Anorexia Is Hott
According to Elle magazine, by way of Jezebel, men actually are hot for ultra-thin women. At least in New York.
You know that whole thing about how being superskinny is an ideal originated by the fashion industry and perpetuated by female competitiveness and like, totally NOT AT ALL what men are interested in etc. etc.? Well that’s bullshit, says a story in the March Elle by Amanda Fortini, a 5’6 woman who dropped to 100 pounds a few years back. “Many men, I quickly learned, really do like frighteningly lean women, whatever they may claim to the controversy. As an average, medium-size young woman, I was unremarkable, innocuous. As a skinny slip of a thing, I was something of a sensation. In restaurants and at parties, men flirted at me extravagantly…As a male friend once put it to me, semifacetiously,” she writes, ‘A little anorexia is hot.’
(She turned out to have a parasite; she wasn’t anorexic.)
1. Wouldn’t it get a little tiresome to get hit on all the time? Especially in New York, where thin women seem to be treated like social status symbols? Or have I been watching too much Sex and the City?
2. This is just the story of one woman, traveling in a very specific social milieu. I’m sure the women out there have some counterexamples, right ladies?
3. Even if most men find uber-thin women attractive, which I doubt, our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to the number of men who want to have sex with us.
Thanks to Nonk for posting this on our Facebook page!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Feminism, Magazines, Media, Weight Loss
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Damn, am I sick of these articles.
OK, we all have physical criteria we like or dislike. Right? It’s everybody’s right to be more attracted or less to bald, tall, short, long-legged, long-torsoed, blind, fat, thin people. Should we care? No. Is being “hit on” the source of all happiness? Ditto. Is it nice once in a while? Indeed. Men are attracted to many different things, as are women. Let’s be thankful our skinny sisters get some loving too.
I personally never listen to what men say. I watch what they do. And there aren’t a heck of a lot of men who are chubby chasers, no matter how many times they say they like a little meat on a woman, etc. They say that, and then date the closest thing to the current beauty standard in their social setting as they are capable of getting. It’s not just NYC or LA. It’s Arakansas, India, anywhere.
It’s true, though. I had a bout of actual anorexia a few years ago, caused by depression, and went down to scarily skeletal proportions from a sturdy size 14. I also shaved my head. I looked like an angry, dying boy and wore thrifted children’s clothing.
But I’d go out, and total strangers — hot-looking strangers, barely more than half my age (I was just over thirty at the time) were all over me — offering to buy me drinks, giving me cellphone numbers on napkins.
I tell ya, a little of that action in high school or a bit later (when I was rounded, but by no means fat) and my whole opinion of myself (which is generally poor) would probably be different now.
I recovered, more or less, and gained most of the weight back, but it was a very embittering experience. And, once again, no one particularly notices me now.
“…our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to the number of men who want to have sex with us.” There also shouldn’t be war, pestilence and famine in the world. Personally, I’m with Fatfighter. Never mind what men say; watch what they do. In particular, pay attention to what YOUR man does.
I hate that men’s reaction to me is governed by my weight. The last time I lost any ‘significant’ weight (20 pounds), I was immensely popular with both guys AND girls; people very obviously treated me differently. I hated it. Was I so horrible before? Now that I’m older and wiser, I think I don’t want to hang out with folks who find me more appealing if I’m smaller. They’re obviously not friend (or boyfriend) material.
I’ve known plenty of guys who find ultra-thinness to be the ideal, but I’ve also known plenty of guys who prefer a woman with a bit more flesh on her bones. My husband is one of the latter, natch–he says if he wanted someone with the body of a twelve year old boy, he’d become a gay pedophile. He likes womanly curves, of which I have plenty, so that works out.
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Mary, on February 20th, 2008 at 9:07 am Said:
“…our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to the number of men who want to have sex with us.” There also shouldn’t be war, pestilence and famine in the world. Personally, I’m with Fatfighter. Never mind what men say; watch what they do. In particular, pay attention to what YOUR man does.
Which means…what? Exactly? I’m not being facetious, I am genuinely curious. Are you saying it really doesn’t matter how many men (or women, no need to be heteronormative here) hit on us as long as we already have one in the bag? I hope not, because that’s similarly ridiculous. While it can certainly help to have a SO, it shouldn’t be a pre-requisite for happiness.
