Let’s Hear It From The Boys
Recently I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the male perspective on size acceptance. There seems to have been a recent uptick in men commenting on this blog, and I have more than one male friend who has been known to make disparaging comments about his body size.
In response to my recent assertion that the media only cares about female celebrities who gain and lose weight, Simon said:
Oh, that’s right. We’re all MANLY and don’t have confidence issues about our weight.
Right.
It made me really want to hear from more of the guys out there. There is a lot of noise about issues with height and penis size and income level, but what about weight? Are you insecure about your body shape or size? Do you think your insecurity is different from that of women, and if so, how? (Here’s my one hypothesis: men need to be significantly more overweight than women in order for their body image issues to kick in. I doubt men stress out about—say—five pounds of extra weight. But I could be wrong, so let me know.)
And for the women out there, if your partner happens to be male, is he insecure? More so or less so than you are? And if he is, how do you deal with that?
By the way, almost exactly a year ago (how’s that for serendipity) we asked “Is Fat a Feminist Issue?” and if you missed that discussion the first time around, I highly recommend it.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, BFDudes, Fatism, Feminism, Meta, Question
Funny you should bring this up because I’ve recently been teasing my husband about being ‘manorexic’. That said, I don’t believe he has serious deep-seated issues around his weight (hence the teasing) but he does tend to obsess about the extra 10 or so pounds he’s currently carrying around.
It’s kind of weird to deal with because not only am I plus-size, I’m 9 months pregnant…so I can’t help but sometimes say to him, “You must think I’m a moose”. He insists no, I’m great, but HE needs to shed a few. It’s a relatively recent occurrence that he talks like this, and I’m not sure what to make of it…
Not a boy, but raising three. My youngest son (9) frequently comments that he doesn’t want to be fat and points to his perfectly flat little boy tummy and tells me he needs to lose weight. I have been know to make an occasional self deprecating remark or to say I need to lose some weight but I never obsess about it and rarely even diet. I dont’ think I’m influencing this behavior, rather I think kids, boys and girls, are being slammed by the media that they need to fit an ideal.
My father was constantly complaining about his weight when I was growing up, but only in relation to whether or not he could still do all the things he wanted to do (skiing, canoeing, etc) — it didn’t seem to be about his looks. My father was naturally rail thin (6’1″, 120 pounds) until he hit his thirties and his metabolism slowed down a bit. So in retrospect, I think that his weight crisis was mostly about getting older.
My husband is fat, like me, and the only time he seems to get down about his weight is when he puts on 5 or 10 pounds and his pants get a little tighter.
Most of the men I know or hung out with in college were not at all concerned with their own weight, just women’s weight.
My ex is quite the conundrum, always loved full sized females and has absolutely no hangups about fat rolls and cellulite. The way he looks at me even now at my heaviest still makes me feel like a queen but over the last few years as he is aging and his metabolism is slowing he’s gotten a little gut and he’s so self conscious about it. He’s absolutely sexy even with the extra weight but he doesn’t see that. I think males do struggle with their image as females do but I also don’t think society puts the stigma on them as they do females when men gain a bit of weight.
My fiancé has had body image issues as long as I’ve known him. He has a decent gut but otherwise has a very muscular (and to me, extremely appealing) physique. The frustrating thing for me is that while his reassurances about my body have done a world of good for my self-esteem, I can’t seem to make any headway on his. Having jane’s comments I’m now wondering whether there’s something different at work in men. I think Adam’s reassurances to me were so effective because my fears about my body stemmed from a belief that no one could find me attractive, much less devastatingly sexy. But he does, so that fear is proved groundless. But if his fear doesn’t stem from what I think of him, all the reassurance in the world from me won’t help. Hmmm.
He sometimes insists to me that he doesn’t have a problem with his body. But then he refuses all opportunities to go swimming that he gracefully can, and wears a shirt while swimming when he couldn’t get out of it altogether. On those occasions I can almost see his anxiety oozing outward from him in little wavy lines, as he looks around to see who’s watching when he gets out of the water, shirt clinging to his belly.
There’s a part of me feeling really hurt that other people’s opinions of his body would matter more to him than mine. But I try to remember that self image isn’t that simple….
