Let's Go To The Mall…Today
The group weight loss blog Pare Up, Pare Down had a very interesting post this week, courtesy of contributor Harmony.
[E]very time I go into REI I feel like I am out of my element, like I don’t belong…I don’t feel actively discriminated against, but I do feel out of place, and really visible. The truth is that there is not a single item of clothing in that store that would fit me. And, while it is also true that I am not the world’s most outdoorsy person, I still think it’s weird that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t buy a pair of running shorts or a sports bra at one of the world’s best outdoors/sports stores. It’s like fat people don’t even exist in the outdoors world…
The message that I get, when I go to REI, is that fitness and outdoor activities are for the already fit, normal sized person, not for the fit-in-training who might be larger than an XL.
There’s an REI near my house, too, and I’ve been there for travel gear, but I do feel a little out of my element there. Which is weird considering that I know how to do impressive outdoorsy things like pitch a tent and sail a boat and ride a bike. I’m not really what you’d call outdoorsy, though. Maybe if I were, I’d go there all the time to buy, like, polish for my kayak. (I totally want a kayak, incidentally.)
The follow-up question that comes to mind is not specific to REI at all, or even to fat people. I wonder, are there stores in which you feel uncomfortable? And why? I’m interested in hearing about your answers; I will ponder mine.
Posted by mo pie
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American Apparel. I don’t MIND going in there but every time I do, I feel like the rail thin girls who work there are looking at me like “WTF?” It brings me right back to middle school when I’d go shopping with my friends at those insanely trendy places at the mall. *shudder*
This post prompted me not in regards to size issues in stores per see, but to pimp out my favorite cycling store, http://www.teamestrogen.com, which has plus sized and maternity cycling gear, which I LOVE, plus their customer service is excellent. I am not a wee tiny cyclist, I ride a lot and I am on the round side for an athlete, and I love that this store really caters to FEMALE cyclists, not just skinny athletes. Just because you have a tummy, big thighs, a butt, boobs, or a baby bump should not prevent you from getting on a bike, ever!
I have noticed this when it comes to outdoor gear in general. Outdoor companies in general tend to run on the small side and cut their clothes for slim-hipped, small breasted women ’cause apparently only one body type likes to be outdoors!
I’m a backpacker, hiker, kayaker, whitewater rafter and I have a horrible time finding outdoor clothes that fit. Even when I was smaller (about a 12 with DD boobs) I could barely find clothes and gear that fit. It even became a safety issue when whitewater rafting – the life preserver didn’t fit right because of my boobs. I have had to buy men’s clothing to fit my widest part and roll up and tuck the parts that don’t fit.
When I tell people that I like to do those sorts of things or have done them – they look shocked. Like they can’t possibly believe that someone of my stature and size could do them. As if all I ever do is sit on my ass and stuff my face!
Now that I am a size 16/18 I have just given up pursuing outdoor activities because I know that none of my old stuff fits and I certainly can’t buy new because they don’t make them!
My tall, thin best friend has dragged me to Hollister (she needed jeans, theirs are long enough, also needed opinion on the fit), and my mom has dragged me to Petite Sophisticate. In both places, I felt horribly out of place.
Somehow, the outdoor stores (like Academy), I didn’t feel as bad. It pissed me off that there were no clothes in my size, but there’s so much other shit that I at least didn’t feel like Gulliver in the Land of Lilliput.
I hate shopping at JC Penney. The one by my house puts the Plus Sized clothing on the bottom floor, in the far back corner near the housewares. As if to tell me I should feel ashamed for needing clothes that big and I should be hidden in the corner away from the “normal” people who would be embarrassed to know they buy clothing upstairs at the same store as some fat girl.
Some JCPenneys are horrible with their plus-size department placement. I don’t know what they are thinking. Luckily the new one by us actually lets plus-size women shop with the other humans.
I guess I’m not adding anything new here, but you are all so right about the outdoor stores. I hate going into Dick’s Sporting Goods… I cruise breezily through the women’s department, trying to gauge through a 0.5-second glance whether anything in there might fit me, and I feel so out of place. I hate imagining that some tiny thing might see me fingering the Under Armour or North Face stuff and think “Yeah, right, who is she fooling.” It sucks, because I want nice comfortable performance clothes to wear running and this is no less true for me than for the size-4 girl next to me. Fitness clothes seem to still be cut somewhat according to the “old” missy sizing system too, like wedding gowns or vintage clothes, which just makes it worse. I got a pair of XL running shorts at the Title Nine sale and although I hope they will fit me someday (and the rest of my clothes are L and XL and fit just fine), in no universe do they fit me now. Even if these stores routinely stocked clothes that fit me, I know people might be judging me in general (“Why is she in a sporting goods store at all?”) and basically I want to run out of there as fast as I can.
