It’s worth noting that the model for the original was a drag queen. American audiences are not ready for that much woman unless they can be reassured that she’s a fake.

What I love about the story, and will never forgive the movie for bowdlerizing: the sad ending, so much more true to most loves than the happy one. The lack of malice on the part of the sea witch (who, in the story, is just an entrepreneur, who has to get paid before she delivers–she doesn’t hate the mermaid or even want what she’s getting). The stuff about the soul, which is terribly poignant. The way that, barring that stupid prince, it’s a story about WOMEN: the mermaid, the sisters who cut their hair for her, the grandmother who tells her (as so many of our mothers told us) that we must suffer to be beautiful, foreshadowing that ending in which we must suffer to build our souls. The way the mermaid won’t kill the prince when she gets the chance to save herself by doing so.

Things I don’t love about the story: that it’s a woman who’s made human through love (men, it seems, are already human, even though they’re far less tender or spiritual.) That her pagan, semi-eternal sea life is subsumed in what becomes, ultimately, a very Christian fable. That her fish half has to be destroyed for her human half to live. Those are some big flaws…but the movie was a thousand times worse, even allowing that Ursula could sing. There, it IS all about the love of a man. There, love DOESN’T silence her or make her bleed–it’s all the work of the obligatory villain…ess. Because in this story, women hate and hurt each other for love of men. In this story, there are no sisters or grandmothers–just a surrogate mother who’s trying to take Ariel’s man and a father who will make everything all right as soon as he understands that this is what his little girl (who’s nonetheless stacked like a Vegas card deck) really wants. No amount of powerful, fat sea witches could redeem those losses for me.

If we want a powerful fat character, how about one–ONE!–Disney mother who’s actually there, who actually supports her daughter rather than trying to destroy her, who puts that great voice and those spiffy tentacles into showing her that the animal self is worth having too, that it’s part of us just like the soul, that a prince who can be fooled by a voice alone isn’t long-term material? When are we going to get THAT sea witch?

Until we do, it’s hard to get too excited about who plays Bad Mommy for the fifty thousandth time.

(I can’t believe I’m debating plot points in The Little Mermaid…)

If someone can sing a role — if he or she can carry out the functions of a role well — weight doesn’t matter to me. Authenticity counts for something.

Also, my best friend loved the musical version of Little Mermaid. However, he also loved Starlight Express, so I’m not sure he can be trusted.