Regaining Weight
I saw a thought-provoking post on suethsayings this week about a contestant from The Biggest Loser named Eric, who lost 214 pounds on the show and then went on Oprah to talk about gaining back 107 of them. (Oprah and The Biggest Loser in the same post! When categories collide!)
Oprah had invited him a few months ago to one of her “amazing weight loss shows” to tell his weight loss story. But he declined the offer, saying he couldn’t get off from work. “I lied about that” he told Oprah yesterday. The truth was Eric Chopin has regained 107 lbs of the 214 lbs he initially lost. He said he decided to reveal the truth to his fans after Oprah’s courageous move of revealing her 40 lb weight gain…
How did Eric gain the weight? Well, he didn’t really know – it just crept up on him, he said. Perhaps the fact that he wasn’t working out 5 hours a day like he was on the “Biggest Loser” ranch, helped…
I think a lot of people can relate to the experience of regaining weight. Being confronted with pictures of yourself at your thinnest, un-maintainable weight, the feeling of failure, all of that positive reinforcement that comes with losing weight—hey, everyone notices!—gradually turning to silence when you regain it. I’ve lost and regained weight myself, and I’ve been there. But what do you do then?
Everyone assumes if you did it before, you can do it again. Do you buy into that same mentality, go back on the diet, let your weight continue to yo-yo? Or do you let go of that expectation, “someday I will be that skinny again” and embrace good principles of health, try to focus on eating fruits and veggies and exercising to the best of your ability and all that good stuff, and stop caring what people think? Do you flat-out tell people, hey, the number on the scale isn’t everything.
My friends, it’s hard, and I don’t have answers for you. I wonder, though, how much harder is it when you’re on television, when you’ve “won” a reality show, when you’ve been praised not only by your friends and loved ones but by all of America? You’re voluntarily putting yourself under the microscope, and then you’re under that microscope forever. I look at Eric and I see my own anxieties and insecurities and “oh shit, how hard could it have been to just stay the same weight” magnified times a hundred, and I know he’ll never be able to get away from those expectations of losing all the weight all over again, and I feel sad for him and a little sad for everyone else.
On Oprah, Eric looked ashamed of himself, the old “I did this to myself” and Oprah, now the world’s most renown expert on “falling off the wagon” consoled him that 2009 would be a better year… But should Eric or any of the “Biggest losers” who were unable to maintain the loss really be blamed? It’s quite possible that the only thing “they did to themselves” was offer themselves up to be on the show.
That’s an excellent question. And my other question is: have you lost weight and then regained it, or regained part of it? Have you had to put back on the fat pants, start shopping in the plus section again, face other issues that you thought you wouldn’t have to face again? How do you handle that, and what does it all make you think, and how does it make you feel? Let’s talk about it.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Biggest Loser, Celebrities, Diet Talk Warning, Exercise, Health, Oprah, Personal, Question, TV, Weight Loss
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So. Many. Times. Most recently I was at what is probably my most reasonable weight – the weight my body likes to be – which is around a tight size 16/loose size 18 – for a little over a year. Then I had an injury which resulted in several months of inactivity. Shot right up to a 22 and I seem to have settled in there. I’m not as physically comfortable here. I really would like to see a fit 18 again – not for aesthetic reasons – but just because I felt more comfortable there. I can’t seem to do it, so maybe my body has found a new set-point. If that’s so, I hope I get more accustomed to it soon. This is the first time I’ve gained (or lost) a significant amount without ditching all of my old clothes. I boxed them up in the basement with the hopes of wearing them again. I promised myself that when and if the clothes I’m wearing now no longer fit I’ll box them up and keep them, too. Also – maybe someone can help me out – size 22 and ass-heavy – getting on a plane for the first time at this size in a week and a half – will I need to make special accommodations, and if so, how do I go about doing so? (off topic a little bit – sorry)
Instances like these, where there’s so much pressure to lose weight in a short amount of time, keep reminding me how misguided the current diet and fitness industry has it.
Two years ago I joined a gym where I enage in moderate cardio excersise. That, coupled with a few reasonable dietary substitutions, caused me to lose weight. The loss was gradual and hardly noticeable. Everything was fine, I felt great and still enjoyed my sweets and barbecues.
Recently, however, I hired a personal trainer to spice up the routine. Suddenly I’m being peppered with escalating workouts, fitness goals, weight goals, ‘recommended’ diets and meetings with nutritionists. For the first time, I’m being pressured by a trainer to reach my “target” weight in a couple of months, the target having been set by a dietician who probably weighs as much as one of my thighs. It’s hard to resist the pressure, especially when they try shame tactics, but it feels very, very wrong- I’ve no doubt that their instructions are a sure-fire way to yoyo weight loss, since there’s no way I could keep up their routine once I stopped paying for the sessions or measuring every gram I ate. I don’t see the reason for high-pressure goal-obsessed weight loss at all.
