Prom Trauma (Prauma?)
I still vividly remember going shopping for a prom dress with my mother and grandmother. I was a plus-sized teenager and, because they were clueless, they took me to a lot of stores that didn’t carry plus-sized clothes. I remember a lot of salespeople who would look me up and down, then turn to my mother and say, “Well, maybe we can squeeze her into our largest size…” and I knew it was hopeless. And I had to try on the dresses anyway, and suck in my breath, and have three women at a time trying to zip me into things that were too tight, bunched unflatteringly, and made them cluck at me sympathetically. That shopping trip did a number on my self esteem for probably years.
As for the dress I ended up with, since I knew nothing about fashion, since there was no internet, and since my mother got most of our family’s clothes at garage sales and didn’t know where to shop either, I didn’t have any ideas of where to go to actually find something. Asking someone–like my thinner friends–for advice, was too embarrassing, even if I’d thought of it at the time. My mother ended up finding a dress rental place where we rented a horrible, black-sequined, society-lady-goes-to-a-funeral dress. Then I lost my virginity to a gay man. Happy prom!
This brings me to Operation Glass Slipper, a nonprofit that provides free prom dresses to girls in the Twin Cities area. Fat Chic posts a call for plus-size prom gowns, size 14 and up, and provides a list of drop off locations. (The website says that they particularly need sizes 16 and higher, or sizes 0-2; you can also make a monetary donation.)
So if any of you happen to be local and are able to donate a fabulous dress or two, I think being able to make a plus-size young woman feel pretty at her prom is a very, very worthy cause. I wonder if I could order something online and have it shipped to them. Or maybe have it shipped back in time, to the seventeen-year-old version of myself.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, Cold Hard Cash, Fashion, Personal
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I didn’t go to prom, but my wedding dress could be pretty prom-y, since it was a cream color. Too bad I don’t live closer or I’d donate it. Well, first I’d wash off the dirty bottom (from going barefoot outside in it), then I’d donate it.
I was a size 6. I was the fattest in my group of friends. For about a minute I was annoyed at their skinny gorgeousness in their floor length slinkification, then I said F it and got the tackiest, teal sequined, lycra stretch monstrosity available at Dillard’s and went with my friends.
I was bored out of my mind. Prom is really boring.
I had my dress made for me because larger prom dresses are expensive. My prom was also boring, but I was on prom court and had to show up to represent. A few months later, I sold my $40 dress at a yard sale for $5 to a plus-size teen who wanted a dress to have for her homecoming when school started up again. Big girls need to look gorgeous too.
I think my prom dress is still in the closet in my parents’ house. I don’t think anyone would want a 20 year old prom dress though. I thought it was totally hot, but that was the ’80s and it has nothing on what girls are wearing to prom these days.
My prom was actually fun. I went with some friends and the band was great. We danced until they had to stop and were the last people out the door. Unbeknownst to us, the Michael Jackson concert nearby had recently ended and MJ, himself, was in the lobby of the hotel as we exited with his entourage. This was when he was still cool, so I practically had to tear my date away from harrassing him for his autograph. We went to Perkins for coffee and dessert, afterwards.
There are organizations like the above in most areas, check with the local highschools if it’s easier to donate locally. I’ve long since given away my prom dress. The one I bought myself in anger and tears after my mother took me, her size twelve daughter, prom dress shopping in the maternity section. Grievous bodily shopping if ever.
That is such a wonderful idea!!!
I found the perfect prom dress at a gown rental place. I felt very, very lucky.
Everyone told me how nice I looked. My date, however, did not dance. Which was probably best because my shoes were horribly uncomfortable.
I also remember having to squeeze into a giant bustier. Oh, lord, that sucked.
I mean – what a GREAT TIME I had at the prom!
This is a wonderful idea! I had an ugly prom dress too (and black, with sequins! and a MASSIVE butt bow!). It was the only one we could find that fit, and I was only a size 14 at the time (this was the late ’80s).
The worst, though, was 8th grade graduation. My mom took me to this local boutique where all the girls in town got their prom dresses. The saleslady took a look at me and stage-whispered to my mom ‘Well, this could be a problem. our friend here is a bit on the chunky side’. She then directed us to a rack full of crepey, mauve Barbara Bush dresses for mothers of the bride. I left in tears, and we ended up at the mall, where my mom bought me a hideous pink satin sausage casing with a white lace overdress (and a massive butt bow). I would have KILLED for Torrid in those days.
Spins, you would be amazed — my sister’s stepdaughter wore the black bubbleskirted relic that my sister wore to a prom back in the late 80s.
