Comments on: Thursday Open Thread

By: Haystacks

Haystacks — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 02:45:24 +0000

Family is so important when it comes to attitudes about weight, especially when you are younger. The idea that love is conditional based on how you look, is kind of like not loving someone at all. I am fairly lucky, even though I knew my parents were never thrilled with my weight, they did not treat me badly because of it. The most important thing I can state, is that when people are judging you (no matter who they are) their opinions have alot more to do with them and their problems, not you and yours.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 04:40:00 +0000

Holy crap. I never expected my comment to be a point of discussion. For those who asked, I’m 25.

Thank you all so much for all of the words of advice. You are absolutely right.

And you know what? I am actually trying to get a job in another state, far from home, so I can finally get my life on track and fully escape all of the bullshit I’ve dealt with my entire life.

Thanks again to all of you. I’d hug every one of you if given the chance. :)

By: Ms Ingrid

Ms Ingrid — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:20:37 +0000

Don’t feel bad about that dating thing, when I was 318 lbs, obviously I knew why guys didn’t want to date me, but now I am 163 (5’11″) and while everyone keeps telling me I look like a supermodel, still NO guy ever asks me out.
Seriously wonder why.
What they want or like I have no clue whatsoever.

Just live your life and be happy yourself

By: Bina

Bina — Wed, 28 May 2008 00:34:29 +0000

Amy, I hope you’re reading these thoughts on what you wrote. I hope that what you’re reading sinks in and is something you can believe. Because here’s the thing: “fat,” “thin,” in-between — no matter what your size, no matter what your body type/shape, YOU ARE LOVEABLE and YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED. For who you are, dammit, and not who others want you to be.

I’m truly saddened that your family and others around you are so shallow that they put conditions on such a basic human need, but please don’t buy into the crap they’re selling you. Don’t let yourself be convinced that losing those “about 50 more pounds” is going to make you more loveable or that it will make others love you (more). Please, please, please — you can be a smart, funny, kind, lovely woman at ANY size, you are LOVEABLE at any size, and you DESERVE to be loved at any size, not just when you perform a trick (albeit a challenging one, losing weight) that gains the approval of a fickle audience.

By: Cyn

Cyn — Tue, 27 May 2008 07:30:36 +0000

All I have to say is that, now that you have them eating from your palm, run away and see them cry as you wave goodbye. Move to another state where you have no relatives. Get a job there. If you are still in High School, go to University somewhere else. Or go straight into the real world, move to another state and get a job there. Find your inner voice. Find your talents and exploit them. Learn to love yourself. Be your own girlfriend, whether the boyfriend comes or not. You don’t deserve to be with a family that only loves you if you follow certain conditions. It’s meant to be unconditional love. lolcats would say “famly. ur doin it wrong”.

Burn the bridges, like Jadette said. Even change your surname if you want to. Someone I know did it as soon as it was legal for him because his father was abusive towards him and his mum. Your father is being abusive towards you. Bingo. Sometimes that’s the best thing you can do. Stand out firm and say “I don’t deserve to be related to this pack of bastards”. They are bastards because they surely didn’t deserve to be born. Or maybe they did: so they could have you. Flowers can grow from concrete and shit.

By: Jadette

Jadette — Mon, 26 May 2008 05:02:24 +0000

Wow.

I admire you for trying to keep a healthy relationship with those people… Stories like this make me realize how fortunate I am to have my family… If it were me… I would have burnt that bridge. Burnt the bridge, tore down the approaches, and bombed the supply lines…

By: Rhonwyyn

Rhonwyyn — Sun, 25 May 2008 18:23:20 +0000

Becca, I’m 5’6″ and somewhere between 350 and 400 lbs, I’m guessing. I found a husband who loves me and adores me and really enjoys having sex with me. It’s been absolutely wonderful and a great boost to my self-esteem. He’s also great about standing up for me when my family tries to tear me down because of my size. It’s a fabulous feeling, isn’t it?

The difficulty with intimacy for us, though, is that because I’m so fat, it’s hard to vary our positions. It would be nice to be able to figure something out – and I’ve read the fat sex tips online, but we haven’t managed anything creative. Oh well. We’re happy, and that’s all that matters.

By: there'smoretoyouthanjustfat

there'smoretoyouthanjustfat — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:33:59 +0000

Oh this is disgusting!

If you were my best friend, I would be shaking you and demanding that you do not allow these people to love you and support you when it’s convenient or comfortable for them to do so! Loving and caring for someone all the time is not always easy but it’s what you do when that person is important to you. Or at least more important to you than your own image is.

I can imagine that you allow them to “love” you now at a smaller size because you didn’t have it for so long and it feels good. It feels like you finally did something right. You should not have to convince them, or prove yourself to them or change yourself for them to love, care and support you.

This is emotionally taxing and absolutely awful. As hard as it is to step away from the people you’ve known (especially if there is not a lover, or a great group of friends) you have to do it. This yo-yo will never end. If you gain back, or you get hurt and cannot exercise regularly and gain it back, you will go through it again.

This kind of relationship will make you walk a tight rope for the rest of your life, if you let it. Now that you’ve taken some control on your weight, you need to take control of your life which includes your family.

Do not for one second believe you need to be treated like this to maintain a family or a particular weight.

This is sick and speaks volumes about your own family members self worth and views of themselves.

I would normally say I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but instead I will tell you to get strong and get the fuck out. Speak to them on your terms and become your own person. Love yourself while eating a bag of Cheetos or a banana, love yourself when you’re a size 16, 28, 32..it does not matter.

Get strong. Good luck.

By: Maria_Elena

Maria_Elena — Sun, 25 May 2008 15:14:40 +0000

Oh, domergirll ::hug:: Please don’t let that hurt you – it positively wasn’t about you. It was about him being unable to reconcile society’s views. He wasn’t comfortable with himself, so he couldn’t be comfortable with you. That’s why he had to bring a stranger “in on the joke”. I’m sorry our families (in my case my father mostly also) were such insecure, unsupportive asses that treated us like status symbols that’d failed them – and not real people.

If anyone on this board would like to talk to someone, about anything, or delve into this more, my email is Its_Maria_Elena@yahoo.com – if we can’t have the families we want, we can have the friends we need.

By: heatherbelly

heatherbelly — Sun, 25 May 2008 01:58:23 +0000

People suck. I was really hoping it was just my family that was so cruel. My petite grandma was 5 feet tall and hot, literally, till the day she died. When I spent the summer with her between 7th and 8th grade, she wanted me to lose weight. She had me doing exercises every afternoon, alternating yoga and aerobics, which was cool, and she fed me vitamins. They gave me AWFUL diarrhea. It turns out she was feeding me Correctol. She told me flat out: No one will love you unless you are thin. We were doing yoga, and I was excited about mastering a pose, and she said, “Who cares, you’re fat.” I am 40 now, and I am like domergirl. It still hurts to my heart…so here is my advice. Take all that these wise women have told you and do it. Put some distance between you and these people who treat you so awfully–you are the one who chooses with whom you spend your time, and you do not have to be with people that do not deserve you. Lay down the boundaries. I love that idea. I wish I had thought of that 27 years ago!! You also have to realize that you do choose how you react to things and what people say. You will hopefully be able to let it roll off you and not take it to heart. Other people’s opinions do not determine your worth. You are beautiful and brave for sharing this story, too.