Just about every man that I’ve been close with worries about their weight to some degree. I had a roommate who would mindlessly pinch his fat rolls when sitting on the couch after a run. I had a thoroughly hot boyfriend who wouldn’t take off his shirt when in the pool (he was a little chesty). I had another boyfriend who put himself on a calorie restricted diet and walked oodles in hopes of getting back down to a 28 inch waist. My male roommates would call each other fat asses and then go exercise together on the regular.
There was a study where men and women chose from a range of body silhouettes and were asked what they found attractive. The results of the original study were that women chose thinner women than men (who chose women in the middle of the spectrum), but that men and women chose roughly the same size men (I think men chose slightly bigger men than women). The problem with the study is that it didn’t separate fatness from muscularity for men. When a follow up study did that, it found men choosing the bizarre he-man style body type (huge shoulders, tiny waist and hips) and women choosing something more reasonable. Men also carefully avoided that fatter side of the body fat silhouettes. Do I know the name or details of either study? Of course not.
crossgirl – I hear you on the media, but you may want to re-examine what you’re saying. If your sons hear you say that you need to lose weight, and if you diet (you say you do so “rarely”, which indicates you do) – first of all, they observe you placing importance on weight and size, and expressing dissatisfaction with your own, as well as attempting to force your body into a smaller shape by artificial means (i.e., that’s not the size your body wants to be now, or it would be.) Plus, these behaviors often bleed over in ways we don’t notice, when we live with them – talking about how we’re “bad” for eating a certain food, we “shouldn’t” have dessert, that celebration or enjoyment of food is an “indulgence” — all of these behaviors send messages to our children.
If you want your sons to grow up confident in their bodies and healthy at any size, you may want to do what you can – and get the help you need – to stop affirming those media messages inside your home.
My dad is a big man, and he is somewhat self-concious about his weight. But he has all sorts of self-esteem issues stemming from childhood abuse, so it’s hard to pick out sometimes with him.
My current partner is a slim man. His only complaint about his body is that he is getting older and noticing that it is changing.
But other sexual partners that I’ve had have made self-deprecating remarks about their bodies (their bellies or their need to lose weight). I noticed that these comments would come up in intimate moments, which is interesting. For me, in those moments, my self-conciousness about my body falls away. I kind of figure if we were both attracted/interested enough to get undressed together that it doesn’t matter at that point.
In my experience, men seem to stay the same size more than women do. I’ve dated a few overweight guys and they stay the same weight. I’m either gaining or losing, I’m never the same weight, I’m always buying new clothes sizes. My husband doesn’t own fat clothes or clothes he dreamingly wishes he could fit into. If I had to guess I’d say it’s rooted in me being so consumed with my body and what I’m eating. Guys just eat and some guys are overweight and some guys aren’t. They seem to fit the FA idea more than women do, that your body will chose a natural weight and stay there. I think all the emotional and psychological issues I have attached to food and weight keep me on a yo-yo and for the most part, from what I’ve seen, guys don’t have that.
Whereas I am one to (albeit grudgingly) admit at the drop of a hat that I DO have body image issues, my husband will be one to deny it to the point of tears.
He’s always been bigger than the average boy, and unfortunately enough, his family and friends reminded him of this throughout all his life. It’s always been an issue for him, and even though he denies placing any importance on his physical appearance, the fact is that he deeply resents that he was brought up thinking he wasn’t handsome or fit enough.
What this caused in him, at some point, was a rebellious reaction, and a year or so before we met, he ate himself into being over 100 pounds overweight. I met him like this, and was thoroughly attracted to him, nonetheless (I’ve always LOVED heavier-set guys, dunno why). The problem is that the extra weight also brought apnea and hypertension with it.
To this day, he know what he has to do to drop the pounds, for his own good, but keeps sabotaging himself (wittingly or unwittingly, I don’t know). I think it’s his way of dealing with everyone else’s criticism of the way he looks: he adopts a “hell may care” attitude and appears to work himself into 10 extra pounds in matter of a month.
So I’m pretty sure he’s not the only male who reacts this way towards image criticism. I’m aware that this is yet another “flavor” of body image issues.
