I, ladies and gentlemen, am a walking stereotype! I’m two stereotypes, actually, and they’re not as contradictory as they sound. I am “Fat Girls Don’t Date” and “Fat Girls Are Easy!”

I was always fat growing up, so I never dated. It was just never within the realm of possibility that someone would be interested in me, so I just spent my teen years being the Fat Best Friend and Wing(wo)man to my friends.

Then, when I hit 20, this friend-of-a-friend asked me out because he knew I’d never had a boyfriend or anything like that and he figured he could get laid pretty easily. And he was right. I was tired of being a virgin and I was grateful for the attention, even though I knew I could literally have been anyone and it wouldn’t have made a difference to him. He was also the one who told me that he didn’t like having sex with me on top because everything wobbled. We dated for a few months until he found someone better.

Pretty much the exact same thing happened a few years later in college.

Then, at the height of my eating disorder something weird happened. I dropped to 98 pounds (which isn’t as thin as it sounds. I’m 4’11″ with tiny little bird bones, so I was still wearing a size 4). And all of a sudden, guys noticed me! But they didn’t want sex. They were respectful of me and wanted to get to know me and just spend time with me. Sex probably would have come later eventually had I taken them up on their offers, but I never did because grad school was all consuming. But it does make me think that maybe the study found skinny girls having less sex because men sorta value them for more than that. Among other reasons, of course.

And then I gained all the weight back. My third boyfriend was actually interested in me, surprisingly. I think he was just excited to find someone who could keep up with him intellectually and who was half his age. But still, the girls he really went gaga over (like on TV, or wherever) were very slim, so he appreciated me in spite of my body, not because of it.

Nowadays, even if I had the opportunity to date or have sex, I would just say no. In a purely physical sense, sex feels good, but not good enough to offset the emotional anxiety surrounding the whole thing. When I decided I didn’t actually *have* to date or have sex and I should just disengage from my body as much as possible, it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders! I was so relieved! Life is much easier now.

My point is that it’s great you guys are disproving stereotypes and are happy, but I think this here is a self selected sample and therefore not necessarily representative of the whole. There are plenty of us out there who do conform to the stereotype. At the very least, it’s a very mixed bag.

I’m probably the heaviest I’ve ever been

BUT!!!!!

I am having the BEST sex of my life at this size and being pursued by MORE men than ever. In fact, its great EXERCISE! Gets the heart rate up, improves flexibility and agility, makes you feel GREAT when your done….obviously docs should be counseling overweight women to be having MORE of teh sexxors as its clearly VERY VERY good for us!

And, for the record, I’ve never EVER gotten with someone who had even the teensiest thought that I would sleep with them because I was “desperate” or “didn’t know how to say no”. Fuck. That. This is MY body and if I don’t feel like sharing it with you bugger off!

Women are labeled sluts with ease and agressiveness by others for a variety of reasons. I think the underlying thing with THAT is more women need to: A) stop labeling other women as a slut because of arbitrary physical features and B) stop allowing OTHERS to label women as sluts because of arbitrary physical features.

Seriously, my heart stopped when I read the comment above that someone felt her large breasts made her “look slutty”. It just saddens me to know that women still even THINK that.

As for this “study”, whatta buncha maroons! Where is the ivory tower these people live in so we can go knock it over? Women of ALL shapes, sizes, breast size, hair color etc are having LOADS of sex!!! I don’t really know ANY women who are waiting around for “Mr. Right” to come and sweep their virginity away with their magic penis *Swoon*. For gods sake I thought we got over THAT hump around 1969 or so!

The very fact that docs think some women don’t need to know about sexual health issues is not just an anti-fat (fatist?) thought but also a very mysoginistic thought!!!

Hey Charlotte – we’re sisters!

On the health care note: I’ve had my fair share of doctors’ raised eyebrows and stifled coughs at the mention of how active I am. Thankfully, there are more ob-gyn lady doctors in our area who understand the situation and are very supportive with what we want without letting our weight get in the way.

I’m a registered nurse by trade and only worked in women’s reproductive health. I treated everyone the same, but unfortunately, there are instances when this doesn’t happen. I suppose it’s like any other business.

I remember once reading that McDonalds asked heavy people if they wanted to supersize their meals more often than skinny people.

This post is so interesting. And the comments have struck some chords with me. I think the lesson is to work your darndest to see everyone as equal. Try to fight for and teach equality and tolerance when you can.

Great topic.

“you want to hook up again right? i mean, i know I do. it was so much fun, wasn’t it? it was great, just so much FUN.”

Now…..I recall it as being “passable” and ‘enjoyable because friction feels good’. Mind you I would never tell him this, but he is a VERY good looking man and i am not exaggerating when I say that every woman in my dept wanted to get with him.

Anytime i am feeling down about myself or my weight based on societies dumb ass antics I remember him saying that and remind myself that one of the most gorgeous men (albeit arrogant) I have ever met pursued me for sex, and thinks it’s the best sex he ever had, and found me years later to have more. SUCK THAT!