As for this stupid Elle article…I’m willing to bet any amount of money the whole thing was made up. All of those fashion and women’s magazines have a horribly bad habit of just making shit up about what men think at any time in order to make a point. I’m sure that article also fit in perfectly next to all the diet food ads and weight loss tips.
I dated a guy some years ago, who claimed that he liked the meat on bones type of gal. Which was great for me, since I was pushing 200. Then we broke up, and he got back together (and ultimately married) his stick thin, weighs 90lbs when soaking wet, ex girlfriend.
So I put very little stock in what a guy says when he’s trying to get into my pants.
What people find “hot” has some degree of variation from one culture to the next, basic symmetry aside. And whatever’s “hot” usually is a look associated with wealth in that culture. In places and times where people are usually undernourished, fat – especially around the hips – is often considered hot in women. In our place and time, where even poor people are well-nourished, and some rich people spend lots of money on diets and drugs to be ultra-scrawny, thin is in.
Consider also skin color. In Victorian times, very pale skin was considered attractive among Westerners, because it meant you didn’t have to work out in the sun and get a tan. Today in the wealthy West, a suntan is considered attractive, because it implies you can either go on tropical vacations or blow money and time in tanning booths, both implying wealth. Today in the Third World, pale skin is considered attractive because most people are born dark and being pale makes you look more like the naturally pale-skinned wealthy Westerners.
So what it boils down to is “if you look like what your culture associates with wealth, people will hit on you.” Of course. It’s been like that since the Stone Age, probably.
Worrying about status or the appearance of status (or the status of appearance) too much is probably not good for one’s health, though. There are still partners of your own status available, and there’s more to life than romantic partners anyway.
I dunno- my bf’s only had two girlfriends besides me (and one was just a girl who stood him up) and neither of them were skinny. Not even his date for Jr. prom was skinny. And I’m certainly not skinny.
I think that the lizard-brain indicators of health might trump the notions of wealth. I get hit on A LOT more now that I’m fat than I did when I was skinny. *shrug* So, I never experienced this phenomenon.
I think we’d be foolish to believe that all people have a “type” and they stick to that “type” like white on rice.
I will now tell an anecdote. Take it for what you will.
My husband, when I met him, was dating a short, slender young woman with curly hair. Seriously, she was like maybe 5’0. A few months later, he was dating another girl who was short, slender and had curly hair.
So, when he started asking me out, I totally blew him off because I am neither short, slender, nor do I have curly hair, and I thought that perhaps he had grown desperate and needed a chick in between his curly haired pixies. So engrained was this idea in my mind that I blew him off for THREE MONTHS.
And now we’re married.
Do you find more than one body type attractive? I know I do.
Forget fashion magazines. The world would be a better place if we all just put down the magazines.
I don’t understand why women object to knowing that a man they’re dating has also gone out with really skinny chics. I see that as a sign that the guy isn’t superficial, and bases his appreciation of a woman on multiple factors.
I sometimes enjoy getting attention from strangers, but more often than not it makes me uncomfortable. I certainly understand the attraction to pretty bodies and the desire that stems from that, but what’s ultimately sexy to me and what I value in my partners is the connection to one another that comes from affection and respect.
On first blush, my current partner is not what I would have considered hot. He’s sort of geeky and skinny with big glasses. But by the end of our first date, I was so hot for him. We connected intellectually and energetically.
All of that said, he does like large women, and there was for him a powerful attraction to my physical appearance.
That is strange since most of the men I have known in my life weren’t that attracted to anorexic/too skinny women. I was told that their butt bones would spear them in the thighs when they were having sex and it would be painful.
*shrug*
But just like there are men who like BBW there would have to be men that like the other side as well. It takes all kinds I guess. It is just sad they printed this because it may create more eating disorders if women think they need to be anorexic to get a man.
Stacy, exactly.
