Edina Monsoon Would Be Proud
Of course I bought BUST, with Beth Ditto on the cover and Big Fat Deal on page 18. How could I resist? The first thing I flipped to… well, was page 18. The second thing I flipped to was the interview with Beth.
I absolutely loved the photos accompanying the article, and I especially loved something she said, which reminded me of something that happened to me very recently. I will explain! Here’s the quote:
What advice can you give plus-size gals…who want to dress like rock stars but don’t know how?
This is the number one thing: just because something makes you look thinner, that doesn’t mean it’s a good outfit. That is the key in life for fat girls. For example, I love tent dresses. I think they’re the best things ever, and I’ve always been obsessed with them because I was obsessed with Mama Cass as a kid.
This struck a huge chord with me, because of what happened to me last week. I went to work wearing a new sweater. The thing is, this sweater is not “flattering” to my body shape. It is not “slimming,” as so many of my clothing items are. I wear a lot of black, I live in jeans, I own a lot of things that I feel are comfortable and flattering. But this sweater, not so much.
The thing is, though, I love the sweater. It has skulls on it. And although I considered returning it, although I considered leaving it in my closet, I decided, what the hell. So what if busty + sweater vest = bad idea? So what if I looked fatter than I am? Is that the worst thing in the world? I would put my money where my blog is. I would wear it.
And I swear to god, every time I left my desk and wandered the halls, or walked down the stairs, a different person complimented me on my sweater. Strangers on the street complimented me. The barista at Starbucks complimented me. The guy who always looks at my boobs actually came into our cube to mention that he had noticed the sweater (read: my boobs) as I walked by. It is a cool sweater, and a semi-crazy sweater, and people enjoy it. And it isn’t the most flattering item of clothing in the world. and NOBODY GIVES A DAMN.
I know, I know. This might not feel like a revelation to you. But for me, it opened up a lot of possibilities in the world of fashion. You mean… I don’t have to follow all the “What Not To Wear” advice about how to dress for my size? You mean I can wear whatever the fuck I feel like? You mean I can dress even more insanely than I already do? Really?
So, I don’t know. Maybe you already know this and it isn’t news to you. But Beth Ditto points it out in BUST, and I discovered it myself last week, and I figured out I’d pass it along. I’m sure some of you have excellent outfits that you wear, even if they’re not the most flattering items in your closet. You guys have the confidence and charm to pull them off, right? If not, I highly suggest going out and finding your own fabulous clothing item to wear. In fact, consider it an assignment–or a dare. Put it on and rock the hell out of it. Let us know how it goes.
(Photo snagged from Fatgrrl, as seen in BUST. )
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Beth Ditto, Fashion, Fat Positive, Magazines, Personal
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One of my favourite outfits is a pair of silver pants that I wear with my hot pink fake-snake jacket. It breaks about every fashion rule in the what to wear book for fat girls, but it’s fabulous. I get loads of compliments from on Oxford St (Sydney’s gay locality) but that may be because I look hag-alicious perhaps? LOL.
I love it! Wear what you want and feel great in it! I know for a fact that some of my very favorite sexy outfits are against the fat girl “rules”. I probably shouldn’t wear capris with black stiletto boots but hey…I feel like a million bucks when I do! Plus, I have long legs so fuck off Stacy and Clinton! :)
It wasn’t a sudden epiphany like you had, it more came to me. I’m a fat girl with a guitar around my neck, and I have a clothing crisis every time I book a show. What am I going to wear? Do I choose flattering or do I choose cool? And then I slowly came to realize that everybody knows I’m fat, and they still come to see me and pay cover and not to hurl insults at me anyway. So I’ve been doing just that. Just worrying if the outfit is cool. And its fun and liberating.
Only problem is, I haven’t lost a pound this past year. In fact, I’m back up over 220. And the reason I’ve come to realize is that, well, being fat isn’t stopping me from doing what I want to do. THat’s good and bad, because fundamentally, I’d still like to drop some pounds that are uncomfortable on me, but now I have to find some kind of motivation besides the health and comfort aspect.
Because I have a giant pile of cool (not necessarily flattering) clothes that will fit in 20 pounds! So I’ve come full circle!
Yes! I would always defend anyone’s right to wear whatever makes them feel good, “flattering” or not.
It needn’t even be a “good outfit”, although that’s a bonus. I am currently wearing a giant bouclé sweater (it dates from the 1990s). It’s so baggy it does nothing except hang straight down from my bust, making me look somewhat like the side of a house. It has no kinship with good outfit-ness. But it’s cozy and soft and snuggly, and it’s that kind of day here…
I love Edina! And I loved this post.