Plus, yes, I have had male friends who looked perfectly normal, and still obsess a bit about how they need to drop the pounds.
I guess this has much less to do with gender, than it has to do with how sensitive an individual is. The same way I’ve met girls and guys who are quite unstressed about their weight and have very little body issues, I have met equally as many guys and girls who are ridden with insecurities about themselves.
It’s not about gender, it’s about sensitivity, IMHO.
I’ve seen my partner look at himself in my full-length mirror and sucking in his stomach. Even though he only has a small belly, he’s insecure about it (his body type can best be compared to, say, Mike Nelson from MST3K or Dave Coulier in his Full House days… you get the idea).
When he does that in front of me, I make sure to reassure him that I like his belly just fine and that he’s just fine as he is. I also mentioned to him HAES in passing.
I read many of the FA blogs and almost never post because it seems like most of them come at FA from a feminist perspective, leaving people like me out of the mainstream of the discussion. I’m very happy to see this topic.
I think an extra 10 or 20 lbs above some arbitrary beauty ideal is much more easily forgiven in men than it is in women, however as a man who has always been significantly fat, I can’t imagine that there is much of a difference between the male experience and the female experience at truly large weights. Until college, Lord of the Flies plays out exactly, complete with chants of “Kill the pig!” or at least that’s how I remember it. As a fat teen, there is almost no chance for sexual experimentation and fat permeates almost every aspect of ones existence.
And one other thing. While getting blasted from every direction (parents, peers, doctors) about losing weight, I had to listen to weeks of people telling me how hard life is for anorexics and bulimics. (I went to a very liberal school.) What else is there to say? Adolescence is terrible for all (very) fat children and gender has almost nothing to do with it
Now that I’m in my 30s, living in SF, life is better. But there is still a massive stigma attached to being a fat guy (again, more than just a few lbs overweight). In some of the subculture communities, fat girls seem to be accepted far more readily than fat men. In terms of clothing, I seem to be restricted to hip-hop or preppy. Certainly no one makes anything hipster or fetishy in my size, whereas, from my point of view, fat women do have more options as to what they can wear (albeit, a mere fraction of what’s available to a size 6 or thereabouts.)
Dating as a fat guy pretty much sucks. Why you have more than a few extra pounds, woman react you you in much the same way that most fat girls seem to talk about.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that from the point of view of a fat guy, life is very rough and fitting in is hard. I’m not trying to say that my life is terrible. I live in a wonderful part of SF and have a ton of friends. It’s just that reading FA blogs gets tiring sometimes because there are often comments complaining that fat men have it easier than fat women. And while this might be the case for moderately fat men, very fat men and very fat women have an experience that I’d imagine is more similar than it is different.
In conclusion, I don’t for a second feel that FA is a feminist issue and treating it as such marginalizes my experience and my place in the movement.
My father is a big man (tall as well) and appears to have no body hangups connected with his appearance. Even though my mother frequently brings it up (in a loving way, but still.)
My husband, on the other hand, is slender verging on thin (6’2, 29-inch waist) and can get truly obsessed with the “big belly” he does not have. He bends in the middle, looks down at the skin creasing, and decides that must be fat rolls. I think he must have seriously messed-up body image. At least he eats…
Like jane’s husband (first comment) he doesn’t seem to have any issues with what I weigh or look like; girls are “supposed to be like that”. Despite this, I (like jane) feel like a big lump by comparison.
Admittedly, he does have self-esteem issues connected with depression, so he may not be representative. I believe his father also has some issues along those lines, though he’s not exactly fat (just not boyishly skinny).
I think men vary in their attitudes. On the other side of the coin I would never expect a woman to use the internet handle “Minister of Lard”, and not many would wear an extra-large T-shirt saying “Perfect Body” with a picture of a pint of Guinness. I know large men who do both those things.
Glad to hear a guys perspective from Mike R, above! I was especially interested to hear your perspective about being a few pounds heavier than “average” vs. being very heavy. As a very heavy woman I can definitely relate to the things you are saying and can see how at very large sizes we are all mistreated equally when it comes to personal experiences.
