I keep thinking about the Mike and Juliet Show segment about fat acceptance. I keep thinking of the comments I get from people who are starting to accept that they don’t have to hate themselves, and how much that inspires me. And then I think about their segment on binge eating disorder. And people—commenters and bloggers both—standing up and telling their stories as a result. It is so incredibly powerful; I can’t add to the words of these women themselves.
First, Morgan, on her experience being on the show:
I had a Complete and Total Body Image Breakdown. 9.0 on the Richter Scale. An F5 ED tornado swept through my brain. You get the idea. I was nothing less than HORRIFIED by the way I looked. I just started sobbing right there at my laptop. I thought I looked absolutely disgusting-huge by comparison to everyone else on the stage; a perfect example of what happens to a huge, grossly fat girl that keeps stuffing her face. It was crippling. Even as I told myself that it was ED saying these things; even as I tried to reconcile all the great and generous compliments I’d received about looking wonderful; even as I desperately tried to rationalize the distortion – that it wasn’t real. It didn’t matter. Once again, I was back in that place and convinced that I was the ugliest girl walking the planet. It was horrible.
And my friend Melinda:
When my husband moved in with me, things got a little better but the behaviors never went away. I didn’t binge in front of him, but the compulsive overeating kept going. I would obsess over Twinkies to the point where I would send him to the store to get them for me; I am ashamed to say that I used him as my food proxy, hiding at home so I didn’t have to worry about a clerk seeing the fat girl buy Twinkies or ice cream or giant hunks of cake. His solo bowling night is Wednesday night, and if I didn’t have other plans I was quite often at home eating everything in sight. I’ve never admitted that to him; I’ve never admitted that to anyone…
It makes me nauseous to think about it all now, to actually finally confront it head on and admit that yeah, that’s me. I’m yet another person who has been struggling with an eating disorder for most of her life. Admitting that to myself has opened my eyes to another simple fact: whether I meant to or not, I chose to have gastric bypass surgery to treat my eating disorder. (Wow, that sounds a lot more fucked up on paper than it does in my head.) I wanted to lose weight, but I could not do it without a physical reason for binge eating to stop being feasible for me.
I read both of these posts and cried, because they are so honest and so courageous. Bravo to these brave, amazing women. You’re helping and inspiring people, probably more than you know. You’re helping people know that they’re not alone.
Posted by mo pie