How Do You Accessorize?
I was shopping this weekend, and it got me thinking about the way that I’ve often walked into stores that carry sizes that are unlikely to fit me (often while shopping with thinner friends) and headed straight for the accessories: sparkly jewelry, hats, bags, scarves. All the things that are (that dreaded phrase) “one size fits all.” In fact, this weekend I was in a vintage store, and didn’t even look at the clothes; instead I got an awesome blue enamel pin shaped like an owl.
This in turn led me to thinking about accessories, and all the “rules” plus-size women are given for how to accessorize. Like this one:
Simple outfits can be jazzed up with a bold women’s accessory, but be careful about not overdoing it. Each outfit should have one bold accessory focus, not a bold bracelet, necklace and earrings that would overwhelm you.
Or this one (make sure you’re “elongated” and heaven forbid anybody looks at your body!):
Use accessories to help slim you down. A long necklace always brings the eye down and elongates. A necklace that hits your clavicle can bring attention up to your face.
Or this one (don’t wear colors! DISTRACT THEM WITH SPARKLES! You might not “have a waist”!):
If you like bright colors save them for belts [ only wear if you have a waist ], handbags [ big ], shoes, hats, lipstick and nail varnish. Sparkly jewelry [ but not too big] helps here too – it takes the immediate focus of the person who you meet away from your extra pounds.
So do you follow any of these “tips” or deliberately break the rules of trying to “dress for your size” whatever that means? Do you have a strategy for accessorizing? Do you have a favorite accessory?
I usually wear a necklace, and right now the one I wear the most is my typewriter key. I almost never wear earrings or bracelets; ring-wise I wear my wedding band. I don’t have some kind of accessory philosophy or anything; I just wear what I like and am pretty low-maintenance. How about you?
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I suppose the one “rule” I adhere to is no small jewelry. I feel like it gets lost on me. But I wear necklaces that are kind of choker-like, even though I’m sure it draws attention to my double-chins. I wear bracelets, even though they might make my wrists look less then dainty.
I wear my wedding ring on one hand and a piece of costume jewelry on the other. Usually my second ring is some knuckle duster piece of plastic, or glass, or semi-precious stone. Those have been big enough in the past that I’ve gotten my hand stuck in door handles. Also very classy, but it hasn’t stopped me from wearing them.
Similar to ladyloo’s comment – I don’t understand the first rule you posted. It just doesn’t make sense. How is it that the same jewelry that would overwhelm my 300# frame WON’T overwhelm a woman who weighs 100#? Or is it just that I would be adding bulk to my already too-bulky-to-live body? (that was sarcasm, just to be sure!)
I don’t know that I follow rules specifically for fat women. I mean, to me, good taste is good taste whether it’s on a small frame or a large one, so wear what looks good with your outfit and makes you feel good and f*ck the rules. I’m not big into accessories anyway, I love buying jewelry but it rarely makes it onto my body because I’m too busy to stop and remember to accessorize my outfit then I get to work and realize I forgot to wear that perfect necklace I got just for this outfit. What I do wear is usually pretty simple but fun and I have a few classic pieces in my drawer for those occasions that call for it.
The only thing I wear now that I think of as my “signature” accessory is a pair of big silver hoop earrings. I wear them almost every day. Before I got these big mamas about a year ago, I wore a smaller pair of silver hoop earrings that I bought in the mid-90s almost every day (I would usually just put them in and leave them). I like these big ones much better, though.
I used to wear a lot of vintage costume jewelry, but I have a nickel allergy and it’s not really worth it to me these days. I also have an armful of silver bracelets that I love but never wear because I type all day and I would just have to take them off as soon as I got to work anyway. I might start to wear them out on weekends more often, though.
Those “tips” kill me. Then again, I proudly wear two belts hooked together to form one belt. I have a pearl necklace and some fake diamond studs that I rely on for interviews and more proper things, but I don’t put any special thought into what I buy. If I like it, I buy it. I don’t care if its ~slimming~ or not. I’m stickin’ it to the man in my own special way.
I hate glittery stuff. Makes me feel like I’m 13. :/
I like bold colors, but lately I find it hard to get bold colors in my size… So I feel like I’m slowly reverting back into dark colors without meaning to.
