I Believe The Bratz Dolls Are Our Future
In the spirit of Michael Apted’s Up series, a documentary is following the lives of children born in the year 2000 until they’re 20. Obviously, here and now, they’re around seven years old, giving us a glimpse into the lives of the millennial generation. Here’s the part that struck me especially:
These seven year old girls want to be thin, because “nobody really likes fat people”, choose skimpy, sexualised clothing, a la Bratz dolls, when given free reign in a dressing room, and identify with figures like Beyonce and Shakira. Sadly, this is not particularly shocking.
It’s not only the fact that they don’t like fat people; the whole thing is horrifying. The overly little girls like princesses and the boys want to be “rich” and it sounds like none of them particularly aspires to be smart. Certainly they will change as they grow older, and I root for the girl whose daddy wants her to be a lipstick-wearing astronaut.
Still, it makes me wonder how it’s possible to raise an awesome and empowered kid, especially a girl, in a culture like ours. Parents of daughters, how the hell do you navigate this world?
Posted by mo pie
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Oooh, I’ll start, because I’m trying to give my daughter the same things my family gave me.
We take in media together a LOT. We watch television to gether, she hears me play music in the car, she sees me reading books. And our family is one of those that yells at the TV when we see stupid crap. And I think it’s bled onto her. She sees that we hate the Bratz dolls (more for their attitude than looks), she sees us giving the bronx cheer to idiots who diss fat people, and it’s definitely made a mark.
Once, when she was littler, she wanted this awful Barbie kitchen thing that made the worst cakes. I told her it would suck, but if she wanted it, I made her buy it with her own money. Of course it sucked, but now she felt TAKEN. Now she is skeptical of anything she sees on TV.
She’s not into Britney, et al, because I’ve been playing her Jimi Hendrix (one of her all time favorites) and other music rich in content her whole life, since she was a baby. I remember being into teenybopper David Cassidy (ah, i show my age), until he released a single. I was in 4th grade and i heard “Cherish” and I’m like “What? This is it?” Of course I thought it was lame; i’d been listening to Sgt Pepper and Led Zeppelin III for a while and when you’re tuned into a rich musical/cultural diet, you don’t tolerate crap.
I ask rhetorical questions out loud all the time: “Doesn’t Latifah look fab in that dress?” “What, are you supposed to be stupid like these girls in front of boys all the time?” etc. She’s picke dup on this.
Finally, I make available plenty of opportunity to read substantial magazines (there’s a great girls’ mag called New Moon For Girls that attacks manhy of these issues) like National Geographic for Kids, etc, and she sees that I and her father read a lot too. We devour the newspaper every day and we talk about it.
so that’s what I do. I don’t dictate what she reads, i don’t restrict a thing, but I talk about it. A LOT.
V’ron, that is awesome!
My kids, a boy and a girl, have Autism. In a way, it’s a blessing, because my girl, who’s 4 1/2, doesn’t yet have any awareness of all the media stuff. She doesn’t know from Barbie, Britney, or Bratz. Someday she will, but for now, we focus on things like speech, fine motor skills, and potty training.
I have a boy, thank goodness. I wanted a girl when I was pregnant, but now I am so glad I don’t have one. Of course, we still get the media culture, but we talk about stuff A LOT, like v’ron, and we listen to great music and discuss how weird and stupid commercials are, and his favorite color goes from pink to purple to green to blue to orange – pink isn’t a girl color to him, it’s just a color, and I love that.
I have been HORRIFIED at the latest Dairy Queen commercial. It’s for a waffle-cone dessert.
Mom and very young daughter are at the counter. Girl looks coyly over her shoulder and tells mom to buy one. Mom marvels at daughter’s willingness to share. Well, daughter WASN’T sharing. She was geeting a free dessert from “the gentleman in the donkey shirt.”
Daughter turns to horrified mum and says, with evident contempt for the boy: “Like shooting fish in a barrell.”
I am hunting for DQ’s contact information to rail against this commercial, which is about training a little girl to manipulate men sexually to get free stuff.
It is disgusting. It is terrifying. It is immoral.
I think the DQ commercial is another bit of evidence of the sexualization of children in general and females especially.