Just wanted to add: I don’t think that hiring a trainer and/or nutritionist is wrong. In fact, I’m really enjoying the workouts (well, the post-workout meals, anyway)- but just because you’re paying a trainer, doesn’t mean you have to buy everything they say :P
This may be my first time commenting, but I really did want to respond to your question. Only once have I *dramatically* lost weight, and it was the summer after my freshman year of college.
My mother made (yes, MADE!) me take a 3-week Outward Bound backpacking course through the Colorado Rockies. It was gorgeous, but I hated 90% of every minute there. My team spent each of our 18-20 days there with 40 pounds on our backs, hiking through the woods and up and down mountains. I lost my appetite and didn’t eat much more than dried fruit, granola, and summer sausage. Of course, I lost weight, and when I went back to school, everyone told me how great I looked. I loved how much better my clothes fit me. But I gained all the weight back within a couple months and settled at about what I am now, years later.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t as body-positive then as I am now, so I was much more disappointed with the “failure” than I should have been. I tried to maintain some kind of fitness level after getting back to school, but of course, as a student I wasn’t able to repeat the experience of hiking in the mountains for 12 hours every day and eating nothing but granola, so I never lost the weight again. Back then, it was frustrating, but now I am perfectly fine with it. I’m glad for the experience, but I’d never want to do that again!
I moved to London, and into a house that ran on group shopping, rostered cooking nights and a tight budget. That, plus all the walking required, meant that I “accidentally” lost 35kgs (~77lbs) in a year. Felt great – strong, sexy, confident. Then I moved into fend-for-yourself housing. Then work was 10 hours a day, travel was 3, dinner was takeaway & one day I realised I’d accidentally gained it all back. Then depression, binge eating, chocolate to stax awake at work, etc etc. I now weigh 20 kg more than when I arrived in the UK. Re acceptance: my mother said to me, “there are people in this world who can be fat and healthy – you are not one of them”.
I feel like I am in another quandry. I do feel strange when the weight comes on, after not excercising and not eating things I truly enjoy. I struggle with some insecurity. BUT, I have a boyfriend that LOVES this minor change. I get amazing positive reinforcement from him on a physical level (he is always positive no matter what size I am) but REALLY enjoys when this weight up swing occurs (around the winter holidays). I feel like I am unsure of what anna wants to be, and I struggle with my personal eating and exercise habits because of this. Sorry, this isn’t quite related as much as I had hoped, but it is certainly a struggle for me now. Thanks for listening.
I lost about 110 pounds between 1998 and 2001, only to regain it all—and then some—after my life turned to crap (long story). After shooting from 178 up to over 300, I stabilized in the 280s … which is where I’d started my first major weight loss. About a year ago, I got my life together enough to work on it again, and I’ve lost almost 100 pounds. I know that’s a pretty fast rate, but I honestly haven’t felt deprived, and I feel like I’ve made a deeper change in my eating habits and my approach to food.
Still, I’m terrified of regaining—and not just for vanity reasons (though I’ll admit, I love both buying off-the-rack at Old Navy and finding deals more easily at Goodwill). My parents are both diabetic, and before I lost this time around, I had borderline high blood sugar and BP. I still suspect that I’m insulin resistant, and I plan to pester my doc for testing. My husband and I are having difficulty conceiving, and although I’m 34, my testing shows that my eggs are a little “older” than that—not necessarily too old to preclude getting pregnant this time, but the next one may be much harder. Right now I’m struggling with a lot of regret over not taking better care of my health sooner. My reproductive endocrinologist acknowledges that having lost this weight is the best thing I could’ve done to boost my chances of getting pregnant. (FWIW, I’m 5’7″ and currently about 184, so I’m overweight but no longer obese.)
So, between the risk of diabetes, difficulty getting pregnant, and wanting to have a healthy pregnancy if/when it finally happens, I’m terrified of waking up one day with the “spark” gone and finding myself face-first in the french fries dipped in ranch dressing once more.*
*Yes, I know that not every obese person gets that way from being face-first in the french fries dipped in ranch dressing. But that was true of me.
I lost a dramatic amount of weight years ago (175 pounds in one year; I went from a size 26 to a size 4), but most of that was lost via a very serious eating disorder. When I began eating again, I regained about 50 pounds of the weight I had lost, but my lowest weight wasn’t a healthy, maintainable weight for me. I could stand to gain the 50 pounds and still be considered relatively average-sized. My diet and disorder stabilized in 2005 and since then. I’ve had an unexplained weight gain of about 25 pounds (I now wear a size 16). When I say “unexplained,” I mean that I’m fairly active and I generally eat a healthy vegetarian plant-based diet of about 1,800 calories a day.