I remember reading a tip that big women shouldn’t wear earrings smaller than a quarter. I can’t say I completely follow that rule, but really, it’s not such a bad one, at least for my proportions.
I don’t think it’s about dressing to make yourself look smaller than you are — it’s about dressing the body you have to make it look the best (whatever you perceive that to be) and/or dressing to make YOURSELF feel good, which is by far the most important.
Fat or thin, if you have a short stubby little neck (and I do, I do) you’re going to be flattered more by a V-neck and long necklaces rather than turtlenecks and chokers. Fat or thin, if your waist is undefined, princess seams and wrap styles are going to look great on you (actually, they look good on pretty much anybody).
Correct proportions and fit are the keys to making anything look good on you. But if YOU feel good about what you’re wearing, you’ll look great no matter what.
I agree with CindyS completely. I don’t accessorize all that much (other than stuff I knit), but I definitely try to dress in clothes that I feel are most flattering.
And, I don’t think it’s necessarily about trying to trick people into thinking you aren’t fat. For instance, Glamour has a Dress Your Body section every month. It’s not directed just at plus-sized, there are also tips for busty, boy shapes and pear shapes. It’s about highlighting the body parts you like best, in my opinion.
Obviously tips are just that. You don’t have to follow them if you don’t want to. I know one of the “dress for you shape” type websites (I think it was called MyShape, but it might’ve been a different one) told me to NOT EVER NEVER wear pencil skirts. But I have a few that I think look awesome.
There was a similiar post over at http://fatrantblog.wordpress.com/ a couple weeks ago. I didn’t respond to that though because she seemed angry and I was scared :) lol
Though I’m pretty big, I’ve always liked dainty jewelry & always wear the same 2 bracelets: one gold, one amber with a silver heart charm, along with a narrow watch on the left wrist, and an antique gold ring on the middle finger (it’s too large for the ring finger) on my right. When I’m going all out, I always pay attention to that nugget of wisdom handed down by everyone’s mother: “When you’re going out, dress up & then take off one piece of jewelry!” Works for me.
I don’t accessorize much, my standards are a plain silver wedding band, a hair tie (which may or may not match anything else I’m wearing, I usually just grab one) and my glasses, which are rather bold, red and black plastic frames, but are also quite necessary if I’m to see anything!
When I do wear other things it’s simply because I like them and like how they look with the clothes I’m wearing. As one who never had interest in fashion mags/sites/shows/whatever, I’ve kind of always been going “rules? What rules?” about this sort of thing *shrug*
Back when I was a thin, petite thing (5’2″, eyes of blue, maybe a hundred pounds dripping wet), I read all these magazine articles that informed me I’d better never wear any jewelry that wasn’t as tiny and delicate as my body. I tried that for a while. I disappeared into the freaking wallpaper.
The day I decided that I was going to try on the huge, outrageous jewelry and ‘tips’ be damned, I stopped disappearing.
Fat or thin, I’ve always looked best in bright colors, big jewelry, and dramatic hats. In fact, few people notice how short I still am, even though I don’t wear heels. Why? Because my personality is bigger than my body, and I dress both.
I think we all need to keep a good editorial eye for lines that flatter our bodies, but I think we also need to keep our personalities in mind at least as much as our shapes and coloring. If you’re a dramatic person, you’re never going to look as good in clothes that aren’t dramatic. If you’re demure and retiring at heart, you’re never going to pull off the dramatic stuff believably. If you’re minimalist, then you need to dress differently from a maximalist like me.
Demure and retiring didn’t look good on me when I was tiny. Some large women will always look wrong in the big, bold Boho pieces I wear.
Ultimately, while writers can offer suggestions for what they think is a good place to start, YOU’RE the one wearing the outfit. You need to dress YOU, inside and out.
Experiment. Have fun. It’s ornament, not life and death. So try on a piece of jewelry, a scarf, or a hat that really appeals to you. The worst that can happen is that you find it doesn’t really look good on you. Playing dress up is fun no matter how old you get…as long as it was fun to you to begin with.
So have fun, dammit!