I have a question for v’ron – a polite question, not antagonizing:
Do you think Jimmi Hendrix’ music is actually less sexual that Britney? I agree that JH isn’t packaged to female children the way Brit was, but I’ve always found JH’s music to be, well, kinda sexy and pro-drug in its own way.
I’m curious as to why you’d feel differently about your child hearing sexual messages by Britney S than those of JH, LZ and the like.
When i was an adolescent, I loved music, and when adults tried to tell me that Madonna was dangerous, I sometimes pointed out that “Some Girls” and “Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones certainly told sexual stories. Packaging was as overt – but guys in music always get a pass on having to look like sex trade workers.
Er, packaging *wasn’t* as overt.
I’ll shut up now. Mo, this is a pet interest of mine, selling sexual performance to girl children as a mode of professional/acceptable behavior.
Oh my god, Cindy, that DQ commercial sounds disgusting. UGH.
To Cindy: Hendrix may be just as sexual as Britney but, in my opinion, his music is a whole lot better than hers.
I do think exposure to different styles and to a variety of cultures is key to helping kids think for themselves, which is really my goal. My daughter, who turns 10 this weekend, is beginning to make distinctions between what is popular and what is of high quality. She loves to sing and has been enamored of rocks stars since she could walk. We have always exposed her to various musical styles and artists. She’s been in community chorus for a year now and was really impressed by the older girls who had solos in the last concert. She said: “I’ve been thinking. Miley Cyrus might be famous but we sing a lot better than she does.” I could have cheered.
We don’t brook with Barbie or Bratz. I never bought them, she never asked for them. However, we are down with Groovy Girls. They don’t have lollipop heads and you can make cool clothes for them.
Why is it I read your post, Mo Pie, and I was thinking of Pink’s great Stupid Girls video? Just love that little girl (who looks just like Drew Barrymore did in the E.T. days) and Pink really kicks ass here. And it satirizes celebrity culture too… :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9n8QHCkPLA
I love that music video. I have such a huge crush on Pink.
We’ve limited exposure. She’s simply not allowed to watch commercial children’s television. She’s allowed PBS and Food Network. At 4, she LOVES Giada deLaurentiis, Big Bird, Curious George, and Ina Garten, but couldn’t tell you who Barbie is. She’s never seen a Bratz doll except in the store, where she waltzes by them on her way to the Legos.
It helps, I think, that I stay home with her and am able to monitor the things she’s exposed to. I know it sounds weird and controlling, but my husband and I feel that if we allow her to build up her own personality without corporate sponsorship while she’s young, she’ll be much less likely to turn to the media to define her when she’s older.
Cindy – I’ve seen that commercial. It’s awful! I had it on my backburner to blog about even.
I don’t have kids and listening to my friends who have kids, especially girls, I’m not sure I ever want any. I did mentor a 12-year old girl from the projects here in my town. She is a tall girl and weight proportionate. She also happens to be very smart in math and science, but all she worried about was that the kids called her fat. So sad.
Those Bratz dolls are horrifying, but they’re not really very different from Barbie dolls. :/
I totally understand that people think Britney Spears’ music is crap — even though I’m not of the opinion that “pop” is a bad word. (Opera was pop music at one time.)
I’m just curious about the way people weight sexualization in music – it seems that women get a lot of criticism for being sexualized, but a guy singing about the same thing, not so much. And his music is generally considered superior. Now don’t get me wrong. I watched a 60 minutes special about pop music when NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys & Britney were all the rage, before she was immolated by her own celebrity flame. I remember being really surprised at the doublespeak on the part of a producer. He was saying that he didn’t see Britney as being overly-sexualized because she was popular among the college set. Then, he said her product was marketed directly to females between the ages of 7 and 15.
So it seemed like little girls were very deliberately getting a hyper-sexual message. So Britney gets lambasted for sucking and being too sexy. (Where are the male producers in this culpability fest?)
Full disclosure: I actually enjoy boy bands and early Britney Spears pop. Sometimes, you just want cotton candy.
I have never been interested in the Bratz, though they ape the pop female celebrity glitter.
Cindy: See, there’s nothing wrong with musical/movie/tv fluff, so long as your whole diet isn’t cotton candy, it won’t hurt you. Britney’s problem is that she wanted to be seen as an adult, and there was really only one way for her to manage that. Because we equate “grown up female” to “sexual object.”
