Feminine and Also Ass-Kicking
It’s 2009, and the dichotomy between “feminine” and “tough” still exists. Of course, a lot of that is a problem of vocabulary–feminine evokes flowers and sweetness and ruffles and sunshine, and tough evokes rough-and-tumble, down-and-dirty, strong and powerful, and you could argue that it is difficult to slay your enemies in a pinafore while carrying a basket of daisies, but a part of me still growls. I want to wear red lipstick and punch people in the face. I want to do high-kicks in high heels, climb a mountain in an evening dress, know how to crochet and how to karate.
So while the terminology makes me a little mad, and the fact that even now we still have to remind women that you can kick ass and take names, or be comfortable being feminine and ruffly, or do both simultaneously or at different times or whenever you want, however you want, I love this list by a women’s roller derby team: 21 ways to be tough yet feminine.
My favorites:
2. Remember that pretty comes in all sizes. No matter what your size or shape, you’re attractive. “Learn to strut your stuff and hold your head high even on a bad day. (A derby girl would go with glitter eye shadow and torn fishnets to gussy up, but you may want to go another route for a day at the office!)”
~ Margaret Speed
9. Celebrate your imperfections. “Derby girls don’t hide their scars… They embrace them as part of what makes them beautiful.” Plus, they’re great conversation starters.
~ Pyro Maim Ya
15. Be a hero. “Atypical, non-conformist adult women everyday are influencing the next generation of women-to-be. Think about how you present yourself in your everyday life and be a role model for future women. Remember that they look up to you and are using you as a benchmark for how they conduct themselves. You have the power to shape the women of tomorrow.”
~ Trigger Mortis
21. Redefine feminine. “Don’t try to fit into someone else’s definition of feminine. Write your own definition. For me, tough IS the new feminine.”
~ Mary-Ate Ashley
Posted by jenfu
Filed under: Advocacy, Fat Positive, Feel Good Friday, Feminism
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To me, “strut your stuff” is a cliche.
I groan inside when I hear it.
To me, the ultimate feminine girl / tough woman figure remains Ellen Ripley from Alien / Aliens, etc. Sigourney Weaver in her tiny underpants = feminine; Ripley in that heavy machinery outfit = tough. “Get away from her you bitch!” is a line we should all keep at the ready, jut in case.
** – er, “just” in case…
The toughest, ass-kickingest people I know are three attorneys at my firm, all of whom are VERY feminine women. Conventionally beautiful (and on the inside, as it happens), long hair, impeccable makeup–utterly feminine, and absolutely hell on wheels in litigation. One of them is my boss, and I love the standard she sets.
Like the commenter above, the first thing I thought of when I read that is a movie character – Linda Hamilton in Terminator II, when she’s buff as hell yet still looks like a woman. It’s a fine line.
I like “Amazonian” as it expresses female strength and power in one word.
Or “glamazonian” if you like portmanteaux.
I’m dealing with this head-on as I make my way into high performance driving. Definitely still very much a man’s world, plus add all the jokes about “women drivers.” The local motorsports community has been awesome about welcoming me into the fold, flawlessly encouraging and supportive. Couldn’t ask for better.
I find rather than being bombarded with others’ expectations, it’s wide open to me to make my own way IN my own way. Do I follow the steps of some and come to the paddock in high heels to hop into my pink Barbie-Dream-style car? That’s not me. Do I butch out and approach it as “one of the guys”? That’s not me either.
I’m a girl, and I love the vroom! I’m tough, I have a kick-ass car, and I’m learning how to drive it like I stole it. I’ve adopted the moniker VroomGrrl and I’m being 100% me. So far, so good. Until I win something and it’s time to have my picture taken with the scantily clad “trophy girls.” I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, and in the meantime, have my eye on some “trophy boy” candidates :)
There are differences between big-boned, plump and very fat (obese).
Are your intestines full of nutrient-depleting toxins? Is your heart artery clogging up with fat (that gardens later on to bring on a heart attack)?
Fat and love yourself? It’s easy to compromise your health!
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