American Apparel… I approve of their business model (if not their gross CEO) and own some of their products, but the place is kind of yucky anyway… all those porny ’70s-style pictures of emaciated 19-year-olds on the walls. I went in there just because the store was new and it was kind of a novelty, and my friends wouldn’t even go in with me. I think my discomfort there is probably about 50% being fat and 50% being over 21.
This happened at both J. Jill and Chico’s in a new mall near me… I went in there under the mistaken impression that they carried plus sizes. When I asked about it, the salesperson said they didn’t carry them in the store but assured me “But we have things that would fit you.” Ack! They were just trying to be helpful but it was so embarrassing.
I would never step foot in Forever 21 or those kinds of stores. If I’m forced to go in someplace that’s geared to younger people, I move through there at light speed to determine if anything might be my size. I consider it a victory if I can get out of there without giving the salesperson a chance to talk to me.
Any of those trendy name-on-the-shirts kind of places: Hollister, Abercrombie, etc. Granted that I’m a tad old (41) for their stuff, and I can’t wear a size 2 (nor do I want to) but just walking in makes me feel icky.
For some reason I tend to feel “wrong” in Old Navy too. Not the same kind of looking-down-their-noses-at-me wrong, but still wrong. Can’t really put my finger on why though.
And it’s not because these are “young” stores, either… I walk into Hot Topic, or Torrid, or even Buckle without a problem. Their stuff skews young, too, but I don’t get treated like a leper in those stores.
Virtually every store I go to I feel out of place in. Of course, I have serious self-hate issues, so I suppose it’s to be expected :P I’m 25, 5′ 7″, and currently a size 18. Basically the only place I can consistently find clothes that fit me is Fashion Bug. Thank God for that place, without them I’d probably be wearing dresses cobbled together from old dishtowels. But, I do get depressed when I shop for clothes. I can’t help but notice that the plus-size version of things are always cheaper-looking, yet more expensive. It’s really hard to find youthful clothing in plus sizes, too. I actually probably dress a bit young for my age, but since I was 12 I dressed like a middle-aged librarian because of my inability to fit into trendy kid’s clothes, so I have a real aversion to “mature” stuff.
Oh my god…too many to mention. I always get my sportswear online at Junonia and Terry, so I guess I must be uncomfortable with the idea of appearing in person at REI too.
My most uncomfortable experience by far was going into “Forever 21” to find a gift for my sis. On the surprising side, I always feel welcome at the Gap, and even at 260 lbs, I can find basic knits there that will fit me.
It’s not just plus sizes that don’t exist at REI. Women’s sizing in general is screwed up there. When I’m not pregnant I am about a size 8 at normal stores, sometimes a 10 on top, but often every size available at REI is too small for me. I blame the clothing manufacturers more than REI, though, because the REI branded stuff is most likely to fit — although I do have to size up. (REI is the only place where I wear a size 12 in pants.) Prana clothes do not fit me at all: their XL is far too small for me except when I am at my skinniest (i.e., wearing a size 6 from places like the Gap). For Mountain Hardware, I can wear an XL top or a size 12 bottom, which is lucky because I don’t think they go any higher. A 36D Patagonia sports bra is smaller than any other 36D bra in the universe. I can’t wear them. (And pre-pregnancy, I was a 36C in most lines.)
So it’s more of a pervasive thing with outdoor clothing, not just an REI thing. And it sucks.
I really suspected that. My coworker that I often shop with at REI is not that big — she’s 5’5″, wears a medium in shirts and a 10/12 in pants, and she can barely fit into the XL stuff at REI.
I guess outdoor clothing manufacturers are equal opportunity excluders.
(Thanks for the link, Mo.)
The one store that I really feel out of place in is Victoria’s Secret. I LOVE their perfumes but that is the only thing I can buy there. I am big busted and their bras don’t go up to my size and my hips (and bum) prevent me from wearing all those cute little lacy panties.
Also, our store is always filled with snotty, bratty little twits who can’t stop staring and are just plain rude.
There is currently no physical store I go to to shop for clothes.
It has nothing to do with esteem or me hiding myself from others- it has to do with the choices out there.
I am not a hoochie mama- I am 41 years old and work. I want clothes that are comfortable and presentable for work or home. I don’t want Lane Bryant, Torrent, or any other of the shops mentioned above.
I end up buying a great deal from Jessica London via catalog or online– or Just My Size. The coolest thing about Just My Size is my initials are JMS- so I tell everyone my jeans are custom (the button has a prominent JMS on it).