My boyfriend is attracted to me because I’m me, not because I’m a size 12. I’m attracted to him because he’s him, and he doesn’t look like a movie star. It goes so far beyond looks! :)
You know that whole thing about how being superskinny is an ideal originated by the fashion industry and perpetuated by female competitiveness
That statement IS NOT invalidated by information, factual or anecdotal, that concludes that men DO want skinny women. Hello, men are influenced by our culture too. I’m not going to go all academic here, so I will suffice to say that I agree with your number three. Just because something is of current cultural value doesn’t men it should be, or we should be happy about it.
er, *mean
Well some men might like stick-thin women, but some other men like their women with a little more meat on their bones, and still other men like a woman with a brain regardless of what the body looks like. There’s someone for everyone out there.
I wish I had a counter example but sadly I do not. I don’t know where these statistics come from that state men like woman to have some meat on their bones but I can say from experience this isn’t true or it’s very rare in the very least. I was once a “huge” size 18. When I went out with my friends, I was the one who was looked at in disgust or not looked at for being oh so “fat”. Mind you, I wasn’t looking for a man or anything, I had a man, but the looks and attitude from men were there all the same. I dropped 61 pounds (size 8-10) thanks to exercise and healthy diet. Went back out to these same places and WOW! The same men who would never have looked at me before were checking me out and asking for my phone number. I was told how much better I looked and how I should never let myself go again the way I had before the weight loss. It just confirmed for me what I had already known. Men might say they like woman who have curves and more meat on their bones but I don’t believe it for a minute. All lies….Sad, but in my opinion…….. True.
A guy (or gal) worth having will look beyond your looks to see who you are. I’m not saying that means they hate fat, either. I have a brother who spent seven years with a woman who pretty much disappeared if you turned her sideways. OTOH, when he saw Calista Flockart for the first time, he literally screamed in horror and then yelled ‘somebody feed that woman some pasta!’
Clearly it wasn’t the thin that attracted him. He’s also dated a woman who weighed well over 250, one who was soft, but not fat…he’s open to pretty much any shape if he thinks the woman inside is a good fit for him.
From my own experiences, well I was pretty slim when Mr. Twistie and I met, and when we started dating. Over the years I’ve put on a lot of weight, but he’s still only got eyes for me.
And last spring I was walking down the street one day when a telephone company truck came to a screeching halt and the driver leapt out to introduce himself to me. I stand 5’2″ and probably weighed about 220 – 230 at the time. He stopped his work truck because he wanted to know ME. I talked with him for a minute, let him down gently, and as I walked away at the end, he called after me ‘tell your husband for me he’s a very lucky man.’
I’ve got dozens more of these stories. Bottom line? People are attracted to what they are attracted to. Some are hot for thin, some are hot for fat. The good ones, though, are hot for people more than body types.
I’m not surprised that many (though I doubt most) men, especially in New York – the fashion center of the country – are attracted to ultra-thin women. Ultra-thin is what is projected by our media as ultra-desirable, and men respond to media projections as much as we do – especially the X-rated form. Furthermore, ultra-thin is a sign of social status right now, an indication that you have the time and money to put the effort into being model-thin, and that you prize your appearance above all.
However, this piece strikes me as just another media trend piece. As I started out saying – sure, I’m not surprised in the least that the author could find a bunch of men in New York to say they liked ultra-thin women. I’m sure she could go out tomorrow and interview a bunch of men who like women with curves. My point is that just as there is natural variation in body types, there is natural variation in attraction as well. Thank God/FSM for that, right? Otherwise how would anyone outside of the currently preferred norm ever marry, and humans would have died out ages ago.
Anecdotally, I’ve found male attention ties in to both my weight and my attitude/confidence. I received a lot of attention when I was single in San Fran in my late 20s and was ~150 (at 5’4″); I also received a lot of attention a couple years ago when I was single and very confident and happy with my body at ~180. Conversely, I’ve felt invisible at both 140 and 180 when I wasn’t happy with myself.
I think that if “hot” men do flirt with thinner women more ambitiously, it’s because they’re flirting with what they believe are high-status women, as defined by current cultural stereotypes of fat and thin (i.e., fat is inferior, thin is superior), and not really because they’re thin per se.
Status, real or perceived, unfortunately plays a large part in how attractiveness is measured. People want other people who are considered ‘valuable’ by some standard. What do you see held up as the feminine ideal these days? Thin. So, if a man is trying to get a valuable woman, do you think he’s going to go with a physicist, singer, artist, writer, fat chick, or thin/”fit” chick (yes, I mixed in non-appearance qualities in that list on purpose), if he just had a text list to pick from to say, go out with someone on a blind date?
