A Comment That Got Really, Really Long
Here is the comment I was responding to, from cathy:
What confuses me is the idea of this website. Mo called it a gateway to fat acceptance yet one of the contributers had gastric bypass and mo has a blog and has had for a few years dedicated to her attempts to lose weight?
I think body acceptance is great, but if you accept your body, doesn’t that mean you are not trying to change it? And if fat is not unhealthy, why the surgery and the diet struggles?
Perhaps a clearer message would help the haters- and help us that come here and don’t comment because we are not sure what will be considered appropriate or not.
I mostly love the posts and agree with a fair amount of them- but I have read some of fatfighters comments and thought she(he?) had some good points as well. And a fair amount of people seem to be really inspired by a few famous bloggers who wrote books that chronicle their weight loss- so I guess I am confused by the gateway to FA remarks.
Seriously not a troll or trying to be rude or insensitive- just really curious and confused.
And here is what I typed:
I really can’t speak to Anne’s decision to have gastric bypass, as she was my friend long before she decided to have the surgery, and it was her personal choice. But the person who writes the vast majority of the posts here is me. If you’re looking for the face of BFD, or the body of BFD, or what have you, the buck stops here.
As for my “weight loss” blog, I am conflicted about it, and prefer to think of it as a “food and exercise” blog instead of a collection of statistics, but I’m not going to pretend it never existed. I personally have emotional issues around food stemming from the way I was raised, and feel that I did become overweight in the first place via unhealthy eating. I have learned things from diets that I’ve been on—such as paying attention to what and how much I eat, or that my body does not react well to lots of sugar—and those things are valuable to me. Even if diets are a ripoff, and diets don’t work.
I think that the cycle of trying to lose weight and losing and regaining weight is something that many fat people have gone through, and I am no exception. I’m trying to learn to focus on the right things and learn how to eat—organic, whole foods, lots of veggies and lean proteins–although people might look at me and not believe that, because I’m “still fat.” I’m thinner than I used to be–but nobody cares about that, probably because I’m also not as thin as I used to be. But my cholesterol and blood sugar went down significantly last year, whereas my weight stayed basically the same, and that’s something I’m really happy about.
I’ve had BFD for almost four years now because I feel that step one is still self-acceptance, and we should all reject false ideals of beauty and “acceptability.” And I get really pissed off about bullshit movies like Good Luck Chuck that tell us fat women are undesirable, pitiable, and disgusting. My life would have been better as a teenager if I had even a small fraction of the self-esteem I have now, and my ideal reader is I guess the teenage me, and I’m trying to convince her she’s worth something.
I believe the fact that fat people get paid less and treated with less respect than thin people is a travesty. And I think it’s hardest on women, because I think there’s a strong element of sexism in the way girls and women, specifically, are treated—fat women, skinny women, in-between women who are constantly getting messages of “wrong” and “not good enough.” And you can see for yourself the hate that is directed towards fat people, just in the past few days. According to the world, we should… well, I don’t know. “Put down the ice cream.” “Put down the fork.” Eat a tapeworm. Do some speed. Magically not be fat.
Your questions are complicated. I personally think fat can be unhealthy in some cases, even if it makes me unpopular to say so. But I also think it’s demonized to a ridiculous extent. It is not an automatic arbiter of health, and the image of “a fat person” is so ludicrously skewed anyway. (America Ferrera is not fat, people.) I think there are many factors contributing to “health” that are harder to immediately see and judge. You can’t look at someone and know how many vegetables they eat, how fast they can run, if they get enough sleep, if they’re on drugs. But you can tell at a glance if they’re “fat” or “not fat” and then you (the general you, I mean) pass judgment on that. And I think that’s beyond unfair.
We’ve talked on this blog about all kinds of contributors to overweight—from genetics to sexual abuse to illness. It’s fucking COMPLEX, and people who are just like, “Die, fatties, die!” negate that complexity and simply make themselves look simplistic and dumb. Not to mention the fact that a person’s body is nobody else’s business, when it comes down to it.