I don’t think anyone wants dibs on my hot pink version (with the dyed-to-match shoes), though. (It came with a butt bow, but I declined to have it sewn on, because I thought it might detract from the overall sophistication of the dress. Ahem. Ah, youth.)
I was somewhat spared from prom indignity thanks to my high school’s snooty graduation tradition, which required girls to wear floor-length white gowns for the commencement ceremony. So a lot of senior-year girls would just wear the white dress to prom, too. I used to have the worst time finding formal dresses for the other dances but I had no problem finding a big old white dress. Because apparently, according to the formal dress industry, chubby girls don’t go to prom but they DO get married.
The only hard part was enduring the cruelties of bridal sizing. I was a 16 and my dress was a 20. But whatever: my date loved the cleavage.
I thought it might detract from the overall sophistication of the dress.
CAN’T. STOP. LAUGHING.
“Because apparently, according to the formal dress industry, chubby girls don’t go to prom but they DO get married.”
HA!
Isn’t the whole traditional idea of prom supposed to be, like, wedding practice, or something? Maybe they think chubby girls don’t need the practice.
1) I don’t think any sensible girl would want my dress. I had to go to Mexico to get it (not only was I bigger than my friends; apparently my family thought they didn’t make clothes in the States for girls shaped like me). I looked like a turquoise wedding cake.
2) There is a place on the web called “Sydney’s Closet.” They make clothes in bigger sizes. (I’d insert the URL but the last time I tried to do that there was a large accident.) Perhaps they’d be interested in making a donation.
Buying a prom dress in the late eighties was actually one of the least traumatic things in my life as a fat young woman.
I went shopping with two good friends, and we went to the mall and I remember worrying and thinking I’d be the *last* person to find something.
But I turned out to be the first one to find a dress, and I didn’t even need it altered. My one friend was 5′ tall and very busty, and she had to have a larger dress cut down and tailored to acommodate her chest and short legs. My other friend was very slender but also only about 4’10” and flat chested.
Anyway–things have only improved as far as fashions for fat teens.
Oooh! Ooooh! I, too, had a horrible cheap it-was-all-that-would-fit mother of the bride prom dress, and I too went with a gay man. Our numbers must be legion!
As an opera singer, I have lots of sparklies, and I’m in the process of dropping a lot of weight and just did a closet clean. Do they just want prom material, or are they looking for other nice things? I don’t live in the vicinity, but I could ship them.
I was spared the horror of shopping for a prom dress; my aunt made mine, it turned out really nice. Recently, because of my involvement in a couple of my friends weddings, I’ve discovered the great selection David’s Bridal has for my size.
I actually had lovely prom dresses, but then I am so old that I went to prom back when fourteen was a perfectly reasonable misses size. My Junior Prom dress was Jessica McClintock/Gunne Sax, an Edwardian confection in cream gauze, with matching hat, reticule, and parasol. Senior year, I was up to an eighteen, but had another beautiful Jessica McClintock design, because my mom made it from a Gunne Sax pattern.
The weird thing was, I was sort of a “Daria” back then, and the only reason I went to prom in the first place was to spite Mom, who loved to tell me that “fat girls didn’t get asked to the prom.” Some spite–she was pretty thrilled. She even made me a hand-sewn, custom-fitted garter.
“fat girls didn’t get asked to the prom.”
Your mother told you that? You poor child! Anyway, I have a gorgeous prom dress in a SMALL size 12, I would love to donate it, I’ll look into it!
My prom was lame, as well, btw, CindyS, how do you get into opera singing? I was vocally coached and can actually sing opera as well.
Good grief..horrible memories of my prom. My school had a rule that you HAD to go with a date. I just wanted to go with my group of friends. Instead I had to find some guy-who-I-thought-was-gay-but-married-a-girl-eventually. I had about 10 people trying to find me a date…how pathetic did I feel?! Anyway, the dress was made from a pattern…but apparently the seamstress thought my waist was DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH my boobs. What the crap? I looked freakish. I cried all afternoon before the prom…I was so embarrassed of that dress and the freakish waist. At least my hair looked good..
Kitten Kat, how you get into opera is a complicated question … your vocal technique has to be at a VERY high level, you have to know which repertoire you’re marketable in, you have to look like the characters you’ll be playing, and you have to develop your connections. Feel free to email me if you want more specifics. :) I can point you to some resources.
Oh Lin…how “praumatic” :(
I burned my bangs with a curling iron if that makes you feel better. At least you had nice hair.
I was so anti prom…but my friends convinced me to ask someone and go and I finally relented.