If you want to know what a good deal of men consider “valuable,” look at profiles on dating websites. In the 20-something/30-something set. “fit” (code word for thin, unfortunately) and young are amongst the two most important desirable elements.
Does that mean this current definition of value is absolute? Hells no. It’s just what our society, in 2008, is schilling. Which means it can be changed. Which means we need to stick to our guns, especially when parenting the next generation of men, and when complaining about the harm the ultra-thin ideal of beauty is doing to our women and our society as a whole (really, there should be no ideal based on size, fat or thin).
I hate articles like this. The glamorization of anorexia only perpetuates the idea that anorexia is just an extreme diet – it’s so much more than that. It also promotes the idea that you can “catch” anorexia and then just as easily discard it. It minimalizes and trivializes the disease and does irreparable harm to the people who do truly suffer from it.
Anorexia has what I call the “maiden in distress” quotient. I wonder if what these guys are truly attracted to are women who are both weak in mind and body. (Not that anorectics are weak in mind, rather they are perceived to be in need of “saving”)
Sadly, it’s not made up. Some NYC guys are really into super thin chicks. However, I’ve found that this has a lot to do with class. The only people I knew in NYC who had time to be really really skinny were socialites, models and people who worked in fashion. All white. All into the upper-middle-class Hamptons-weekend scene. This is only one NYC scene of a million, and a pretty boring one at that. Unless you find Groton, cocaine and popped Polo shirt collars endlessly fascinating, you’re really not missing much of anything.
I think it’s a class thing more than a real attraction thing. A thinner woman has a higher social value, even to the point of it not mattering as much if she’s pretty. Sometimes really wealthy men will marry the socially acceptable, correct class woman, but keep the chubbier, possibly prettier woman on the side. I know I’ve seen a few examples, but sadly, Bill Clinton is the only one that comes to mind at the moment.
My sister is 5’7 and weighs under 120 pounds. Extremely wealthy men hit on her all the time, have bought her extravagant gifts (even a BMW once) but they often treat her like arm candy instead of a human being, and in the couple of circumstances where she’s caught them cheating, it’s always been with bigger women (not fat, just bigger than her).
THANK YOU, Midsize Lurker and withoutscene. God, have we all turned into fucking ev-psych weirdos? Many men hit on skinny women BECAUSE of the constructed skinny-woman ideal. This doesn’t mean that the skinny-woman ideal is right or somehow more in tune with men’s desires; it means it’s powerful. Many men (and women) also treat women as though they’re mentally inferior. Does this mean they’re RIGHT, or does it mean that misogyny is deeply ingrained in our current culture?
It drives me fucking bonkers when people point to people embodying patriarchal ideas and say “see, they’re acting according to this, so patriarchal ideas must be right.” Some men like skinny women, so skinny women must be better! No, but men are encouraged to like skinny women. Some women act dumb and superficial so women must be dumb and superficial! No, but intelligence is devalued in a woman and looks are valued. People conform to stereotypes because the stereotypes are given such immense cultural weight, and rising above them takes a great deal of effort. It’s a patriarchy, not a suggestion box.
And for christ’s sake, men are not some kind of monolithic group.
I think that our whole culture is geared towards women hating themselves NO MATTER what their size. It’s Hate At Every Size, if you will.
You’re never thin enough, until you’re too thin. If you’re thin, your breasts aren’t big enough. If your breasts are big and you’re thin, then obviously your breasts are fakes and you cheated your way into that body.
Well, screw THAT. My husband is happy with the way my body is. I’m happy with the way his body is. If anyone else is unhappy with the way our bodies are, then they can lump it.
I think people who are infected with parasites are hot.
thoughtracer
I think racist pigs are hot.
Morons.
My sister and I love your blog. And you. (She linked to you today)
Well I like women of all sizes.
I do agree that in our day and age that societal influence is a driving factor (Albeit one small part among many), but there are a lot of men that find women of many sizes attractive. I wouldn’t be so quick to judge those that you think may have “Turned a new leaf,” but you shouldn’t be off guard either.