For the longest time, I would always wear small peices of jewelry. I thought I was so big, I didn’t want big peices of jewelry to make me look bigger. Couple that thought with the fact the stepfather once saw me in nice dangling earrings (not huge, but not petite either) and said I was trying to dress like a whore and you’ve got a screwed up idea of who big, bulky jewelry looks good on.
I’m also a jewelry designer, and have been stretching myself lately, breaking out of my box of just making delicate and petite things. Some of the more bulky stuff I’m liking to wear for myself (which makes it really hard to stock up for shows and stores and stuff)!
What I normally wear in jewelry every day is my wedding ring, a big bulky, silver bracelet, and an anklet that my husband made for me. Since I’m generally a t-shirt and jeans kind of gal, I don’t usually remember to put on any necklaces or earrings. But I’m trying to do better on that.
I’m not a fan of big, bold, clunky jewelry. I prefer daintier pieces. My ears are very tiny, so to wear oversized earrings would cause my lobes to hurt big time. I do have several pairs of smallish hoops in gold and silver. I’m like ladykuri, in that I have my standards and I like what I wear because it goes with my wardrobe. I’m a total minimalist. It’s probably because I like to be comfortable, and wearing clunky jewerly, especially if it’s noisy, and if it’s around my wrists, is more constricting to me.
I like hats.
OTM and I are earring twins.
I pretty much wear silver hoops every day.
I love necklaces, chokers the most – and I confess toi having a short neck, broad shoulder and big breasts, so my guess is that my chokers are a rule-breaker. I feel sexy in them.
I like small jewelry, and I prefer silver. I wear a small thin silver bracelet almost every day, and a fossil watch.
What I don’t have that I’d love to have is a small nose stud. I think women with nose rings and nose studs look great. I’d love a small, bright blue topaz if I did that. What holds me back on the nose jewelry is the thought that I’m too old and that I don’t have a pretty enough face.
I always wear two rings, one on each hand. I used to wear clunky ones, but that doesn’t really work for me because I have tiny hands and they feel awkward.
As for other accessories, my work life and non-work life are very different. At work, I am big on lapel pins. The former tend to be showy stuff I bought at crafts fairs. That is, they vary quite a bit in size, but all have something that makes them a conversation piece, e.g. a brightly colored cat with a mickey mouse charm inside, or a mermaid holding a champagne bottle in one hand and a telephone in the other, or a marbled plastic octopus, or a curly-haired girl walking her pet alligator, or … well, you get the idea. It’s a way of having a little fun while still wearing boring business suits. If I’m wearing a dress, I will wear a scarf in an interesting fabric, e.g. an aboriginal art design I bought at a gallery in Sydney. Again, it’s a socially acceptable way of having some fun within a conservative milieu. (I also think it is way cool when men dressed in boring suits wear cartoon ties or novelty socks or the like.)
Outside of work, I love hats (which I think are too strong a fashion statement at work). I love big dangly earrings too, especially Lunch at the Ritz. I can’t wear the latter while performing, though, because anything that makes noise is distracting to an audience. I think of this stuff less as fat girl stuff than as balancing my big thick curly hair.
“I’ve often walked into stores that carry sizes that are unlikely to fit me (often while shopping with thinner friends) and headed straight for the accessories…”
I think most fat women can relate to this — I’m sure I can. I developed a taste for accessories in my early twenties out of sheer boredom, just so I would have something to look at while my skinny friends were in the fitting rooms trying on skinny clothes. Nowadays, I refuse to buy accessories at shops that do not carry my size in clothing items: if they cannot be bothered to make a pair of pants that will fit my fat bum, they most certainly cannot have my hard-earned money for that pair of earrings, no matter how beautifully they frame my fat face.
“I’ve often walked into stores that carry sizes that are unlikely to fit me (often while shopping with thinner friends) and headed straight for the accessories…”
I used to do that at H&M before I lost enough weight to be able to wear their tops (can’t do the pants yet). It’s weird…now I won’t go to the accessories there unless I’m carrying a piece of clothing, as if I’m trying to prove I’m not just the fat girl looking at accessories in a store I’m too big for. Yes, it bugs me that I care.