The only time I ever lost weight was quite literally when I starved myself. I’ve since come to realize that my inability to lose weight by healthy means is because of a thyroid deficiency that is being undertreated. I’ve been struggling to find a doctor since last summer who will prescribe something other than Synthroid. My endocrinologist finally prescribed Cytomel, but at a low dose. Even though it relieved some of my other symptoms (carpal tunnel, muscle aches, dry skin), she won’t up the doseage, so now I’m trying to find someone else. My best friend had weight loss surgery a year and a half ago and now weighs exactly what I would like to weigh (a realistic weight for my frame and height). I’m happy for her, but it’s also frustrating because she continues to eat the same fast food diet she ate before (her procedure works by malabsorption, not by food restriction) whereas I do everything doctors say to lose and maintain weight as part of my natural lifestyle and I only gain (I don’t diet in that I count calories or eat foods specifically for weight loss, but the hubby and I are health-conscious for health, environmental and spiritual reasons).
Another problem confounding my weight today is the fact that since I lost so much weight in such a short period of time, I have a lot of loose skin, especially in my abdominal area where I carried the most weight. I’ve been to a plastic surgeon and he estimates that I have about 20-pounds of excess skin on my stomach area alone — not fat, just skin. According to my doctor, it’s like I have a size 12 body wrapped inside a size 22 skin. When I was at my lowest weight, it wasn’t as noticeable because my body fat percentage was so low. Now that I’ve regained some weight, it’s become much more noticeable and I’ve even had someone ask me before when I was “due.”
I used to feel very ashamed about the weight regain as I was recovering from my disorder. Now, my feelings are much more mixed. I don’t like the regain, of course, but it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to. Sometimes I’ll see myself in a store window and think, “Wow, you look fine, good.” Other days I feel like a landbarge. My extended family have all struggled with their weight, so I don’t feel that they judge me for it. And I don’t really see anyone from my past besides them who also knew me at my lowest weight. When I was losing weight, I’d get rid of my clothes as soon as I dropped into a lower size, but I kept most of my “skinny” clothes. My New Year’s “affirmation” is to finally get rid of them. I see it as not closing a door, but rather opening a new one.
I’ve lost and regained quite a few times, I believe mostly due to the fact that when I was losing weight I was really eating too few calories. I couldn’t keep it up, hence the regain. Also, I am very much a stress eater. So, I gained quite a bit of weight when I graduated from college and had no job; while I was in law school; when I started my first “real” job; when I started a new job this year. It is frustrating, but basically I am trying to find a balance between starving myself and eating whatever I want, whenever I want. The most recent round of loss, then gain took place over a long period of time. And I never felt like I was eating too few calories. When I was down to a healthier for me weight, I was able to complete two half-marathons and a ten mile race. With about 30 extra pounds, I feel more sluggish, and don’t get what I want out of my workouts. Even at my lower weight I was at the higher end of the “overweight” range but I felt healthy, and had a lot of energy. Now that I’ve been at my new job for 6 months things have leveled off a bit and I am eating healthier and exercising more. I just feel better and I like that. But unfortunately my job is a one year appointment. I can only hope I’ve learned my lesson and during the next job transition I can find healthier ways to relieve stress!
Please stop here if descriptions of a diet might be triggering for you… I tried to be as brief as possible, but I thought I should give fair warning.
When I was 20 (more than half a lifetime ago), I decided to go to this acupuncture doctor in Madrid (Spain) – where I grew up — who purportedly healed my friend’s mother of sciatica and kept his nurses absolutely svelte by dint of the needle. The things we do!!!
The first day, he interviews me about pretty much everything. This, dear friends, should have been a clue — but I was clueless: he asked me whether I’m gay or straight. I answered him (instead of telling him to go you-know-what) — I’m straight. Then he starts to ask me if I’m sure. Apart from what business is it of his, what does that have to do with the price of beans? Please! As I said — I was clueless. Desperate, and clueless.
Anyway, moving right along… Here come the needles and the diet. In retrospect, the needles really didn’t do a damned thing. The diet sure did! It made me hate brown rice forever.
Weeks 1 and 2: Brown rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with water and some herb tea.
Week 3: Reineta apples all day, every day, for a week.
Week 4: we introduce new foods — steamed onions, zucchinis and carrots with brown rice and (get this) “a-caloric oil” which is really mineral oil with a touch of olive oil.
And so on ad infinitum with a different combo of insanity each successive week. Sure! I lost GOBS of weight. Probably around 40 lbs or so. Went back to college, and they all came roaring back (with some additional pounds as outriders) when I got to eat real food.
Then, of course, there was the time in high school when I went a week without eating at all… And the Atkins diet…. And… And…
So – I am probably carrying about 50 lbs more than I would have if I had never dieted at all!