Of course, that’s just a factor as we all know relationships are more complex than physics.
The fact that it’s a driving factor is a reason why guys that find larger women attractive are believed to be few and far between. Some really do (I would wager most people don’t find the “Ideal” bmi of 20.85 a true ideal [At least not by or in itself] for women), and some aren’t in tune enough to date them unfortunately.
I gave up on societal ideals on beauty a long time ago simply because it’s foolish to think beauty is objectively defined. If that were lifted, then I’m sure things would change for the better.
I don’t make any associations based on class. I’m technically upper middle class where I live at the moment, but I don’t make associations about the women I approach thin or fat: I just think they’re attractive, and hopefully our personalities click as we talk. From there I look for other traits.
I had the same thing happen to me before puberty struck me. I did get approached by women when I was heavier, but the women I aspired to date would never give me the time of day.
My personal friends back then knew that fat and fit aren’t polar opposites (Because I was kicking the shit out of them in fitness for years while being heavier, as well as some of my heavier friends being powerhouses too), but it really couldn’t be said about people that didn’t exactly know me at the time.
The article is disheartening, but the fact that it holds some truth is even more disheartening. It reminds of the times when I’ve been approached by women that think weight loss (Or gain) is somehow going to draw me in, when I try to appreciate beauty the way it comes. Eh…
But enough about being gloomy. Thank you for telling us about the article.
To be honest, I think more idiots hit on me when I was thin. When I became big, I knew I could never get married to someone who didn’t love me big (say, if I lost weight), so I stayed big, and was lucky enough to marry a wonderful man who likes women in many sizes, but not super skinny.
I think that many men in our culture do like super skinny, or at the very least, quite slim women because they look more like little girls and appear more helpless, and I think that these same men are afraid of a strong, “real” woman with a “real” woman’s body. I think a tiny girlish woman makes them feel more powerful, while women of any substance make them feel like castrated little boys under the thumb of “mother.”
And as far as I am concerned, these men are not “real” men, but they do have “real” problems. I know that I am being very general and very derogatory but that really is how I feel when I look inside myself.
Men’s (many) love of skinny women is the result of our culture’s denigration of the true feminine.
And it seems to me like many men/people from New York are desperately insecure and desirous of power. They’re desperate to be “big men.”
*pardon if someone has brought this up already, i’m on a break from teaching and don’t have much time to read all the responses yet*
I have to wonder if the attention she got was less about being stick thin and more about the fact that perhaps she thought more of herself when she was that thin. I can attest to the fact that radiating confidence and self love (rather than self loathing) will bring men on in a heartbeat, regardless of your size. I get a lot more looks when I’m wearing my knee high “F-me” boots than when I’m wearing flats, because I FEEL like a sex symbol. Without knowing it I walk like one, talk like one, flirt like one, stand like one, etc. The aura that rolls off a woman that actually THINKS SHE”S SEXY is unmistakable. the only sad part about this story is that it took her being unhealthy and like a stick bug to feel sexy. I have rolls on top of rolls and i know what I have to offer, in the bedroom and out. SEXY is not a Size. Sexy is a State of mind.
I know there are men out there who will only date women who look like Heidi Klum, and I also know there are fellow women out there who won’t even consider being seen with a fat guy.
But I consider those the exceptions to the rule. In the area I live (Maryland suburbs) big people have no problems attracting mates. I see couples that the ugly people hating media would call mismatched, but real love sees no size (or color, or big nose, or bald head, or missing tooth).
To KarenElhyam (February 20th, 2008 at 9:31 am):
“ ‘…our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to the number of men who want to have sex with us.’ There also shouldn’t be war, pestilence and famine in the world.”
Translation: People DO allow their self-worth be tied to the number of men, etc., just as there are war, pestilence and famine.
“Never mind what men say; watch what they do. In particular, pay attention to what YOUR man does.”
Translation: Your man was attracted to you for whatever reasons. Find out what they were, and give him more of the same.
And it ought to go without saying that an SO is not a prerequisite for happiness.
My goodness, Karen.
(Et tu, Mary?) It ought to go without saying — but I guess it doesn’t.
Eventually they’re going to force all women to be thin, so that way we can please men and make them look at us because that’s what they are told to go after.