I love big earrings, especially what I like to call “street earrings” (the kind that you buy off tables on the street for about $5). Other than that I pretty much just wear a necklace and a watch, sometimes a bracelet. My necklaces are usually just a chain with a single pendant. Lately I’ve been wearing a Bichon Frise charm on my chain in honor of my childhood dog that passed away in August. I wear my great-grandmother’s engagement ring on a chain sometimes (her fingers were tiny). And I have this really cute necklace from H&M that’s a silver chain with a little black pair of glasses frames.
My watch is a loud, brightly colored striped Swatch that I wear even with things that it doesn’t match. The bracelet is usually a spiked cuff.
I do SO like accessories, especially jewelry–fat, thin, or other. I love the one perfect ring, and the striking lapel pin, and the earrings for every occasion, and crimson leather watch bands. I like the dictate that if you’re going to spend the money somewhere, glasses and watches are the place to start because you wear them every day (I’ve done it on the glasses, but haven’t yet taken the plunge on the watch–but I will.) I like the wedding bands all plain and full of history, and the one of a kind things you’ll see all over Eastern Market. I like the chance to play with shaped against rough, silver against color, pearls against river pebbles, amber against (when finances allow) rubies….it’s all just so pretty. Like going into the Renwick in DC–pure pleasure–and like a do-it-yourself orgasm, a chance to do things exactly your way without considering anyone else (and also pure pleasure.)
That said, though, I’m afraid I get quite judgmental about a lot of middle America’s jewelry. Do you all ever look, for instance, at medium-thin dyed-blonde white girls wearing kelly-green shirts and dainty little gold crosses, and charm bracelets from Macy’s, and Live Strong rubber bracelets (because sweatshop labor has so much to tell us about living strong, right), and just-the-wrong-length strands of pearls (by which I mean eighteen inches, if anyone’s curious about this entirely arbitrary criterion)…and just wonder who dressed them that morning? Or older, richer women whose dominant aesthetic seems to be “more diamonds”, but all the diamonds are set in diamond-cut gold from the discount store, all cash and no design? Accessories are a chance to be vivid, to change the tone just a bit; rings are a way to say not only “I’m married to this other person” but “I’m married to who I am, too.” And it drives me crazy that so many people use accessories and clothes, instead, to say “I want to blend in,” “I took no thought about who I was when I put this on,” or “I’m married to convention and I worship wealth.” It seems so sad, and such a waste of gold (which is not, by the way, produced without considerable environmental and social cost. Arsenic in the lakes, anyone? Conflict diamonds bright with the blood of children? My friend the goldsmith says that it’s because of what gold does to the world that she has to take the time to be sure that every piece is perfect–because she has to try to put back something as good as she took out.)
I love it when people take time to get things RIGHT–right for them. That can be very conservative and still look great; it can be very inexpensive and still look great; but it ought, at least, to be the right length for us, the right colors or metals, something that’s distinctive about us instead of something suggesting there’s NOTHING distinctive about us. Because that is not true for anyone. Fat is harder to dress than thin for a thousand reasons, but the bottom line, except for the really starving-broke who live really far from a Goodwill, is not money: it’s finding the time to think about who we are and what we want to project. I wish more people knew it.
I dress people for a living. I’m a TV Wardrobe Stylist and I dress actors of all sizes. I apply the same style tips for clothing and accessories to all the female talent I work with, regardless of size. I am required as part of my job to make actors look as attractive and slim as possible because that’s the TV world we live in…I’ve put my top ten tips for dressing slimmer on my blog if anyone is interested…http://blog.kamigray.com/style/secrets-to-looking-slim-and-stylish/
I was born without the ability to accessorize. Yes, I admit it.
I wear a watch and my wedding ring. ‘Cause that’s about all I can handle.
Every day, I wear a slightly tarnished silver bracelet. I hate it – it’s a medical id bracelet, that would tell the EMTS/docs about my medical condition if anything every happened to me. I have all kinds of wonderful jewelry that I love, and I always feel a bit hesitant to put it on, because I feel like it looks odd with the ID bracelet. An interesting twist on the accessories as identity idea!