I don’t know if I answered your questions at all. I know that fatism and fat hatred are wrong, wrong, wrong, but I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about so much else, and that may be reflected here from time to time. Other bloggers in the fatosphere are far more certain, far less equivocal. Which is why they’re the hard drugs, if you will, and I’m the blog equivalent of a bong hit.
I hope you feel your comments are welcome here. I really prefer people not to jump down each other’s throats, on either side of the argument; I like that there are people here who disagree with each other. And thanks for making me sit down and think about this and type this all out; I had no intention of writing a manifesto, but I guess here it is.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, America Ferrera, Celebrities, Fat Positive, Fatism, Feminism, Meta, Personal, Question
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This reminded me why I began reading your “weight-loss” blog in the first place. What began as curiosity slowly became an effort to change the way I thought about the people I saw around me, and the way I saw myself.
We both know that you can’t change teenage Mo, but I really think you have changed me.
Thank you.
Personally, I think that the idea of ‘body acceptance’ is that no matter how tiny or huge you are (or you think you are), what you look like should have no bearing on your worth as a person. The fact that I have big thighs just means I come from a long line of jiggly-thighed women and that I eat candy for breakfast sometimes, not that I’m a total piece of shit and I’m only good for inhaling Krispy Kremes. Likewise, if I see a thin woman on the street I shouldn’t automatically think she’s an anorexic bitch on her way to get a tapeworm shoved up her butt.
I had gastric bypass almost 3 years ago (and the tummy tuck later on) because I was unhealthy and I didn’t feel good physically. I don’t think that after I lost all this weight that I’m ‘a new person’ or I’m now ‘the real me’; I’m still the same person but with less fluffy nougat filling. My worth as a person did not increase because my ass no longer needs its own zip code, though FSM knows that others have tried to convince me otherwise.
Thanks for this, Mo. I really relate to your issues with being a fat acceptance activist and someone who is trying to lose weight at the same time. I’m a lurker on almost every well-known fat acceptance blog online today, and I feel like a lot of fat acceptance bloggers alienate some readers with the constant anti-dieting screeds. I unequivocally support fat acceptance in general, but I still feel like I personally should be skinny.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I think you are very articulate about an issue that is so very confusing.
You go Mo! I’m behind you every step of the damn way, no matter how hard that next step can be. I love your blog and I love you guys for being so straight-forward and kind.
This is great!
It’s a subject that can be difficult to explain to someone on the outside. I think you did it so eloquently.
Acceptance doesn’t always mean “I won’t ever change.” Accepting one’s self at any shape is the first step to being healthy.
It all begins with loving ourselves.
Your answer is so great, Mo. It’s long because it has to be; this stuff isn’t simple.
As one of those bloggers who wrote a book about weight loss (though I’ve never tried to represent it as a “success story”) I will say that writing about dieting was the first time I allowed myself to write about my body, even if it was from a conflicted standpoint. I had the impression that as a feminist I was supposed to equate dieting with self-hatred, but since that didn’t account for all the things I really felt, I set out to try and articulate the things I believed in.
Some of those things have changed over the years. If I were writing my book now it would be in some ways very different from the way it was in 2004. Other things—like my feelings about our culture’s contempt for women who fall outside a certain standard—haven’t changed. I know I’m not consistent enough in my beliefs to truly be an activist the way that Kate Harding and other folks in the fatosphere are, but I see no reason why I shouldn’t write about the things that I feel strongly about. And I really admire people like Mo (and Anne, and Weetabix) for the way they’ve been willing to write about ambivalence—letting us see them figuring things out for themselves and showing us that it’s a process.
Amen to what Wendy said. And what Mo said. And to Cathy for asking the questions.
I think that one of the biggest problems with body issues is that they are so wrapped up in shame. Real people have cellulite (even the thin ones). Real people get weird zits in embarrassing places and have stretch marks and wonder if their toenails are too gross to be seen in sandals. Real people’s boobs are usually a little (or even a lot) different in size. No one looks like an airbrushed photo, and intellectually, I think we all know that. Emotionally, though, we still feel like ADMITTING that what’s underneath our clothes is a little jiggly and asymmetrical and sometimes even kinda smelly will get us branded with junior high ridicule and teasing and we will NEVER EVER GET ANY OF TEH SECKS EVER AGAIN.