Not really caring about the whole ordeal, I squeezed myself into a borrowed red dress.
The side seam of the dress split apart while I was in the middle of dancing and a friend just tied her shawl around it in a makeshift sash…the dance went on and I had a blast…
Probably because it wasn’t a big deal to me.
I could have felt awful for splitting the dress..and I did for a little while, but the guys and my friends just laughed and assured me that it was my boobs that busted the seam…and I was still gorgeous.
The dress was repaired, and then given to another girl for HER prom.
I must say…that’s a wonderful charity idea…
I’d even make dresses to donate.
Thank you CindyS!
I really don’t understand the whole prom thing (since I’m British) but I remember well the horror of shopping for a dress for my sixth-year dance. It was the social event of the year. Girls were talking about what they’d wear MONTHS previously.
My mother and I moved heaven and earth looking for a dress that had sleeves. In 1996 there was NOTHING out there you could wear a bra under. Nothing.
I ended up with, yeah, an extremely, horrifyingly expensive black dress with silver sparkly bits. Which, luckily, I did quite like. It looked nothing like anything anyone else was wearing, though.
This is such a beautiful project it made me tear up a bit (I’m a soft touch today). I went to my uni graduation ball this summer (prom doesn’t particularly happen in the UK) and I was so miserable, because I am just too big for the trendy shops kind of thing but was refusing to ‘let’ myself be plus-sized. As a result I was squeezed into the biggest size of dress and was wearing major ‘bridget jones’ knickers (by which I mean tummy support rubber creations that came up to my underwire and I had to get two other people to help me out of at the end of the night).
Basically, I couldn’t breathe, there was all this gorgeous food and drink and I could barely have any. I still had fun because I was with my friends etc, but it spoiled things just that little bit.
I am in the process of looking for a prom gown, and have found that their are a lot more options than there used to be. sydneyscloset.com, promgirl.com, promdressshop.com, and davidsbridal.com have a great selection. my only problem is that I am about a 22/24 in normanl clothes, so apparently my dress size is like a 26/28 or something!!! that is ridiculous!
I just bought a prom dress today suprisingly and embarasing to say at Ross. It was $15 and i think its really cute. Our prom this year isnt too formal b/c i go to a small private school and since the economy is bad they decided not to put too much pressure on us to look formal. I am aslo around a whooping size 14 like alot of you others and i really dont feel that big but apparantly in todays culture im overweight. Im working on loosing weight but considering prom is in like a week i dont have much time. But thank you all for your stories it helped boost my seld esteem.
We had a year 7 dance at our primary school before going to high school. We all took dancing lessons as part of the curriculum ( waltzing, Pride of Erin, Waves of Bondi etc) for the big night. I wore a size 10 (in US terms, a size 6) at the tender age of 12 – at that age I was already 160-165 cm and basically had the body of a fully developed woman. It was an $8 Kmart special, looked vaguely oriental in a cheongsam sort of way. I was the tallest girl and the “biggest” girl and not one student danced with me. Not one. I think teachers were telling the boys to go over and dance…nup. Nothin’ doin’. I think in the end they sent the gardener over to dance with me. The funny thing was that if I had that body as a 20 year old I would’ve been considered rather tasty. At 12 the other girls were wearing their sister’s cocktail dresses with unashamedly stuffed bra cups, whereas I had the real deal, and was made to feel a freak because of it. It was a very good lesson overall though, so even though I felt awkward that night, it reminded me about why I should never assume I should be treated with respect just because, you know, I am a human being. When you don’t fit in, you need to either ‘earn’ respect by apologising for your existence or by hiding yourself away. Bugger that.
I also went to my year 11 and 12 dances just to say “get stuffed” to my peers at large. My mother’s shame was palpable as she had to make my dresses for the events (I was up to a size 14 by then). They are not happy memories, but I am glad I went – excellent learning experiences.
I’m thinking about what kind of prom dress to buy. I’m finally a senior and I went to prom as a junior with girlfriends. Although I got my makeup done and felt really beautiful at home as I was getting ready, I couldn’t help but feel disgustingly obese and revolting as I saw my friends at prom. I am 5’1″ and about 180 pounds. I wear a size 17. Although I personally know I’m overweight, I am happy, until I compare myself to other girls. For now, I plan on changing my habits to look a bit more like the other girls in my grade for prom this year. As far as the dress, last year I found several beautiful dresses at Ross for cheap and in a variety of styles for my size. There were even many name brands like Calvin Klein all for a modest price of $60 and less. But thank you all for sharing your experiences. It was very helpful.
prom dresses from JC Penney are great looking and cheap too.*;`