I object to sexualization in general, but I don’t necessarily object to “skimpy” clothes. In 100 degree heat (welcome to Texas, y’all) you shouldn’t be judged flagrantly immoral if you cover the parts society has judged unacceptable and let the rest breathe. I don’t see anything wrong with a two piece bathing suit for little girls. I do have a problem with deliberately sexual words and placement of same. I’m pregnant with a little girl now, and I can tell you that “juicy” will never appear on her backside. “Sexy” will never appear on her clothing.
And why, why? would anyone want to encourage their child to be a Brat? It says there right on the package that they are what you don’t want your kid to be.
“Still, it makes me wonder how it’s possible to raise an awesome and empowered kid, especially a girl, in a culture like ours.”
Turn off the TV (or at least, turn off 95% of what’s on TV) and buy her books, preferably ones with female heroines.
As someone who’s seen the entire Up series to date, I’m really glad there’s a new series considering new questions. Apted’s series was about how the class system affects kids in the UK, and I think it’s great that sex, gender and body image issues are going to be observed the same way.
And for what it’s worth, most of the kids in the original 7 and Up movie said things that were chilling and depressing, too. All the upper-class seven-year-olds already knew which posh universities they wanted to attend and they all said they wanted to be bankers, and all the poor kids seemed destined to be criminals, but it’s interesting to see what happened (and didn’t happen), as they grew up. I promise that seven years from now the girls in this new series will be saying and thinking very different things.
Oh yeah, we’re realy into the Up series too, and we’ve seen them all. I totally meant to put something in there about that in the original post—I mean, about the fact that kids will grow up and surprise you.
As for Apted’s series, I think the most surprising one is Tony, who of course I totally love. Also I wish Mr. BBC Documentary guy would come back, because I bet his life is really interesting.
All of DQ’s commercials are horrendous. They really never get played in my area for some reason.
It’s getting worse and worse for little girls everyday. So much out there is blatantly sexual. Even the Halloween costumes are getting sluttier. And the media’s reinforcement of sexed up = good, modest = bad and boring really messes with their minds.
All this talk does make me glad I have no children of my own. I don’t know parents raising young children do it.
my 7-year-old niece is finally becoming less girlie, thank god! yesterday we had this exchange:
her: (about dvd we were watching) “why did she say ‘a girl needs her beauty sleep’? don’t men need it too?”
me: “good point. i guess everyone needs plenty of sleep to look their best.”
her: “i don’t really care if i look my best. i mean, i guess i don’t want to look my WORST…”
awesome!
I don’t have any kids so I am not going to run my mouth off but I feel compelled to share that I did a post on this on my blog several months ago because I was just disgusted by Bratz dolls.
(i’m really sorry I can’t remember how to imbed links right now, my brain is fried)
http://comelistentomebitch.blogspot.com/2007/10/in-my-day-they-punished-being-brat-now.html
How do I handle it? Very very carefully. I have a 16-year-old girl, an 8-year-old girl, and an 11-year-old boy. Lots and lots and lots and LOTS of talking, about how unrealistic Barbie’s proportions are, about how models and actresses are airbrushed in magazines and movies, about how Latifa and Mo’Nique and Camryn are all just as beautiful as Sandra and Kiera and Sienna… And more. Whenever something comes up, we talk.
I have a female dog. But I don’t think that’s what you were going for.
For what it’s worth, I try and avoid the girly pink collars when I can (I live with my parents, and my mom wants to put her in them, so I have to strike a balance).
I don’t have children, and I’m not planning on it. But I am very close to my two cousins, who are now 16 and 13. They’re genetically lucky and are slender despite the crappy way they eat. But I’ve worried about them for years, because I never want them to hate themselves the way I did.
One day last year the younger one said something about being fat and I thought my head was going to explode. There is no possible definition where this child is fat! Not even by society’s extremes. But she was comparing herself to her sister, who is taller and just naturally very, very VERY slim (to the point where when I lived with them I covertly watched her for a while for signs of anorexia or bulemia, because absolutely nobody else in the family has that body type.). My younger cousin was also being influenced by her mother, who at 5’2″ and 112 pounds insists she’s fat and is taking Hoodia.