What I see in media representations, though, seems to promote the generalization of fat guys being more acceptable (think King of Queens actor Kevin James or comedian Gabriel Iglesias) than fat women. While Mo’nique is a funny fat comedienne, would the public accept her as much if she was as fat as Iglesias? Sometimes I get the feeling that people are just more *uncomfortable* with fat women than fat men, but that’s just my perspective as a fat woman :)
One more thought — TV shows like King of Queens is a good example. You see semi-fat Kevin James with super-slim Leah Remini. Would you ever see it the other way around? A slim husband and fat wife combo on a popular TV show?
I know that all of my male gay friends are very very obsessed about their weight and bodies. And I’ve witnessed other men approach them and make catty remarks about really small weight gains. So they definitely stress about every pound, real or imagined, that keeps them from looking perfect.
My brother used to be really thin, until he gained 25 pounds after he quit smoking. We then weighted the same (193) , but he is about 8 inches taller (I am 5′ 11″). He called to aks me if I was aware of the fact that tiramisu has a lot of calories, genuinely surprised. I told him the years sticking pins into a brother-shaped voodoo doll finally paid off…
He started to train for a triathlon, so now he is in really good shape with a hint of belly, which he does not mind because his girlfriend likes it.
When he was rail-thin (around 160), he hated remarks about that, and it took me a while to understand that it hurt the same way as remarks about my weight.
For men, being too thin seems to be way worse than slightly overweight.
My current lover was shocked to find out that he was 20 pounds heavier than he thought when he stood on my scale last week (voluntarily, I could not care less).
It was just the number that shocked him, not anything about the way he looks. But he now wants to lose some weight.
My father only cares about his weight for health reasons, he had a heart attack a few years ago. He does a lot of walking and biking, to stay fit.
Another male friend always tells me what he weighs when he calls, and he is always happy when I am heavier than him (I am okay with that).
Mike R.
I think women of all sizes experience the world as objects of the male gaze in some respect — so in that respect, I very much see fat as being a feminist issue.
I don’t think the world is kinder to fat men, but I have seen the mainstream media call Jennifer Freaking Lopez “plus size.” I think this shows the very stark difference between being female and male. Kevin James and Oliver Plat have played romantic leads. Roseanne Barr hasn’t.
But I do see the culture de-sexing very fat men and women.
My grandfather has issues with his weight that I’ve only recently noticed after he was made to gain weight while undergoing radiation for his cancer. He really didn’t like gaining nearly 60 pounds and as soon as he was done with radiation he asked his doctor when he could start to lose the weight. He was concerned about his weight more than the results of his radiation.
And now he’s really proud of himself, trying to lose the weight by only eating one meal a day…
It seems that you have not gotten a male response yet.
Well, I was the fattest kid in my class all throughout Elementary, Junior High and High School (in HS, the class size was about 450 kids).
And, yes, I was very self-conscious about it. However, from reading some things on this blog, and in my general experience, my self-consciousness was quite different from your average overweight girl.
So, how was it different? Well, I never had that common problem (for girls) of not being able to shop at certain clothes stores. I never thought twice about it. Especially since I never went clothes shopping. For me, it was more about not being like the others (not taking your shirt off at the pool/beach, not having gf’s or going to prom, that sort of thing) or not being able to perform the same athletically (not being able to do any pull-ups, being too slow and unable to jum effectively for basketball, etc) and we played a lot of sports where I grew up.
But, for me, the big thing was that, back then, very few kids were fat. It was really me and one other kid, that was it.
Either way, one or two really bad experiences during my junior year in High School prompted me to lose a lot of weight and it has been off ever since. Actually, I have become something of a health and fitness freak.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. My older brother was absolutely evil. But, that is another story…we are very close now.
Here’s my one hypothesis: men need to be significantly more overweight than women in order for their body image issues to kick in.
Your hypothesis is a good one. A recent study in the past year showed that women report weight-related discrimination at just 10 pounds above their ideal weight. Men didn’t report the same until some 60-pounds above their ideal weight.
I don’t doubt that men are also made to feel bad about their bodies, but I think it’s much more prevalent and the standards are more stringent and harsh for women.