Reminded me of the scene from Ab Fab where Eddy’s trying to be all stream-lined and efficient according to some palm pilot she got for free, which keeps buzzing every two minutes. She puts on the classic tailored suit she laid out the night before. But in the end she pulls out her divining rod, goes back to her closet, and end up in a skin-tight silver ensemble.
Okay, I freaking love that sweater vest! Too cute. I have the worst time dressing because not only am I big, but I have a really awkward body shape. I just have no idea what to do with myself. So I end up in jeans and hoodies 90% of the time because I’m absolutely terrified to let anyone see just how big I am.
I accept your dare. Now I just have to find something fabulous!
Yes! You are right on, lady. I too confess to falling for the ‘dressing for your size’ banter, because it is seemingly in my best interest. Those shows and articles, etc., all seem to suggest that they really! do! respect my body just the way it is, BUT only if I can manage to dress it in a way that doesn’t – God forbid – actually make me look fat. So, too-tight pants? Out. Shirt that makes me look too busty? Out. And anything ever that shows rolls or bumps? Most definitely out.
But it’s all in my best interest, this meticulous controlling of my non-fat-girl image. Right? Just like the public health machine and it’s meticulous control of my non-fat-girl diet? That sort of thing? Yeah, I don’t think those things are unrelated.
Having said that, I think this is revolutionary. And I completely get how important it is to you. I say rock on with your kick-ass sweater vest. You just inspired me to pull out my big soft coral cowl-neck sweater. Thanks for that :)
The thing I finally realized is that even in flattering/slimming clothes, I am not fooling anyone. There’s no one who looks at me, no matter how black and cloaking my outfit is, and says “Oh, thin girl.” Because I’m just not. It was really freeing to just really GET the size that I am. Not that I want to stay this size forever, but it also doesn’t mean I have to try to cover myself up so people won’t recognize the fat.
I’m not wearing a bikini anytime soon. I have my limits. And I have plenty of hoodie and jeans days. But it is so much more fun to just wear the cute little empire waist top, even if it makes me look like I might be pregnant, because I feel sassy in it and it makes my boobs look amazing, than to try to wear the same old thing just because it’s the right thing for my shape.
I do need a piece of clothing that truly rocks though, so I’ll be on the lookout for something fabulous this season.
It always bugs me how all fashion advice for fat girls revolves around finding clothes that “disguise” the fact that they’re fat girls.
On that note, I think the interesting thing about this post is that you seem to accept the idea that flattering=slimming. But by your own account (and several other people’s via you), this sweater LOOKS GREAT on you! It is flattering!
Perhaps what we need to move towards is not “accepting that you can wear clothes that aren’t flattering,” but “understanding that flattering and slimming aren’t the same thing.”
I totally agree with what you all are saying, but I really think there needs to be some sort of fashion maven that actually TEACHES some of us fat girls how to dress.
Like me.
Since the age of 14, I’ve been hiding in my clothes. I buy bottoms that fit, but tops at least 2-4 (and sometimes more) sizes larger, to hide in.
A person like me? Wouldn’t know where to begin to wear clothes that look good, whether they follow the “rules” or not.
For me, figure-flattering is very tailored.
BUT–comfort is kinda schlumpy looking.
Here’s the weird thing, though. When I’m physically comfortable, I’m much more outgoing. I smile more. I seem more approachable. I engage with other people more readily. People like me more.
So I think that my comfortable clothes may not be “flattering”, but they are certainly “attractive”, in the best sense of the word.
Eeks, reading all these comments just gave me the best idea: this holiday weekend, I’m going to make a point of wearing something *fabulously me* and not perhaps traditionally flattering—and if I can’t find something in my closet that fits the bill, I’ll use these psychotic Thanksgiving sales to my advantage and find something. Fabulosity, ahoy…
It would be a fun group challenge, actually! I’d love to see everyone’s personality shine through in their favorite fabulous/idiosyncratic outfit :).
Sweet jesus, I forgot the most important part of what I wanted to say: I’d love to see pics of people in their favorite fun outfits!
Sorry about that. More caffeine now, please.
I have a tent-like, crazy-striped shirt from torrid. Since I’m bigger on top with narrow hips, this shirt is supposed to be fashion suicide for me. However, I love it, and whenever I wear it, I get ridiculous compliments on it. My boyfriend thinks I look super hot in it. Sometimes I think it’s great, and sometimes I think it’s Charlie Brown-ish, and sometimes I think it’s Charlie Brown-ish great. So, yes. Fuck it. Wear your hot skull sweatervest. Beth Ditto and you are correct.
Because PMS is thrashing me with a nail-studded caveman club, I am hideously self loathing.
Yesterday, I felt fat and frumpy all day, even after an hour of strenuous yoga. I hated all of my clothes, the way I dress and my hair.
Today, I feel fabulous. I’m wearing black jeans that break fat girl rules and a cool sweater that is a Lane Bryant classic. I love this sweater and it’s HORIZONTAL stripe.
