Comments on: Getting through to the 20-Year-Olds

By: J. Martin

J. Martin — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:15:30 +0000

The second thing was realising that if I judged my friend’s appearances as harshly as I judged my own, I’d be a complete bitch. Some of them were fatter then me, or with quirkier faces, yet I thought all of them attractive, valuable and deserving their partners, if they wanted them.

By: Morag

Morag — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 10:36:55 +0000

Everyone I knew at that age was insecure about something. I used to think I had a really weirdly shaped and ugly face as well as being fat – my body image was something like a little goblin. Completely bonkers.

What helped me first was a drawing class – to draw people accurately you have to look objectively and each individual quirk becomes beautiful after spending so much time getting it right. Then we drew a self portrait, and I realised that applied to me too.

I realised I was being a hypocrite if I had such high standards of myself and no-one else. If I had such contempt for myself then deep down I must have contempt for them too – and it was best to let it all go. And if I haven’t been able to do it perfectly I’m still trying – and I shouldn’t castigate myself over that either.

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:30:32 +0000

Good on Ya! I am 28 and I wish I could say that I have fully accepted and love my body for what it is, but the truth is that I still have occasional moments of body panic despite the lust/adoration of a guy that is phenomenal. I hope your cousin can look in the mirror and see what other people see, at least 80% of the time:)

By: Tiana

Tiana — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:30:59 +0000

Personally I am a fan of the fake-clueless “OMG, guess what I just found out?!” approach – I know you can call me a sneaky bastard now, but I like to think that if you present facts such as “dieters usually end up fatter than before” in a way that makes the listener think you’re just as shocked as they would be, they are more likely to believe you. Of course that doesn’t work if they already know you as a size acceptance activist. ;)

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:33:02 +0000

It’s hard to watch loved ones suffer in the same ways that you did, but I’m with Jamie on the “rite of passage” possibility – this might all be part of the journey she has to go through to become strong and wise and reach these conclusions on her own. As much as we wish the young people in our lives could learn from our mistakes, they’re not any more likely to than we were at that age to learn from the much wiser and well-meaning adults in our lives. Unless she’s physically harming herself, intervening in her personal journey could ultimately do more harm than good. It’s just something she has to go through.

That being said, it’s no reason you can’t model healthy behavior and confidence for her and be a mentor in her life. You might buy her the latest issue of Real Simple – it has a fantastic article this month about how diets are useless and about learning how to listen to your body’s signals and feed it accordingly. After a few days of her berry juice fast she might be more inclined to heed its advice.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 15:42:52 +0000

Maybe, just maybe, coming to terms with your own body image is a HAES rite of passage. I’m having my own “Eureka” moments now at the age of 26.

By: Crystal

Crystal — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 15:19:03 +0000

If you figure this one out, please share! I have a sixteen year old daughter and believe me, battling the media, peer pressure, and all the other crap that tells women everyday how imperfect they are just sucks. I talk to my daughter about accepting yourself, about how people are built to be different sizes, about how every image you see (practically) is airbrushed and women don’t really “look like that” I try to set the best example I can of accepting myself and everything else, but still those insidious little thoughts sometimes get to her. I see her friends and nearly everyone of them has a distorted body image – and a couple have serious eating disorders. It’s heartbreaking at times. I tell myself that I have to just keep at it. I have to practice what I preach. I have to keep showing them examples of beautiful women in all sizes, shapes, colors, etc. I hope someday if we all keep at it, we’ll make it happen – just like a big ol’ glacier slowly carving the grand canyon!

By: Ali

Ali — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:54:53 +0000

I also recommend the Intuitive Eating book!

By: neha

neha — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:45:19 +0000

i really wish i had someone to talk to in my teens. Even internet connection was not all that common while i was growing up, so i was pretty much isolated… i’m 26 now and when i see older photos, i realise i wasn’t all that fat.. just a little on the chubbier side but everyone from my parents to cousins to friends would badger me with things like ‘you are so pretty, if only you were a little thin’…. and now i actually have a major weight problem, i really wish that i had someone to confide in and maybe my life choices might have been alot different

By: Piffle

Piffle — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:20:05 +0000

If you want to be subtle, you can also start exposing her to beautiful fat images; take her to a museum or send her a poster of classic art to decorate her dorm. I’d also go with nuts and bolts info about dieting and HAES; particularly I’d find that study that showed girls who take up HAES are healthier and less likely to gain weight than girls who diet.