Actually, i wanted to add a few more things:
I cannot say whether it is harder being a fat boy or a fat girl when you are young. I didn’t know any fat girls when I was young. But, as a young adult (and for what it is worth), I believe that it is harder for young women. Although, I do agree with Mike. Once you get to a certain degree of “fatness” it is likely equally hard.
Also, I have had two long term relationships with girls that were overweight. Neither of them would be described as very overweight, but, they were certainly “on the heavy side”.
One of the girls resented anytime I looked to get any exercise. At the time, this was no more than the random set of push-ups or sit-ups. She would never say anything, but, it was written all over her face. If I was forced to put money on exactly why she felt this way, I would say that she thought I was better looking than she was (I am average looking, but I was in better shape than she was) and she was not too happy with the idea of me getting any better looking.
You see semi-fat Kevin James with super-slim Leah Remini. Would you ever see it the other way around?
If it means anything to you, many comedians joke about this all the time. An episode of Scrubs referenced that very topic.
Mike R, I understand where you’re coming from. I agree with you about it being hard to empathize with people who are Anorexic or Bulemic, even more so if you were teased by thin women or guys in public school. It took me a few years not to behave defensively towards any girl who looked thin and “preppy”, and believe me, there are a lot of preppy people where I live.
As far as clothing, I feel that society in general limits men as to what they can wear or how to express themselves. I think it’s because for the most part, people are still homophobic. That a man expressing themselves through non-mainstream clothing is gay. As someone who likes Goth men or effeminate men, I find the idea that men can be only restricted to dressing either preppy or hip hop annoying too.
I think one of the reasons Japanese culture has become popular in the US, is that they don’t restrict men to behaving in such stringent roles. It’s not considered that someone is automatically gay in Japan, if they wear Goth looking makeup. Or perhaps makeup in general, like Kabuki makeup or something. I’ve heard that Asian societies in general are more open minded when it comes to men looking effeminate. By Asian societies, I mean mostly Asian people from outside the USA.
So really there should be more options for men’s clothing, I doubt that there will be until our society stops being hung up over wether or not someone is gay.
I’m not as self-conscious about my weight as perhaps that quote painted me. I mean, I am. Without a doubt I am. Just not a whole lot. And I did want to make it plain that I see a difference between the way society treats fat men and fat women.
I weigh in at very close to five hundred pounds. I carry it very well, mind you, and people are often surprised when I tell them. but that doesn’t change the numbers.
Do I get disparaging looks as I walk down the “chips” aisle at Wal-Mart? You betcha. But I’m not nearly as assaulted, via media and the like, with the notion that I need to be thinner, that I’m not perfect, that I shouldn’t be the weight I am, as women. On the other hand, there are far more stores for large women, doing a whole lot more advertising, telling women it’s okay to be just where they are. You don’t get that for men, either.
It’s almost as if there’s this void in marketing where it’s against the rules to talk about how a man feels about himself. Or maybe it’s not so much that as it’s a marketing blitz that uses the old notion that women are more emotional and therefore more spontaneous than men, targeting them from both sides. “It’s not okay to be what you are” vs. “It’s okay to be what you are”.
I imagine that could be a bit on the frustrating side.
Do I worry about my weight? Sure. But it’s more due to health issues than insecurity. That’s not to say the confidence issues aren’t there, just that they aren’t as prevalent and don’t often play into my decisions.
I think my husband is self-conscious about his body, but then again he’s very thin and is happy when he puts ON weight. Any ‘skinny’ jokes or comments about how much or little he eats makes him feel very self-consious. He’s a great looking guy who makes me feel awesome, I just wish that my comments of how great he looks didn’t fall on such deaf ears.
My BF only got fat shortly before we met, so it was this new, horrible thing for him at the time. He has been gaining more weight continuously ever since then, except for a short “diet” which basically consisted of eating less, smoking more. Needless to say, it all came back when he stopped smoking.
He is very self-conscious about it, but I have also noticed (just like someone else above) that my opinion doesn’t reassure him at all. I asked him a few times, “Who do you want to look good for?” But all he ever replies is “For myself.” He also refuses to go swimming and unlike another person who posted, he is VERY upset that he can’t find fitting clothes as easily as he used to.