I don’t like any store where the sales people are on top of you! Asking, can I help with what you are looking for? What size do you need? None of your business! I will go to them if I need help!
I also feel really uncomfortable in small shops where the mirror is outside of the dressing room. I don’t care what size or shape I am – I do not want employees or other customers commenting on how something looks on me! I actually don’t ever try things on in these places. All store owners – is it THAT expensive to stick a mirror INSIDE of the dressing room?
Maternity stores were hell when I was pregnant. I was a “normal” size 12, but with an F-cup bust, and absolutely nothing fit my breasts to begin with, let alone when they rocketed up to a G, then an H.
And it seemed like all the clothes – in any maternity store or section – were designed for women who are nine feet tall and weigh four pounds. I absolutely cannot figure out if this is because only people who fit the acceptable body type are supposed to get pregnant, or if designers just can’t figure out how to make maternity clothes, or if we’re supposed to be doubly ashamed to be fat and pregnant, but it was so intensely frustrating to me to see cute things that I wanted to wear and have to go buy sweatpants instead.
I second the Victoria’s Secret discomfort. The salesgirls are always teeny tiny with a definite snobby edge and every time I go in there with a friend who’s buying something, I end up trying to blend into the background which is something that rarely happens to me. And what sucks is that they probably have bras that would fit in the catalog, and my friends rave about the comfort factor but I won’t ever order them just because of how uncomfortable the stores make me feel.
We don’t have an REI in CT (yet) but we have EMS and my husband and I have the same problems there. Nothing fits except for shoes, socks, hats and gloves. It’s depressing. Fat people need wicking clothes and warm gear too.
And I third the Victoria’s Secret discomfort. Mostly, I just hate clothing stores altogether.
Oh, it pains me to say it, but I get SO frustrated in the Title Nine store. Their catalogs make me really feel the girl power, and then I get into the store and want to punch people. Miles and miles of adorable tankinis and ripstop surf skirts and yoga cargo pants, and not a thing above size 12. They stock a few reliable fitness bras for the more amply endowed…but virtually every other item seems to say Not Fit Enough Yet, Tubby.
We have the monster flagship REI here in Seattle (there’s an indoor mountain-bike testing trail, and a rock face to climb!), and I was last there to pick out a slope meter (it…measures the degree of slope? of a mountain…? I think?) for my Extreme!Outdoors bro-in-law for Christmas. “I need a slope meter,” I said to the clerk.
“Oh, are you taking an avalanche class?” he said brightly. I wanted to say, do I LOOK like I am interested in…avalanche…ing?
“No, I am reading it off this Post-It in my hand,” I told him instead.
On the positive side, getting a professional bra fitting at Macy’s was the best thing I ever did. Those ladies have seen it all, from your cranberries to your honeydews, and they could not give a shit; they will just yank you in and out of 17 bras until they find the one that makes you look fabulous!
I really have to chime in with Kim on the bra-fitting thing. I didn’t go to Macy’s — I went to a local specialty shop, but the woman was nice, enthusiastic, and persistent. She put me in bra after bra until we had the right size, the right shape, etc., and she didn’t make me feel embarassed at all.
Not cheap stuff, and you have to set aside an hour or so to try stuff on, but well worth it in the long run. And my husband enjoyed browsing all the fancy lacy girly stuff for me in the store while he waited. hee.
Banana Republic, Victoria’s Secret, and J.Crew. Because all three seem to have corporate images to which I would very much like to aspire (corporate put-togetheredness, sexiness, and laid-back rich-preppy-casual, respectively) and very effectively shut out any notion of remotely being available to anyone over size 14 (BR graciously goes up to size 16; J.Crew pretends to, but anyone who’s looked at their size chart knows different).
Why can’t I have natural fiber, flat front work pants in both bootcut and wide-leg options? Blouses? Madras strapless dresses, or skirts with a lobster print? cotton underwear that doesn’t make me look like I’m 70 years old underneath my clothes? They make it very clear that we aren’t wanted, and therefore, I tend to steer clear of them especially.
I was once told by a VS salesperson that “My store” was down at the *other* end of the mall” and I haven’t set foot in one since.
I’m making peace with REI. They actually do have some plus size stuff on their online catalog and you can request at the store to have it shipped to the store for you to try it on before buying it (at no additional charge). It is only their line of clothes that I found plus size stuff in though, so I think that part of the problem is the activewear industry as a whole. The sales people at REI have always been really friendly and never make assumptions about my activity levels. Junonia is a good place to look for active wear as well, and when you need to head to the men’s side of the store.