–Andy Jo–
The bottom line of it is- as I see it- the motivation- and by this, I am not meaning resolve to diet.
I *could* potentially be a smaller size- and I have been- but do I have the time and resources to consider doing that in my life now? I am a size 24 and have been for over 9 years. Before this, I did get myself down to a size 20, but so? It took tons of exercise, raging mood swings, and more than I would want to deal with ever again. Is this what I want on my obituary some day: “She got to size 20” — hell NO! I instead spend my time working a 9 hour day (sole provider for myself, spouse and 4 kids), playing with my kids, looking after my mom and stepfather (who is in Hospice care), etc etc etc. When would I fit in the 5 hours a day again for all the exercise it would take for me to fight my body’s determination to be size 24? Why would I want to feel nasty and tired in getting through all my responsibilities?
Been there, done that. Two years ago I lost weight, and at my lowest I was about about 60 lbs less than where I started. I got there using eating disorder behaviors that were eventually treated..although I struggle with them to this day. I feel my healthy weight is about 5-10 lbs less than where I’m at now, due to laziness and the holidays…and it is more than my lowest weight. I hate not being able to successfully maintain, but am determined to keep trying.
I’m still learning to handle it, but I think the main component is positive thinking. We may not be where we want to be, but with effort we will earn it. The second negative thoughts creep into our head, we reach for the sweets or ditch the gym, and the cycle begins all over again.
Yup. Lost a bunch of weight during senior year of high school on a low carb/low fat diet. I’m not sure exactly what I WAS eating, but it mostly involved lots of fake sugar, which terrifies me now. Over the course of college, I gained it back, plus 10-15 lbs. I’ve had to deal with comments from parents and family members, which I mostly try to ignore. The most recent was a comment by my grandmother that “Judging by your looks, your fiance must be very good at cooking.” In response I affirmed that, in fact he IS a good cook, though we mostly split food prep, and we’ve been recently focusing on having a healthy diet full of lean protein and fruits and veggies. I think she got the point, at least to the extent that she didn’t stay on the subject.
I lost about 50 lbs around 8 years ago and slowly gained it all back and then some. I am comfortable with my weight but I am going to try to lose some. I am only overweight because I make bad choices at restaurants and I eat everything on my plate so the pre-packaged food diets really work well for me. I just feel like I would be happier.
Wow, I did not expect this much pro-diet talk in the comments of a Fatosphere link. It’s a little startling, especially considering the article you pro-diet folks are commenting on.
Tintin, there is nothing “personal” about a trainer who doesn’t listen to your priorities and fitness goals but instead imposes her/his own concepts of what being fit means and harangues you if you don’t measure up. Fire the trainer, and find one who will actually listen to you.
After I got my gastric band I lost about 50 pounds in a year and a half (which brought me down to where size 20 was loose but 18 wasn’t quite gonna happen). At about 18 months I started gaining it back. Still have the band and five years later I weigh pretty much exactly what I did when I started looking into the surgery. While it started ticking back up I had never been so depressed about my weight in my life. People told me they were disappointed in me because I had failed (especially my surgeon, I’d kind of like to go burn her house down). Since that time I’ve let go of dieting completely. If I could get this thing out I would.
Tammy: That’s about my size, and I’ve never needed special accommodations on a plane. The seatbelt still has room to spare, even — and you’re squashed, like everyone else, but you definitely still fit in the seat. I don’t think you need to worry.
To tintin:
YOU hired the trainer. YOU pay the trainer. The trainer is your EMPLOYEE. Now, if an employee (let’s say, your secretary) attempted to harass you as the trainer does, what would you do? FIRE HER ASS!
’nuff said.
OHHHHHH boy been there done it 2 people over.. I would say .. I wish I could just say to hell with it.. and be happy as I am .. but for me .. I am not happy.. I need to lose 60 pounds.. I have done that once.. and I stayed at the new weight for a fair amount of time.. until life crept in and I did not know how to cope.. I did Nutrisystem .. not real food.. I have lost 30 or so pounds here and there but never for me.. this time I lost 30 and have gained back all but about 10 pounds.. I personally feel.. when I am smaller I feel better.. I am 4 11 feet tall.. and there is no way I could ever see myself at 94 to 110 pounds as those charts say.. but I have a dream of being 132 .. a totally arbitrary number.. but in order to get there I have long way to go.. as for the past.. to me the past was.. and I do not think it has to be a fortune telling of my future.. You might ask what am I going to do different this time.. well for 1 I made no new years resolutions to lose weight.. secondly I found a program I actually really like as much as the Mayo Clinic program I was on.. its the Eating well program.. I like it and it seems livable.. I need structure.. but I also need responsibility and I feel this program rocks in those areas.. I also gave myself a start date.. To make sure this is what I really want.. I know from listening to my body that I have to do something.. and I also know that obstacles are part of life…its a lesson at 46 .. I am still learning… learning to deal learning to cope while learning how to live a healthier lifestyle.. its art in progress..