Frankly, this is getting so out of hand. From the articles to how men view us based on weight (or race or hair color or eye color)…sheesh, another planet would be nice right about now.
I think ascribing a personal taste in thin women to being some sort of Oedipal complex or need for superiority is rather strange. Why can’t a man like thin women without it being some kind of personality disorder?
So, yeah, this totally doesn’t work out correctly in my experience. I’m one of those naturally thin people that some people seem to alternately (or maybe simultaneously) envy and loathe. I’m 5’0″ and in high school I was 88 lbs. No dieting, just that thin, and I had very few offers (but the ones I had were certainly quality). Nine years later I had gain 20 lbs to a total of 108 (theoretically normal, but I can find calculators online that say I’m overweight) and I’ve got more attention than I would know what to do with even if I was single. Now, I have boobs and hips and some padding in my tummy, then I had a flat tummy, enough boob to not be flat and collar and hp bones that just POPPED. I’m really not seeing that men like scrawny. All of my experience says men like women who, in my husband’s words, “curve good.”
Also, that article is dumb because most women aren’t looking to get hit on by every man alive, right? I’m fat and I get hit on more than I can handle now!
And I agree with two points made above: one, the woman writes for Elle and lives in New York. What kind of guys do you think she meets? Two, she may have acted or dressed differently when she was super-skinny, which would make a big difference.
I’ve always thought it to be a self-confidence thing… I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling great about myself and feel like hot stuff I will get hit on more then when I hate myself and feel like trash.
I’ve also noticed that I am more likely to be rejected based on height more than weight. All that made me do was wear more flats; if I’m going to be rejected based on something I can’t change, I might as well be comfortable.
As it’s been said a few times I think it depends on what crowd you hang out with and (this is going to sound strange) but what actress or model the man in question grew up wanting. I am never going to be in the top 10 list of a guy that grew up wanting Pamela Anderson, but if he grew up wanting Salma Hayek or Kate Winslet, chances are he’s going to want me. Also WASPY, country-club going guys are going to want WASPY country-club going girls. Just keep in mind that very often WASP=waif
You know what makes me sick about articles like this? They use the example of some woman going out to bars in NEW YORK or LOS ANGELES.
These cities are certainly not representative of those in the rest of this country.
Incidentally, I’m a fat chick who has no problem getting attention from the mens. The skinny ones get hit on, too. Maybe we just have a lot of horny guys.
By the way, whenever I try to type in a comment this page keeps trying to redirect me to a porn site. FYI. So I’m copying and pasting and hoping that works.
According to Evolution and Human Behavior:
The bigger the difference between a woman’s waist and hips, the more intelligent she is – and her children.
According to research done by Nancy Hayssen for her book, “101 Sexy Secrets: How to Be Hot, Sexy & Beautiful at ANY Size!” Also documented on her personal website and blog:
80% of men like women with big figures. 5% like thin women. 78% say the most attractive thing about a woman is her smile.
British Journal of Psychology: Men who are hungry prefer bigger women – which might explain the airheads from NYC.
“They use the example of some woman going out to bars in NEW YORK or LOS ANGELES.”
According to these same people, nobody exists outside of NYC and LA.
I’m the doting Auntie of a 14-going-on-15-year-old girl. On January 7th of this year, her home was completely destroyed by a freak winter tornado. Naturally, being a cute blonde teenager, she got a lot of media exposure in a hurry (front page of USA Today, to name one example).
Why do I mention that here? Because that media exposure tought her a valuable life lesson. The innacuracies in the news reports, the multiple takes to get the story looking and sounding “just right”, the fact that one reporter got her talking about her two dead grandpas so she would cry on camera–these all added up to a crash course in skepticism towards the media.
I can already see her newfound critical eye being applied to articles such as this, and I’m thankful that her experiences could benefit her in this way.
Personally, I don’t read fashion magazines. It used to be because they just weren’t my thing–not because I had anything against them. Thanks to posts like this, I’m finding more and more evidence that they’re downright evil and I’m right to ignore them.
And when a good friend lost 32% of her bodyweight in 8 months, another friend asked her if she was getting hit on a lot. She said the number one question she got asked by men was “God–have you been sick?!” (Women mostly wanted to know how she did it).
