Sending You Elsewhere
Good With Cheese has a response to our discussion about fat and feminism, and the interesting tangential discussion in the comments about whether fat is healthy or unhealthy. She says:
I don’t have to meet your definition of health. I don’t have to be fit. I don’t have to be thin or “lean” or “take care of myself” or look any specific way. If you don’t like looking at me, don’t look. If you don’t approve of how I choose to watch Iron Chef on Sunday nights instead of using that hour to run an extra six miles, don’t associate with me. If you value thinness, that’s your value system, not mine. You probably find me lazy and unmotivated and I can’t really help that, like you can’t help that I think you’re judgmental and self-righteous. We’re both probably at least a little bit wrong anyway.
The whole entry is well worth reading, as is the discussion in the comments.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Fat Positive
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Fantastic!
I love the strength but at the same time pray that she is healthy and well too.
Excellent reading.
RT
Amen!
Why can’t we be allowed to choose OUR OWN way of doing things, if it isn’t hurting anyone else?
A couple of years ago, a British TV presenter called Fern Britton came in for an INCREDIBLE amount of flak when she said (I paraphrase) that she had a busy life and that she had better things to do with her spare time than get skinny, such as spend it with her children. She was even accused of being a bad mother because she wasn’t concentrating on her health. Never mind that many, many people, mothers or not, would agree with her.
(I’ve done some Googling in an attempt to find some of the original stuff, and… apparently she’s lost some weight since then. Surprise.)
Not everyone considers it to be virtuous to spend hours exercising. Personally I enjoy it, but my mother once said to me that she thought I should spend less time at the gym and more with my fiancé. When I blogged about this dilemma, no commenters agreed with her – but it’s a perfectly valid argument.
“Taking care of yourself” could have many definitions. If you work long hours, head down the gym for hours more afterwards and hardly see your friends and family, then that probably doesn’t fit the definition, and those who choose not to do that (or whatever balance of activities best suits them, whatever that is) should… be allowed to choose. That’s being an adult.
I agree with K. Balance is a big Key (I’m still working on that part) to “taking care of yourself”. I also believe that taking care of oneself involves taking care of the well being, not just the body I try to make sure I treat myself to a great meal out, something from LUSH, and (most importantly) time with my friends. Personally I hate gyms because I perceive them to be boring and the thought of going to one before or after working all day makes me want to jump out of my skin. However, on the opposite side of the spectrum we shouldn’t criticize each other for wanting to spend our free time working out. My boss gets up at 5am so they can exercise and have some time to themselves before they have to get the kids ready for school and go to work. I’m saying all of this to say that we all have our own way of cherishing ourselves. Live and let live.
I agree about balance being key to “taking care” of oneself. But I’m the only one who can know what’s balanced to me — and I don’t get these folks who are overly concerned with “helping” other people take care of themselves. Are you (the hypothetical you) really concerned about my health and well-being? Do you really have so little going on in your life that you have the time to worry about what I eat and how I look and how much time I spend in the gym? Really? I think that’s kind of sad. Sad that my fat/health/well-being/insert catchphrase has so much power over you. Try reading that book “Codependent No More” — it might help you deal with your feelings about MY fat.
Would like to clarify that I wasn’t trying to criticise anyone who does spend significant time down the gym. I would myself, if I could. But I don’t tell anyone else to.
Wow–what a great entry.
It never occurred to me until recently that some people’s reaction to me is because of my weight. I just figured there were a lot of people who didn’t like me and seemed to… disapprove of me somehow. Now I know that some of them are just being assholes about fat people. Actually my fat makes sort of a nifty litmus test to determine which people I come in contact with are reasonable human beings and which (not all that many in the grand scheme of things, to be fair) are jerks who are judging me for my weight.
It’s interesting what some of you are saying about hours at the gym not being considered the best use of time by everyone. I think this is a positive trend and I hope it means we are all getting a little less obsessed with working out to the exclusion of all else in life. My husband talked to my mother-in-law on Friday and passed along the interesting bit of information that she thinks I look good now and shouldn’t necessarily try to lose any more weight. I thought about this some and I’m pretty sure that where this is coming from, is that usually whenever she calls, even if it’s 9:00 at night or whatever, I’m not home because I’m either out running or on my 45-minute commute home after my run. I think she thinks this is a little much, and I’m wearing myself out and would be better off spending more time with my husband. But see, she’s a sane, down-to-earth person (if a little meddlesome, since in the end it’s really none of her business, but she doesn’t mean any harm so never mind). Most people who are overly influenced by mainstream society would feel that what I’m doing is totally reasonable, and in fact that I should probably be doing more because I’m not thin yet.
Many of the thinner people who act like you just have to make time for the gym and it’s really not that hard and blah blah don’t seem to actually go to the gym themselves. They just assume they are living the most virtuous possible lifestyle because they are thin, and they have time to do… whatever it is they do… so therefore everyone else must have time to be thin too, or else everyone else is just lazy. Problem solved!
“Sad that my fat/health/well-being/insert catchphrase has so much power over you. Try reading that book “Codependent No More” — it might help you deal with your feelings about MY fat.”
jm–EXACTLY! This is hilarious and I hope I will have the opportunity to use this retort in the future.
To clarify the above, I run right after work and work is 45 mins. away from home. So I am not driving 45 minutes to a running site or anything. :P
Here’s a 5’5″ 146 pound size 12 lady who works out for 90 mins a day worried that people think she’s unhealthy. I’m really stunned actually. So because she’s not rail thin, starving herself, or working out even more than 90 mins, she’s fat and unhealthy. I mean, how do you win when these are the rules. How crazy is our society going to get.