Oh, and I’m wearing boots.
Take that, fat-phobes!
I agree, I am dying to see pictures (and I promise I’ll take a picture of my sweater vest next time I wear it). That’s what our Flickr group is for, right? I extend the dare: take a picture and post it in our group!
Yay! I’m joining the Flickr group ASAP and hope to have a pic or two to post before the long weekend is over.
So true. I actually pay absolutely no attention to what those people say. Poo on them!
I was so liberated when I realized that I didn’t have to choose clothes based solely on what makes me look “thin” or “proportional”. Whether I’m at a larger or a smaller size, I’m top heavy, and for so long I bought clothes based on whether they made my boobs and shoulders look “proportional” to my hips and legs. And then second, was to buy the outfit that made me look “thinnest”. I ended up with a lot of boring black clothes that didn’t do much for me because colors that looked good on me happened to come in a shape that didn’t fit the rules.
And then I went to burningman. Somehow this made me seriously interested in experimenting with what I might look like in clothes that exaggerated my proportions rather than trying to hide them. Some things work, some things don’t, but it was a matter of giving myself permission to really PLAY with shapes instead of following outdated rules. And while I’m at it, these days I sometimes buy things SOLELY because the color is awesome on me, even if it makes me look larger or disproportionate.
That is until I got pregnant… now I’m just buying whatever seems comfortable, practical, cheap and a decent color.
Okay, I have to admit that I don’t wear clothes that I might like, but don’t suit me. And yes, part of it is that I like to look good in what I wear, but the other, larger part of it is that I feel too self-conscious in clothes that don’t look good on me. Does that make any sense?
I am, for example, very uncomfortable in clothes that are too big for me, that hang and make me look like a blob of color with a teeny tiny head on top. I don’t want skin tight clothing, but I do want clothing that’s somewhat form fitting, cuz I got that lovely cello/hourglass figure – yeah, even at 279lbs and with the big ass, legs, and belly – I want to show it off, dammit.
I used to like really loose clothing, back when I was 200 or so, and now I don’t – unless it’s for bellydancing, cuz then I can tie something shiny around my waist and dance and look fabulously tribal (folkloric) while doing so.
So, um, yeah.
PS: my personal feelings on ‘too large’ kinda don’t apply at the moment as I’m pregnant and can’t find anything that I’d want to wear (that I can afford and comes in plus size) anyway.
What LittleMac said. Flattering and fabulous does not necessarily mean slimming, and vice versa.
However, I have found that in general, (especially when I was heavier) when I look really good, people ask me if I’ve lost weight. It’s like they can’t reconcile “looks great” and “fat.” Weird. Does anyone else get that response?
Miz shrew, yes.
Oh, I just thought of this crazy pair of pants I had when I was in high school- It was this pair of pants I had bought in the 5th grade when my mom finally let me start wearing jeans, and they were too small. Then i got this crazy 70s print dress (you just cannot imagine the awesomeness of this dress) for free from SVDP and cut it up- I used the fabric as panels in the side to make these crazy hippie pants that people teased me about but I LOVED them.
They even glowed under blacklights.
OMG, Miz shrew, totally; as a matter of fact, I call it the “magic of larger clothes” phenomenon. I used to try to squeeze into clothes that don’t fit (cf “To Hell With Tiny Pants” on SP), and finally gave into the fat clothes that were more comfortable. Inevitably people would ask me if I’d lost weight–for surely I could not look better without doing so, non? I would smile and say, “Nope, it’s the magic of larger clothes.” EVEN THEN they would insist that I looked thinner around the face or something to that effect…
Because people who gain weight lose their heads! ;)
Whoa this post has just given me a wake up call, I am not fooling anyone by trying to dress “thin”. Shit, I have been doing it for so long it has become second nature. I always look at clothes I like and think how much I would love to have that look, but that it won’t work with my body shape. This is freeing in so many ways. I accept your dare!!
I’ve seen a lot of those “how to make yourself look more ideal/normal” articles on clothes, and few or none of “how to emphasis your best points” let alone “how to look great”. Those issues about self-esteem and appearance go deep in the culture.
This is so awesome. I was actually just thinking about this LAST NIGHT! I didn’t have it as clearly as you put it, but I was getting there.
Clothing has always been my mode of creativity. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been thinking up awesome clothes in my mind, or noticing awesome clothes in movies, stores, etc. However, I never admitted to myself that I wanted to make clothes because I figured that I was too fat (and therefore not good enough) to wear what I wanted to wear. Three weeks ago, however, I finally came far enough on my journey of self-acceptance (and social systems-awareness) to decide to start making my designs for the rest of my life. But I still hadn’t come far enough. I figured that I wouldn’t be able to wear some of the more outlandish (cooler) designs unless I were thinner, and that made me sad.