Strangely, the same woman has tried to combat the issue is by not complimenting them on anything physical and focusing exclusively on academics and talents and how stupid men are (ugh). I try to be a balancing force in that; I’ve bought them makeup and helped them find skincare products, and I talk fashion with them as well as science. I’ve had long talks with them about the difference between being healthy and being skinny, and what healthy eating is. Instead of ignoring the existence of fashion magazines, I let them look at mine and discuss things with them, and show them the difference between airbrushed and untouched pictures. I talk to them about how I’m fat but happy and mostly healthy.
Most importantly, I try to be a good example. Sometimes I fail; but I do the best I can to be an example of someone who is smart, accomplished, and attractive exactly as I am–fat and unashamed, attractive and not slutty, happy with myself even though by society’s standards I “shouldn’t” be.
I’m not trying to claim all the credit for them thriving and showing no signs now of the pitfalls of modern teenage life … but I’d like to think I’ve at least helped.
As a mother to both girls and boys (teenage to age 8) I would like to point out that these commericials not only stereotype girls, but boys as well. I am often infuriated that boys/men are almost always portrayed as idiots who only think sex and will buy anything or do anything if sex is somehow related.
We talk about both points of view and my oldest son is now to the point that when he sees a commericial using females to try to sell something to males, he is insulted.
We homeschooled, we didn’t have Barbie dolls in the house, we limited TV-watching (and found plenty of other things to do together and apart) and avoided pop culture pretty well. We talked openly about everything. Books were always freely available; and we kept lots of good books on the shelves – also not pop culture books. There’s something satisfying in seeing a 9 year old pick up Dumas and devour it hungrily, or the complete works of Poe…while also enjoying The Princess Diaries and The Five Little Peppers. They both wore plain jeans and home-dyed tie-dye T-shirts or sweatshirts instead of being fashion slaves. Like it or not, both my kids now march to their own drummers and are pretty unique. That’s how we handled it. It worked for us.
Ironically enough, my husband and I were discussing something similar this morning. I mentioned about feeling miserable when I was young because of my size. But it wasn’t because I felt bad in my body; it was because those around me told me I should feel bad about it.
Granted, we didn’t have television in our home until I was 13, but even so, I got enough negative messages from my mom and my classmates. My mom grew up fairly conservatively, but her mother had body issues and passed them onto my mom. My classmates got their attitudes from the media, so I suffered both at home and at school.
It’s not just the media that perpetuates hateful ideas about bodies, although I’d say it’s the top source. Attitudes are passed from one generation to the next. It’s good to hear that there are mothers (and fathers) out there who are committed to stopping that cycle instead of just throwing their children to the media-wolves.
I hate, hate HATE Bratz dolls, too. Ever since I first saw them! LOve the Hell out of this blog, though and found the DQ commercial quite easy:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xDiASRHDtiI
Dude, why does everybody have to hate on Barbie? I am a fat woman, and I was a fat kid. I understood that Barbie was a DOLL. (It’s not like real people are boxy like Raggedy Ann either…) I had dozens, and I adored them. I think it’s completely unfair to compare Barbie with Bratz. Barbie has been: a paleontologist, an astronaut, a racecar driver, a firefighter, has served in every branch of the military, and much more. Barbie was all about girl power, and I NEVER EVER felt bad because I didn’t look like Barbie. However… I have noticed that Barbie has changed since Bratz have become popular. All of a sudden, where Barbie used to be a veterinarian and a pediatrician, she is now a “pet doctor” and a “baby doctor.” *sigh* I think these are all signs of a bigger problem: the dumbing down of society on all levels.
As earlier addressed…. I think music is different because some of it is art. The important thing is to teach your child what is art, and what is just a crappy consumer product. The first album I remember really *knowing* and loving was Pink Floyd’s “The Division Bell.” I was nine years old. God bless my parents for raising me with decent music. I admit, I loved the Spice Girls… But I never liked Britney! And Miley is just as bad. Britney 2.0. I give her eighteen months before she’s knocked up.
“Turn off the TV (or at least, turn off 95% of what’s on TV) and buy her books, preferably ones with female heroines.”