I think we’ve all had enough life experiences to know that most of our body issues are nowhere near as monstrous as we make them out to be…but deep inside each one of us is still the kid who got teased in the locker room by some mean-spirited classmates.
We all got handed the line about “everyone is beautiful and unique like a snowflake” when we got teased…and we all thought “BUT I NEED TO BE A SMALLER SNOWFLAKE OR A BIGGER SNOWFLAKE OR A ROUNDER OR TALLER OR MORE EXOTIC SNOWFLAKE AND CLEARLY SNOWFLAKES COME IN THOSE SIZES SO WHY AM I NOT ONE LIKE THAT?” The good thing about this movement – and the dialogue it inspires – is that we are slowly getting the point that you only get one journey to earth as a snowflake, so you best start accepting yourself the way you are.
Seriously, you are awesome. That manifesto is awesome, and you should add it to the “about” page. This site is one of my favorites because I feel like I’m accepted here -as a fat person, as a woman, as someone who is on a journey to become healthier (and lose weight in the process), as someone who wants equality for women and for people of different sizes. I feel good about coming here, I feel good about the posts and most of the comments back, and about the awesome top bar logo thing. ; ) This reply comment has really gelled some stuff for me that I think has been floating around in my mind for a while, and I thank you for that as well as for making a great place to come to for news and advice and support.
I agree with all the original post and all the comments above. I accept myself and I don’t think I’m horrible at size 16 but I’m still working to lose more weight (I was a size 22 at my highest) I’ve been losing weight steadily for the past three years by exercising and not eating everything I want. I don’t want to be thin, I just would like to continue getting more muscles and less fat. It doesn’t mean I’m on a diet, I’m not putting my life on hold until I lose weight.
Not only do I feel better at a lower weight, I like the way I look much better.
This doesn’t stop me from thinking that fat is way, way vilified in our society, or thinking that the way fat is portrayed in media is very wrong. I don’t like the extremism of pretending that everyone who is not a fit size 6 or under is at risk of their health, or pretending that everyone at any size is healthy.
I think that having a metabolism where when you eat less and exercise you lose weight. I know there are some people who are exceptions, but this doesn’t prevent me from keeping an eye on my weight.
I do think there is a need for more blogs/dialog between the extremes and I’m very glad that you are here.
Well said, Mo. I am also trying to be healthier (and lose a little weight in the process), but think that the way all women are taught to hate their bodies is wrong. I have been both large and relatively small, and I hated my body just as much when I was a size 6 as I did when I was a size 18. So, the point of all this for me is to accept myself as valuable no matter where I fall on the size spectrum and eventually to help other women realize they’re valuable, too. This blog, which has posts and comments from so many inspiring women, has helped me start that journey, and I really appreciate that.
I love this blog.. i am on the end of blogging to find better health including losing weight.. I love coming here and reading the posts.. it helps me maintain an open mind and understanding.. you do a fabulous job.
I like what you said. I think it’s important to acknowledge that there’s a lot of complexity behind all of it. I think I got fat because my parents put me on diets at a really young age. I’m not sure I would have ended up as fat as I am today had I not started off that way. Based on what my sister looks like, and my family genes, I would have ended up on the spectrum. I’m glad there’s a lot of different voices out there.
Thanks for this, Mo.
Also, to Diana upthread – I just want to say a big ME TOO!
Personally, I think that the idea of ‘body acceptance’ is that no matter how tiny or huge you are (or you think you are), what you look like should have no bearing on your worth as a person.
YES!
I don’t ever want to be “a new me”. I too think that fat is not the major criterion for health in the way that a lot of people say it is; I also think I feel better now than I did when I was 20 pounds heavier. But that’s because I’m fitter, not because I am now skinny (I’m not. Never will be). I also don’t believe for a moment that being fitter has any relation to my worth as a person. It just means I can do more stuff I like. That is ALL.
