Comments on: How Do Strangers Treat You?

By: bea

bea — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 08:10:32 +0000

I think that American society is more tolerant towards medium sized people(curvy but not fat or skinny). When I was in high school I was size 10 and felt very comfortable with myself and somewhat attractive. Now as a young adult I have lost a bit of weight due to health reasons and I feel much less confident than before. I am presently a size 3 and I feel this is too skinny for me. I have had a close friend, who knows I am unhappy about my weight loss and health problems, make mocking remarks about my skinny appearance and I have had other people comment about how thin I am in a negative way. I have noticed other women seem more hostile towards me now than when I was a size 10. I have little control over my weight gain right now and I find people’s comments hurtful. I think for some people being skinny can be just as bad as being heavier because both are not as desirable (to the shallow majority of people)as being medium sized. I hate how people make others feel bad about their size, whether large or small, especially when that person has little control over their weight gain or loss.

By: JustMe1980

JustMe1980 — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 04:04:52 +0000

Ive been a Fat girl all my adult life. The only people who are rude are the young guys mostly. I get the call Jenny Craig comments. But I also get a lot more positive comments now that I have more confident. I’m 5’5 and weigh 230 lbs. Instead of looking away and avoiding eye contact I look them straight in the eye. I deserve the same respect my skinny friends and won’t accept anything less. I’m tired of feeling like an inferior person because I’m a big girl. I’m at the gym 5 days a week and I watch what i eat. I’ve just hit a plateau. I enjoy the whistles and the comments from people!! And if they don’t like me, too bad!!!

By: margaret

margaret — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 00:00:11 +0000

its not that white guys are more affected by media standards–the standards are set by rich white men–and ive had a similar experience–at age 48 and 250 pounds, im virtually invisible 2 white guys–in the ‘hood its a different story–a burger king manager near where i live is always super nice and flirty w/ me and i think he’s half my age–lol

By: margaret

margaret — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 23:38:17 +0000

you dont mention the ethnicity of the men–its been my experience that its mostly white men who are like this–ive always been on the thick side, and at 48 im just plain fat–in the ‘hood, i get treated much better than i ever did in the white-bread suburbs

By: Rich

Rich — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 05:22:15 +0000

I think back to high school when a teacher asked me in front of the class if i thought i needed a strong chair instead of a desk seat combo… that sucked

By: Alyssa

Alyssa — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 00:03:05 +0000

No one, outside of my own family, has ever made bad comments about my size. In fact whenever I brought it up to my normal sized friends they would always say “but you really look good larger, you carry it well.” No strangers have ever treated me like I was invisible or disgusting because of my size. My family members were the only ones to ever make comments. Strangers never seem to react one way or another. I live in North Texas and everyone over 30 seems a bit overweight themselves. No one has ever yelled mean things at me or given me unsolicited advice like I hear with other plus size women. When I visited Paris, France and parts of England I thought maybe I would get some comments. But quite opposite, in Paris I got hit on three times in a day and in England I discovered that their average sizes even in teen cloths actually fit me.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 17:58:15 +0000

Ummmmmm Kiley, about the whole fat (size 20) thing……I’m not sure where your going with that one.

By: Kiley

Kiley — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 01:10:31 +0000

about the whole minority guys liking curvy girls- its true, but curvy and fat (size 20) are two completely differant things…just saying. I am a size 8 with curves and 5’7”…. I get attention from black, hisspanics..all the time..white guys typically go for size 2-6 girls…I am a white chick btw….black guys like ass….as for fat tolerance, i wouldnt know.

By: Samalicious

Samalicious — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 21:54:35 +0000

I’ve never had anyone yell out a car window to me (that I know of), or any disparaging remarks made to my face, except for “Whoa, big mama” when I was 14. However I still worry about what kinds of silent judgment people pass on me, or what people say when I leave the room. I’m 20 years old, 5’6″ and wear a size 20. I go to college, and I’ve noticed that most guys don’t give me a second glance (and in most cases, even a first glance). I get compliments from girls about my hair (I have waist-length dark brown wavy hair), but nothing else. I am in a happy relationship with a guy I’ve known practically all my life, and so I’m not looking for romance, but watching every other girl get attention from guys might eventually make one doubt themselves, you know? I’ve learned to dress to fit and accentuate my shape, which raises my confidence–that is a huge chance from when I was in middle and high school.

A major thing I’ve noticed all my life, especially now that I’ve “grown into” my curves, so to speak, is that I don’t remember ever getting attention from white guys, except my dear boyfriend. I am purely invisible to white men, except when I absolutely must converse with them. Black, Middle Eastern and Hispanic men are a different story altogether–it is hard for me to go to the grocery store without someone asking for my number or asking if I’m married. But white guys look through me like I’m made of glass. Is it because of the distribution of fat on my body (I have a big butt and a curvy waist)? Or because I’m slightly tan (I’m part Cherokee)? Or maybe white guys are more affected by media standards than minorities are? Don’t get me wrong, I do not see minority guys in a different caste than white guys! But there is such a difference there that I cannot help but notice it. Karen posted in 2008 that she noticed the same thing, but no one else posted anything like this until now. Does it happen to anyone else? And why do you think that is?

I also notice that when I go into certain stores, the attendants totally ignore me, especially when I shop in the junior’s sections, in which I can wear their largest size tops, but not their pants. Waitstaff give more kind attention to my boyfriend or thinner friends than to me, as if I am going to make them run back and forth in order to feed me. It’s annoying, but whatever; those people have an effect on my life only if I let them, right? I can’t affect their attitudes, only my own.

By: RoseRed

RoseRed — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 03:22:47 +0000

Leslie, Your posting really stuck in my brain so I am finally getting around to replying. First of all I would like to say that your husband did NOT leave you because you were fat. He was leaving because he was leaving and if you weren’t fat he would have found something equally hurtful to say. As for all those other nasty men, frankly if they are as shallow as they sound you are better off with out them. Where do they get off thinking that they are such catches anyway! How dare they think that you would stoop to date them no matter what size you are. Clearly they aren’t worth any woman’s time and certainly not yours. Yes being in your 20′s is a time in your life when men fall all over you. I remember when I once made $50 in tips in one hour serving drinks—at a DRY bar all because I was 20 and wearing a “wench” costume. I was NOT blonde, a size 5 and I had (and have) boobs that were a Playtex “nearly B.” If you are under 30 and not singularly unattractive men will do anything to get your attention, it has nothing to do with being blonde or skinny. As for your doctor and fitness instructer, replace them! Preferably by fat ones. My doctor is fat and she has never told me to lose weight, she knows that it is difficult to impossible to achieve. As for my fitness instructor, I quit the gym and took up yoga. So much more relaxing to hear affirmations than screamed abuse. My mom used to tell me I was fat on a daily basis. So I told her off. She hasn’t said a word about it since. Your girlfriend is right, dating websites are by and large a Meatmarket where bored men looking to have an affair endlessly troll. Try some more reputable sites such as Match.com or better yet, employ a reputable Matchmaker. You were a beautiful skinny girl, now you are a beautiful fat girl and you deserve a lover who loves you at the weight you are, not the weight you used to be or might be. Interesting fact: When I was 165Lbs and over 30 I got ignored by men, now that I am 200Lbs (and not getting any younger) I get whistled at on the street. What is the difference? Confidence. I have a lover who thinks I am stunning at every weight and I am begining to believe it. I wish the same for you. Stay flabulous sweetie!