But really the 2 stores where I feel the most at home and affirmed for being who I am is Sew What?! and Seams to Fit. Both are run by the same people in the Bay Area. One is an expensive new clothes store (just around the corner from my apartment) and the other is a fabulous consignment shop where I do most of my clothes shopping. There are mirrors outside the dressing room, but I never feel uncomfortable there because I always get compliments on the things that look really cute on me. I spend far more money there than I should.
Another plug for professional bra fitting. Completely changed my life! Clothes fit better on top now and look better.
I always feel out of place at the shops that trend young (Forever 21, American Apparel, etc) because I’m not that young and the clothes don’t hang/fit right (I think) on people with curves.
For high-end shopping, I love Nordstrom’s service and would shop there all the time if I were independently wealthy. They never give a shit about how big or small you are.
On the flip side, I had an experience buying jeans at Neimen Marcus that soured my perception of them. They had a table full of jeans and I asked the sales associate if the jeans went up to my size. She said yes, but that she would need to get them from the back because my size wasn’t stocked on the outside displays. Huh? I gave her a bunch of attitude about it and asked why they don’t stock “the big sizes” outside and why I have to ask for them, but wasn’t given a real answer. I don’t believe it was just a matter of them not having my size out. I felt like it was more of a “we’ll take your money, but we don’t want you fatties hanging around the store too long” thing.
Agreed on all the chain stores (Victoria’s Secret, J. Crew etc.) but the worst for me are the trendy boutiques in places like San Francisco and Los Angeles, where you KNOW nothing in there would fit around your ankle, let alone your childbearing hips.
I find myself walking through any of the above stores thinking, “I’m just buying a gift for someone else! That’s it!”
I hate them all with the passion of many suns!
REI isn’t so bad for me, although when I went in there looking for hiking pants the night before I was leaving on a trip, I ended up in the men’s department to find anything that would fit. Still, not as bad of an experience emotionally as going to J. Crew etc.
And is there a department store that doesn’t hide the plus size section in the basement next to housewares? I’ve yet to find it. I refuse to shop there on principle. Besides, everything’s made of plastic anyway. (Yes, plus size women PREFER to wrap themselves in the equivalent of saran wrap!)
My husband informs me that men’s sizing is also fucked up at REI, in that he wears one or two sizes [i]smaller[/i] there than he does in other clothing lines, and sometimes everything is too big for him.
And amen to whoever brought up maternity clothes and boobs. Why are maternity clothes made for people without breasts? Doesn’t everybody (or at least most people) get boobs when they are knocked up, even if they were small-breasted before? I have had better luck with men’s XXL shirts fitting over my bosoms than I’ve had with maternity tops.
First…totally off-topic, but please tell me the title is a reference to How I Met Your Mother….
I had never heard of REI until now, but I do have a bit to say in regards to fitness-type places and that last part of Harmony’s quote. I actually did an informal (for class) study of my university’s gym and came to basically the same conclusion that Harmony did. Fitness places tend to be for people who are already fit…they don’t cater well to unfit people and aren’t generally friendly to people of size either. The gym’s website was particularly telling, as they were obviously trying to engage an older crowd (professors) as well as students, but they weren’t trying to engage people of size at all. In fact, the only photo of a person who may have been overweight (the photo was cropped an angled to emphasize size) was for their Cholestorol Screening page…and the guy was literally stuffing his face with french fries and also had ketchup all over his face. THAT is offensive, let alone unfriendly.
To your question…there are a lot of stores I don’t feel comfortable in. When I found out there were plus sizes at Old Navy, I tried going there but felt completely out of place. Most stores don’t have clothes that would fit me, so in most department stores I end up feeling like I’m wandering in foreign land lusting after the exotic fashions that much thinner people are privvy to. I have been into Dick’s Sports, and felt like people were looking at me. In general I feel uncomfortable in crowded stores just because all the people drive me crazy. My best friend used to be in love with Abercrombie’s perfume and would go in there just to buy it, but most of the time I would wait outside because pretentious uppitiness oozes out of that place. My cousin (who was fairly thin at the time) said the few times she went in to look at clothes, no one would pay any attention to her or help her. However, now that she’s a small inbetweenie, she went into Torrid and said the same thing about how people treated her there. I have always had good service at Hot Topic, though, no matter how I looked.
Yes, withoutscene! It is, in fact, a HIMYM reference. Long live Robin Sparkles!
I’m so glad to read that I’m not that only one who’s developed the skill of speed-walking through a store avoiding eye contact with the staff to see if ANYTHING in the store will fit me before I stop moving!
