hassling her to work out. It has to actually be fun for her.
5. Remember that your wife/girlfriend knows exactly what size she wears and exactly how she compares to other women in terms of weight. Reminding her of this is like saying, “Wow, honey, that sky sure is blue. And have you noticed that grass is green?”
6. As with #5, remember that women are told pretty much continually that we’re never ever skinny enough or sexy enough. If you actually care about her, adding more body-shaming garbage onto the pile is not what you want to do.
7. Every time you think about making comments about her weight, remember the feature of yours that she likes least, or that you’re most self-conscious of. Picture her reminding you of it all the time. Fun, huh?
8. Remember that being Hollywood-skinny is a full-time job. If your wife/girlfriend is committed to being thin at any cost, are you okay with the fact that she will be exercising, logging every bite of food she eats, adding up calories or points, and otherwise obsessing rather than spending time with you doing things that you both enjoy? Also, you’re going to do most of the housework so she can go run for a couple hours every night, right? By the same token, remember how cranky and irritable being half-starved and exhausted (otherwise known as a weight-loss diet and exercise plan) can make people. Are you okay with the fact that she’s going to be miserable herself and not the most fun person to be around?
9. Think about all the non-physical things that attracted you to your wife/girlfriend. Sense of humor, compassion, determination—whatever it is that makes her special and isn’t based on looks.
10. If you really want a woman who will magically stay skinny forever and who will put up with whatever BS you care to dish out, she can be purchased at any adult store. They’re called blow-up dolls.
Wow, that’s just…..wow. Showed it to my husband and his response was “umm…maybe you should spend that energy on, you know, NOT BEING A DOUCHE”. Gods I love that man!
Ugh Ugh UGH….and people wonder why having daughters stresses me out so much! Just look at the garbage they’re going to get to deal with in a few years!! Luckily they’re being raised to be strong and independent and hopefully that will be enough to keep them safe from assholes who would abuse and manipulate them. I hope.
There’s no “Top 10 Subtle Ways To Tell Him He’s A Jackass” list – because the best way to tell your man if he’s a being a huge pain in your lovely, fleshy bottom is to tell it to his face, like it is.
I’ll prolly throw in a smack to the back of the head for good measure. Thank God my boyfriend will never do any of those despicable things described.
When dealing with a jackass of this magnitude why would you want to be subtle?
I weighed 390 when I met my husband.
I weighed 420 when we got married.
I weigh about 400 now.
…no, he hasn’t suddenly noticed I’m fat.
What.The.F*ck.
Of course, more unhappy girl friends mean more customers for diet products. Which means happier sponsors of magazines!
Wow. Just wow. There is no way I could ever be with someone who a) cared about my weight to the point he/she wanted me to diet, and b) was so sneaky and manipulative in trying to get me to diet.
I also noticed a few comments about the man “dishing up meals”, and I wanted to add that my ex-husband did all of the cooking and cleaning and most of the housework. Almost every night he “dished up meals” for the two of us.
Now this has nothing to do with my being fat, but I did want to point it out because not every relationship has the lady doing all the cooking! (I am not a very good cook.)
Wow, that is utter insanity. Any human who thinks this kind of thinking is okay–I just can’t even fathom it.