I usually wear a necklace. I really like necklaces because they are not uncomfortable and add visual interest. I almost never wear non-necklace jewelry, and I absolutely hate belts. I don’t care how much better things would look with a belt, they are totally uncomfortable. I really like big bags, too.
I never, never wear a belt. Same pair of amethyst stud earrings everday. Small amethyst stud in my nose piercing about 50% of the time, nothing there the rest. Small, cheapo, leather band Timex on my left wrist (I have these oddly small wrists, certainly not in keeping with the rest of my body). Bracelets bug me.
Glasses, every day, all of the time. I’m going to invest next year in another pair of good, cool frames, and give Zenni.com a shot for extra, fun pairs.
Love scarves, but can’t wear them. Rather, I can’t make them look right on me.
I do wear a lot of funky necklaces, just a bit longer than choker length. I’m not into lots of beads, etc., but I’ve found a lot of cool, one-of-a-kind pendants made by local artists, or on Etsy.
So, I feel like Alyssa–I do not possess the accessory gene. But I was able to pick one thing–the funky choker/pendant–and I can carry that off. It all goes to hell if I try to add anything else to that, beyond my daily basics.
Stupid.
I wear anything I like, and it’s usually vintage or really bold and eye catching.
My personal style is pretty great and I don’t worry about it. It’s not like if I wear this necklace, no one will know I’m a size 18. Or 20, or 22 or 24…whatever I happen to be that day.
Since I pay for it, I buy what I like.
I make a lot of my own earrings, necklaces and bracelets, so I’m usually well-coordinated with my outfits. And I have several inexpensive-but-lovely gemstone earrings and rings (opals, ruby, pink topaz, my favorite “mystic fire” topaz) that were gifts from Spouse, so I do the wedding band on the left, and one of the others on the right, with matching earrings. And my Fossil watch, stainless with goldtone accents.
But I have to admit that my opal studs, a gift from my parents on my 21st birthday, have long been my fave earrings, and I’ve been wearing them 2-3 times a week for over half my life now. 24 years, to be exact. They may be small, but with my short neck, I think studs are more flattering than something long drags my ears down to my shoulders. And opals go with practically everything!
I make a lot of my own jewerly. As for daily never take off, my two rings (my wedding ring, silver celtic knotwork, with an amethyst in it, and the other from my grandma silver filligree with a saphire) and my nose ring, which is a celtic knot that’s fairly large for a nose ring.
Right now I’m switching between 2 necklaces, one a simple pearl necklace, with irregular pearls and a simple copper colored rose clasp (self strung, thing cost me 12 cents, thanks to freebie pearls)
The other is a three strand necklace, the shortest strand is just a little longer than choker length, the longest about 20 inches, strung with tiny black beads, and diamond shaped garnet beads, with an Indian style pendant with garnet and a quartz teardrop hanging from the bottom.
When I’m feeling a little more adventurous, I have a very fine silver chain, with TINY clear irridecent beads on it that I wear from my nose ring to an earring.
As for earrings, a little bit of everything, most of the time, it’s just some 14 gauge horseshoe barbells, though I will wear funky dangles from time to time. Including this really fun pair of mismatched earrings my mom bought me, one’s a glittery star stud, the other is a glitter fairy dangle, which is my favorite pair to match up with my nose chain.
I tend not to wear bracelets, because I’m always getting them caught on things.
Great comments! Your post is so true of me because I just shopped with my friend who LOVES Forever 21 which is NOT plus size (or even “average size”) friendly. I head straight to the accessories when I’m not helping my friend pick out clothes. She was really awesome about waiting though when I went to exchange pants at Lane Bryant a few weeks ago. :-)
I found the rules you posted to be slightly offensive and what I hate about most commentary in general for plus-sized women (or shopping with my size 8 mom for that matter). I do like the look of a scarf to dress up a plain turtle neck, long sleeve, or short sleeve tee – or camisole. I love jewelry and often wear necklaces, earrings and a few quality rings. I have a hard time wearing bracelets because they annoy me when I’m writing/typing. Sometimes I will wear them if I’m not wearing a watch.
In closing, I’m a big accessorizer (not a word!) – but not to “draw peoples attention” away from my “extra pounds.”