I feel too uncomfortable to go into most hipster vintage clothing stores. Maybe I’ve had bad luck, but I always seem to run into the perky size 4 clerk/owner & then realize I can’t fit into any of their clothes. Last time I went into one I found a great hand-embroidered blouse that I thought would fit – but it didn’t fit over my chest. When I came out of the dressing room, perky size 4 is all “how’d that work for you” and dying of mortification I said “I’m too big” just to make it worse. In a store where I felt relaxed I would have said “it’s too small’ – but it’s not like she could bring me the next size up & the clothes were so cool I sort of felt that if I didn’t fit into them it was a failure on my part for being so fat.
Terry online is good for cycling gear, too; they have plus sizes & their stuff is really well-made IMO.
Oh Gracie — the vintage store humiiation! I’ve had that. Been there. Ugh.
And will second terrybicycles.com as a great place to get all sorts of great sports clothes and chillout clothes. Well made indeed. And way cool. I pretty much collect their jerseys.
Try LL bean for basic outdoor gear. I find it’s true to size and functions well. I’m a big (ha!) fan of their expedition weight thermals
I actually HATE pro bra fittings. I am 36 around and the first thing they do is add 5″. I have full, heavy HH cups so guess what… I fall right out of the bottom of a 41 band bra. When I point this out I either get a look or a comment that says “too bad you shouldn’t be this big. Be happy with what we give you.”
My husband recently asked me why I bought an anklet online (www.plussizejewelry.com) and my reaction (without thinking) was, “It’s embarrassing to try them on in the store and have women stare at me when I have to put it back because it doesn’t fit. And then I’m broken-hearted about it because I liked it enough to try it on.” His reply, “I thought all of the blogs and books you’ve been reading and your whole attitude about size was that it doesn’t matter what other people think.” (Yes, he is wonderful…and I am a dope!
Reading some of these responses was difficult. I’m nowhere near the perfect activist or anything, but since when should any of us apologize or have to explain ourselves to anyone? I don’t feel the need to tell you my age/weight/height/etc…It saddens me that no one is walking up to the managers in these stores and asking them WHY they aren’t caring clothing for us?! Seriously?!
I get uncomfortable in Hot Topic not because of my size, but because I’m in my work clothes. I look like someone’s mom I guess…but when I’m in my “street” clothes, I proudly walk in! And I love Torrid (but their sizing is sometimes wacky).
I get irked about Forever 21 only because the name says it all! I don’t want to be 21…I don’t even want to be a size 21! I want to be me. I do get bummed when I’m at Ross or somewhere and see the cutest top in the plus size racks only to find that it’s an XS!!! This is terrible and I have demanded better maintenance of those sections because of it. I mean the money I would have spent had that top been in my size! Hit them where it counts…$$$$$
Now I have worked in department stores and many other retail locales…and I now train people in a major corporation on customer service and I tell you I just don’t tolerate people’s crap anymore. I have my funky days, but who gives them the right to even think that they are better than we are or that our money isn’t good enough for their stores. (I will refrain from obscenities at this point).
Ladies, Gentlemen…We need to unite on this! Don’t back down from an intimidating situation or salesperson. They are all ruled by the mighty dollar and they cannot succeed without it! Put your money where your mouth is and vice versa! (Thank you for reading my little rant).
Honestly, I’ve come to hate shopping for clothes anywhere. I hate going to Lane Bryant and feeling like these are my only choices, or like people are judging me just for walking into the “fat lady store”. Yes, I know that’s ridiculous, but I’m terribly self-conscious about being overweight, and yet I like to pretend that if I don’t draw attention to it people won’t notice it. I hate going to Target and seeing a cute “Go designer” outfit and knowing I can’t fit into it, I hate going to any “skinny girl” store (Hollister, American Eagle, Delia’s) and seeing clothes so tiny that my little skinny sister wears a large, I hate having to shop in the “women’s” section of Kohl’s and other department stores where the clothes almost always are hideous rug-like sweaters and high-waist straight-leg “mom jeans”, I hate Victoria’s Secret for not carrying my (admittedly bizarre) bra size. Shopping isn’t fun anymore, and I hate it, and it makes me hate myself even more. I mean, I even hate shoe stores because even my FEET are fat. Aren’t fat women at least supposed to get SHOES?? So I avoid shopping, I avoid clothes, I wear all XXL T-shirts and the same two pairs of jeans and pretend that I don’t care and I like my slob look. Then I go off on some long blog reply rant and will probably spend the rest of the night feeling shitty because I don’t have any nice clothes and I hate myself.
The plus-size exercise/outdoors/sporting clothing situation in Australia is dire indeed. The biggest sporting goods chains in the country have little to no plus size clothing at all – maybe a few t-shirts and track pants up to a size 20 if you’re lucky and hunt all day. Department stores like K-Mart and Target have a few “sports” items up to a 26, but in all stores they’re not even that great for exercising in: no wicking fabrics, just ordinary poly-cotton knit. (Mmmm, sweat rash) If you have a certain body shape you might be able to find some men’s clothes. Forget about a decent athletic swimsuit, too.