JupiterPluvius, I think what most of the people commenting are saying is that they allowed unhealthy behaviors take over, causing weight gain. Several people have mentioned how they are happy with their weight, or would be happier if they went down a size or two, even if that size is considered “too big.”
Oddly enough I started eating healthier and treating myself better after I went on a diet. I didn’t lose any weight, but I started eating more and better and it eventually just stopped being a diet. I stopped counting the calories but I kept eating the same foods, just when I wanted and without worrying about anything.
Kristen, I’m seeing lots of pro-diet talk and “I’m happy with my body but I want to get to weight X and here is the diet plan I’m going to use to do it.”
As I said, I’m surprised to see so much pro-diet talk on a Fatosphere link. And to see so much attributing of post-diet weight gain to “unhealthy habits” rather than considering the notion that the weight lost through dieting was not necessarily sustainable without enormous effort–which is the entire point of the post, yes?
I mean, there are a million places on the Internet where people can talk all they want about how much happier they’d be if they lost weight. Does the Fatosphere have to be one of them?
For all the posters in this thread who are lamenting about their weight gain/feeling poorly, etc., I have just one word for you…”exercise”. No, I don’t mean exercise 5 hour a day doing things you hate and I’m not saying “get off the couch, fatty” but rather, find pleasurable ways to move your body, even if its only for a few minutes at a time at first. You’ll be surprised and amazed how much better you’ll feel mentally, physically and emotionally. Our bodies are made to move, no matter what the size. The key to consistency is finding ways to move that you LIKE to do rather than the things that you hate.
I see myself in many of these posts, that is, until I discovered my love of exercise. Now I belly dance, run and lift weights and yes, Oprah, I weigh over 200 lbs. It’s something I do for my own wellbeing. Get out there and move your body in ways that are pleasurable to you and I promise you’ll feel better in no time!
I agree, Tintin, get rid of that personal trainer. I’m losing weight like you did, slowly, painlessly, not quite unconsciously-it is deliberate (sorry JupiterPluvius). More imporantly than that, I’m not bingeing, which I would get to if I had some skinny neurotic beyotch crawling up my ass to hurry me up.
I gained weight mostly due to bingeing, partly due to just bad eating habits, and eating too much. When I lost 60 pounds about 4 years ago, I hadn’t yet learned my food limits, and thus slowly gained it back. Now I slowly lose, and it’s seriously less than a pound a week, which puts me in a different reality than anybody and everybody actually on a diet. I mildly control my eating, just as I control my finances-I know my limits, what I can afford, what I can’t but will splurge on anyway, and make up for it later. My food issues are mostly gone, and I no longer am obsessed with food or weight loss.
Wow, I’m going to have to agree with Jupiter that I’m surprised about all the ‘Oh I should really lose X pounds” talk.
I mean, I get it, you’re unhappy with something. But is weight loss really the goal here?
You don’t feel healthy, you don’t feel in shape, then take action to make yourself feel better. But a lot of this sounds like “I have to lose exactly 7.2 pounds and then I will be PERFECT, then if I just lose 3.4 pounds I will be BEAUTIFUL.”
I’m just sayin, Health, Not weight loss, should be your goal. (And I don’t mean “health but I really mean weight loss” stuff either.)
I don’t watch the show regularly, but I’ve seen a few episodes. I wonder if the people who get voted off, and then go home and keep losing weight (they show it at the end of the episode, right?) – if they have greater long term success than the people who do it in such a ridiculous manner. 214 pounds in 6 months? Really? How the heck did he expect to be able to maintain that at home?
He should not be blaming himself. The show is to blame for being set up the way it is. I must admit to doing their cardio workouts at home, but I can choose to mute Jillian, and they are hardcore workouts!
I have always been heavy…even as a little kid. It just runs in my family. I see it in all the pictures of grandparents and great grandparents. Its just a fact of our family. However, I did lose a load of weight when I was 23. A nice 80-some lbs. I weighed about 180 and was a size 12..sometimes a 10. I felt WONDERFUL. A few years later, after battling anxiety and depression since I was 11, I decided to go on Paxil. Mentally, I felt the best I ever felt..finally!!! Unfortunately, I had the awful side-effect of gaining ALL the weight back. Because I would rather be mentally stable, I have chosen to stay on Paxil. I have been on it now for about 8 years. I won’t go back to being the mental case I was. Anyway, my weight continued to go up until I reached about 330. I decided to have gastric bypass. Yeah, well, that wasn’t all its cracked up to be either. I lost about 80lbs (must be my magic number) and now I sit here at this place where my weight refuses to budge. I’m about 250 right now. So, thats my weight struggle. But you know what? I’m ok with it. I will always have a struggle and I have learned to love me for me. I’m a freakin’ hilarious person and I’m cute!! So, I may not have that adorable size 12 body I had years ago but I can still rock a good outfit.
