Comments on: 21 And Never Been Kissed

By: marion

marion — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:03:48 +0000

I am 23 and have never been kissed, never haf a boyfriend. It feels good to see that a lot of people around the world are in the same situation. I thought I was weird.
I do not have a lot of friends , only two actually. I do not want to do anything because I feel a bite depressed, I know it is supid. I would love to do a lot of things, take care of my self, but I do not do it, I don’t let myself doing whatever I want. Everytime I want to try to do something, i back off, I am too shy, I have always the feeling that people look at me. I really do not know what to do, just hide myself.
I do not know if someone would read this, but it is feel good to say it

By: charle

charle — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:39:53 +0000

Oh, for crap’s sake! I feel sorry for the girl, I really do, but someone needs to slap some sense into her.

My first kiss was at 22, and I’m a size 4 US and close to underweight. My best friend is 23, larger than me (maybe a size 12 US?) and has also never been kissed or dated anyone. Sometimes the right guy is arriving late. Keep your head up. Stop blaming your weight and work on your psychological issues.

By: C

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:58:48 +0000

I’m 23 and I’ve never been kissed. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I don’t need the sexual interest of anyone to validate me as a person. In fact, I don’t even want it.

By: sad beauty

sad beauty — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 18:02:38 +0000

i am 28 and never been kissed, a damn beautiful woman i always here ppl call me BUT always the BUT!!! fat.
I am confidant woman, great career wear smart clothes but i still belive cos i am a fatty i will never have any1, i recently started getting desprate looking for men on the net – but so scared to meet them cos of being rejected.

By: happyapple

happyapple — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:22:07 +0000

I don’t have any good advice, since I’m in a similar boat. First kiss was last May and an attempt at a dating-thing with that same boy that lasted a month or two or so and didn’t go further than kissing. I was just sooo insecure about letting someone close to me since I’m so uptight about having my personal space and keeping people out of my bubble — seriously, even holding hands was this whole ridiculous big thing to me since I’m not a touchy-feely kinda girl. So I know nothing. Although I do know that I unfortunately have taken a lot of the teen movies of the 1990s to heart. It’s pretty easy for me to convince myself that all I am is a bet, a stupid bet!

I have a vague idea that a big chunk of it is wrapped up in how I perceive myself. I know some women our age and body-size who are totally outgoing, gorgeous, fabulous people and are heartbreakers, but jeebus, I don’t know where they get it and I wish I had just a little bit of that. And all the suggestions about getting yourself a self-esteem is, I think, probably spot-on but I haven’t figured out how to get one of those yet.

And when I feel really bad about it, I watch ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’. It always makes me feel better. She doesn’t lose weight to get her guy and other than the title, the word fat isn’t ever really mentioned that I remember. And okay, so Nia Vardolos isn’t really fat by anybody’s real life standards, only in Hollywood, but she’s still closer to what I look like than Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts.

But, anyway, thanks for writing this because it’s been very helpful to read all the comment.

By: Pungo

Pungo — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:36:30 +0000

I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 27. I also discovered I was a lesbian.

Think of your weight as a “jerk detector”. Those poor skinny girls can end up wasting years with jerks before realizing it. Can you imagine the horror of thinking you’ve found the love of your life and then having him dump you when you gain ten pounds? You’ll find someone who loves you for *you*, and doesn’t care that you’re fat.

By: Liza

Liza — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:35:35 +0000

Wow, I can’t believe how many people there are on here in this situation. I am too. Not identical, I’ve kissed and gone on a few dates, but that’s pretty much it. I’ve never had a relationship or sex. I’m 24. I should also mention that the bulk of my kissing has involved alcohol or been with a friend (usually gay) at midnight on New Years.

I also chalk it up to self-esteem. It’s taken me a long time to realize this. I’ve gone through all the excuses…no guy would ever want to sleep with someone fat like me, my thighs are so big he wouldn’t be able to find what he’s looking for down there anyway, oh these dumb boys just want a skinny blond sorority girl to bang, they only see me as a friend, etc.

Plus my current one, I live with my parents and while they’d never say no you can’t go out, no you can’t stay out all night, they are very intrusive and would ask really awkward questions if I spent the night with someone. Yeah, I know it’s a cop-out.

On an intellectual level I know it’s my self-esteem, on the occasion I do get hit on, I back away all scared (not to mention it seems like only sketchy guys and the homeless hit on me). But my low self-esteem makes my neurotic side think it’s all the things I said earlier.

When I am interested in someone, I always pine from afar, then I look back later and think oh, when he said that, it might have been a clue he liked me, I bet if I had asked him out he’d have said yes.

Obviously you’re not alone. We’re all here. And I bet most of us who have posted these thought we were the only ones. I know I did.

By: Arashi-san

Arashi-san — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:17:01 +0000

Ambular – Your post really struck a chord with me. At one point, I was there. I don’t think there’s much I can add to what others have already said – except that I, too, live in Seattle, and if you want to hang out sometime, that would be spectacular. Befriend me on Facebook or Myspace or something – my name is Kate Massingill. We can meet up somewhere!

By: La

La — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:01:17 +0000

Reading your letter was kinda amazing because I’m the exact same age as you and in virtually the same position. I have to say that a couple of years ago, when I was in high school, I felt the same exact way. I was depressed and probably didn’t even realize at the time to what extent. I held myself back from social situations because I felt awkward or uncomfortable. My friends were great, but I don’t think they really understood.

I wish I had an firm answer or some better advice, because, believe me, I understand how hard it is, but it’ll be ok, at least that’s what I tell myself. I don’t worry too much about romance and love these days. I do have to say, that while 3 years ago it felt like so far away, 21 is still young. Maybe it’s just me, but I still feel young and immature sometimes. I’d love to be in a relationship, but when it happens, it happens. Sure this isn’t what I was thinking a while back, but now life has kinda shown me that I have a long way to go. I focus on my future and how great it may be one day. I try not to focus on the negative. I meet new people and enjoy the new things that they bring to my life. I really wish you the best and hope that you find happiness from other parts of your life.

I know I’m light years late, but I felt I just had to comment because the story was soooo close to home. I think this is actually the first time I’ve commented at all on the site, but I just couldn’t not comment.

By: taimatsu

taimatsu — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:45:48 +0000

I want to add my voice to the chorus saying that you shouldn’t feel like a failure. Personally, I did have a boyfriend briefly in high school – and the kissing was *terrible*. Abysmally bad. Wipe-your-face-afterwards bad. So teen makeout stuff isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be. I could have done without that experience perfectly easily. (Interestingly, I don’t remember it bringing me any kind of kudos or credit in my all-girls school. Or maybe I didn’t notice because I really didn’t care.)

There are a lot of ways to meet people – online dating, joining groups related to your interests, going to bars, friends of friends, and so on. I know a guy who was in your situation aged 23 or so, who suddenly made a romantic connection with someone he had known for many years.

As everyone else says, how you feel about yourself comes across to other people. If you can learn to like yourself the way you are, do stuff you enjoy and come to terms with being single for now (you don’t have to like it, just… find a way to live without absolutely constant yearning) then opportunities to meet and connect with people will open up, and the better you feel about them, the better they work out.