Yup. And we don’t do school, and we surround ourselves with smart people who don’t feel the need to win popularity contests by bowing down to commercial culture. When I tell people this, they are horrified, as if the only alternative is to be social and cultural outcasts. In fact, there’s quite a bit to fill one’s life with, even in the absence of network television and commercial toys! It’s amazing but true.
Re: Barbie, I really don’t think they’re the problem, I think they’re only a symptom of the problem, and by themselves they’re fairly innocuous, if for no other reason than because of how ridiculous they are. I loved my barbies when I was a kid, but only because I loved having a dress-up doll to play pretend with. I was annoyed with their abnormal feet and weird glazed expression. That annoyance has carried over into adulthood, so that the toys I buy for my daughter are nicer and more aesthetically pleasing. She’s not complaining.
Jadette – I was a super-skinny kid, and my problem with barbie has NOTHING to do with her status as a buxom skinny woman or anything else like that. She was utterly too worldly. My Barbie wore mantillas and she also was steward on an aeroplane. She was the captain of her own destiny. So far as I know the ONLY thing she has never been is a mother. I didn’t allow barbie because she was a prime example of the world – even excepting her ridiculous figure. She was worldliness personified. My daughter has since become a person
who gives NOT A SINGLE SHIT what the world thinks – to a degree many would consider a fault. I don’t; I think she’s right. Many will think she’s weird. Oh freaking well. They’ll deal. When she shaves her head, they don’t follow her around like they do Brittney (or whatever the hell that girl is called) – she shaves it for HER reasons and go ahead and call her on it – I dare ya.
Barbie. Barbie my ass. I enjoyed pulling up her pants past her impossibly huge hips to fit her impossibly tiny waist. Or trying. Then snapping it shut. What a load of shit.
We don’t watch TV. In the UK, we have to pay a tv licence in order to watch it, so we opt not to pay and instead watch DVDs. My kids aren’t exposed to mainstream media, and I am able to control what comes into the house. It works well.
I’ve also been talking to my daughter about how everyone is different, and God made us that way on purpose.
A few people have mentioned that they talk a lot with their kids and explain things to them instead of letting the media or their friends tell them what to think. The key to raising our kids in this world is to take the reigns in their development and make sure that your parental influence is what moulds them, not some faceless corporation or friends who are floundering along just like they are.
Yes, i do know that children are now smarter than we used to be, but it depends on how the parent deal with it, for me, I make sure that my children are secure not insecure ,I make it appoint that are they well love at home. And I always tell them being skinny or having great body is not the basis to be loved by society but more important is how you will contribute good example to the society. No matter what shape or size you are.
Jadette: “And Miley is just as bad. Britney 2.0. I give her eighteen months before she’s knocked up.”
Why would you say that? It’s really sad when feminist discussions turn into attacking other women for their choices and lifestyles. Many, many teenagers have sex. Some get pregnant. Fewer get pregnant when there’s open information and access to birth control, condoms, etc.
Teaching girls to be proud of themselves doesn’t need to be about madonnas and whores- “good” girls and “bad” girls.
I saw that DQ ad. It’s hideous.
If that were my my kid, I’d take away her ice cream (and cell phone, computer, phone and tv, etc.), leave the store, and ground her for a month.
AND make her give the boy his money back. And maybe sign her up for a consciousness-raising group.
Suffice to say, I won’t be going to DQ anytime soon.
Also from http://bodychronic.blogspot.com/
The sad part isn’t that these girls are exploring sexuality, it’s that in their minds the value of a woman is found in her appearance, her clothing and the man she can snag. That’s what’s startling. It’s as if the feminist movement never happened.
I’m all for providing information to girls and young women about sex and sexual freedom, and I’m also in favor of allowing girls and young women to express that in safe ways. At the same time, it’s not the sexuality that is really detrimental to their mental health at this point, it is the value the place on that as part of their entire worth.