I just spent about $600 buying stuff from Sport Hill and Junonia. I’d have like to have spent it locally, but nobody seems interested. (I’ve sent numerous letters of complaint/suggestion.)
Sadly, I think Nordstrom will be entering this category for me soon. The downtown flagship store here in Seattle has moved its women’s department to the fourth floor next to the kids’ stuff and housewares, and cut the floor space in half. They also seem to have downgraded the clothing lines. Do I need to pay $119 for an off-brand short-sleeved poly-blend blazer? No. No I do not.
Title 9 annoys me most of all because they are so “rah rah women in sport” and then don’t have anything over a size 12. A size 12 that might fit a boy at least. That’s bullshit.
Since I have recently taken up sport, in the form of fitness bootcamp (yes, I am the fattest, slowest person there – but I am so uncaring as to almost have created a new form of artistic expression) I need more sporty clothes so I don’t have to do laundry every day. Did I mention I’m the sweatiest person there as well?
ANYWAY, Title 9 can suck it. They were useless. You know who stocks fitness gear in my size (20) – in store even? Nike. Yes, evil Nike. I’m slightly ashamed that it took less than 5 seconds for me to choose between a warm-up jacket and the tiny fingers of an underage third world sweatshop worker but there you have it. Rah rah Nike.
I can’t help but notice that the plus-size version of things are always cheaper-looking, yet more expensive. It’s really hard to find youthful clothing in plus sizes, too. I actually probably dress a bit young for my age, but since I was 12 I dressed like a middle-aged librarian because of my inability to fit into trendy kid’s clothes, so I have a real aversion to “mature” stuff.
Wish, I’ve found that one solution to that can be the simplest, most elegant (and they can be casual, too — all my twill pants are LL Bean) separates you can find coupled with LOUD, OUTRAGEOUS, EXPENSIVE ROCK-AND-ROLL accessories. I’m talking, like, Cavalli. More than you would ever spend on yourself. Get your eyelashes extended and your makeup professionally applied and then you look like the rock star you are.
So let’s go shopping.
P.S. For work, shirts can be Brooks Bros (they cut larger) and then blazers can be Target, etc. tailored to fit. It’s the coolest con ever.
I’m 5’11, wear size 20/22 and have shoe size 11/12.
Sleeves and pant legs are too short, tops and t-shirts leave my bellybutton exposed and forget finding reasonably priced women’s shoes in a “normal” store. As you might guess, shopping is not my favorite pasttime.
I really feel out of place at H&M and little trendy boutiques whose biggest shirt sizes barely cover up my left boob. At the H&Ms here (in Germany) the average customer is 13yo, short and very thin – I stick out like a sore thumb. And I have noticed that salespeople at shops like that ignore me or treat me like I don’t belong there (the same goes for sports clothing shops).
Regarding sports clothing: The (men’s) training pants from Adidas fit me perfectly – they have the right shape (straight leg) and are long enough. But I would like to wear sports clothing that isn’t just black or grey, but pink, turquoise and yellow – just like the “normal” sizes. *sigh* :-)
I used to love shopping so much! I dread it now. I have what other people think is great style and a ability to make chicken salad out of chicken shit when it comes to clothing, but it’s tiring. Since I got bigger (and now losing weight) I don’t like buying clothes. I hate how everything in LB fits (I’ve very short and DDD busty.) LB’s bras are the worst. They don’t seem to fit anyone! People with smaller breasts complain they can’t get the right band size and people with big boobs can’t get the cup size. At LB I have to wear a 46DDD but everywhere else (like when I do find bras to fit) I rock a 42DDD.
I don’t mind Gap too much. Mostly, because I have figured out exactly what things I can wear there (tanks and some tees) and only buy those. I have gone into VS like ten times and the first time I was only a 38DD and their version of it was really a 38C. I had a tape measure and everything. I was lucky. The girls were really really nice to me, but it was VS in a largely black neighbor and so many of the gals, while by no means fat, were shapely and didn’t seem to freak out when I showed up in their store.
Most of the time in trendy stores like H&M, i get shuttled over to the accessories because duh, obviously that’s what I’ve come in for. i don’t mind it that much.