I don’t think there’s any point in – say – exercise if the dream of being thin is all you’re getting out of it. And that’s why I think body acceptance needs to be a part of any lifestyle change of that sort. I couldn’t have made any changes if I’d still been feeling disgusted by myself. But I get more fun out of life now, so they were changes worth making.
And if you have other priorities regarding your body, they are your business, and nobody else’s… and they don’t have a bearing on your worth as a person, either.
Thanks so much for this post and to all the commenters. I am here as well. Want to improve my health (which, in turn, will lead to some sort of smaller size I believe) but struggling with the idea that wanting to do this means I am some how searching for a “new me”.
I like me, over all. I love my husband and my wonderful little girl. I like who I am – I just wish I treated my body better and loved it more.
Honestly I don’t see why you can’t promote fat acceptance while at the same time trying to be healthier. I think it’s pretty obvious that there is a point where the “extra weight” is really TOO MUCH. I’m at that point now and I need to lose some, but I’m losing it because I don’t like how my body FEELS when I’m large, not because I want to get down to 130 lbs and be the “right weight.” I just know that logically if I lose a bit of weight my knees won’t hurt, stuff like that.
It’s not all that contradictory. And even if it was, it’s none of anyone’s goddamned business whether you wanted to lose some weight or not. The fact of the matter is that discrimination based on size and weight exists and that it shouldn’t. Simple as that.
It’s not about being fat, it’s about a healthy lifestyle. Personally, I will never be a size 6 and I really don’t want to be. It’s health that’s important. The end………………:)
A great post, and a really great point to be drawn from it is that no one who’s blogging about this subject needs to always be 100% “on message.” We’re all human beings, life is complicated, how we feel about our bodies is complicated. What we know in our minds may not be what we feel. Just because you know something to be true academically does not mean you can always enact it in the flesh.
With all the attention the Fatosphere is getting (media and otherwise), it’s got to be stressful to feel the need to stay on your toes and demonstrate consistency. But you aren’t running for President, darlings. You are allowed to change your mind from one day to the next, we all know there’s no black and white when it comes to this stuff. Great answer.
The post catches me exactly where I am. I’m sick of the messages about being somehow unworthy, yet angry that I can run or take brisk walks punctuated by lots of rigorous stair climbing and not lose weight. Because, you know, evryone swears if you eat less and move more, I will turn into Jennifer Anniston.
You shouldn’t have to explain yourself for having a health & fitness blog any more than you should have to justify Big Fat Deal. Why are they mutually incompatible? And what’s this about being unpopular for not advocating unhealthiness? Duh, being fat can be unhealthy. So can being skinny. How the heck do people forget something so basic?
The biggest tragedy for me was what I, and I think so many other women, lost once we hit puberty. When I was a kid, I had this energetic wiry frame and I could spend all day on the jungle gym in my back yard. I and my body were one. It let me do whatever I wanted with energy to spare. And hearing about these grown-up women who didn’t like the cellulite on their thighs or their wrinkles or any one of a plethora of body flaws didn’t really register or make much sense to me.
Of course that all changed when I hit puberty and my hips started getting wider and my body just wasn’t skinny enough, or pretty enough, or good enough anymore. I really resent all of those wasted teenage years I spent feeling bad about myself, crash dieting, weighing myself constantly. My body wasn’t my friend anymore. It was the enemy. Something I couldn’t control or make do what I once could.
I’ve never had a real problem with weight. My BMI has always fallen squarely in the normal range, and now that I’m in my mid-twenties I feel much better about that and find that when I give my body what it needs: regular exercise and healthy balanced meals we’re friends again.
