Comments on: Kermit & Miss Piggy: The Ideal Couple?

By: Alexis

Alexis — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 02:06:53 +0000

“-a social system/structure can be bad without individual people being bad-in other words, yes, those preferences of your husbands DO reflect a misogynist system, even if he isn’t a misogynist himself”

So now I have another provocative question – can this system, which you say is misogynist, be changed? Or is it part of our genetic makeup? While individuals express a variety of preferences, forming partnerships that escape the rule, could it be that they will always be the exceptions?

A nature versus nurture question, basically, and maybe unanswerable!

By: Scarlett

Scarlett — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:23:02 +0000

I only want taller and heavier (not fat though) guys, what does that make me?

It probably makes you someone who’s never happened to be attracted to anyone who falls outside your specified paradigms :D

By: bethany

bethany — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:17:33 +0000

KB — thanks for your comment. I agree with what you wrote about the difference between a preference and a rule. Good call.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:59:05 +0000

I don’t think Godless Heathen was harsh at all

And I admit to feeling really conflicted when people talk about not dating out of their race. On one level, I get that people have tastes and that attraction is complicated. But when someone tells me that they don’t find anyone who isn’t white attractive, something in my guy starts whispering “racist.”

I’m not saying I’m right. I’m saying that’s how I feel.

I’m a fat lesbian who has been dating a skinny butch latina for 13 years.

By: KB

KB — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:24:00 +0000

PlasticSpoon-I would also point out that there’s a difference between a preference and a flat out rule like “I could never date a woman bigger than me” I mean, most of us have met and been attracted to people who don’t meet our original preference ideals, yes? Also, since you seem defensive of your husband let me point out-a social system/structure can be bad without individual people being bad-in other words, yes, those preferences of your husbands DO reflect a misogynist system, even if he isn’t a misogynist himself(I am don’t think he is). Godless Heathen is spot on about the trend, even if every individual man doesn’t think that way.

By: bethany

bethany — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:18:35 +0000

“because preferences are what they are, and I really don’t think people need yet ANOTHER thing to obsess and feel guilt over.”

PlasticSpoon, I agree that people do often have specific physical preferences in terms of sexual attraction…but I disagree that those preferences don’t deserve to be examined and looked at carefully. I don’t think that we’re just born with a specific set of preferences, I think they come from somewhere; and it’s worth exploring how they got there. And when you say you would never want to date a fat man, and that you’d never want to date a non-white man, I don’t think those are just meaningless things — I think they do in fact say something about you. I’m saying what they say about you, I’m just saying that I think someone’s preferences are not just neutral, and it’s worth looking at them more deeply.

On a personal note, I have the most respect for men who can be (and have been) attracted to all different types of women. I appreciate people who can truly see and realize beauty in all kinds of different forms. Also, I am white, and I would have a really hard time wanting to date a guy of any race who said there were certain races he wouldn’t date. It just seems like too big a clash in values.

By: Carol Gwenn

Carol Gwenn — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:28:37 +0000

Oddly matched couples always put me in mind of my grandparents: he was 5’4″ and maybe 135 after a really big meal; she was 5’10″ and shading 300, with a knock-out set of legs. When they were photographed together, she was always sitting down. Whatever – it must have worked for them, as they had 6 children and a 50-year marriage.

Just keep in mind: what looks a little outre to you is someone else’s idea of absolute perfection.

And by the by: Someone is NOT “larger than me”; it’s “larger than I”. Where WERE you all during those 6th grade grammar lessons?

By: Froth

Froth — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:27:36 +0000

My beloved is taller than me, but like most people here, I probably outweigh him. Neither of us seem to mind – in fact he got quite worried when I lost weight in the spring (glandular fever), and was encouraging towards my efforts to put it back on, because he didn’t think I looked healthy.
I like slender guys. Big burly men with massive shoulders are not appealing to me.

By: PlasticSpoon

PlasticSpoon — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:37:08 +0000

Oh, I forgot to mention that this only applies to sexual preferences. I don’t care what color, race, religion, gender, weight, etc., you are…I will be friends with anyone (as long as they aren’t jerks, of course!). But sexual relationships, and desire, is something totally different, at least to me. Everyone has friends that they love to death, yet they have no physical attraction to or desire to have sex or an emotional/physical intimate relationship with, so I hope you all see what I’m getting at, but I just wanted to clarify my comment a little more.

Also, I am not saying that fat cannot be attractive, or that anyone is wrong for finding it so…I respect everyone’s preferences, even when I am not included in them. I am just saying that certain things are not MY thing. Viva la
difference, right?

PS- I really enjoy this blog, and I think you guys have a lot of really intelligent stuff to say. You’ve given me a lot to think about, and a lot to learn. Thanks for (hopefully) putting up with me, and (extra-hopefully!) being nice if I’ve said anything too desperately stupid.

By: PlasticSpoon

PlasticSpoon — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:26:24 +0000

Whoa, GodlessHeathen, that’s kinda harsh. My husband is 6 inches taller than me, and a good 75lbs heavier (he’s 5’8 and 190lbs, I’m 5’2 and 115lbs), and yes, he DOES prefer women to be smaller and shorter than him. However, I don’t see how that preference makes him at best, insecure and ego-driven, and at worst, an abuser. Because he is the most wonderful, kind, loving, sweet, and fantastic guy to ever exist. Yes, he only wants shorter and thinner women, but so? I only want taller and heavier (not fat though) guys, what does that make me? Besides, *I* am the dominant one in the relationship…I always have been, and I probably always will be. His preferences don’t make him a bad person, or a potential abuser, misogynist, or control freak.

Another example is that I am white, and only want white men. Does that make me racist? Does it make me sexist because I would never want a woman? Is a gay man sexist because he refuses to date women? I hope you see what I’m getting at…because preferences are what they are, and I really don’t think people need yet ANOTHER thing to obsess and feel guilt over. If you like a particular type of person sexually, why shouldn’t you go with it? Should you have to try and force yourself to want someone that you have no attraction to or desire for? I’m not trying to be combative or anything, I am honestly curious about this, and I hope you all take this the way it was meant…just honest curiosity and not mean-spirited or attacking.