I’m the oldest of 3 girls ranging from 25 (me) to 15 (my middle sister) to 11 (the baby). My younger sisters are constantly told that they are beautiful no matter what, that intelligence wills out and is more important than being skinny or looking like the “ideal” (which we can’t aspire to anyhow…we’re black. The ideal is white, blond hair, blue eyes and a slender frame). It’s the same environment I was brought up in. Meaning, negativity is damaging and we all know it. Too often do I see young women talking about having babies and they’re only 11 or 13. Too often do I wonder where the hell the parents are when these kids are behind the building I work at having sex up against a wall. This a generation that is well-informed. Moreso than my generation and yet they aren’t careful, they aren’t aware and they aren’t thinking of reality. I’ve gone off on a tangent. I guess, because this topic hits home hard being a sister and a daughter and wanting to someday be a mother, too. I think about this topic all the time.
@ Cindy — the difference between Britney and Jimi is that if you took away the sexuality from Britney and the horrifying lyrics (I never bought “Hit me baby was just a phrase”) you’d have nothing. If you took away the sexuality from Jimi, you’d still be left with a master guitar player, complex melodies, musically significant listening that requires several listens to get it all down. Same with the difference between the Beatles and David Cassidy’s post Partiridge family solo dreck.
You’re never going to separate sexuality from anything. But my husband and I are both musicians, and we both recognize that we’ve benefited from a certain amount of sexuality in our stage presence. But we’ve still maintained that underneath it all, there’s substance.
I picked up on the fact that Stella loved Hendrix very early in her life. I still remember how a TV commercial for Pontiac, which featured “Fire” would always make her (at only a year old) perk up. I started playing more hendrix in the car for her and she found it comforting at time. I even found in talking to other parents that kids just love Hendrix, and we all theorized that it was much the same as the Mozart effect — mathematically and polyrhytymically hyptnozing while forcing the brain to think. She never even knew what Hendrix looked like — she just really enjoyed the music. (to this day, she still loves his take on “All Along the Watchtower” — and i’ve played her the original Dylan version to show her that a good song can be taken many ways — but she just loves the way that song is constructed…)
Teri in the comments touches on this too: a difference between substantive music and not is what drives this. and others point out that good bubblegum is fun too. Stella and I loved Puffy Ami Yumi — but then again, it was a show/music about/by two headstrong asian girls, and upon a close listen, I was overjoyed to hear Stella say about one of their tunes (which I titled for myself “Summarize the Who from Tommy through Who’s Next in Three Perfect Pop Minutes”) “Mom, isn’t this beginning a ripoff of “Won’t Get Fooled Again”?
No, sweetheart, that was more of a tribute.
Is Roger Daltrey sexual? You bet my fat ass he is/was. But while I wanted him in that way when I was 17, I can still listen to “Who’s Next” today and realize that beyond Daltrey’s good looks stood well-crafted songwriting , masterful production, and terrific musical execution that still sounds great today.
THAT’s the lesson I think Stella’s picked up here: look for substance. Look for what’s underneath the glitter. Look beyond their looks and see if you still have anything. I’m hoping that by learning this lesson through music, it will bleed into other aspects of life in general. And from the conversations i have with her or overhear with her friends, I think it is. She’s only 9. I hope it lasts through when puberty kicks in. Time will tell.
Thanks, V’ron. You answered my question.
I probably tend to be too forgiving of pop music because I think what’s happening in the studio is fairly sophisticated, even if it is all icing. And I don’t think Britney Spears is entirely to blame for what has happened to her. My god, the adults who fed off that woman when she was a child and were never made accountable for it, well, it reaffirms the double standards between men and women for me.
And can I defend Mylie Cyrus? I think she has talent, and I don’t find her message or onstage persona to be hyper-sexualized. Glittery, yes. Blonde, check. Christy Lemire, an associated press film critic who reviewed the Best of Both Worlds IMAX film, said the movie revealed an age-appropriate content set, and a young girl who appears clever, hard working and sober.
I’m with Christy Lemire when I say I hope Miley stays that way.
I love this discussion!
My daughter is now 22 and beyond the new crop of products promoting the “prosti-totting” of America, but I work with two women who have young girls. Their parenting styles are very different, but the basic message is the same: “I am the parent and you are not buying that / wearing that / watching that on TV.”
I believe that we have become a generation of appeasing our kids and keeping peace instead of BEING PARENTS! Saying “No” will not cause their worlds to end, and is not torture.