You know, this may be true for SOME men and SOME women, but I can tell you this: I dated, and got hit on, more in NYC than anywhere else I’ve lived, and I was at my heaviest. And most of the guys who hit on me weighed less than I did. Several were bodybuilders. They said they liked the contrast between our bodies (umm … so did I. ).
Powerful statement. I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve always lived my life against the grain. Keep holding it down ladies.
As a feminist this sort of thing bothers me a lot because it’s basically saying that our self worth should be about how many men find us bangable. Sure, I want to be attractive…but maybe I don’t want to be attractive to every dick that walks in the door.
Perhaps, maybe I want a man to want to be with me because I’m funny, intelligent and loving AND because they are genuinely attracted to me…
The same goes for women.
Also, I have in my lifetime experienced MORE guys who are interested in me since I’ve gained weight (a significant amount of weight)…maybe it’s because when I was ‘of normal size’ I was very insecure about myself to the point of bulemia.
Yeah…I notice my thin friends get lots of dates, they get a lot of phone numbers and offers; they get more offers than I do. They ALSO tend to be dumped more often and have shorter relationships with men.
I on the other hand have full and varied friendships with both men and women…these are people who value me based on my abilities as a person not as an object. My romantic relationships have all been very deep and longer…this includes getting married to my best friend who told me quite succinctly that he loved me just as I am…
I think thin is a status symbol in this country and so men to be manly men must have a proper female on their arm.
Is this very very thin ideal any different really from the Victorian woman crammed up in a corset so tight that she could barely do anything at all? Is starving ourselves or worrying about our weight in order to get/keep a man in our lives a step forward from the myth of “True Womanhood”? My answer is no it is a way of maintaining the status-quo and it continues the idea that women should some how be weaker and more fragile than the virile and muscular man.
Fatfighter…
I’m of the opinion that people love who they love.
I have no problem with men who prefer thinner women.
What I have a problem with is the idea that men SHOULD or ONLY like women who are very very thin.
I also think that men are now being brought up to believe in an ideal woman of the very thin sort and I think that is also wrong…because I know many guys who have said that they liked having sex with big women but wouldn’t date one for fear of being ridiculed by their friends….and that is a damn shame.
I believe firmly that the idea that men should be a certain way and be attracted to certain women needs to be done away with.
I think the same is true for women and their sometimes unrealistic ideals for men or not dating certain guys on the basis of what others would think.
The ridicule and questioning of judgement that some men face when it comes to dating bigger women is shameful and harmful to them and the women that they might have a relationship with.
Emily (and someone farther up who pointed this out too) — my first thought was also that it’s a confidence thing. if our culture teaches you that thin is hot, you may just feel hotter if you get thinner. (or starved. but perhaps you’ll be able to stomach your vodka and soda well enough to work all that hotness.) and if you work it, guys will often notice.
but yeah, as for the article itself … trash. i love how she takes her experience in a city that is not even close to a microcosm of the U.S. and says that the six guys who hit on her are representative of a new trend. (P.S.: i forget who mentioned groton and the hamptons as havens for the painfully skinny people, but i just wanted to add LES, NYU, and williamsburg. i swear to f’n’god every girl in those areas dresses like nicole richie. PUT AWAY YOUR CLOWN SUNGLASSES! THEY ARE SWALLOWING YOUR FACE!
I think there’s a slight misunderstanding going on here, within the comments:
When people say that the media holds thin up as an ideal, it doesn’t mean that all men like thin, or that they’re supposed to like thin. When some of us are unsurprised that the very particular, very specialized ‘scene’ described in the article showed a greater male interest in thin, we’re not saying this applies everywhere, or is even a reflection of greater reality.
I don’t think we’re really trying to group anyone, but if we’re in agreement that the messages on the news, in TV ads and shows, in the newspapers, etc are pushing women to desire to get thinner and thinner (there are stats showing the majority of women want to lose weight regardless of their starting weight), then it would follow men are getting effected by the ‘thin’ message in some manner, too.
However, speculation on how they’re getting effected is just that – speculation. To say that the ‘scene’ described in the article is a reflection of how they’re being effected is speculation, but it’s a reasonable possibility, nonetheless.