It kind of seems, by all the comments, that there is very much a need for this kind of conversation. Since the blog owner asked, and isn’t steering the responses, it is up to those who don’t want to talk or hear about it, to not partake. A person can only really censor their own blogs, can’t force others to censor theirs according to their own comfort levels.
I did the whole weight watcher deal about five years ago. Lost 40 lbs.
As the trend reports say, in five years, most dieters are back where they started.
That is true for me.
This morning, I was out running with my dog. It occured to me that, even at about 160 (I’m 4’9″) running is easy for me. I have a decent stride, good posture and my body is and has always been strong. It takes a very vigorous workout – or flat-out, hell-bent running – to make me winded. I also have lots of energy, and generally feel cheerful and extroverted. I just feel buoyantly robust, you know?
I’m just chubby.
If the world doesn’t like the size of my ass, the world can suck it.
Starvation dieting and compulsive exercise didn’t make me small enough to stop shopping at plus size stores, but yes, I have lost weight close to 100 pounds and regained it a couple of times.
When I was younger I blamed myself for the regain. It was all my fault that I had to start eating again because I was a malnourished and all my fault that I had stopped exercising because I was in a car accident. If only I had the willpower to keep exercising despite my injuries, I wouldn’t have regained all that weight I lost when I wasn’t eating.
I felt weak and stupid and out of control. I thought that I was lazy and undisciplined and that there was something wrong with me emotionally or mentally because I wasn’t thin. There was one point when I was watching Oprah and I became convinced that I had an emotional eating disorder because I ate when I was hungry while I happened to bored and unhappy because I was suffering from injuries.
Looking back on all of that what I know about how to take proper care of myself, I wasn’t eating any more then than I am now. I wasn’t eating more often. I wasn’t eating when I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to know why I was fat so that I could fix it. If I had a disorder, I had something I could control. I had the means to fix myself if I knew what was broken.
The only thing broken was my belief that I was broken and disgusting because I was fat.
My picture is on my blog, bare arms and all. I have never been accused of not being fat.
Now that I’ve stopped blaming myself for my weight and stopped trying to figure out what’s broken so that I can fix it, I’m taking proper care of myself. I sleep, exercise, drink plenty of water, and eat a nicely balanced diet of various foods so that my body gets all of the necessary building blocks.
I have plenty of energy. I’m emotionally stable. My ability to concentrate is sharp. When I get sick, I’m over it in a few days instead of a few weeks.
I need seat belt extenders on airplanes, but I can walk a few flights of stairs at a good clip without getting winded. I don’t fit into booths at restaurants, but I enjoyed a two-mile hike up to a waterfall over Thanksgiving break and didn’t suffer any aches or pains afterward.
There are worse things in life than “taking up too much space” or “weighing too much.” Like reporting a rape and being called a liar because “nobody would ever want to touch you let alone do THAT!”
The only horrible thing about being fat is the way that other people treat me because they don’t see me as a human being. Now that I’m not internalizing it and blaming myself for it, I have the power to fight against it and change it.
The last doctor I saw made his diagnosis before doing the necessary tests to find out if the mass on my ovary is cancerous (it’s growing at a rather scary speed). He insisted that the birth control pill would fix me right up even though I told him that I have reacted badly to every birth control pill I’ve ever been on.
I filed a complaint and now have a doctor who has ordered a biopsy to find out more about what’s going on with the inclusive scans I’ve been getting. He refuses to guess at a diagnosis until we have the necessary information.
A year ago, I would have wasted a few months taking the pill and feeling miserable until I got fed up and begged for a second opinion. A month ago, I made the complaint the minute I got home from the bad appointment because I wasn’t sitting around feeling like I deserved to be treated that way because I wasn’t doing what I needed to do in order to be thin.
I give myself credit for the things I do well. I’m not ashamed of the things I don’t do well. I respect myself and demand respect from others because I am not sitting around blaming myself for the size of my body.
It would be nice if Oprah would stop paying lip service to self-love and acceptance while constantly tearing herself down. How can she build herself up when she’s constantly talking about what a screw up she is?
I agree with Birdyluv about the importance of moving our bodies – something they’re meant to do, regardless of size.
In 3 days I will be at my one-year anniversary of changing my life for the better… a year ago I was almost 380 pounds and in a size 30. Since then I’ve lost nearly 90 pounds and am firmly in a size 22. I’ve loosely followed the South Beach Diet, which really means eating healthy, and I work out 3 – 4 days per week. My husband lost 45 pounds just by eating whatever I cook for dinner.