Bratz dolls, Beyonce’s new line of children’s clothing (designed for the junior whore set), ads like the Dairy Queen ad – all these things are the Hollywood / media set pushing their agenda. We as parents need to stop buying their crap, stick to our morals, and teach our children that there is much more to life than following the latest mindless craze.
Perhaps a bit off topic, but a real issue for me.
Oh Cindy, I totally agree with you on Britney. Like Anna Nicole Smith, she doesn’t appear to have a single (influencial) person in her life who truly gives a flying fuck about her, and in fact, finds there is more $$$$ to be made on Britney the trainwreck than Britney the healthy person.
Domer girl — I feel that same way, and i put my foot down a lot, but I’m trying more to guide her to learn the lesson herself and the reason behind my no, rather that it being a rule that she’ll just break for the sake of breaking the rule. But there are so many parents out there who have given up, and its sad. Not to bring up Britney again, and I’ve told this story many time, but before I had Stella, i was at Summerfest (Giant music festival in milwuakee that brings in major acts to the main stage) and it was Britney Day, and there were plenty of “Lil’ Hooker” girls crawling the festival grounds. We were walking behind one with her mother, and she got some catcalls. The mother glared at them and muttered about how inappropriate that was.
“What are you glaring about?” I asked the mom. “You’re the one who let your daughter out of the house looking like a streetwalker!”
“You just don’t understand, they all dress like this, there’s nothing a parent can do, you’ll see when you have a daughter.”
No, i thought then, remember my mom’s standards. Maybe she WILL sneak out of the house with slutty clothes in her backpack to change into when she hits school (as I did as a teenager), but she won’t do it in front of me, with my approval. That it right there — the tacit approval from the parents for that very reason.
I’m reminded of Lily Tomlin’s quote, “If your kid hasn’t said ‘fuck you’ to you by the time they’re 18, then you haven’t been a parent.”
(well, I never said that to mom’s face… but let’s just say my mom was truly a parent).
I know this is going off topic too, but it’s a bone of contention for me. When somebody says “be their parent, not their friend,” i dn’t think that’s mutually exclusive. I just think you have to be their very best friend. The kind of friend who will risk them being mad at when you tell them: “That outfit you’re wearing makes you look like a slut. ”
“That attitude you’ve got is going to sabotage your chances at success” “Your attitude about [group of people] is going to lose you a lot of good friends and make you only shallow ones.”
When I saw the DQ ad, I thought to myself, “Would mommy think it’s so cute if a older man came over and offered her daughter an ice cream?”
I mean, it’s pratically advertising to the types of adults who would pick up children like that, if you know what I mean. That’s what really disgusted me.
So basically perhaps it should be asked, is DQ now promoting ads for pedophiles?
We don’t have T.V.
She prefers books to all other toys.
We encourage her independence and complement her strength.
The DVD’s in the house are Dora the Explorer, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro and similar things featuring strong girls.
Bratz dolls are not allowed AT ALL in any form.
She’s two…and the Daycare people call her the tomboy of the room and I’m proud of that.
I don’t know how it will be later…
All I have is the way my mom raised me and what I hope to do better.
I’m not going to force things on her…but I will let her know what I think is important and why.
I will dress tastefully myself and teach her that attractiveness is deeper than just how much skin you show or the number on your jeans.
All I hope for my daughter is that she becomes an interesting personality of her own.
When I was a little girl, my sister and I had some Barbie dolls and my parents went to some conference about parenting, and when they came home they took away our Barbie dolls (and our Cabbage Patch Kids, but that was a WHOLE other issue ;-) ).
As a pre-teen, they also provided me with some great reading material, the most memorable being a book about preparing for adolescence that emphasized healthy self-esteem and not falling into the “insecurity trap.”
As a result of these and other things, I never really struggled with my image in my teens like many of my friends did, and I didn’t have a particularly beautiful body, either! I had a big nose (still do!), plenty of pudge, zits, and greasy hair, but I learned to do the best I could with what I had. In fact, it wasn’t until my early twenties that I realized I’d been medically considered to be in the “overweight” category the whole time!
I’d like to think that my laid-back, optimistic personality was the cause of my accepting attitudes, but it probably had a lot more to do with how my parents raised me.