My problem these days is adult acne. I have the horrible painful cystic nodular kind. It can be so frustrating and depressing and something I’ve tried just about everything to get rid of. I wish that waking up to find a new zit on my chin (that had nothing to do with my worth as a person, or what I ate for dinner, or anything more than my genetic predisposition to get them) didn’t ruin my entire day. Didn’t make me not want to make eye contact with people. Didn’t make me feel like I didn’t deserve success or happiness or fulfillment simply because of how I look. It’s patently ridiculous when we, simply because we are women, believe that our sole worth as people is based on how we look. Being overweight or having thinning hair or acne or liver spots, or small breasts, or big breast shouldn’t negate all the years we spent working our asses off in school or at work. Having a zit shouldn’t nullify the pride we feel in loving our children or fighting for our core beliefs. It’s sickening and saddening. And it’s not something I believe any man can truly understand. Why can’t we stop beating ourselves up over over physical “imperfections?”
This turned out to be kind of a long directionless comment, so I’m sorry about that. I guess I just needed to vent. I woke up with a big zit on my chin this morning so I’ve spent all day being miserable about that, as well as feeling bad about cheating myself out of what could have been a nice day if i hadn’t spent it being miserable over something as stupid as a zit.
The WHOLE problem with blogs like this is that they automatically attract people who have a main objective to outright bash obese people who aren’t eating healthy and not exercise. And you allow it. You welcome it.
You are perfectly fine with the philosophy that people who aren’t exercising and eating bad are horrible and deserve to be treated with contempt – as if they are not a part of humanity because they happen to choose a lifestyle you don’t agree with.
You allow people like La Wade to constantly bash the poor fatties over the head with their amazing “science.” You allowed people like fatfighter to come here and outright attack others.
What, should the bad fatties just burn in Hell? Are we just SO bad that the good we do in life is automatically negated because we happen to be fat?
Seriously, you’re not helping fat acceptance at all. What about MY rights? Am I not entitled to life because I make bad choices about my eating and exercise habits? Do I deserve to be shunned and hated because of it? Criminals get treated better than I do. Even they have a right to a fair trial. Me – I’m AUTOMATICALLY judged outright.
I wish those of you out there who believe they have a right to harass me would just stop. Leave me the hell alone. If I want your advice, I’ll ask for it. I’ll stay away from your medical buildings, because I wouldn’t want to “burden” your pocketbooks. I’ll hide in the house, so you don’t have to go through the torture of looking at me.
Hell, the way things are going in this country, people like me will probably be rounded up for the “good” of society. I fear that day, and I know it will happen. And the people here will support it.
You are perfectly fine with the philosophy that people who aren’t exercising and eating bad are horrible and deserve to be treated with contempt
I don’t think that’s true. I think the whole ethos behind this site is exactly the opposite – that we shouldn’t be judged, whatever it is we’re doing. Even if that includes exercise, or consciously deciding to eat more veggies. Or deciding not to.
Sarah, you were the one to define your choices as “bad”. I don’t know what they are, but I’m sure nobody here thinks that they make you “not entitled to life”. But I’m not sure what your problem with “science” is. Sometimes scientific studies are discussed on here. You might happen to disagree with the results, but it doesn’t alter what they say.
One of the latest ones on here suggested that, in fact, being fat (by itself) didn’t greatly affect life expectancy. I welcome that one because it says what I want to hear, but it doesn’t mean that another study, which doesn’t, is automatically bad science.
You say this sort of blog automatically attracts fat-bashers. Maybe it does, but so, I expect, do the more militant fat acceptance blogs. Should a blog be judged on a few of its readers who are out to stir up trouble? I hope not.
I would also hope nobody makes you feel horrible, contemptible, not part of humanity, or shunned and hated. Because NOBODY deserves that.
I have to say that I totally agree with you. Society seems to think that if you’re not at their defined “ideal weight” that you are inferior to those that are. I am currently trying to lose weight for health reasons but I have no desire to be a stick figure. I just want to not have to worry about diabetes or heart disease later on in life.
Some people who don’t have weight problems seem to think that it’s just as simple as “exercise more, eat less”. It’s not that simple, at least not to everyone. Some people gain weight easily than others because of genetics. I am one of those people. I have a sister in law who weighs probably 110 lbs and she eats more junk than I do. I can almost guarantee that her BP and cholesterol is higher than mine. I think that society focuses entirely too much on how people look instead of what kind of person they are on the inside.
