I received this letter from Sara, and immediately asked if I could post it here and get your feedback.
Hello Ms. Pie,
I am having a bit of a dilemma. I am about to lose my virginity (at 22) to a man who I really love. That’s not the problem. The problem is that I am so incredibly self-conscious that I can’t imagine doing anything but the missionary position.
I know I shouldn’t be this worried about what he’ll think but I am. You see, I’ve gone from being 320 pounds to 250 in a year and a half (naturally, I might add) and it has left my body looking a little… how should I put it… unpleasant? I realize that my weight loss is a huge achievement and that I should just go with things but I’m still in a bit of a panic about him seeing me in all my glory.
I know he’s going to want me to be on top (we’ve discussed it – after I get the hang of things) and this is possibly the most frightening thought I’ve ever had.
Do you have any advice for getting more comfortable with the thought of someone seeing me completely naked? Any tips for how to possibly hide things? I know this sounds absolutely ludicrous but I can’t help panicking about it and would really like to hear from even one other plus sized person on the matter. My friends are truly wonderful but they don’t really get the weight (pardon the pun) of the issue at hand.
Thanks very much,
P.S. I love BFD. It is truly amazing and helps me to become more comfortable with myself every time I read it.
I know you “know” this, but I honestly can’t say it better than Margaret Cho: If he cares what you look like when he’s fucking you, he shouldn’t be fucking you in the first place. Here, go to 2:07 (NSFW with sound, obviously):
I’m sure your guy, if he’s the right kind of guy, if he loves you and is attracted to you, will make you feel sexy—he won’t see your flaws the way you do, he will just see the beauty in your naked body. That’s easy for me to say, but it all really comes down to that. All the guys I know are just so excited to have a naked chick in their bed, they aren’t critiquing the bodies of said naked chicks. And if they are, they are absolutely not worth having sex with.
We also know that confidence and abandon in bed are also sexy. So how to make yourself feel as comfortable as possible? Turn off the bright lights, light some candles. If you’re on top of him, you can also lean down and look into his eyes. He’ll be looking at your face, not your “flaws,” which are not flaws anyway. Nobody is perfect. His body will not be perfect either. But if he loves you, and you love him, it won’t matter. And hopefully you won’t be thinking about any of that; you’ll be enjoying the moment.
(And also, this maybe goes without saying, but don’t let him pressure you into doing anything until you feel like you’re ready for it. I once dated a guy who was super high-pressure about everything, including me having orgasms on demand. I am not with that guy anymore, but man, for a while there, I did believe I was the problem. And I’d hate to see that happen to you.)
Readers? Let’s help Sara, and anyone else in this—ahem—position. Is missionary the only way to go? How can we be comfortable with someone seeing us naked? We could all use a little more sexual self-confidence. How do we get it? Let’s help each other. BFDivas, activate! And good luck, Sara.
Posted by mo pie