My mother told me I was fat, my church moms told me I would get fat if I ate the cake at the potluck, so did one of the dads, I grew up with Barbie dolls- a doll that came from a cartoon character that was a hooker, she was long and thin, I worried I would be fat, then I grew up and just wanted to be happy. I am not what you would call fat or thin but comfortably in the middle somewhere. I am not a hooker nor did I want to dye my hair blond like babs and get a boob job to look like her. I think kids go through things and watch TV listen to negative adults which some children have around them then they grow up and have a kid, buy the kids Bratz dolls (which I think are great and cute) and get on with life. What a child says at one moment in their life is not the end of it all to what they will be. They will hopefully have a brain and make their own way- if they can’t it is not because of toys or pictures of Beyonce it’s the people around them.
I’m not a parent yet, but I can speak from the perspective of a girl who was raised with the same or similar techniques many of you have mentioned. My TV-watching was restricted; I had a time limit for general TV watching and PBS/educational TV was unlimited, which meant I ended up watching a lot of science & nature shows and other educational things that encouraged me to focus on my brain more than my body. My mother also talked to me all the time about almost everything; but one thing I can tell you was imperfect about her methods is that she underestimated what I was ready to be talked to about. She put off talking about sex in anything other than a “this is where babies come from” context until I was already learning words like “blowjob” from people at school. I should mention that just because you homeschool your kids doesn’t mean they’re protected from exposure to things like that, either; even “good kids” in Scouts, tae kwon do, or other activities your kids might be into can pass along things they’ve heard or seen (or done). Don’t let any topic become “taboo” or it will just be hard to get your kids to open up about it later.
It might be worth noting that I played with Barbies to my heart’s content as a child. I also played with Micro Machines, demanded the toy car Happy Meal whenever McDonald’s did that “boys get cars, girls get dolls” crap, and was a raging tomboy when I wasn’t having tea parties. My mom didn’t restrict my access to toys (except based on price and safety, of course), and I think that was a good call on her part. I knew Barbie was just a doll, just like I knew real cars were bigger than a couple inches long and didn’t change colors in water. I’m not questioning the parenting of anyone who’s chosen to keep their home a Barbie-free zone; just saying she didn’t do me any harm.
One thing I just have to say: if we’re all feminists here, why are we resorting to the ultimate female insult and dismissing other women as sluts and whores? I understand no one wants their 8-year-old becoming a sex object, but grown women who enjoy sex and seek out partners with whom to have it aren’t immoral monsters. Why can’t we just address the problem at hand (little girls being encouraged to dress like sexually mature women) without degrading other women by saying we don’t want our daughters to dress like “sluts”? How about just saying we want them to dress age-appropriately?
ladyjaye….I LOVE “Stupid Girls” by P!nk…..Even though I grew up with Barbie….I kept having her jump over all the doll “vans” on her invisible death-defying motorcycle! LOL
Unfortunately, I also thought that once I reached a certain age, my “outer shell” would fall off to reveal a thin, beautiful (blonde?) woman underneath….man, oh manichevitz, was I wrong! LOL
But, as I don’t have any kids — and highly doubt I will….I can only hope that BFD only houses a smattering of the fab women who will encourage their girls (and boys) to resist cultural brainwashing….
I have two daughters, ages thirteen and six, and I don’t hesitate to point out when I see sexism or dramatized over-feminine behavior in the media. When a woman manipulates a man sexually to get what she wants, I point out what other options she had to obtaining her goals. When beauty/anti-aging products are advertised using models under the age of 25, I say something about it. When women are portrayed as image/man/child/house obsessed, I let them know that there are other important things to focus on. How much of it gets through, I don’t know, but I have to do the best I can. And honestly, there is so much of it, that I only mention the most egregious examples (the Dairy Queen commercial was a biggie).
On a slightly related note, my oldest child cringes when I talk to her about sex but listens to sexually explicit pop music and looks at internet pornography without irony. I’ve explained to her that if she is curious, I’d prefer having a conversation with her as opposed to trying to figure out what the hell happened to all my internet cookies, and I explain in detail what these songs and images are really saying. I’m not dumb enough to think it will stop her, but I want to give her a facet of awareness about this insidious stuff that she may not have had before.
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