I suspect that he feels inferior to his “fitter” (whatever that means) friends somehow. He also gets a lot of negative comments from his family.
Mo, you know my husband, right? You’ve seen him? He worries about five extra pounds. Not that he has ever had “extra;” I think he has just finally, for the first time in his life, made it onto the “healthy” part of the BMI scale after always being underweight. But five pounds over his comfort zone, and he is constantly on the scale and whining about it.
Sometimes I hit him with five-pound objects.
I was in London recently, and this story was in various media outlets, including a half-hour documentary where you met some of the boys: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-6439572-details/Young+boys+'hidden'+victims+of+anorexia+/article.do
The story is that younger and younger boys are showing up in anorexia/bulimia clinics. The typical reason for the insecurity is cited: media
A stone is 14 pounds (if you’re reading the article).
my hubby is very insecure about his weight……. but expresses it rather differently than i do.
mostly he gets depressed and runs back to the comfort foods that are unfortunately bad for his health (and not just his weight). he has every bit as much an issue with going to a gym, fear people will make fun of him if he tried to go work out, etc….
in my LIMITED experience, while both men and women react to some issues the same, men are much more likely to dress “poorly” in ways that either make them look sloppy, instead of just large, or in clothing that is mind bogglingly unsuited to their actual size. maybe its one of the up sides of women being more “educated/brainwashed” on fashion….
also, as hard as it was for me to get a grip on… large men’s fashions are about as limited as large women’s fashions.. AND just as likely to be truly awful. men get away with it better because no one notices if a man’s work wear always looks like the same outfit……
that said? when women are overweight i rarely hear of the husband getting yelled at about their wives diet…… i got hell from several doctors about “what i was feeding him”
yeah, right….he’s the cook in the family… sorry to tell you, besides what makes you think i can control what my husband eats?
Beth, I think I am going to borrow your technique!
Soft five-pound objects, though.
Great topic! As a nutritionist, I can tell you that I have so many men that come to me daily concerned about gaining weight. Their biggest fear? That it ages them and they won’t look as attractive to their spouse or their potential mates. Just when you thought it was just a crazy thing that only we women did, the men start stumbling out of the shadows. I’ve treated male bulimics and anorexics and they can sometimes be harder on themselves than the women are.
Kristin, you need to start telling those doctors it’s not the 1950’s anymore. Women are allowed to stay out of the kitchen, and not be the sole provider for their family’s meals anymore. Although I’m sure they’d probably just say that’s the problem.
Maybe if they said it was the problem, then you could ask “Is your concern really my husband’s health, or your seeking to keep women in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant?”
Sure, I’m insecure about my body shape and size. I’m not tall, I was bald by age 20 or so, and last year I was 40 pounds overweight. Even having lost nearly 30 pounds, I’m still deeply in debt and haven’t been in a fulfilling relationship in years.
That’s where perhaps it’s different for me, as a man: it’s mostly the debt and lack of romantic fulfillment that hurt my perception of my appeal to women — not my body — yet my disgust is nevertheless overwhelmingly with my face, waist, arms, etc. I’m in debt and alone, therefore I MUST be thin.
Men have the exact same insecurities as women, it’s just that they deal with them in different ways, I think.
I remember the ‘Fat is a Feminist Issue’ discussion. Has it been over a year? Oy!
There is a lot being said on this thread that really does resonate as far as this fat male is concerned. In the vanity driven culture that is western society (and, increasingly, others as well) Guys really DO have it better as far as fat and a lot of other things are concerned. However this question revolves around male body insecurity and how it may be different from female, so. . .
Do guys have insecurities about our bodies? Of course we do. Put any, fairly in-shape, in a room with Michael Phelps or Plaxico Burress and I can almost guarantee that the he’ll make the comparison at least once. If only in his own head. And provided, of course, that he’s not a complete fan too awed by being ‘in the presence of’ to even think about it. However, that’s not the ONLY time this kind of thing can happen. Others have mentioned shirt clad swimming and there’s also the utter refusal to wear any kind of Tank Tee. In the presence of the opposite sex, unless you’ve got the body if a young Carl Lewis and/or an ego to match or are completely comfortable with the company your in, many guys would much rather sweat right through a shirt than just take the damn thing off.