In the last few months my weight loss has slowed for a variety of reasons, which is frustrating in some respects but I also recognize that more than anything, this process is a marathon, not a sprint.. I will be eating this way and exercising for the rest of my life — no need to rush. lol! I try to chill out and breathe and remind myself of this when I get on the scale and it’s the same number it was the week before.
I wish you all luck, regardless of the path to health and happiness you’re on. :)
JupitarPlivus, you’re right, I agree with you. I guess after reading so much about it everywhere else, it becomes harder and harder to recognize it for what it really is. I enjoy reading things on the fatosphere because it’s not what weightloss and dieting sites are…it’s just too easy to get sucked in!
It kind of seems, by all the comments, that there is very much a need for this kind of conversation. Since the blog owner asked, and isn’t steering the responses, it is up to those who don’t want to talk or hear about it, to not partake
Or to register their opinions of the direction of the conversation. Don’t silence someone who’s saying “WHY SO MUCH DIET TALK IN THE FATOSPHERE?” for heaven’s sake. It’s the Fatosphere. FATosphere.
There is an infinite amount of space for diet talk on the Internet. There is a tiny amount of space for fat acceptance. Why does a fat acceptance blog have to be all diet talk?
I educated myself to the setpoint theory and the fact that people are supposed to come in different shapes and sizes. I have not deliberately tried to lose weight for decades, although I have lost it do to extreme stress and financial hardship. My body always returned to its delightful original plumpness. Then again, it is easier for me to accept my natural body because i have been fat since childhood and have always secretly adored my curves. My body thinner bores me. Not to offend anyone, just a personal preference. Like colors, some like red and some like blue. Live and let live, but I love curves and fullness!
I’m not going to censor the conversation, as I think all points of view are worth expressing, but I’ll add a Diet Talk Warning to the tags on the post. If people don’t want to delve into any talk about dieting or former dieting, they should stay out of the comments.
JupiterPluvius, I understand your frustration but this specific entry was about losing weight and regaining it… mo pie specifically asked, “How do you handle that, and what does it all make you think, and how does it make you feel? Let’s talk about it.”
A lot of fat people have tried to lose weight, only to regain it… not everyone is as accepting of their bodies, though that’s the goal we should all have in mind.
:)
JupiterPluvius – People are talking about diets here because this blog was about going on diets and regaining all the weight. I think I might have started the whole thing though so maybe to clarify, I did diet and lost 50lbs and I gained back what I lost and more but I really don’t see it as a failure. I just recognize that for me personally, if I had made more of an effort it would have stayed off.
I’ve lost weight then gained it back (hell, I GAINED the weight in the first place!), and quite frankly, I know it’s my own damn fault. I know perfectly well how to lose weight and keep it off, but I’m just too lazy to do it. I could fill this blank space with excuses like “I eat because I’m depressed” or “this is the weight my body WANTS to be” or something, but that’s just stupid. If I just get off my fat ass and work out and eat better, I know the weight will come off and STAY off!
JupiterPluvius – for me, it’s not about diet. It’s the fact that – as an adult – I have spent about one year feeling healthy and positive, and the rest feeling depressed and miserable. At my “lowest” I was ~220lbs, but more importantly I could walk a mile in 20 minutes, could climb stairs, could go out with friends – I STOPPED thinking about food! and I felt good. I don’t feel good any more. For me, it’s about health. Size acceptance doesn’t have to mean that you never talk about losing weight.
This is a concern for me. I’ve lost 130 pounds in the past sixteen months, and have been plateauing for the last two. I would like to get about thirty more off, and recently faced up to the fact that I will need to cut calories to do so.
Throughout my weight loss, it’s been very important to me to keep it sustainable — eating foods I enjoy, not feeling deprived, doing things at my own pace, in my own way, finding what works for me so that it can keep on working for me. I like the size I am now, but I would like to be even thinner — IF my body is happy at that weight. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I don’t feel “finished” where I am now, so I am willing to find a healthy, sustainable way to get these last thirty pounds off.
If, when I reach that goal, I find it impossible to maintain and still be happy, I’m fine with regaining some of the weight, but I don’t think I’d be happy being any bigger than I am today. I feel good; I am very active; and I can do what my body needs to do at this weight.
I don’t want to gain back any weight. I don’t want to be plus-sized again. I didn’t hate myself or think I was ugly when I was, but I feel better and like my body better at my current weight. So yes, it’s a fear and a concern, but I try to approach it logically. I know that I have the skills to manage my health; all I have to do is apply them, and if I fail to do so one time, I can always do it the very next time.