P.S. I just thought it would be funny to mention that the salesclerk helping my friend at Forever 21 thought I was her MOM.
The first few times I thought she was saying “mam” to me, but then I could definitely tell she was saying “Mom.”
I guess being someone who clearly can’t fit into the stores clothes, and who is dressing in a way that is not in line with the “younger” styles (I was wearing a plain purple cardigan with a plain t-shirt and jeans) means I MUST be the mother.
My friend is a year younger than me but does look young for her age.
Have we talked before about Kirsten Vangsness, the actress on Criminal Minds? She is badass, and I love her bold accessorizing on the show (and the red carpet). Here’s a link to a bunch of photos:
http://criminalmindswiki.wetpaint.com/page/Kirsten+Vangsness+Photos?t=anon
I tend to choose one big accessory (like a big green handbag, a giant necklace, a big cocktail ring, a vintage bracelet) and let that be the focus, then go smaller with the rest of my accessories. I don’t want to have too much going on at once, specially if my top has a busy pattern, and since I have a great rack I tend to dress to show that off.
I’m sure this has been commented already, knowing the folks that frequent this blog, but i’m out the door (no time to scan) and just wanted to add:
i wear whatever the F**K i want. If i like how it looks, i buy it. ’nuff said.
I refuse… REFUSE to give away my power to someone else who says they know BETTER than me what looks good on me. I find it totally offensive that people inflict judgement on fashion decisions. Wear what makes you feel good… life’s too short to be worried about getting it “right” according to someone else’s standards.
harrumph!
I got my ears pierced last year, and have been obsessed with earrings ever since. I also love scarves. I’d love to wear hats, but I have a huge head and most hats don’t fit me!
I never really cared for accessories. It might be because I’m a tomboy, and I don’t see the point in wearing something that will get in the way. I pretty much am only concerned with what color ponytail holder I’ll wear, and what flavor of lip gloss I want to put on.
I really recommend Cookie Dough Lip Smackers Rolly lip gloss. Really I shouldn’t say flavor, it’s more like a scent now since they realized, if it’s flavored people will lick their lips more to taste it. Then they’ll just dry their lips out again.
I hear that Disney is going to release a bracelet that you can wear to transfer information with other players. I might wear that, I mean, I don’t think parents would find it too involved if I just ask to tap it with another girl’s bracelet. It’s like you can trade items with each other and points.
So yeah pretty much accessories to me are what’s practical.
I hate belts, they kinda disappear under my belly. I wear a lot of bracelets on my left arm and big earrings. Occasionally I wear a watch on the right side. I’m not a necklace person, even though I don’t have a double chin, I just don’t like them. Most of those style tips assume you wear a size 8 and are desperate to wear a size 2. I wear an 18, love tight jeans with sparkles and junk on the pockets :)
Cat’s comment that, “it’s finding the time to think about who we are and what we want to project,” is interesting to me, because it highlights the attitude that people should be projecting particular identities through their clothes, and that they should spend time and effort doing this. To me, this just sounds like another rule for women to follow so that they don’t have time to do other things. If someone spends a lot of time on clothes because they enjoy it/it’s a form of artistic or creative expression for them/they make clothes as a hobby/whatever that’s fine.
My problem is with the expectation that all women *should* spend time cultivating a *look*. I just don’t have an interest in this. My *look* is basically a long A-line skirt paired with a knit top; all of my separates are either black, red/berry-colored, or purple, to maximize my use of each item. Yes, my closet is actually full of A-line skirts and knit tops in these three colors.
It takes me all of 5 minutes to choose my clothes/accessories for the day. I enjoy funky/creative/interesting/beautiful outfits on other people, but I don’t want to spend my own time on doing that; I also enjoy the art museum, but I have no interest in taking up painting.
This is not to say that I dress unattractively–I guess what I’m trying to say is that I dress in a manner that is simple, modest and professional, and have no urge in trying to cultivate a *look* beyond that. Some of the women Cat sneered at in her response might be really interesting, funny, smart, or creative women who just happen to *like* 18-inch necklaces or a particular look that Cat finds conventional.