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9 Foolproof Steps To Skinnyness

January 13th, 2009

Steps include “refrain from consuming food” and “cease to feel emotions of any kind.” The ninth step, however, is my favorite:

Step 9: Self-confidence is the most attractive trait a person can have. For this reason, strive to love yourself and accept yourself exactly as you are. This will be difficult if you are overweight, on account of your loathsome physical appearance and compromised value system, but do your best. And, if the going gets tough, remind yourself: every person is beautiful on the inside, provided that they are also extremely attractive on the outside.

From The New Yorker. Thanks for the link, aych!

Posted by mo pie

Filed under: Humor, Tidbit, Weight Loss

15 Responses to “9 Foolproof Steps To Skinnyness”

  1. Alyssa, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:28 pm Said:

    I saw this article. I think she’s being REALLY sarcastic and poking fun at all the “New Year-New You” diet tips that abound this time of year.
    I truly believe it’s meant to be an indictment of fashion/fitness mags and the diet industry.

  2. spiderbite, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:28 pm Said:

    I like Step 8:

    “Step 8: Vigorous sexual intercourse burns up to two hundred calories per hour. Therefore, if you are not currently promiscuous, it is essential that you begin “boning” immediately. Start by having sex with every person you know. Then have sex with numerous people you have never met. Continue doing this until you are thin.”

  3. mo pie, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:33 pm Said:

    Alyssa, I understand that it’s sarcasm. That’s why I categorized it under “humor.” Heh.

  4. lisa-marie, on January 13th, 2009 at 6:55 pm Said:

    That is hilarious! And brilliant!

  5. Brittney, on January 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm Said:

    My jaw dropped when I read that. Then I regained composure after I read the comments that said it was a joke. Phew! :)

  6. Jen, on January 13th, 2009 at 7:49 pm Said:

    I’m with Brittney. My mental jaw dropped like a rock then I read the comments. Whew!

  7. JupiterPluvius, on January 13th, 2009 at 8:07 pm Said:

    This is such a great satire because it’s so close to the deranged reality!

  8. Lex, on January 14th, 2009 at 4:01 am Said:

    Can you post the link to the original article?

  9. Melissa, on January 14th, 2009 at 4:01 am Said:

    I think it shows how screwed up real diet tips are that first commenter didn’t get it was meant to be satire.

    hee hee.

  10. lisbet, on January 14th, 2009 at 10:15 am Said:

    Hm, could someone post a link to it here?

  11. Rachel, on January 14th, 2009 at 10:18 am Said:

    Hah! That’s great! Thanks for posting.

  12. pickleberry, on January 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am Said:

    http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2009/01/05/090105sh_shouts_ozols

    definitely worth reading the whole thing.

    The sad part is, I think I remember seeing most of the steps in various places in actual weight-loss advice columns.

  13. mo pie, on January 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am Said:

    I can’t believe I didn’t include the link in the first place! Duh. It’s in the original post now, also. Thanks!

  14. Alyssa, on January 14th, 2009 at 11:57 am Said:

    Ah.
    Yes.
    Sometimes (read: ALWAYS) I need the obvious pointed out to me.
    Thanks, Mo!
    (Um, could I hire you to do that for me on a regular basis? It would cut WAAAAY down on my public humiliation, lol!)

  15. Heather Lee, on January 15th, 2009 at 2:59 pm Said:

    Absolutely Fucking Genius!!!!

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