Thank you for this. I get so frustrated with other blogs telling me I shouldn’t register to comment if I’m interested in losing weight or that my own blog is a “weight loss” blog (when, really, weight loss accounts for maybe 15% of my posts).
I don’t think that fat necessarily equates unhealthy but you have to look at the larger picture. I was always curvy but I went from curvy to morbidly obese through depression, binge eating, and a severe lack of physical activity. Whey, then, is it wrong as I see weight loss as a sign that my body is getting back to where it was meant to be before I started abusing the heck out of it? And why, accoridng to some people, does this mean I can’t have good, valid, interesting opinions about fat acceptance?
I guess it’s an engineer thing: I tend to take a functionalist viewpoint. I want a body that functions well. If I decide I want to compete in a 10k race, I need to not be carrying too much extra weight, because it will slow me down and also provide more stess on my joints. (Note: I also need to not weigh too little, or I’ll have less energy and get sick more often.) If my body keeps me from doing as well as I want to do in my goals then weight is a bad thing.
But this is not an excuse for discrimination and I get confused about why people keep conflating the two. If someone has bad knees, they also can’t run that 10k, but we don’t think they’re less worthy as a person. Even if it’s due to some bad choices they made (and yes, I know that fat isn’t always), such as the guy who never stretched after sports in his youth and now has a bad back, we just say, oh, too bad, sorry to hear it, sorry you have to deal with consequences. We don’t decide he’s ugly and evil and laughable and worthy of being paid less!
It has been interesting to note that the woman who seems to have one of the most active romantic and sexual lives of anyone I know is about 5’3″ and 300#. Apparently a large number of people are *not* put off by extra weight.
Your post speaks to me, as well. As a woman who had food, body image, and weight issues for over 15 years, I can speak as someone who’s been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been too skinny, I’ve been too fat, I’ve been a normal weight. I’ve been an undereater, an overeater, and a normal eater. I’ve hated my body; I’ve loved my body.
Like you, my journey has been one of self-acceptance: learning to love my body, myself, my emotions, even my “bad” characterisitics, like my tendency to abuse food. But acceptance does not mean that you also cannot change. I can accept that I abuse sugar, that once I start eating it I can’t stop, but that doesn’t mean that I have to keep abusing it. I can accept that I overeat certain foods, like my beloved tortilla chips, but that doesn’t mean that I have to stock my house with them. I can accept that my body has changed after four children, that it will never be what it once was at 19. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be healthy and strong in its 33 year old stage.
The great thing about being human is that we can change. Yes, there is a time and a place for self acceptance, and for recognizing what losing weight or a new haircut can and can’t do. Yes, they can give us a boost. No, they can’t change our internal mindsets: if you hate your body, losing weight won’t change that. You’ll only focus on something else as the target of your scorn—-your cellulite, wrinkles, or grey hairs.
So yes, start with self-acceptance. Love your body, as it is, now. But then honor your body by caring for it as excellently as you can. After all, isn’t love something that we do? Isn’t caring for our bodies love, in action? When I was overeating, binging on sugar, and was my heaviest, yes, I hated my body. But much of that hatred was because of the pain I had inflicted upon myself: my body was physical proof, the evidence facing me in the mirror that showed me all of the ways I treated myself so unkindly. That hurt, not so much because of the extra weight, but because of the emotional weight of my choices. But when I’m honoring my body with kindness, eating whole foods, abstaining from the sugar that makes me wacky, getting a balance of sleep and exercise, this shows on my body. Yes, I’m thinner, and healthier, but I also feel better, because I’m caring for my body instead of abusing my body.
No, I’m not perfect—who is?—but I try to make choices that honor my body for the gift it is: the vessel that houses my very soul.
I write a blog for women, Firstourselves.com, where I post body image tips every Thursday. A few months ago, I wrote about whether you can love your body and lose weight at the same time. I post it here for any readers who may find it helpful:
http://www.firstourselves.com/first_ourselves/2007/09/why-hating-your.html
Thank you for the thoughful discussion.