JcPenney has some decent things, but you have to really dig and you be very creative. I wouldn’t buy a skirt from them, but I like their twill flat fronts with the stretchy fabric and the bootcut. I have those pants in all the colors and they have served me well. Still, much of the clothing is ugly and unflattering and even if you’re 43, you still deserve quality fabrics and clothing that is trendy in an age appropriate way. All their plus designers are for the fantasy grandma set (cause I don’t know anyone’s grandma nowadays rocking any Alfred Dunner or Sag Harbor on purpose!).
While it’s not clothing, but I do think it goes along that lines, I also don’t like going into indid music stores, even I’m like the music goddess and could easily out High Fidelity those chowderheads, but I always find those stores so incredibly lookist towards women, especially if you’re fat.
Even though I dispise the business practices of nearly every “box” store, I go there because they leave me the hell alone, and while they aren’t exactly welcoming, they aren’t openly hostile either.
I am SO SO glad to hear about people’s feelings about Title Nine. I feel the same way, and it makes me sad, and then it makes me angry, as though they are working this whole We Are Woman, Hear Us Roar thing, and they have the sports bras in many many sizes – but how about something to wear *over it*? I mean, what’s with that?
The catalog is inspirational but the offerings aren’t and it’s getting to the point where if i see something I genuinely like in there – like sunglasses – I buy it somewhere else that’s not making a judgement. Or at least it feels that way.
Someone should send this stuff to them.
I am going to be participating in a walking event this fall…I am going to be walking for 60 miles total, over 3 days time.
It has been highly recommended that we buy certain types of clothing (non-cotton, wicking..in order to stay dry). I have yet to find any in my size at the local sports stores.
It’s like they can’t imagine that any person who is a 2x would bother putting on workout clothes.
I am still looking (there are some specialty places online, but they are so outrageously priced that I am only going to use them as an obsolute last resort).
I’m a size 18-20 who has just started getting back into fitness, and I’ve been doing A LOT of digging into sources for workout clothes.
In addition to the above-mentioned Junonia and Terry (best padded bike shorts in the universe, plus adorable “wrapper” skirts you can pop over them so people can’t count the bumps on your bum on your way out of spinning class), Lands End has just started carrying a line of plus-sized activewear that is all non-cotton, wicking, and cute! They cut on the large size — I followed their measurements, got a 2X and discovered that my size 18 workout partner and I could have gotten in them together!
As for pretty, nondowdy work clothes, I rely on J.Jill (though plus is only available through web/catalog), Lands End, and Eddie Bauer. I’m built like a Coke bottle, so I have a hard time with bottoms from LL Bean, though their tops and sweaters fit me well enough. I’ve also had luck with the plus-sized stuff from TravelSmith, though it’s pricey.
And, yes, I do think that plus-sized athletes should let Title 9 know that they suck. I get their catalog all the time, and I don’t even open it. Straight into recycling. At least Athleta has a few plus-sized items, mostly their own brand.
Rubiatonat: Would you say that you can order your actual size at Junonia and Terry and have it be close to fitting well?
Terry fits well, I’ve found. As for Junonia, It depends — bottoms generally fit true to size, but tops I usually size down, since Junonia tends to cut very generously. I don’t go for the “I shop at Omar-the-Tentmaker” look, swimming around inside a giant top. I like people to see my boobs and comparatively small waist!
There isn’t really any one shop I avoid, but I hate trying on boots. And yet every winter I do it. I just love knee-high boots, but I feel so embarrassed when an assistant has fetched them for me and they don’t come close to fitting.
I have calves which, even at my thinnest, look something like a rugby ball/football. And they always will, because they’re muscular. High street shops do not sell knee-high (or even above-ankle) boots which will fasten over them. You can order them online, but they cost more.
I do have one pair – from a plus-size shop – but even there only one pair would fit. Which is unfair again, because there must be many people with bigger calves than me out there.
About boots: A lot of them presuppose completely undeveloped calves, so this happens to tons of women – you know, the kind who walk. Or maybe it’s simply a matter of not wanting to lose the sales to people with very thin calves. But – leather boots CAN be stretched. At non-chain shoe shops, if those exist anymore (sort of spoiled because I live in Italy and have largely avoided the chainification of the US), the salesperson can stretch the calves. Obviously you’ll have to commit to the purchase first. But it’s a great service. I’d suspect that High street shops can do this, too. If you’re not buying them because you’re reluctant even to try them on, give it a go sometime and see if the salesperson can stretch them for you. If not – and if the boot seems it would fit with normal stretching (obviously if it’s made *very* small, sufficient stretching might not be possible, so don’t bother), buy it and bring it to a shoe repair shop.
Outdoor companies in general tend to run on the small side and cut their clothes for slim-hipped, small breasted women ’cause apparently only one body type likes to be outdoors!