But last night, I started thinking about a conversation I had with my husband, about who can “pull off” certain looks. We came out saying that we definitely don’t think that “pulling off” a look is contingent on how one actually looks, but rather, how one feels in an outfit. I remember the outfit I wore to my senior prom: a black bustier, fishnets, a lime green tulle Madonna-like skirt, shiny black pumps, black lace gloves, lots of necklaces and bracelets. I felt good, and I got tons of compliments, even though I was nowhere near the size I thought I should be to deserve such positive attention.
Well, I couldn’t stop smiling when reading this blog and its comments. I promise, I will accept this challenge and wear whatever I want! And I’ll have TONS of fun doing it.
I am new to your blog and over on flickr, but I have had a recent revelation and it is EXACTLY in the this area. Earlier this year I had wanted to join wardrobe remix, but was so turned off by the photo I took of my outfit. I looked SO FAT. It was one of those, we will never speak about this again.
Fast forward to the present. Two friends of mine joined flickr with the express purpose of W_R. Their “putting themselves out there” was the final push I needed.
I have always loved fashion, but have never had the body of a super model. But I have spent my most of my life tied up in dressing to disguise my fat. No more. No more wasting more of my life.
This change also prompted me to look up body positive and fat acceptance blogs (well, like this one) I have swam mostly in the craft, knitting and art side of the blogging pool. I watched Fat Rant and was an instant convert.
I have terrific style and the irony of it all is the “scary” full length photo put out there for the world to see, has been such a wonderful confirmation of this. I also post my photos on Fatshionista as a confirmation of my Fat Style and Fat Pride.
For too long I have been cowed into thinking that nothing looks good so why bother. Fat has either been the elephant in the room or (in the case of my mother) the thing she could bring up to emotionally infuriate me. I came across this on the Fashion Overdose site
MAKE THE ACT OF CHOOSING WHAT YOU WEAR A MARK OF SELF ESTEEM.
I always thought I suffered from low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence, blah blah blah. But I had a therapist tell me that no, she thought I was very self-confident. Well then, what was wrong? I think it was the fact that I was in denial. I didn’t want to be fat, my mother and society didn’t want me to be fat and so I learned to ignore it in a messed up body dysmorphic way. That and self-medicate through eating.
I am learning to love my body, become reacquainted with it, know what looks best to my eye. I would need a tent to cover all the bulges, a balaclava to cover my double chin, either that or a burkha. But no, layering has become my best friend and an exhibit at the Met’s Costume Institute showcasing the clothes of Iris Apfel (http://www.metmuseum.org/special/Rara_Avis/apfel_more.asp) showed me that dramatic jewelry can easily add pop REGARDLESS OF SIZE.
But I have gone on with my treatise-length comment. I think Fashion and the Fat Woman is a subject that needs further thought, on all levels.
Me again, after I have read comments. Yes! Flattering definitely does not mean slimming. Can the rest of the world get that through their brains? I posted a photo on flickr and one person I know (in real life) left a sweet comment saying that she thought I had lost weight. So sweet. She meant well. But she couldn’t be any more wrong. I am a yo-yo and lost my pregnancy weight and then put it back with some pounds to spare – 260 to be exact. I am 5. 5 on a good day so I am short and fat and round. Triple threat. But guess what. I don’t have to look thin or lose weight to look good. Oh society, when will you learn. Thank you Beth Dittos of the world.
I was adding some photos from yesterday to flicker, and found one where I look like I’m having fun, so I added it to the the flickr set.
Fun > thin in the beautiful department.
I’ve never heard of this mag. I’ll have to go looking for it.
Not to split hairs, but if you were wearing something from the Libertine for Target line..you can not be that big. It only went to a size 13. 13 is smalllllll for me. But I guess it is all relative. It is a rockin’ sweater. I do pass things up that I think might make me look fatter, even though I like them. I pined for a lot of the things in the Target guest designer lines but they don’t come in big enough sizes..which is the bigger problem for me. Nothing I like seems to come in my size.
It’s a stretchy sweater, and I think I have plenty of fat cred, but yes, it’s true that Libertine runs small. I’m lucky in that I can fit into a lot of the “regular” clothes at Target as well as the plus size stuff. Stretchiness is key, though!
That sweater vest is HOTT! Seriously sexy. I wore my sexy sweater that shows off all my rolls yesterday, and although I tried hard not to not care, I ended up changing by the end of the day. At least I wore it out of the house! Baby steps…
Thank you for this entry. Despite being thin/”normal” (whatever that means) weight, I struggle with a lot of these issues, too. I snagged some excerpts and wrote about it in my own blog, though I don’t see any trackbacks listed. (Not that that means anything…I am a blogging n00b ,after all.)