Best,
Karly Pitman
firstourselves.com
Thank you for the
I agree with everything that has been said. I think the biggest problems is the dichotomy many people have with this issue. I’m watching what I eat so I can build muscle and endurance. I exercise because I love my body with all its faults.
After I finish exercising, I always feel great about myself. It makes me feel energized. I’m on pain medication and it makes me sleepy much of the time and my eating habits can become erratic. I’m trying to eat the best I can to keep my energy up and as a vegan be sure that I consume enough protein and fat each day. If I lose weight so be it, if I don’t so be it.
I keep a food journal because I love myself and I don’t want to spend my life in bed because my erratic eating and medication is causing me to have no energy. By watching what I eat and making sure I exercise regularly, I have the energy to live.
I weigh 280lbs. I know I am beautiful outside and in. But there is a tape that plays in my mind, and it always has. What’s exciting for me is that when I read articles, blogs, or watch videos promoting healthy figures, the tape melts away. It’s this voice that I’ve had my whole life that says I’m not good enough, and that I’m alone in my struggle. I feel alienated by the nagging, negative, and skewed reality that the media, Hollywood, and various people around me have oppressed onto me. The result is that I can’t try to change myself, because they will always be right. I’ll never be able to reach the impossible image that is America’s current standard. The worst part is, I don’t even think it’s beautiful! I WANT curves! I WANT to weigh 160 to 180 to even 200 lbs! Curves are sexy! I’m in a trap, a cycle of negative thought that restrains me from saving myself. But the more I read, the more I know I’m not alone, the more I see that America’s standard IS UNHEALTHY, the easier it will be for me to become who I want to be. The goal won’t be so impossible. It won’t be so dangerous to attain. And all I have to say is Thank You.
I recently discovered and became a fan of Beth Ditto. my first thought 30 seconds into hearing the first song was my god she has an amazing voice she’s going to be a legend. my second thought was I hope she loses some weight because if she doesn’t she will likely die young and we will have lost an important contributer in music. I won’t ever be skinny and don’t want to be, but I do want to be healthy and feel confident enough to someday be naked in front of a man without crying or feeling like a hideous ogre who’s ‘lucky’ to have him. I don’t know if I posted this in the right place, I’m new to blogging. Is there a place to join or something or get notices or alerts of new contributions?
Lovely. Great site.
In short: I came away with this truth from the manifesto: Life is or should be about inclusiveness! Yes I like red apples on weekends but I can appreciate all the orange lovers of the world who insist on eating an orange a day. It’s not my thing, but that doesn’t mean we can’t discuss it. As a bloger I open myself up to be challenged by opposing and confirming ideas/opinions as long as you can respect (me) PERIOD!
Not everything in the world has to act, talk, walk or think as I do!
I realize that this was written long ago and I’m way late to the party, but I just found this site and I’m really really glad I did. This site is just what I’ve been looking for. The ambivalence expressed in this ‘manifesto’ is exactly what I feel.
I am not what many in the fatosphere would consider fat, but I’m not skinny either and since my chosen hobbies tend to attract a lot of small athletic types I’m nearly always the largest person in my circle. I’ve tried hard to never let my size stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. It’s not always easy in a society that idolizes the lean, but I’ve gotten really good at saying, “yeah, I’m fat, yeah I ride a bike, yeah I do it wearing lycra, so what?”
I believe in fat acceptance. I believe in HAES for those who, like me, like that sort of thing. I’m fine with people losing weight if they like. But above all I believe in freedom to do what you want… and that’s the reason I want to put a comment in this long past thread…
I want talk for a second about something Sarah said. Not the part about this site being anti-fat and certainly not the part about “science”, but this part:
“Am I not entitled to life because I make bad choices about my eating and exercise habits?”
