Fun > thin in the beautiful department.

Fast forward to the present. Two friends of mine joined flickr with the express purpose of W_R. Their “putting themselves out there” was the final push I needed.

I have always loved fashion, but have never had the body of a super model. But I have spent my most of my life tied up in dressing to disguise my fat. No more. No more wasting more of my life.

This change also prompted me to look up body positive and fat acceptance blogs (well, like this one) I have swam mostly in the craft, knitting and art side of the blogging pool. I watched Fat Rant and was an instant convert.

I have terrific style and the irony of it all is the “scary” full length photo put out there for the world to see, has been such a wonderful confirmation of this. I also post my photos on Fatshionista as a confirmation of my Fat Style and Fat Pride.

For too long I have been cowed into thinking that nothing looks good so why bother. Fat has either been the elephant in the room or (in the case of my mother) the thing she could bring up to emotionally infuriate me. I came across this on the Fashion Overdose site

MAKE THE ACT OF CHOOSING WHAT YOU WEAR A MARK OF SELF ESTEEM.

I always thought I suffered from low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence, blah blah blah. But I had a therapist tell me that no, she thought I was very self-confident. Well then, what was wrong? I think it was the fact that I was in denial. I didn’t want to be fat, my mother and society didn’t want me to be fat and so I learned to ignore it in a messed up body dysmorphic way. That and self-medicate through eating.

I am learning to love my body, become reacquainted with it, know what looks best to my eye. I would need a tent to cover all the bulges, a balaclava to cover my double chin, either that or a burkha. But no, layering has become my best friend and an exhibit at the Met’s Costume Institute showcasing the clothes of Iris Apfel (http://www.metmuseum.org/special/Rara_Avis/apfel_more.asp) showed me that dramatic jewelry can easily add pop REGARDLESS OF SIZE.

But I have gone on with my treatise-length comment. I think Fashion and the Fat Woman is a subject that needs further thought, on all levels.

Clothing has always been my mode of creativity. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been thinking up awesome clothes in my mind, or noticing awesome clothes in movies, stores, etc. However, I never admitted to myself that I wanted to make clothes because I figured that I was too fat (and therefore not good enough) to wear what I wanted to wear. Three weeks ago, however, I finally came far enough on my journey of self-acceptance (and social systems-awareness) to decide to start making my designs for the rest of my life. But I still hadn’t come far enough. I figured that I wouldn’t be able to wear some of the more outlandish (cooler) designs unless I were thinner, and that made me sad.

But last night, I started thinking about a conversation I had with my husband, about who can “pull off” certain looks. We came out saying that we definitely don’t think that “pulling off” a look is contingent on how one actually looks, but rather, how one feels in an outfit. I remember the outfit I wore to my senior prom: a black bustier, fishnets, a lime green tulle Madonna-like skirt, shiny black pumps, black lace gloves, lots of necklaces and bracelets. I felt good, and I got tons of compliments, even though I was nowhere near the size I thought I should be to deserve such positive attention.

Well, I couldn’t stop smiling when reading this blog and its comments. I promise, I will accept this challenge and wear whatever I want! And I’ll have TONS of fun doing it.