For me, in some life nadirs, *any* action to take care of myself has seemed like a hollow priority. That doesn’t mean it was, but it’s important (for me anyway) to remember that it takes energy to care for yourself, especially when you’re having to change your life, and that goes triple for changing something fundamental to identity like body size. Sometimes it takes a staggering amount when you just don’t have any to spare.

I guess I’m just trying to say that we all do the best we can, and whether I change my body dimensions or not shouldn’t be about judging you, even if it’s a change of which I’m proud.

(Also, I hope you weren’t hurt when I named you in my prior post, MG – it seemed innocuous at the time, but it wasn’t necessary and it was a little more personal than I meant my case to be. And also, I’m sorry, Editrices, for my part in the stupid flame war. This place is usually so much better than that.)

Interesting take on things, I guess. Well, I will do what she can’t seem to, and take her word for it in the kind of friendships she maintains.

‘Cause that really made me giggle.

You don’t sound at all like someone who would lord it over anyone for being thinner than they are, and I didn’t mean to paint you with the same brush as the visiting troll. My apologies!

I don’t have anything against anyone for losing weight or hoping to lose weight. I feel better at a lower weight, and hope to eventually re-lose what I gained, now that my life is back on an even keel. When I said that sometimes weight loss can seem like a pretty hollow priority, I was reacting to that flip, empathiless “I did it; why can’t you?” I was recalling being in a deep, seemingly endless depression with no loved ones around for support. If someone can and wishes to continue a weight loss regime during a period like that, there’s no reason they shouldn’t – but I wouldn’t expect them to.

It didn’t even occur to me I might be disregarding the different experience of people who lose weight primarily for reasons other than appearance, and I am truly sorry for that. I don’t get the sense that most of the people who use the word “fatty” as a pejorative and show no empathy for other people’s struggles with weight are primarily in it for health reasons, and those were the people I meant to address.

I think it’s awful that anyone would rather be rude or cruel than fat, or would rather lose an arm than get fat, or would blame someone for gaining weight…well…ever. I saw a tv talk show once where a 13-year-old girl who was afraid of her abusive stepfather was advised to find alternate ways of soothing her fear so she wouldn’t turn to food. That was what I was getting at when I said that sometimes weight loss can seem like a hollow priority.

Anyway, I don’t know if this clarifies anything (it’s 3:00 am, and I am getting a little rummy), but I am sorry for unintentionally making what sounded like a wholesale attack on people who want to lose weight.

MizShrew:

I come from a more fat acceptance standpoint, and I do have issues with a lot of people who’ve lost weight, but not *because* they’ve lost weight or even because they want to lose weight. I *strongly* believe that these are deeply personal decisions – and in that way I’m different from some (but hardly all) people in fat acceptance. (My only caveat being people whose decision doesn’t seem entirely informed – which is, granted, a lot of people.)

But what bothers me about *some* dieters is a few very specific things they do:

1) only pipe up about their “success” when they’re at the low point of a yo yo, and then go silent with shame during their fat periods.

2) represent their past “fat self” in self-hating and fat-hating terms. (“I was a disgusting fat slob!” “I did nothing but eat!”)

3) attribute all positive effects to weight loss, without considering the possibility that some of this may be that they started exercising: (“when I was fat I couldn’t climb the stairs without huffing and puffing!”) or to their internalized fat-hatred (“I couldn’t stand myself! I was miserable!” “Now I can go anywhere unashamed!”)

4) become obsessive about food and weight and define this as virtue or morality – particularly when presented as one that others *should* emulate.

5) present their story as incontrovertible “evidence” that “anyone” can lose weight – as if anecdote trumps decades of statistical data, and assuming that everyone shares their specific physiology.

So those are just specific ways of constructing their experience that I object to, but it’s not the experience itself that I have a problem with. Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone has a right to their own choices – and that’s rather the point, to me.

Secondly, I was going to address the troll, but decided she isn’t worth the bother. She’s honestly just not bright enough to bother with.

That said, I have to take issue with some of the remarks regarding those who have lost weight. In the interest of full disclosure, I have lost about 60 pounds in the last two years. Yes, I feel better about what I see in the mirror, but I also feel better about the fact that my blood pressure is no longer on the verge of hypertension, and I no longer have the symptoms of pre-diabetic insulin resistance (My mom is diabetic, so there is a family history to consider), and I am in general in much better health than before. I DO NOT apply this to others; one look at my family’s medical history (diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, you name it, it’s there) will tell you that I see these concerns as very specific and not general.

I don’t know yet if I’ll be able to keep it off or not, but the idea that “There are times in your life when making weight loss a priority can come to seem like a pretty hollow choice” disregards many of the non-vanity reasons that some of us work so hard to lose weight. Sure, it’s nice to fit into smaller clothes, but I take care of my aging mother and frankly I don’t want to be dealing with her health issues in another 20 years. I know plenty of fat women who kick ass, and who could kick my ass, health-wise. But for some of us, it IS important to make weight loss a priority.

Also, there was a comment in the original post about making weight loss and its maintenance “central to their lives” in order to be one of those rarified 3% of “successful” dieters. Yes, lots of people ask me about how I’ve lost weight, what exercise I do, what “program” I’m on, and so forth. Honestly, I don’t think it’s anyone’s damn business, so I keep my answers minimal – I don’t wish to proselytize to others, and I’m not comfortable with the “guru/inspiration” role. Perhaps because I do know that the odds are against me in the long run, but mostly because I have so many issues regarding weight and body image that I’m just not comfortable discussing it with others and know that I’m the last person they should seek for advice. I understand why people ask; the change is visible, so it’s kind of like when people think it’s OK to touch a pregnant woman’s stomach. But I still view it as an invasion of privacy. (As it is with the pregnant woman, what is it with people who think it’s OK to pester them?)

Anyway. Mary Garden, I understand your points from the original thread and agree with them in the general sense. It’s just that I keep seeing these remarks about people who have recently lost weight, the attitudes about them, and I find it disturbing. Obviously I’m taking some of that personally, and I’m also hoping that I’m not one of those horrible people who judges others after her weight loss – I don’t think I am. Besides, I’m far from Nicole Ritchie over here. I still have a tummy and I like it just fine as it is.