Considering that the all the stuff the contestants do on “The Biggest Loser” is ridiculously unhealthy, and that losing 3 pounds in a week is considered a failure, it’s more surprising that any of the contestants manage to keep the weight off at all.
Having said that, I’m currently at my highest weight ever, except for my pregnancies. I’d like to not care, but I DO care. I’d like to get back down to where I was 3 1/2 years ago (even though I thought I was too fat then. Oy.) Part of it is vanity, and part is health concerns. I’m not trying to be super-skinny. I AM trying to change my relationship with food. I refuse to DIEt anymore. I’m not talking about a ‘lifestyle change.” I’m talking about not obsessing over food anymore.
Oh good lord, I have lost the same weight so many times, I have no idea how many times I’ve done it. After losing the largest amounts of weight, within a year or two I gained at least 100 lbs (putting me far heavier than I started) every time.
In the past, I would hide myself away from the world. I felt like a failure. I shamed myself horribly.
Nowadays, I do not diet. However, sometimes my weight fluctuates, because weight does that. Such is life. If I find myself gaining, I don’t sweat it. I make sure I have comfy clothes, cuz it is majorly depressing to not have clothes that fit properly. ;) Otherwise, I don’t really care. My goal is to love myself no matter what… which is a far more achievable, healthy and kind goal than trying to turn myself into a super-model (which is what I was trying to do before).
Today, I’m on the border of normal and overweight. Sometimes I’m overweight. So freakin’ what. If and when I come off anti-depressants, I might become solidly overweight again. Again – so what. At this point, I just want to go along with the program of my body. It’s far more rewarding to do that and be overweight or even *gasp* obese than to be considered skinny and getting to that weight via restriction or purging or some such..
Okay, so you sad re-gainers didn’t ask for my advice, but I’m giving it to you anyway. For those of you who have gained weight and think you must lose it again because you feel sluggish and unhealthy: exercise. Stop yoyoing. Every time you lose weight, you lose both fat and muscle. Every time you regain, most of it comes back as fat. STOP. Make your body strong enough to carry the weight. Eat the 1800-2800 calories a day that a normal person eats, and swim, run, ride a bike, dance, play tennis, do whatever you enjoy. Lift some weights. Use one of them to smash your scale.
Stop trying to lose weight and let your body adjust properly to its size, and you won’t feel sluggish and weak anymore. Also, you’ll feel more confident, more centered, and more energetic. (at least, that’s the effect it has on me. And, yes. I am and pretty much always have been “obese”)
That is all.
OK. so I dont have any highly articulate thoughts but I’ve lost 110 lbs in the last 16 months or so too. I’m have a bmi of 30 now…. and I’ve been ‘stalled here’ for six months. I’d rather stay here forever than lose the last 30 or 40… just to gain it back. I think I’d rather just stay a size 16 forever. That will be a major victory in itself.
I just want to add that I exercise 6 days a week. I teach Pilates. The only person who has expressed any issue with my weight is…me.
it really does sort of creep up on you when you regain it. Once you realize its there, its already way past a mere few pounds that you can lose in a month. I can definitely relate, and it hurts. knowing that i had been in the best shape of my life, then 6 months, a year, 3 years down the line it hits you that you gained 50 lbs a year can smack you in the face so hard that you want to just die.
Hey, I did it online. How about that for feeling like a failure. I lost just shy of 70 pounds and 600 people a day read about it and before I could even realize what the heck was happening and how to get myself under control the weight came back and then some. How does it make me feel? I feel like I failed. I also feel like it’s out of my control. I didn’t want to gain the weight back. But I did. Some are commenting about FEAR and it is down right scary. It rare to be able to keep it off. For me, staying thin meant starving and commitment to exercise that just wasn’t possible with my lifestyle. Today, I’m hoping to eat healthier and find fun active things to do. Still I groan as I put on my shoes for a brisk walk, just a half hour, oh how this does not feel like fun. Fun tennis matches just don’t happen everyday. Life interferes. I try to tell myself that cleaning the house or painting a room or gardening will substitute for exercise but I’ve been active my entire weight gain. I’ve renovated 3 houses, gained weight the whole time. The only thing I stopped was forcing myself on a treadmill I hated and eating so little I’d often force myself to go to bed at 7pm to manage the hunger pains. But what weight am I supposed to be? I keep gaining weight. There seems to be no set point. This is the most frustrating part. I want a set point. And I don’t want it to be where I’m miserable in my body. So here I am, at a standstill for months and months, do I stay as I am, which isn’t even staying where I am, it’s continuing to slowly gain weight, or try something else. I’m trying something else. I don’t want to be model thin, I just want to feel healthy and proud.
As long as he was eating healthily and exercising regularly, then whatever weight he is at now is the weight he is meant to be at. I think it’s ridiculous to expect your body to stay the same after you stop a constant exercise and diet phase.