Yeah, what is that all about? I have found the same thing with workout gear. Just because I buy workout clothes doesn’t mean I have shoulders like a linebacker and hips like a boy. Only *one brand* of sweatshirt in Australia actually fits me, and it’s a size smaller than what I usually wear. Very odd!
First time visiting this blog–and what a great blog it is!
I’m 24, > 5’7″ and I’ve always been various degrees of busty/curvy/heavy, even in high school. Back in the day I threw many a tantrum when my 5’9″/125-lbs. best friend found outrageously wonderful vintage dress after outrageously wonderful vintage dress with infuriating ease…and I found…Basically Nothing in vintage shops. Very frustrating.
Right now I’m pushing 190 lbs. and I’m at least a 38DD. Most stores aren’t horrible, although I often find myself falling into that dead zone between “normal” Missy sizes and plus sizes. (Thank goodness for Banana Republic and its vanity sizing.)
I feel uncomfortable in little boutique-y stores, most vintage stores, and I imagine I’d turn into a pillar of salt if I walked into American Apparel or Hollister or something. I don’t even do that to myself any more.
I work at a biiig department store (“nicer” than JC Penney, less upscale than Nordstrom) that’s one of four anchors for one of the biggest malls in North America. And we’re one of those stores that hides its plus sizes (“Women’s World”) on the first floor–though not next to housewares, not yet. We’re moving ’em, though. Come September they’ll be on the *third* floor next to housewares and children’s. Meanwhile Petite gets to coexist peacefully next to Missy on the second floor. It really annoys me when, as a sales associate, some woman comes up to me and asks where plus/women’s/”her” sizes are–and I have to banish her downstairs to some shadowy corner. I don’t get why petites and missy share a floor and “Women’s World” (gah) has to be one below or one above. Last I checked the chubby among us spend the same damn currency as the skinny.
PS to everyone who hides from sales folk in stores–I’m really sorry if we come across as pushy! At most stores though associates are DRILLED about making sure we greet customers and try to connect with them. I try to make myself accessible without being smothery, because when I shop I like to browse alone for a while before talking to salesfolk. We truly want to help you find what you want–obviously so you’ll buy it, but I really do feel bad if I sense I *could* direct someone to the right stuff if only they’d let me.
And I’ll end with a plug for Eddie Bauer. They carry short, regular, and tall in bottoms and have a range of sizes. My mom, who’s 5’11” and maybe around 230 lbs. with a long torso finds amazing stuff there, including the dress she wore to my rehearsal dinner. It’s not the trendiest/flashiest store out there but it’s not dowdy, either. And if you follow the “wear something basic and accessorize madly” philosophy you can build a great basic wardrobe with some fabulous jeans/trousers/sweater sets/etc. there. And EB stuff is well-made, too–it’ll last forever. (My husband works there and I just
I don’t feel uncomfortable anywhere, and complain everywhere that discriminates against fat women! I write letters to protest the placement of Plus-Size Departments in the basement and bitch when there are no cashiers or saleswomen there. I make funny remarks at little chi-chi boutiques like, “What have they got against fat girls here? I’d love to be able to dress like this!” Heavy women are a huge (forgive the pun) economic force in America. Plenty of us are experienced professionals and leaders who want to look as such. Don’t schlump around in jeans and tee-shirts! Get out there and find something that makes you look and feel like a Somebody!
All the old stuff I wore as a child is coming back. Kinda scary and makes you feel old, but it looks great most of the time.
good read, solid stuff, thanks for sharing this.
Well, I’ve only recently discovered this blog, or any sort of Fat Acceptance blogs in general (thanks to Kate Harding’s blog for directing me here!) and first, all of you are AMAZING.
As for shopping, it would be easier to list the stores where I *don’t* feel uncomfortable. Lane Bryant, Torrid, Ross, Macy’s and JCPenny. Oh, and the big box stores, but that is more due to the fact that most of the ones in my area are “super” stores, so pretty much anyone can be found in them. I would be uncomfortable in the two department stores mentioned, but I make sure to always take at least two friends. Moving in packs seems to scare off the more aggressive of the “pcoket” sales people. I’m sure you know the type, the ones that are so small you could hide them in the pocket of clothing intended for someone of size. I am 5’4″ and weight almost 300 pounds, and wear a 18-22 on top and a 24-28 on bottom, so even in the ‘fat friendly’ stores I sometimes feel like I’m being judged.
This will seem like a strange tip to some, but try looking in shops that cater to drag queens. When a store is used to catering to men that are looking for fabulous ladies wear, I can’ almost guarantee that they will have something awesome to fit you, no matter your size. Also, they always have the CUTEST shoes, in generous sizes. If there are no shops in your area, find some catalogs or online stores, because they can truly be amazing!