Greater weight is a definite factor for guys as well. Again, vanity rules todays America, so it’s not all that surprising that the more a guy weighs the more self confidence issues he’s likely to experience in his life. Of course the most caustic acid test for that is how hard it is for some (even those who are technically just ‘overweight’) to go shirtless in public. Still, there are more men who have less ‘publicly fat and semi nude’ issues then women. At 350 Lbs. and with a BMI in the high 40’s, I’ll go shirtless at a friends pool OR at the public beach without hesitation. Doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the stares, the comments from children or, the teens who might suddenly stop laughing when I happen to look in their direction. Mainly what it means is that I HATE wearing wet cloths more than I’m worried about someone being disgusted by how I look. I guess I’m just defiantly fat like that. Defiantly fat but not above hypocrisy. I’m also one of those who will marinate in his own juices before subjecting people on the field at a pick-up football game to the sight of my naked torso in action. And maybe that has more to do with being on the traumatic side of several shirts vs. skins episodes in grade school. So, yes, men do have body issues. More and more it seems with each generation, but far less so than women. However, I’m hoping that this fat serves to ADD to the dynamic of Fat Acceptance rather than it becoming a reason to divide and weaken it.
I dated a former athlete who displaced his insecurity about his weight — I always thought he looked fine; but I wasn’t comparing him to the former superbuff lowbodyfat ideal in his head — by constantly harping on my weight and projecting that someday I’d be as large as some in my family (although following that up with saying “But you probably won’t, since you know so much about fitness and nutrition and stuff.”)
Needless to say, he had to go.
I think slimmer and more muscular men — you know, the types that have trouble keeping weight on — have more anxiety about being smaller, since the correspondent hysteria in our society to how women can never be small enough is that men can never be big enough.
(Which is also the reason, I think, behind a lot of the endless hours in the gym, the steroid abuse, etc.)
That said, when men are both “overweight” and “overfat” I think they have to weigh much much more before a personal body anxiety and disapproval kicks in, because our society is much more lenient on men about that (heavy women are “slovenly” or “threatening”; heavy men are “successful” and “big guys”).
Because our society is sexist.
But the men who claim they are “overweight” or “overfat” and moan about it but bleat that they themselves are only attracted to tiny size zero blondes and that they “can’t help what they’re attracted to”?? (Both gay and straight, although the dysmorphia gets lots more levels when you throw in the gay men as well)
Facepalm. In a huuuuge way.
Hi
I know for a fact that Fat Men have issues over their bodies. It is a statement that I have found that I have to repeat over and over in Fat Acceptance ironically.
I dismiss people that use the experiences of chubby and stout men as a argument Fat Men are much more accepted. Currently in the media Fat Men are experiencing far more attacks than Fat Women. If you Google “Fat Men” you will see hundreds articles attacking their sperm, hormones, intelligence, their “unmanly” appearance, their need for plastic surgery and so on.
If you want to know what Fat Men experience ask a Fat Man.
William
My boyfriend is thin but thinks he’s fat because of all his jeans, only one pair still fits. Seriously. If I could afford to I would buy him a new pair just so he wouldn’t complain so much. When we first got together he would say things to me like, “oh you missed the glory days,” “I used to have a 6 pack” and stuff like that. It doesn’t matter that I have never dated a guy with a six-pack or even been attracted to one, in fact, he is the body type I like (tall and sturdy, good shoulders… I like to be manhandled :P ). When we were first dating, we ran into an old friend of his who was like “Dude… you got FAT!” I was shocked! Especially since the man is in no way fat! (off topic: can you imagine a woman greeting another women like that??!) He laughed about it but I could tell he was upset. That’s when he made the comment about his 6-pack, like he was apologizing to me. I reassure him and then try to shrug it off. Honestly, I don’t even think a ripped body is hot! When he gets down on his weight, I don’t know what to say…. he and I run together often and he bikes everywhere, so really I don’t know what to say other than “you aren’t fat!!!”
fuckk yeahhh man aha