I think sometimes in all the talk of HAES and trying to break the stereotype that ALL fat people got fat through their own ‘bad’ behavior we forget that, some fat people did and… well, so what?? I do all sorts of things that are bad for me. But the things that are probably most likely to land me in the emergency room are the ones society finds most acceptable. I ride a bike… not just a reasonable amount for fitness or commuting, but a lot. I ride what some would call obsessively. I ride hundreds of miles at a time (seriously… and, yeah, I’m still fat ;). I do all sorts of things that society admires, but that are, frankly, still terrible ideas, if one’s goal is to live a long safe life. I go to sea in tiny boats. I ride a motorcycle. I even occasionally jump out of a plane… and guess what? If I get hurt doing any of those things I damn well expect the various federal, state and local authorities to respond. I expect my insurance to cover my injuries. Even if I’ve keeled over from dehydration during the “Hotter than Hell 100” (a notorious century ride in Texas, where it’s not just common, but practically guaranteed that a couple of people will bite the dust).
Did you know of the 35-40 million annual injury-related emergency room visits, approximately 10% are sports-induced (according to “A Comprehensive Study of Sports Injuries in the US” by American Sports Data Inc). A lot of fat people have health problems. So do a lot of athletes. No one needs to eat 20 doughnuts, but no one needs to jump out of a plane for kicks either. We all have our hobbies. I’m ok with yours, if your ok with mine.
Anyway, I think this is a great site and I appreciate all the honest and interesting dialogue.
Diana, on January 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm Said:
[…] I feel like a lot of fat acceptance bloggers alienate some readers with the constant anti-dieting screeds.
This is true. While I’m not sure a lot of people would disagree with that fat people have the same set of human rights as others, decreeing that “all weight-loss attempts are Bad, Evil, and futile” in the same breath just links a human rights and discrimination issue with something rather different.
I used to be overweight, when I gained 30 lbs by eating out a lot in college and grad school. I do not recognize what a lot of people on FA blogs (including above) talk about. I’ve never hated my body. I’ve never dieted, as defined as eating according to some sort of strict plan that’s Good For You. I didn’t have a major identity crisis in puberty, I loved it – I could see I had something new and attractive, from boys’ reactions. I didn’t like being that overweight because it didn’t feel like ME. I didn’t recognize my body. There were skin folds where I had never had any. They really bothered me. And I had trouble doing things I’ve always done for fun, like skiing and hiking. So I stopped eating out so much, cooked like we did at home, and lost the weight. I do wish I didn’t have to cook EVERYTHING but eating out is pretty crazy, my experience is that there is a direct correlation between eating out and weight gain, at least for me.
If you have a really f-ed up relationship to your body and/or food, then I can see why some of this FA stuff can be cathartic for you and important to you. But linking human rights together with such issues makes the whole package seem irrelevant to me. They had me with human rights – they lost me with WAAAH I’M EMOTIONALLY COMPLICATED. I’m sure they are, but why can’t I lose weight if it makes me happy and have no emotional baggage regarding weight loss?
I believe that this whole “fat” thing is also blown out of proportion. It does not immediately say that you are unhealthy and being skinny doesn’t mean you’re healthy either. Ex. One of my friend’s mother was a size one (apparently her whole life) and has diabetes. Badly. Then again, do men look at (ex) the football defense line-up and say “Man they’re fat” No, not really all I hear (which I join in) is “Yeah! You are THE MAN!” etc. So in my opinion this whole going back and forth and people talking about surgery and weight loss and fat is okay etc. is really everyone saying “I want to be the best that I can be. I want to know I love myself 100%” And to this I can relate to. I was a cross country runner for all of high school and some college years and believe me I was thiiiin but never as thin as others on the same team because as I developed I learned MY body- as a latina woman- was not THEIR body. So I jumped from a size 0 to a 3, then later a 5. I NEVER considered myself “not good enough” even though I was surrounded by 00 and 0 left and right. It was the outcomes of my hard work that I cared for. I have to agree with you mo that it’s sometimes hard to look back and say “I will not be exactly like that again” and I have also dealt with much turmoil because of the media and my self image&self esteem. But slowly am realizing that as long as I am healthy and radiant in MY body then I AM beautiful and as good as any model out there. BTW anyone know about Crystal Renn?
BTW I am no longer a 5. That’s long gone, that was just my size while running XC.